Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Post office

As we were driving to the office Monday, December 19, La Netta kept listening to the sermon station. She didn't change it to music.

"The man was a mxss!", the speaker said.

"Ewwwwww!", I said.

"Do you have your headphones?", asked La Netta.

"Safe to look?", I asked.

No response.

"La Netta?", I asked again.

I said "La Netta" three more times before La Netta said, "We're hardly ever anywhere that you don't like".

"Well, there have been times when I only knew we were passing Frosty Freeze because Carl told me."

I put my headphones on.

When I got to a gap, the radio was playing music. I took the headphones off, and several songs played.

Then the songs ended and a commercial came on.

I plugged my ears and hummed to myself.

"James", said La Netta. "Don't you have your headphones?"

"I couldn't get them on in time", I said. "I was afraid I'd hear the T-word before I was able to get my headphones on and the volume all the way up."

When we got to the office, I saw some presents around the Christmas tree. Many of the packages had people and animals with their exes closed upside-down.

La Netta saw me scraping the eyes with my nails. "What's wrong?", she asked.

I explained.

"Do you need to go to the restroom?", she asked.

"Yes, I do", I replied.

I went in and purged off all those eyes. Then I purged off "mxss".

The next stop on our schedule was a trip to the post office to mail my stuffed dolphin and Peanut Crunch to Jolene. "James, you're going to have to listen out for your own words", La Netta said. "My ears are burning."

La Netta told Carl and Ken they didn't have to go in.

"James, do you want to me to come in?", Carl asked.

I nodded.

"I'm coming in", said Carl.

"Why are you coming in?", La Netta asked.

"James needs me."

"I think he wants to listen out for words for me", I said.

"I can listen out for you", La Netta said.

"I thought your ears were burning."

"I think Carl is playing games."

Carl went in with me. "Did I hear the TW-word?", I asked.

"No," replied Carl.

I thought I heard "shxp" and growled.

"Are we going to be able to do this?", asked La Netta.

"Yes", I replied. "Oh, they said 'cheap'. I thought it was the SH-word."

La Netta told me I'd have to pay $10.something for a big box, as my dolphin wouldn't fit inside a medium-size box.

"Avoid looking to your right", Carl said. "It has the short form of the SH-word."

"Thanks, Carl", I replied.

La Netta had me fill out a sticker with my address and Jolene's address.

"Did I hear the SH-word, Carl?", I asked.

"No, you didn't", said Carl.

I heard someone say "shxp clothes", and I growled.

I saw the word "shxpping" on a sign, and I growled.

Finally, it was our turn. I carried my sticker and the bag with the dolphin and Peanut Crunch in it. The employee stuffed it in a medium-size box . . . and it fit!

I paid $5.something for my purchase.

"Would you like insurance for this box?", he asked.

"Will it cost extra?", I asked.

"Yes", he replied.

"Well, then I wouldn't."

"OK. Would you like to buy stamps or shxpping --"

"Rrrrrrrrrrrr. I'll pass."

"That was a no", said Carl.

We left the post office. "Jolene is going to be so happy", I said.

"Yes, she is", said La Netta. "You did well in there."

No comments: