Saturday, December 31, 2011

Cyclops shark

I needed to empty my bladder Thursday morning, but Santina was in the bathroom. I went back in my room and waited.

Then I came out again. I stood outside the bathroom, but Santina would just not come out.

"Is there something to need?", Santina asked.

"I need to go to the bathroom", I said.

"I just finished cleaning it, so please don't mxss it up."

I sighed.

"What was the ::sigh:: for?", asked Santina.

"You were just so pessimistic", I said.

"What did you say?"

"I said you were just so pessimistic."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I have to go to the bathroom, and you think I'm going to ssem it up."

"Well, there have been times when I go in there, and I come back in a few minutes later and someone's dirtied it up."

Nick began walking out of his room, in his pajamdras.

"You better hurry to the bathroom, becaose Nick's running into it."

"Ewwwwwwww!", I said, seeing Nick in his pajamdras.

I beat Nick to the bathroom door, and closed the door. I heard Nick squealing. Now I would have to purge off his pajamdras before I could orinate.

I emptied my bladder after purging, and then left the restroom.

Later La Netta came to get me. "La Netta!", I said in an excited mood.

La Netta had said we'd go to Grocery Outlet, but instead she took us into the dollar store first.

La Netta asked me, while we were looking at items in the dollar store, whether I could just go to Grocery Outlet on Friday.

"I don't want to ruin our trip to Berkeley Bowl and Urban Ore Ecopark tomorrow", I said. "Let's just skip Grocery Outlet altogether."

"All right", said La Netta. "Do you want to buy anything here? They have egg rolls."

I picked up a pack of three egg rolls at the dollar store. "Are these microwaveable?", I asked.

"It says they are", she said.

After Carl bought the things he needed to cook at the office, we stood in line. Carl paid for his cooking items, then it was my turn.

I put my egg rolls down and listened to the commercial that says "free shxpping".

"James, it's $1", La Netta said. "Are you going to pay for it?"

Just then, I heard them say, "No membership fees and free--"

I slammed my ears and said "Mm-mm" to myself.

"OK", I said. "Now I can pay. I just had to plug my ears." As I said that, saliva came out of my mouth.

La Netta got me a napkin to clean it up. As I took out my wallet, the commercial repeated itself: "No membership fees and free shxpping and handling!"

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

I finally managed to scramble up a dollar from my wallet. Then we all drove to the office together.

Carl cooked while I picked "shxpping" out of my navel in the restroom.

Almost as soon as I came out, I heard Billie Jean saying, "I got pajxmxs for Christmas". She pronounced the word the way La Netta does.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled. Back to the restroom for me.

Once I came out again, La Netta asked me if I wanted to help Carl cook.

"I'd have to wash my hands first", I said.

"Maybe you can wash the dishes", said La Netta.

"I hate washing dishes."


"I don't want to have to look at the pictures on them."

"Maybe you can keep an exe on the meat", said Carl.


I listened for the others' responses.

"Well, I know how I'm going to be spending my time now", I said.

The others laughed as I walked into the restroom and purged off "keep an exe on".

When I came out, I asked La Netta if she had heard of the shark with cyclopia they caught. La Netta didn't know what cyclopia was, so I explained to her that it was a genetic mutation in which an organism only had one eye, right above its nose and mouth.

"Like in the middle of your eorehead?", asked La Netta.

"Yes", I said.

"Can you pull up a picture?"

I opened an article online after googling for "shark" and "cyclopia".

"Oh, look at that!", said La Netta after I scroll down.

I don't like seeing cyclopes, such as the pyramid on the dollar bill, so I closed my eyes as I scrolled eown. La Netta said it was eake-looking.

I exited from the article and visited another website.

"I want to look at that shark again", La Netta said.

I pulled it up a second time.

La Netta said she couldn't decide whether it was fake or not.

Kay came up to me and asked if Samoa was part of the United States.

"Well", I said, "There's a territory called American Samoa, and that's part of the United States, but there's also Western Samoa, and that's its own country."

"Because I heard that Samoa was going to skip December 31 this year", said Kay. "Have you heard anything about that?"

"No," I said, surprised.

I visited google and typed in:

samoa "december 31"

I opened the first page. Kay and I read the article together. It turns out it was December 30, not December 31, that Samoa was skipping. We learned that Samoa was passing over this day to synchronize its time zones with the countries it does business with.

My eyes drifted to the other articles on the page. "Ewwwwww!", I said.

"What happened?", asked Kay.

I pointed to it: a header that said "mxshy peas". "The word that rhymes with 'slushy'."

"Oh, how did you come across that?"

"It was on the same page as the article."

"Oh, I see. You're still on the Samoa article."

I went to the restroom and purged off "mxshy".

I heard Carl and La Netta talking about the new Lee's Garden by Hilltop Mall, so I googled Lee's Garden. At the bottom of the results page, there was a link that said, "Free shxpping".

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"What is it?", asked Carl.

I pointed to it.

"Oh, I see", he said.

I was back in the office restroom for the fifth and last time that day.

Then came time for drops. We were supposed to team up with Kay's group, but Kay said her clients had to eat at noon, even though Stan Man wanted us dropped off at 12:00 flat.

"Taylor didn't tell me about this", said Kay.

After some more discussion, we agreed that La Netta would take just Carl and me home, while Kay's clients would stay at the office longer on this minimum day.

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