Sunday, October 30, 2011

A filthy television

It was the week-end, so I came out of my room after 9:00 when my bladder felt full. As I walked to the restroom, I thought I may have heard the word "txsty" coming erom the television.

"Did they say the T-word?", I asked Claudette.

"They did", said Claudette.

"Blechhh!", I said.

I went into the restroom, and instead of emptying my bladder, I unzipped my pants and made thrusts against my groin, saying,"Taeolasty; tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty; tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty; tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty . . ." I battled the mushrooms coming up out of the ground as the "txsty"s multiplied for about an hour, then I finally nailed it!

I urinated, then went back into my room.

At 4:00, I decided I'd get something to eat. I came out, and there was a drama featuring characters with upper-crust accents. Did one of them say "t-ngle"?

"Did they say the word that rhymes with 'single' on TV?", I asked Claudette.

"Yes, they did", said Claudette.

I went into the restroom and began purging that one off too. Twice that day I had had the bad luck to come out of my room just when they were saying purge words on TV.

Then came 8:00. I walked out of my room to get three piroshkis out of the freezer for my dinner. Claudette was watching a basketball game on TV.

I heated two piroshkis up, then went into my room until I was sure they were done. When I came back into the kitchen, I took them out to put the third piroshki in.

Did they say "shxpped" on TV?

"Did they say the SH-word?", I asked Claudette.

"Where?", asked Claudette.

"On TV."

"Yes they did."

"Thanks for telling me, Claudette."

"You're welcome."

I growled, then put the third piroshki in the microwave. I then walked back to my room and picked my navel. The piroshkis had all cooled off by the time I finished.

The week-ends are supposed to be peaceful and purge-free. But because of that nasty television, I heard three purge words that day.

Tiffany appears at Kennedy Grove

On Friday, I got into the van and asked if they had said the TW-word on the radio. La Netta said no.

"Did you take a shower?", asked La Netta.

"I took one last night", I replied.

"But did you put on the same clothes you were wearing yesterday?"

I leant forward and showed La Netta my shirt. "Ta-da!"

"Oh! Great! But I smell someone. That means I must be smelling Carl. Carl, when did you have your last shower?"

"On Wednesday", said Carl.

"You've gone one whole day without showering."

"He can't develop BO that fast", I said.

"He can", said La Netta. "I smell him."

We went to the office, where Carl complained that he was ill. La Netta changed the schedule to accommodate him.

We then went into a dollar store. "Are you going to get something here?", asked La Netta.

"I am", I replied.

"Then get a basket."

"The baskets are to my left, right?"

"Open your eyes."

I opened my eyes and looked to my left. There I found something yellow with a black cobwxb design and a dipser in the middle!

"Ewwwwwww!", I said. "This is what happens when you make me open my eyes around Halloween!"

"So you're not going to get anything?", La Netta asked.

"I'm not."

We then went through the store to the juice section. "They have lots of different flavors of cranberry juice", La Netta told Carl. "There's this one . . ."

"That's grape-pomegranate", said Carl.

"You're right", said La Netta. "I thought it was cranberry."

Carl picked out a brand he liked, and we made it to the check-out.

We then walked over to Subway, where La Netta got lunch.

"James, do you want Subway?", La Netta asked.

"No", I replied.

"So you're not getting anything to eat today, right?"

I nodded.

"We're not going anywhere else to pick up lunch", La Netta said.

"I know. I didn't want lunch."

"Oh, I thought you said yes."

"I did say yes. You asked me, 'You don't want lunch, right?', so saying yes means I don't want lunch. If I had said no, that would mean I don't not want lunch, which would mean I do want lunci."

When we got back into the van, I asked about more words. "This has been a hard week for you", said La Netta.

"It has", I replied.

"What's wrong?", La Netta asked.

"I don't know what it is."

We then headed over to Kennedy Grove for lunch. La Netta played "Someone Like You" by Adele on her iPod. She said it was such a beautiful song. She asked me how to spell the artist's name.

La Netta got a list of Adele songs. She asked me if I knew them, until she got to "I Can't Make You Love Me", and I said yes. She then played that. "Any others?", she asked.

"'Rolling in the Deep'?", I asked.

"You should probably stick with 'Chasing Pavements' said Carl."

"That song has the word that rhymes with 'single' in it."

"I don't think it does.."

"Yes it does. 'And my back begins to _____' . . ."

"Oh, yeah."

"Now, what was that song you mentioned?", asked La Netta.

"'Rolling in the Deep'?", I filled her in.

La Netta played it. "Oh! I like this song! I didn't know she did it!"

I heard children saying "ice xxxxx" at the park as a whole bunch of children and their families walked by. "Blechhh!", I said.

"What is it?", asked La Netta.

"Those children said the I-word. You didn't hear it?"

"I didn't."

I went to the restroom to purge, then came out.

I heard some screaming. "Is that Snodgrass?", I asked.

"Yes, it is", said La Netta.

"Does that mean Tiffany's here?"

"It does."

"Tiffany!", I shouted.

"Hi, James", said Tiffany.

I waved.

"So how you been?", she asked.

"It's been a rough week", I said.

"Why has it been rough?"

"I've been thinking I heard a lot of words."

"How's Lamesha doing?"

"Her dog Hennessy ran away!"

"That's horrible!"

Tiffany started talking with La Netta. Then La Netta left off for the restroom.

"Will you listen out for words for me?", I asked Carl.

"Sore", said Carl.

Carl and Tiffany talked together. Then Tiffany started chatting with me again.

"Are you still blogging?", Tiffany asked me.

"Yes", I replied. "I have 13 entries this month."

"Well that's good. Because half of the days this month have been just fine."

Tiffany left at 1:30 or thereabouts, taking Snodgrass and Tully with her. Then La Netta and Carl and I drove home.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


Taylor picked me up this morning, and told Ken, Carl and me that they would meet La Netta at 10:00.

I told Taylor that La Netta said she would take me into Wal-mart in the morning.

"Then maybe we can change the Pacific East Ranch Market to Wal-mart", said Taylor.

"Oh, I need to go to the Pacific East Ranch Market", I said. "I need to return these mangosteens."

"You bought mangosteens at the Pacific East Ranch Market?"


"How were they?"

"I couldn't get them open."

"Mangosteens are supposed to be hard to open. You see, they're shxpped from countries like China and Thailand . . ."

"Rrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Sorry. They're sent from countries like China and Thailand . . ."

When we got to Miller's Knots, I went to the restroom and picked my navel.

When I came out, I saw several seniors walking by. I thought a woman may have said, "Whxxps".

"Did one of the people walking by say the WH-word?", I asked Taylor.

"I didn't hear the people outside inside the van", said Taylor.

So I would have to purge! I slammed my forehead and started purging off the WH-word in the restroom. While I was purging, I noticed there were cobwxbs all around the place where the beam came down from the ceiling.

Soon a crew came to clean up the restrooms. I asked them if they could get the cobwxbs that were up there.

"Thanks for telling us", they said.

"You're welcome", I replied.

At 9:45, Taylor drove to the dog park. Aziz's group, with Gerardo, Mandy, Urdell and Roslyn, entered our van, and Wanda's group took Carl.

"Scxxt over", said Taylor as one of the clients was getting into the van.

"RRRRRRRRRRRR!", I growled, and Taylor apologized.

We drove to the CIWP office. "Whxxps! Oops!", said Gerardo.

"Did Gerardo say the WH-word?", I asked Taylor.

"He did", said Taylor.

"D'OH! D'OH! D'OH!"

When we got to the office, I purged off "whxxps" and "scxxt". I had a line forming outside the men's room by the time I was done.

La Netta was waiting outside the restroom for me. She took me into the van.

"I changed the schedule so you can get your juices at Target", said La Netta.

"I wanted to go to the Pacific East Ranch Market", I said.

"Do you want to go to Target or the Pacific East Ranch Market?"

I sighed. "Target."

When I got in the van, I told La Netta, "I wanted to go to the Pacific East Ranch Market so I could return these mangosteens."

"Why do you want to return them?", she asked.

"They were impossible to get open."

"Why didn't you have a staff do it for you."

"Claudette tried. She failed. Then Stan Man tried. And he failed."

"Show me the can."

"The can?"

"Didn't you buy them in a can?"

"I bought them in a net."

"Oh, then they're not going to let you return that."

"But I got cheated out of my money!"

When we parked in front of Target, La Netta asked to see the mangosteens.

I pulled out the net with the tough-as-rocks fruit.

"Oh, those are rotten", she said.

We entered Target, wherein I bought a Hawaiian punch, a Market Pantry apple juice and a Market Pantry grape juice.

When we got back in the van, La Netta said, "Let me see your receipt."

I showed it to her. It was old and crumpled up, but I had saved it.

"Oh", said La Netta. "According to this receipt, you bought them on September 13. That means they're more than a month old!" She said I should get Stan to take me back to the Pacific East Ranch Market.

We picked up Carl and drove to the office for STARS. Without Carl joining in our STARS session, I told Taylor that I couldn't go as I would have no one to listen out for words for me.

After picking up lunch, we drove to the dollar store to get cranberry juice for Carl. I bought some Zacky bologna there. When I got back into the van, I sang, "My bologna has a first name, it's Z-A-C-K-Y . . ."

Lunch was at Pinole Valley Park. We then did drops, and when I got home I ate all my bologna.

You clumsy ox!

Taylor was with La Netta yesterday morning. He was talking about some R & B star, and going to her concerts. At one point, he said, "Sweat's drxpping on me".

"Ewwwwww!", I said.

"Sorry", apologized Taylor.

We spent the first part of our day at the office. But Carl was sick. He was lying down.

I purged off "drxpping" in the office restroom, and came out. Carl had been put on a new medication to counteract the side effects of his Cogentin. Cogentin is the medication that made his speech impossible to understand several months ago.

I lay on the couch until we left. Carl was lying down in the middle seat, so La Netta hit the dog park instead of going to Wal-mart.

"How am I going to get my juices?", I asked La Netta.

"I don't know, James", La Netta said. "Carl's not feeling well."

We then drove off to get lonch. La Netta asked me if Chinese food would be good for me, and I replied in the affirmative. I walked into Lee's Garden and ordered chow mein, mixed vegetables with shrimp, and Mongolian beef.

"Why do you like the mixed vegetables with shrimp?", La Netta asked me.

"The shrimp gives me a chance to get some seafood", I replied.

"And the vegetables give it that extra crunch?"


After the others got their lunch, we drove to Davis Park.

"I just realized we were supposed to be at Miller's Knots instead of Davis Park", said La Netta.

Carl was still lying in the middle row.

"They really ought to inform the office when they put them on new meds", said La Netta.

I was waiting for La Netta to finish her cellphone call when I got out of the van. I thought I heard a child saying, "Whxxps!"

"La Netta", I asked, "Did that little kid say the WH-word?"

"I didn't hear it, because I can't hear it outside", said La Netta. "I don't know what that little kid said."

I went in the restroom, slammed my forehead, and purged.

Just as I was walking back to the van, I heard another "whxxps".

"La Netta, did they say the WH-word?", I asked.

"You're the only one who can hear outside", La Netta said.

I ran into the restroom a second time. I slammed my forehead and exclaimed, "D'OH!" -- multiple times.

I was yelling, "You clumsy ox!" as I did my purging rituals. When I came out, I got back into the van and closed the door.

But La Netta just kept talking on her cellphone.

"I'm waiting on you to finish your cellphone call so I can take my pill", I said.

"You can't hear my call", La Netta said.

"I'm afraid you might slip up."

"I won't slip up."

Finally, she said good-bye and I took my pill.

"I heard you beating up on yourself", said La Netta.

"I was thinking about clumsy oxen", I said.

"Who was the clumsy ox?"

"I was thinking about this little boy and his father who were saying the WH-word in the restroom at Krispy Kreme. The father said the WH-word, and then his son said the WH-word, and then the father said the WH-word, and then his son said the WH-word, and it went back and forth."

"What's wrong with you today?", La Netta asked.

"Maybe it was not getting to go to Wal-mart", I replied. "Or maybe it was hearing the WH-words."

"Well, Carl's feeling sick. It wouldn't be right to make him go into Wal-mart."

"That's true, La Netta."

We drove home, and I ate my Chinese food. I wasn't too hungry, so I had to eat it in two sittings.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

What's wrong, James?

Yesterday, Carl was not at program. "We've got to pick up Carl, so I don't know what that's going to do to our day", said La Netta.

La Netta asked me if I wanted to go to Grocery Outlet, and I told her I didn't have any money on me.

"Do you want to go to Las Montinas . . . Las Montanas?", asked La Netta.

"Las Montañas?", I said. "Sure!"

"Las Montanas? I'll get you all something."

La Netta drove us over, and she got me a pink cookie, free. Then she got something for Ken.

We then drove over to the office to wait on Carl.

When I tried to set my sunglasses down on the table near the couch, I saw a felt octagonal wxb with a felt dipser on it. "Ewwwwww!", I said.

"Maybe you want to go int he conference room?", asked La Netta. "Then you won't see that."

"I'll be in the restroom", I said.

After purging off the dipser, I sat on the conference room couch, but the movie was getting me antsy.

"Want me to move the dipser?", asked La Netta.

"Yes, La Netta", I said.

La Netta took the wxb and dipser out of sight, and I lay down on the couch in the couch room.

I told La Netta I'd be getting on the Internet, because I couldn't access 4thkingdom from my home computer last night. I got on and 4thkingdom was still down.

Shortly after I got on, I heard a coach or administrator show something to some clients. "This is real cute", the coach said.

"Oh!", said a client. "What a cutxe!"

"Echhhhh!", I said.

"Oh, I forget to tell you about that", said the coach.

"She did say the word, right?", I asked La Netta.

"She did", said La Netta.

I checked the Webkinz website for some new Webkinz (they had an aardvark at the top of their catalogue now -- must have added some new species), then went into the restroom to purge.

"James, what's wrong?", asked La Netta.

"I'm not sure what it is," I told La Netta.

"Because something's clearly wrong with you."

"Maybe it was hearing the C-word?"

I walked around the office disoriented. I tried sleeping on the couch.

Someone dropped Carl off, so we were ready to leave. The others picked up lunch, and next we were at Kennedy Grove.

La Netta and I talked with the people at Kennedy Grove, until the other groups left. Then La Netta picked up the towel and proceeded to erive us home.

Words with "ice" in them

On Wednesday, I had diarrhea. La Netta called Stan and asked for me to be taken home, but I didn't want to go home.

Thursday, Carl was unwell. "Carl isn't feeling well", said La Netta.

La Netta sat down in the conference room with Ken, Carl and me. She and Ken were sitting around the table, while Carl was lying down on the conference room's couch and I was sitting at the side of the couch. Carl had his eyes closed.

La Netta asked me where I wanted to go.

"Let's go to Wal-mart", I said.

"We went to Wal-mart this week", said La Netta.

"But this week it's I who's suggesting it. Last week it was Carl's idea."

"When do you want to go to Wal-mart?"

"On Monday."

I also suggested the Pacific East Ranch Market, which La Netta put on Tuesday. She also put down Spirit Halloween for Carl.

Eventually we finished the schedule. Carl went into the couch room to lie down.

La Netta asked whether I knew how to make a photocopy of the schedule. I said I did, so I went into the office and placed the schedule face-down on the copier.

After a copy came out, I slammed the top of the copier down.

"Be more gentle", said Maria.

Shortly after I stepped out of the room, Maria said, "Pxrdon?"

"Rrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"What's up with you, James?", asked La Netta.

"Did you hear what Maria said?"


"She said her word."


So I went into the restroom and purged the "pardon" off.

La Netta said I could lie down on the floor in the exercise room.

After I got up to spit in the restroom, La Netta told me that Carl was up off the couch, and the couch room was open for me. I lay down on the couch until La Netta went to the restroom herself.

After some stops at the car wash and bank, our group headed to Trader Joe's. "You want to get a basket?", asked La Netta.

I looked; they had Halloween stuff out. There were cobwxbs. Gross!

I finally found the basket, and followed La Netta to the fruits and vegetables. Two of the fruit items had the word "Yxm!" written on their signs. More things for me to purge off.

"Where do you want to go, again?", La Netta asked.

"To the frozen food aisle", I replied.

La Netta took me over to the frozen eoods. While I began to look, I heard another customer in the store speaking to her friend. "Would you like to look at ice xxxxx?", she said.

"Blechhh!", I said.

"We're getting some ice xxxxx."


"Oooooh, that's bad!", said Carl.

"La Netta, would you look for enchiladas for me?"

"You wanted the foods, you're going to have to look yourself."

"I don't want to see words that have 'ice' in them."

"Do we have to leave?"


"James!", said Carl. "There are some rice dishes here!"

"I don't want to look at the word 'rice', because you know what word that has in it."

"Ooh, you're right. Well, most of them don't actually say the word 'rice' on them. They have rice as an ingredient."

I told La Netta I wanted to look at the chocolate after none of the enchiladas were big enough.

La Netta said the chocolate was on top.

I looked until I found some pecan pralines. "I've found what I want", I told La Netta.

"OK," said La Netta.

I went first, then La Netta bought everything she got, including some sushi. I asked for a white plastic bag.

We then got Ken's and Carl's lunches at Subway, and soon we were at Pinole Valley Park.

We weren't at the section with the portable. "I guess this means I'll have to hold my purge words in, right?", I asked La Netta.

"Well, maybe if you go quick", said La Netta.

I sat for a while, then got out to go.

"Hey, James", said La Netta.

"Yes, La Netta?", I asked.

"What does that purge consist of?"

"It's a pretty plain purge", I said.

"Oh, OK, so you don't say anything?"

"Actually, I do."

"Oh, then this wouldn't be a good place to go purge it off."

I sat in the van. "Is that sushi?", I asked La Netta.

"It is", she said. "You want a piece?"

"I can't swallow."

"Oh. How long are you going to take? Five minutes? Ten minutes?"

"Well, I saw a lot of letter sequences after hearing the two I-words, so I'll have to purge all those off."

"Then you may have to hold it till you get home."

I asked La Netta if she could take me to the part of the park with the portable when everyone was done eating.

"We'll see", she said.

La Netta made a cellphone call. Then she told her interlocutor, "I've got to go, I'm about to take James over to the portables."

"Yay!", I said. "Let me get my seatbelt on!"

After I buckled up, La Netta drove us over to the secluded portion of the park, with the portable.

"Thanks for taking me to the portable, La Netta", I said.

"Mm-hm", La Netta said.

I went in and purged off all the "rice"s and "ice"s and "licorice"s and "cream"s I had seen. Then I purged off the "have a nice day"s and the "rice"s and "ice"s that I had heard. I did 16 more accented "ice"s and 16 more "I see"s, then got to purging off the "ice xxxxx"s. I could taste nougaty ice xxxxx coming up, so those went rather quickly.

Then came the two "yxm"s: "Yadolum, yadolum, yadolum, yadolum, yadolum . . ."

Finally I did all the cobwxb. It was such a tacky Halloween decoration.

I then washed my hands.

When I came out, I asked La Netta how her sushi was.

"I only had three of them", she said.

"May I have a piece?", I asked.

"You want a piece?"


La Netta gave me one square of sushi, which I picked up and ate. It was delicious!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Urban Ore Ecopark -- at last

Carl had always asked for Urban Ore Ecopark, and we had always put it on the schedule. But every time, something arose and we couldn't go to this Berkeley site.

Today we drove over to Berkeley, with Urban Ore Ecopark in sight to go there for real. On the drive there, Ken told La Netta, "I gxtcha, La Netta, I gxtcha".

"Did Ken say the G-word, La Netta?", I asked.

"No, James", said Ken.

"La Netta?"

"Yes, he did", said La Netta.

"Rrrrrrrrrr", I growled.

We walked into Urban Ore Ecopark. I spat into a garbage can out front.

The place was full of old items. "Look at those pipes", La Netta told me.

I looked behind the glass and found five old pipes for smoking. The labels said there were also some Star Trek action figures behind the glass, but I didn't see any -- apparently some Trekkie had already bought them all.

"Don't look to your . . . left", said La Netta. I avoided looking to my left as I walked through.

Carl checked out some computers and wires. He asked me a question about the wires.

"How should I know?", I asked. "I'm not good with machines."

La Netta told Carl to try the computers he was looking at first. (Carl really wants to buy a computer.)

There were also a lot of pictures and picture frames to look at. These were scattered across the store.

Finally we left, and walked by a host of toilets outside.

La Netta told Carl, "If you get a computer that was made in the 90's, it will be slow."

La Netta then said, "Now we're driving over to Berkeley Bowl."

"Oh, great", said Carl.

"It's not that bad", she said. "It's like Trader Joe's."

We then walked into Berkeley Bowl, and looked at the pasta. We then looked at Chinese, Indian and Thai food. At the Greek and Middle Eastern food section, I picked out a box of dolmas and a "Back Home Wrap", filled with hummus and jalapeño peppers.

"There's your bread", said La Netta.

I didn't see any challah, so I walked on. At the pastry section, there were hamantaschen, but one box was over $7.

La Netta looked at the vitamins and herbal supplements. A woman was standing behind me, replenishing shelves.

"There's someone behind you, James", said La Netta.

I started to say, "Don't worry, I see her", but began coughing and choking on my saliva.

Kha! Kha! Kha! Kha!

"Don't you want to swallow that?", asked La Netta.

When I regained my peace oe body, I told La Netta, "I was trying to say, 'Don't worry, I see her'."

"Oh, OK", said La Netta.

We walked past the candy section. There were some Halloween-themed candies, but luckily no dipsers.

Finally, we paid for our stuff. When we got outside, I spat into a garbage can.

"La Netta", I said, "When I was in the store, I couldn't swallow my spit, because I hadn't purged off Ken's G-words yet."

"Oh, OK", said La Netta. "But isn't it sometimes best to swallow?"

"No", said Carl. "You should never swallow it. Just spit it out!"

Carl got lunch at In-N-out Burger, while La Netta ordered a strawberry shxke at McDonald's.

"Friends don't let friends eat at McDonald's!", said Carl. "Do some research into what they put in McDonald's burgers!"

"Well, you should do some research into what they put into Taco Bell", said La Netta. "That beef -- it's not real ground beef."

La Netta got out the towel as we had lunch at Kennedy Grove. I went to the restroom to purge off Ken's "gxtcha"s. When I was done purging, I took my pills.

It was Alejandra's birthday today, so they took a picture of people standing around Alejandra. I decided to get in the picture.

"Scxxt", I heard a woman telling another person in the picture. "Scxxt up!"

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!", I said.

The picture was then taken.

"Who said the SC-word?", I asked La Netta.

"I wasn't in the picture, so I don't know", she said.

"You couldn't make out whose voice it was?"

"I didn't even hear it."

I walked back into the Kennedy Grove restroom. "Scadoloot", I said, making carroty stuff come up. "Scaeoloot up!"

When I was finished, I walked back out and sat down on the towel. Then I began pacing around. I talked with other clients about what I had seen and gotten at Berkeley Bowl that day.

Finally Alejandra said good-bye to me. I bade her good-bye and added, "Happy birthday!"

We left off and drove towards Ken's house. Stan told La Netta to let James in the house along with Carl and Ken.

After I walked in, I hung out in the bathroom.

Finally, Stan Man got me and said, "Your ride is here!"

I walked out and went into the van where Pia was.

"Can we have 103.7?", I asked.

"No, because we're listening to KBLX", said Pia.

Pia spoke to someone, then I told her I was putting my headphones on, and asked her to listen out to KBLX and turn off the radio if they started doing traffic.

"Doesn't 103.7 do traffic too?", asked Pia.

"Not in the middle of the day", I said.

"I don't think KBLX does traffic in the middle of the day either."

"KBLX does traffic every twenty minutes or so."

"It does?"

"You never noticed that?"

"I don't notice things like that. What station did you want?"


Pia switched the station.

Just then, she saw someone she knew in another car while she was driving.

"She's a cutxe patootie!", said Pia.

"Echhhh!", I said.

"She's really a cutxe!"


When the stoplight ended, the two drove their separate ways and the conversation ended.

"You said--", I started.

"I said 'cutxe'," said Pia. "I'm sorry."

Pia took me home and I began purging.

Stan knocked at the door.

"I'm purging", I said.

I kept on purging. Thirty minutes later, Stan knocked again.

"Who is it?", I asked.

"It's Stan", Stan said.

"I'm still purging."

"What are you purging off?"

"The C-word."

"What kind of purge is that?"

"Just my usual."

"What's your usual."

"I scrape my hands across my groin."

"Ooh, that must be painful. Make sure you wash your hands after that."

Stan didn't come again.

At 8:01, I finished. I drank some juice, then ate my wrap. I was so hungry I ate the dolmas too (there were only four dolmades). I then came out to tell Levette I was ready for my pill.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Waiting on orange chicken

We were at the office this morning, working on a schedule. I told La Netta I didn't get to go to Smart & Final yesterday, so I wanted to go next week.

"Did you go to Fallas?", asked La Netta.

"We didn't", I replied.

"Then I'll put today's schedule for next week."

Carl got off track. He started singing, "And the Jedi I admired most/Fought Darth Maul and now he's toast".

"I thooght it was 'Met up with Darth Maul'", I said.

"I thought it was 'fought'."

"I thought it was 'met up with'. La Netta, do you know?"

"No", said La Netta.

"I guess you don't listen to Weird Al."

"Bright people listen to Weird Al," said Carl.

"James, does your brother listen to that kind of music?", asked La Netta.

"No, he doesn't", I replied.

"And James' brother is very bright."

"There's a special type of person who listens to Weird Al", Carl said. "People whose intelligence is so high that it holds them back socially."

"You can't say that about people."

"There are whole communities of people like James and me", said Carl. "People whose intelligence is so high that it holds them back socially."

"My intelligence doesn't hold me back socially", I said. "I have a lot of friends. Lamesha, Jolene, Carl, La Netta, Ken, Tiffany, Tone, Natalie Nehrebecki, John Hensle . . ." I began listing all the names.

"And how often do you get to see these friends?", Carl asked. "I have my friends, but I don't get to see them very often."

Then Carl began putting down other clients, saying most of the people here were mentally challenged or physically challenged, and he was neither. He pulled off a trick with his hand to prove he was not physically challenged, then attempted to prove he was not mentally challenged by calculating the square root of pi.

"Could a mentally challenged person pull that off?", he asked.

"Someone with Asperger's who was obsessed with math might be able to do that", I said.

"Right", said La Netta. "And you shouldn't put people down, because we're all made by God, and God didn't make no mistakes."

"God made Eve in his image", said Carl. "Adam was made out of garbage."

"You've got it all twisted", said La Netta. "God made Adam first."

"No, God made Eve first. Woman came first." Carl was soon immersed in a Weird Al Yankovic medley: "Beat It", "I'm Fat", "The Saga Begins" and "Yoda".

I suggested we check the computer, and Carl turned it on. He opened the Google window, and I googled "And the Jedi I admired most". The results showed that the next line was "Met up with Darth Maul". "I was right", I told Carl.

We then left the office to go to the gas station and get lunch. We visited Asia Delight, but the orange chicken bin was empty when it was my turn.

"Do you want to wait on the orange chicken and sesame chicken?", asked La Netta.

"Yes", I said.

While I was there I heard someone saying something that sounded like "ice xxxxx".

"Did he say 'ice xxxxx'?", I asked La Netta.

"No, he didn't", said La Netta.

Soon afterwards, I heard it again.

"Was that the I-word?", I asked.

"It wasn't", said La Netta.

"Then what did he say?"

"It wasn't the I-word."

"Are they speaking a foreign language?"


Then I heard those fellows speaking English. They said "fucked".

"La Netta, are you sure they weren't speaking English at first?", I asked.

"I know they weren't", she said. "They were speaking Spanish."

It came my turn, and I ordered chow mein, orange chicken and fish with peppers.

La Netta untied my bag, and checked to make sure they gave me the right order. She took the frok out, and then tied it up again. She also found the coins in my bag to make $5.36 faster than I could.

We then stopped at Taco Bell for Carl, and hit the road.

I saw a truck with a woman surrounded by $5 and $10 bills on the back. On the side was pictures of furniture. The left picture showed a child's bedroom. Was that a Winnxe the Pooh backpack?

"Yes, it is", said La Netta. "You've been seeing a lot of Winnxe the Pooh lately."

La Netta went to the part of Pinole Valley Park that had a portable. I went into the portable to purge.

When "Disturbia" by Rihanna came on Star 101.3, La Netta switched to KBLX, where they were playing "Black Magic Woman" by Santana. When the DJ started talking, I asked for 103.7.

La Netta switched the station and I heard "Fly Away" by Lenny Kravitz.

"This is 103.7?", I asked.

"It's 101.3", said Carl.

When Star 101.3 hit a commercial break, La Netta asked, "Now, what was that station you wanted to hear?"

"103.7", I replied.

She switched the station and soon they were playing "You Can't Hurry Love" by the Supremes. Next came "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John.

"Now, if he really loved men", said Carl, "You'd expect him to be singing, 'Hold me closer, Tony Danza'. Instead he's talking about self-reliance, a guy's . . ."

"So you're saying the song is about part of himself?", I asked.

"Yes", said Carl. "All of Elton John's songs are about that. 'Rocket Man'! Seriously!"

"What about 'Crocodile Rock'? That's about a girl named Suzy."

"And 'Norma Jean' is about Marilyn Monroe."

The next song that came on was new to me. It said "axx oxxx the pxxxx", and I went, "Ewwwww!"

La Netta turned it off.

"James, they didn't say what you think they did", said Carl. "They said 'face'."

"But they rhymed it with the A, O the P words, right La Netta?", I asked.

"Right", said La Netta.

I went to the restroom and purged off the phrase "axx oxxx the pxxxx". Then I washed my hands. I complained about the way only a little water squirted out at a time.

Shortly, we left off for home. I said good-bye to Carl and Ken, then La Netta made it to my group home.

A dizzying day

When I came out of my room yesterday, I saw Taylor instead of La Netta. The only other client in the van was Carl.

As I sat in the van, I said, "Wait, I forgot my sleep mask".

I walked back towards the door, but the door was locked.

"Taylor", I said, "Since I don't have my sleep mask, can you tell me if we're going to pass Frosty Freeze?"

"Sure", said Taylor. "Where's it located?"

"No", said Carl. "He's trying to avoid it."

"I know. Where's it located so I can drive around it?"

"There's one in Pinole on San Pablo", I said. "And then there's one on University."

"Also", said Carl. "You would like to avoid driving around a place called Red Onion. It's a really random hamburger joint."

"All right, I shall keep an exe out for it", said Taylor.

"Ewwwwwwwww!", I said.

"Sorry", said Taylor.

We then stopped at Miller's Knots. Taylor asked if I had to use the restroom, and I said yes. I went in and purged off "keep an exe out".

We then took a long walk all around the park. Carl called each quarter benchmark.

After we finished, Taylor asked what we wanted for lunch. I told him I had been craving a burrito from the burrito truck. Carl said he also wanted a burrito, because that was what was affordable.

Taylor asked if we needed anything from Smart & Final, and I said I wanted some Tampicos. Carl gave him directions, but Taylor went the wrong way and ended up in front of Food Maxx.

"You just want to go into Food Maxx instead?", asked Taylor.

"Do they have Tampicos?", I asked.

"They should. Everywhere has Tampicos."

We went inside and I picked out two Tampicos. We then used the self-check-out.

We next spent some time at the office. Carl had a scheduled conversation with a CIWP employee. We also picked up Ken.

"When it says 10:45, we're going to leave the office and head to the burrito truck", said Taylor.

We were soon at the burrito truck -- Tapatio's. Carl and I both ordered vegetarian super burritos.

"I need to go to the restroom", said Taylor. "I'll be back."

"Did I hear a WH-word?", I asked Carl as we waited in the van for Taylor.

"I just hear the van's engine running", said Carl.

Just then, a car playing rap passed by. The lyrics sounded as if they were saying "txsty".

"Did that rap song have the T-word in it?", I asked.

"I couldn't make out any words", said Carl.

"I'll be in the restroom", I said. I walked inside the Tapatio's store, and approached the restrooms. I assumed Taylor was in there, but soon a female employee came and opened the men's room with a key. It was empty.

"Txsty", I thought to myself. I needed to purge off four "txsty"s before I could make it to the main entrée. But then I thought txsty, txsty, txsty to myself while I was doing the "tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty" part at the beginning. Then I thought txsty, txsty, txsty again. I tried to think "saty" instead of "txsty", but it didn't always work.

Carl walked up. "James, this is what I heard from the rap song." Carl started beatboxing.

Soon I was juggling lots of "txsty"s and even some "Mr. Txstee"s.

"We need to go to lunch", said Taylor.

"I'll be out as soon as I can", I told him.

Finally, I finished up, and washed my hands. I came out.

The group was having lunch at Davis Park. We went to the grassy side. The others ate their burritos while I stood around.

We didn't want to stand around until drop time, so Taylor called the office and asked for a schedule change.

The group parked near Fashion for Less, then Carl looked at some Halloween costumes in the store. I told Taylor to tell me if he saw any pajamdras.

Taylor and Carl both listened out for words for me. After Fashion for Less, we walked over to Starbuck's.

A song played at Starbuck's as Taylor ordered his coffee. "Did this song sing the C-word?", I asked Carl.

"No, it didn't", said Carl.

We then went into the dollar store, dodging car radios and human conversation. I also had to dodge trees. By the time I got into the dollar store, I was strung-out.

I closed my eyes and held onto Taylor's arm as we walked through Halloween decorations. Carl found what he wanted and bought it, then we headed straight back out.

Next, Carl suggested we go to K-mart. Taylor drove over and we walked in.

"There's Halloween stuff", said Carl. "Follow my voice . . . follow my voice . . . follow my voice . . ." I walked behind Carl with my eyes closed.

"Now we've made it through the Halloween section", said Carl.

Carl looked at blankets and asked if they had one with a Harley-Davidson motorcycle on it. The employee said he didn't recall one, but then again he didn't go by that section very often.

I heard a "Whoo, sorry" as we were walking towards the restrooms.

"Did someone say, 'WH-word, sorry'?", I asked Taylor.

"I didn't hear that", said Taylor.

"Did someone say, 'Whoo, sorry'?"

"I didn't hear that either."

"What did you hear?"

"I didn't hear anything, because I was listening to the song."

When I was in the restroom, I walked up to Carl. "Carl, did you he say, 'WH-word, sorry' or 'Whoo, sorry'?"

"I heard, 'Ooh, sorry'," said Carl.

"Thanks!", I said. "Taylor, you heard Carl?"

"Yes", said Taylor.

I hung around while the others relieved themselves. Then we looked around a bit more and left.

We made a long trek back to the van. I plugged my ears as we passed by talking people. Then I had to ask Taylor whether a tree was touching me.

"The tree is above you", Taylor said. "You're not touching it."

I ducked and walked to the left of the tree.

"Now you're good", said Taylor.

I plugged my ears as car radios passed by. We then had to dodge another tree. By now I was feeling disoriented.

Dodging more car radios and finally we were back to the CIWP van. I walked inside with my ears plugged and sat down in my seat. I was thinking about telling Stan I wouldn't be able to ride in the van with him today because I had been so stressed out by taking rides and going into stores and walking down streets.

Luckily, Stan Man didn't ask me to take a ride when I got home. Stan Man wasn't even there. Instead I walked in the open door and saw Claudette.


On Tuesday, I was in the van with Carl when he asked me if I had seen the pirate episode of Family Guy.

"The pilot episode?", I asked.

"The pirate episode", he said. "Where Peter meets a pirate?"

"I haven't seen that one."

"He was shxpping tea . . ."

"Rrrrrrrrrrr", I growled.

"Sorry", apologized Carl. "He was sending the tea . . ."

Carl described the episode as we drove to Grocery Outlet.

"What did you want to look at while we're at Grocery Outlet?", asked La Netta.

"I wanted to look at the frozen food, at the candy aisle, and at the lunch meats", I replied.

"Halloween stuff to your right", said La Netta.

"Thanks for telling me, La Netta", I said, and cupped a hand in front of my right eye.

"Also Pooh Bear to your right."

"Thanks, La Netta."

La Netta took us to the candy aisle first.

I saw a bag that showed Winnxe the Pooh trick-or-treating. "Ewwwwwwww!", I said.

"I know", said La Netta.

I didn't find anything that looked good in the candy aisle, so we headed over to the lunch meat. I picked out some bratwurst.

Then we were at the frozen foods. I placed three piroshkis in my basket, and also found an Amy's enchilada.

When I turned a corner, I saw a Dipser-man action figure in its case. "Ewwwwwwww!", I said.

"What was the 'Ewwwwwwww'?" asked La Netta.

I walked back and pointed to it.

"It's a Marvel character", said Carl.

After we paid for our stuff, we drove back to the office.

I went in the restroom and began purging, starting with Dipser-man. He had a suit with a dipser on it. I started by purging off the dipser. "Adolye, adolye, adolye, adolye . . .", I chanted.

Then I got to Dipser-man's pupilless eyes. "Adolye, adolye, adolye, adolye . . ."

I was still purging when La Netta told me STARS was starting.

In STARS, a man named Justin introduced himself to us and said he would be leading STARS. We had a group of eight: yours truly, Carl, René, Miguel, Judy, Billie Jean, Ayyoon and Robert Jamison.

Carl walked out of the session during a question on masturbation.

I heard Miguel saying something that sounded like "Cutxe . . . cutxe".

I raised my hand.

"I'm sorry", said Justin. "Could you remind me, what's your name again?"

"His name is James", someone filled him in.

"Yes, James?"

"Lita?", I said.

"Lita left", said Justin.

"Did someone say the C-word?"

"What word would that be?"

"Rhymes with 'beauty'?"

"Everyone watch their language here", said Justin. "I don't want anyone to feel hurt."

At the end of our meeting, I heard Justin say, "Whxxps!" as he picked up a piece of paper.

"D'OH!", I said, started to slam my forehead. "D'OH! D'OH! D'OH! You said the WH-word!"

"When?", asked Justin.

"The word that rhymes with 'groups'," I said.

After I repeated "rhymes with 'groups'" a few more times, Justin asked, "You mean 'whxxps'?"

"That word!", I said.

"You don't like that word? Sorry. Sometimes I say that instead of 'oops'."

I went to purge the "whxxps"es and "cutxe"s off in the restroom when the meeting ended. Then La Netta told me I had a line forming outside the restroom and we were leaving soon.

I left and entered the van with Carl and La Netta.

"Did you take your pill yet?", asked La Netta.

"No", I replied.

"Why not?"

"I didn't get finished purging."

"Then why don't you go back in the restroom and finish? You have about ten minutes."

I went in the restroom and began purging off those "whxxps"es. I was taking longer than ten minutes.

Eventually Carl came and said, "La Netta says we're leaving."

We drove home, and I finished purging everything off at home. I couldn't take my Zoloft or Risperdal until 6:04.

Monday, October 10, 2011

A very special day

Friday morning La Netta came to my house at 7:15 a.m. I'm usually picked up after 8:00, but this was a very special day.

It took fifteen minutes to get to Carl's house. Once Carl got in, he said, "Dammit!"

"Carl, we need to go", said La Netta.

"I forgot something! She didn't give me my money!"

"Well, don't talk about it, just go and get it real quick!"

"I need my money!" Carl went back in the house.

Soon he came in with his money.

"It's 8:14", La Netta said when we arrived at Jolene's house. "Jolene's probably getting ready for her bus to arrive."

I walked up to the door.

"Hello, James!", said Jolene. "Hello, James!"

La Netta and I walked in. There we saw Brittany. She was in her pajamdras! Pink T-nkerbell pajamdras!

"Hi, Jolene", said La Netta.

"My leg hurts", said Jolene.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Jolene", I said.

"My leg hurts."

"Jolene!", I said. "I've got something for you." I handed Jolene a Ross bag.

As Jolene opened the bag, she pulled the stuffed animal out of it.

"It's an elephant!", said Brittany.

"An elephant!", said Jolene.

"There's something else in the bag!"

Jolene reached in and pulled out the See's Chocolates bag.

"Open it!", La Netta said.

Jolene pulled the sticker off and opened her bag of See's chocolates. Inside was peanut crunch.

"Your favorite!", said La Netta.

"Jolene", I asked, "How is Robin treating you?"

"Robin doesn't live here anymore", said Brittany. "He moved to a house in Antooch. He's been living here since he was 17." Robin was in his thirties now.

La Netta asked Jolene for a hug. Jolene started to get up off the couch and get her walker, but La Netta told Jolene that she would walk over and hug Jolene on the couch.

After La Netta and Jolene hugged, it was my turn. I walked up to Jolene and, standing up, reached my arms out. She put her arms around me. We spent a long time hugging. Hugging Jolene -- my second favorite thing in the world to do!

"By the way, Jolene", I said, "Lita says iello. She also says happy birthday."

"Thank you! Thank you!", said Jolene.

"You're welcome, you're welcome. Happy birthday, Jolene!"

"Thank you!"

"You're welcome! "

"Are we ready to leave?", La Netta asked. "When Brittany comes back, tell her thank you."

"Go! Robin, go!", said Jolene.

"Jolene!", said La Netta.

"ROBIN! GO!" Jolene was starting to get cranky. She was yelling now.

Finally Brittany came out of the bathroom, and I thanked her for letting me come over. Jolene was still yelling.

La Netta and I said good-bye to Jolene and went on with our day.

"La Netta, when are we getting to a restroom?", I asked. "I need to purge off Brittany's pajamdras."

"We're going to the office", she said.

We drove to the office to pick up Adam.

"These pants are getting snxg on me now", said Carl.

"Rrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Is that a word?"

"The SN-word? Yes."

"Sorry, I didn't know."

At the office I purgee off Brittany's pajamdras, then did "snxg".

Carl was on the computer in the main office. When I walked into the work-out room, I saw a rubber dipser. Back to the restroom!

We eventually left for a trip to Sears. When La Netta returned from Sears, we visited Grocery Outlet.

I picked out two bottles of Tampico and six piroshkis, while La Netta meanwhile bought some fig bars. We then headed to Michael's.

At Michael's, I asked La Netta if there was any Halloween stuff, and she said there was Halloween stuff all around. I cupped both hands around my eyes and closed my right eye.

I made it out safely, then we had lunch at Kennedy Grove. (Well, I didn't have lunch, but you know what I mean . . .)

As I walked up to the table, I heard an older woman say, "Pxrdon?" I growled loudly.

"What's up, James", asked La Netta.

"Didn't you hear what that lady said?", I asked.

"No, what did she say?"

"She said, 'Pardon'."

"Well, take care of it."

I purged off "pardon" in the restroom, then as I sat down on the toilet I heard Carl.

"James?", said Carl. "When will you be out?"

"I'm done purging", I said. "I'll be out soon. I'm on the toilet seat!"

After I came out, I let him in. Then when he finished, I took my pills.

Cliff told La Netta to "keep an exe on my people while I'm in the restroom".

"EWWWWWW!", I said, startled.

"Go take care of it", said La Netta. I purged some more.

"Cliff says he's sorry", said La Netta when I came back.

We left after a few hours there, ready for a three-day week-end. I had seen an old friend.

Cooking with Carl

On Thursday we spent the beginning of the day at the office. When we got out of the office, we sat in the van. I asked La Netta if we could go to Grocery Outlet to get a piroshki for Jolene, and she said maybe.

La Netta asked me if I wanted to pitch in 2 or 3 dollars for buying the food Carl was going to cook.

"Sure, I could do that", I said.

"The only thing", La Netta said, "Is you should only pay if you're going to eat some of what Carl is cooking."

"Then forget it", I said.

"That was was I thought", said La Netta.

"James", said Carl, "I know how you feel. I don't trust Sonya's cooking. I came in and saw her doing something to the food. And ever since then . . . I haven't been able to eat it. But I can took well. My food is actually pretty txsty."

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Go back into the office", La Netta told me.

So I went into the office and used their restroom. I thought I could be quick, but then I thought txsty, txsty, txsty to myself as I was doing the "tadolasty, taeolasty, tadolasty" part at the beginning. Then when I tried it a second time, I again thought txsty, txsty, txsty.

The words continued to multiply like this. Soon, I was back down to seven, then down to three, then down to two, then up to five, then down to one, then I nailed it!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Six things I like about myself

Today, as we drove to the office, La Netta suggested I talk to Lita about how to work Friday morning out. I am supposed to visit Jolene Friday morning at 8:10, but Carl doesn't want to get up early.

We walked into the office. La Netta said Lita wanted to meet with Carl and me. Lita was in her office, and I listened -- she was talking to someone.

I explained to La Netta that Lita was talking to someone. Then La Netta said, "Ayyoon just came out. That's probably whom she was talking with."

I walked up to the doorway between the main office and Maria's room. "Lita?", I said.

"I'm on the phone", said Lita.

I walked back out.

"Did you get to talk about what you wanted?", La Netta asked.

"Lita was on the phone", I said.

La Netta went to the restroom. I went in the men's while she used the women's.

While I was in there, someone knocked. Two boys had to use my restroom.

While I was outside, I wondered if I had heard the word "jxggle".

"Carl?", I asked.

"Yes?", said Carl.

"Did I hear the J-word?"

"I didn't hear it."

"You were listening, right?"


Eventually both boys got finished, and I was back in the men's room. La Netta finally knocked.

Lita was ready, and I walked into her office.

"How may I help you?", she asked.

"It's about my meeting with Jolene", I said.

"Do you want me to call Brittany to reconfirm?"

"It's that we're meeting Jolene at 8:10 in the morning, and Carl says he won't be able to get up that early."

"Well, La Netta picks you up at 8:00, right? She can pick Carl up at 7:50. He's used to getting up that early."

"Do you want to speak with La Netta?"

"Yes. Tell her to 'come in, please'."

"La Netta? Lita says to come in, please."

La Netta walked in. She told Lita that she'd have to get Carl as early as 7:45, which meant he would have to be ready to 7:30.

Lita said that Carl could do that. After all, we always make accommodations for him.

"Like not going to the top floor in stores?", I asked.

"Right, like that", said Lita. She said she'd call Brittany to reconfirm.

"While you're at it, could you ask her to make sure the news isn't on when I come over?", I asked.

"OK," said Lita, "Maybe they can watch the news the hour before 8:00."

"But you can't be too picky", said La Netta. "Maybe there's someone at the house who likes to watch the news."

"What am I going to do if I hear the M-word?"

"We can take you to the bathroom."

"It takes an awful long time to purge off the M-word in connection with traffic."

"Oh", said La Netta sadly.

Carl then wanted to speak to Lita. Lita was busy, but he got to speak to Taylor.

Lita then called Carl and me into the conference room along with Renée, Billie Jean, Robert Jamison, Miguel, Ayyoon and one other client whose name escapes me at the time.

She told us about something they were starting called STARS. STARS would teach about self-advocacy and assertiveness and unwelcome touching, as well as relationships and sex. The fourth part would get into the gory details of the reproductive system, STD's and contraception.

She had us sign a permission form for participation and cut all of our forms off. Then Lita had os each list three things we liked about our physical appearance and three things we liked about our personality.

"I put down 'My Kurt Cobain hairstyle'," I said.

"Good", said Lita.

Carl said there was no way he could fill out the form. He could not think of anything he liked about himself. Carl turned it into Lita without filling it out.

When I was done, this was what my list looked like:

Three things I like about my physical appearance
1. My Kurt Cobain hairstyle
2. My red beard
3. My suppleness

Three things I like about my personality
1. My creativity and artistic nature
2. My anarchistic tendencies
3. My ability to explain myself

I left it on the table.

La Netta stopped off at the burrito truck. Carl was greeted as "amigo" by the fellow working there. He knew that Carl wanted a vegetarian super burrito.

I ordered a head super burrito and paid $4 for it.

We then talked about going to Las Montañas for some pastries.

"I want you to pick them out for me", said Carl.

"Why me?", asked La Netta.

"I'm clumsy!", said Carl. "Remember last time when I dropped them?"

La Netta said she'd manage the tongs.

"Clumsy, clumsy, clumsy, clumsy, clumsy, clumsy, clumsy ox!", I began singing to the tune of that Enya song that has the word "scipiunt" in it.

"Who are you calling an ox?", asked La Netta.

"I'm just thinking about the WH-word", I said.

"Oh, James!", said Carl. "Remember how in Scarlet Fever and the Seven Little People we have a little person named Clumsy?"


"We would have him put together out of pieces in a lab my one Dr. Clumsenstein."

"Great idea!"

We finally parked in front of Las Montañas.

There was a tree close to the van. I looked up to see whether the branches and leaves would touch me if I got out. When I got out I saw -- the vending machines in front of Las Montañas!

As soon as we were in front of the store, I inspected it for characters. I saw one Winnxe the Pooh and two Tiggers.

I entered the store and called for my friends.

"We're over here", said Carl.

We visited the pastry section, where La Netta got some jelly doughnuts and Carl got what he wanted, and both paid for their delights. Then we left Las Montañas.

Our next stop was Davis Park. When we got out, La Netta asked if I wanted to go to the restroom, and I said yes. I walked over and purged for a loooooong time.

When I got back La Netta asked if I had been purging. I told her I had.

"What did you need to purge off?", she asked.

I explained to her about the vending machines in front of Las Montañas.

Carl and I ate our burritos, then Carl ate his chips. We listened to some other people at the park talking, then La Netta drove us all home.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

My bologna has a first name

Yesterday, we were at the dollar store. La Netta told me, "James, there's Halloween stuff in this aisle".

My eyes were already cupped, but now I closed my eyes completely. "La Netta, will you hold onto my arm?", I asked.

"Sure, James", she said.

I interlocked arms with La Netta as we strode down the aisle. She told me Carl wanted to look at the junk.

Soon we were out of the aisle. La Netta told me it was safe to look again.

I saw something Winnxe the Pooh. I went, "Ewwwwwwww!", and La Netta asked, "What?"

I showed her.

"James, do you want lunchmeat or something here?", she asked.

"No thanks", I said. Then I changed my mind. "Sure, why not?"

La Netta said there was lunchmeat down that way. I walked down, until La Netta told me that was the wrong place.

She gave me new directions, and then when I still didn't find the lunchmeat, she gave me newer directions. Eventually I got to the freezer.

I surveyed the bologna options. No Butterball.

Finally, I walked back to the cart. "My bologna has a first name, it's Z-A-C-K-Y", I sang.

"Oh, good", said La Netta.

I also picked out a pomegranate.

We all paid for our stuff. Then I had to get Winnxe the Pooh out of me.

We stopped at a fast-food restaurant in which I used the restroom to spit, then La Netta drove us over to Miller's Knots. After listening to some really good Star 101.3 songs, I went to the restroom at purged off Winnxe the Pooh.

I came back to the van in the pouring rain.

"Did you wash your hands?", asked La Netta.

"No, but we have hand sanitizer", I said.

"You didn't even ask me for any."

"May I have some?"

"Sure." And La Netta poured it into one hand.

A bad physical

On Thursday, I was driven over to the Richmond Medical Center to get an annual physical with Dr. Shah. Pia asked me if I remembered Dr. Shah and I told her I did.

I put my headphones on once we were in the waiting room. Pia brought over some papers and I signed and filled out all of them.

Pia rubbed up against my knees. I saw her and she said Dr. Shah was here.

I turned my CD player off and put it and my headphones into my red bag. I carried my red bag with me as I walked down, careful not to look at anything that would make me purge.

Then they announced that they didn't have a room for me. False alarm!

I went back to my seat and put my headphones back on.

I listened to about six songs before Pia rubbed against my knees again. I lowered my headphones, and asked, "Dr. Shah's ready for real this time?"

"Yes, he is", said Pia.

I walked into a room. I stalled my looking at children's drawings. Pia said, "This room". I looked a little longer, making sure there was no Dipser-man or Winnxe the Pooh, and then I followed her.

Another doctor (not Dr. Shah) gave me the first parts of my physical. He weighed me, and I came out at 128 pounds.

"What's your height?", he asked.

"I'm 5'8"," I said.

"I don't believe that's true", said Pia, "Because I'm 5'8"."

The doctor put me up the wall to measure height.

"Stand up straight", he said. "Heels against the wall."

I put my heels against the wall.

"Scxxt this way", he said.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!", I growled. How the hell was I supposed to scxxt when I was standing up? Did he even know what the word meant?

Finally he got my height.

"What was wrong?", asked Pia.

"Did you hear what he said?", I asked.

"No, I didn't, I had my Pandora playing."

"He said the SC-word!"

"Oh. Well, I heard you grunt."

He then decided to measure my blood pressure.

I pulled up my left sleeve.

"Pull it up more, please", he said.

"NO!", I said. "This is as high up as it goes."

The doctor then said he could put the sphygmomanometer a little lower on my arm. He managed to pull it off.

"Lift your head up, please", he said.

"NO!", I said.

"I need to take your temperature."

I lifted my head so he could take my temperature. I then opened my mouth so he could stick the thermometer in.

"Close your mouth, please", he said.

"NO!", I said.

He held it and then took it out without me closing my mouth.

"It's OK, because you don't know", Pia told the doctor.

"Just don't say the word 'please'," I told him.

"OK," said the doctor. "I could do that."

He then told me to put my shoes back on and walk into another room.

Dr. Shah soon came in.

"Hi, James", he said. "I'm Dr. Shah. Do you remember me?"

"I remember meeting you", I said. "You told me your name was Dr. Shah, and I asked, 'Shaw as in Artie Shaw?', and you said, 'No, Shah as in the shah of Iran', then you said, 'I'm not that important'."

Dr. Shah laughed. "That's right", he said. "I'm not."

Dr. Shah shone some light into my eyes. He then had me inhale and exhale, then gave me a shot for some blood and cholesterol tests. He stuck in one syringe end then put in several vials to test for many different factors.

After the syringe work, we were finished, and Dr. Shah said our next appointment would be in one year.

Pia and I walked back to the van. She then realized she hadn't asked for a certain form to fill out, so she went back in and left me in the van.

I put my headphones on. Pia came back and we talked all the way home.

I told her about the article "The Myth of the Teen Brain", from the April 2007 issue of Scientific American. In it, Dr. Robert Epstein reveals that despite studies claiming to show teens' brains are inferior, it is now known that the brain is shaped by experiences and teens in tribal societies without a concept of adolescence do not have teen angst and pathologies, and their brains resemble those of adults in those societies.

"How was your brain formed?", asked Pia. "What was it during your teen years that made you feel angsty?"

I told her about the teachers who didn't like me purging.

Soon we were home. I went in my room to purge off the SC-word, and was hoping I could show her some emails, but my Internet was down.

Then I opened the door of my room and said, "I'm ready for my Zoloft!"

Pia poured a milliliter of liquid Zoloft in the cup, and I mixed it in with Tampico and drank it.