Monday, August 29, 2011

Azease says "please"

After I got out of bed this morning, I turned my white sound machine off ane walked out of my room.

I heard something that sounded like "exe", possibly even "exe on", on the television. I listened a little longer, and they said that some football player has been "watching" something. Probably the K & E words. "Ewwwwwwwww!"

I walked out to the van. La Netta asked me what was wrong. "The news was on this morning", I said.

A new Rihanna song came on the radio, and I had to ask La Netta whether she said "pajxmxs". La Netta said no. Carl also said no. They couldn't tell me what she did say, but before I could use the restroom at the gas station, Aziz drove off.

We arrived at the El Cerrito Plaza shopping center. La Netta asked who was going with her and who was going with Aziz. Since I couldn't hold "pajxmxs" in, I elected to go with Aziz, as I figured he would be more likely to let me use the restroom at a shopping center.

I told Aziz I needed to go to the restroom, and he took me there. I purged off "pajxmxs".

After that, I came out, without continuing to get to the "keep an exe on" in the restroom.

"James", Carl said, "I need your help translating something. I don't know what language it is, but the word is A-U."

"Probably French then", I said.

I followed Carl, and he showed me a cup that read "Café au Lait".

"Café au lait", I.read. "That means 'coffee with milk'."

"Oh, OK," said Carl. "You know German, right?"

"Right, I replied."

"What does 'Ach du Lieber' mean?"

"'Ach' means 'oh' or 'ah'. 'Du' is the German word for 'you'. And 'Lieber' means 'lover'."

"Guys", said Aziz. "Could you try to keep it down? Please?"

There was that word "please"! "NO!", I responded.

"We're leaving", Aziz said.

"Aziz, you can get into the car now", said Carl.

"No, I'm not going to", said Aziz. "If you guys don't respect me, I won't respect you. I did nothing to disrespect you."

"Yes, you did', I said. "You said the word 'please'."

"How is that disrespectful?", Aziz asked. "You don't like the word 'please'? How was I supposed to know that when you never told me?"

"La Netta told you", I said. "She told you I didn't like the word 'please' or the word 'pardon', and you said I didn't like a lot of polite words. Remember?"

"I don't remember that", Aziz said.

Carl prolonged a conversation with Aziz. He argued with Aziz about me.

"James is the only person on Earth who doesn't like the I-word", Carl said, "So you have no way of knowing."

La Netta came back, and Aziz told La Netta what had happened.

We went to the bowling alley. La Netta asked me whether I was going to bowl, and I replied in the negative.

La Netta asked me what had happened, and I told her the story.

"Are you sorry?", La Netta asked me.

"No," I replied. "I'm pissed off at Aziz. In fact, I don't even think I like Aziz anymore."

"Did you say it really loud?", La Netta asked.

"Not that loud", I replied.

"Was it 'No!', or was it 'NO!'?"

I asked La Netta whether I heard the WH-word at the bowling alley, and she said no.

La Netta asked me whether I wanted to go to Las Montañas. I shook my head.

"Why not?", asked La Netta.

"I don't feel good", I replied.

"Well, you were feeling bad even this morning. I could see it."

"I was."

"Do you think if we go to Las Montañas, it will make you feel better?"

"It's worth a try."

So after the others finished bowling, La Netta told Aziz to drive to to Las Montañas. We were soon there.

"James, we're at the bakery", said La Netta. "Tell me what you want."

I picked out a pastry made of two hemispheres covered with red on the outside and coconut, joined in the middle with red jam. Then I picked out a pink cookie. La Netta said they were three for 99 cents, so I got a second one.

I told La Netta I didn't like the Sponch! cookies. But when they got to the cookie aisle, she said that was all they had. An employee told her there were more cookies in Aisle 3.

We walked up to Aisle 3, and once we got there, La Netta said, "James, look!"

I saw a big box of cookies called Esponjitas. They were just like Pom Poms, Copitos and Bombolín.

"But they're $4.19", said La Netta. "You told me you only had $3."

"Well, when I spent my money at the bakery section, I discovered I had more dollar bills", I replied.

"But it's still not enough."

"Let me count." I removed my sandwich bag from my right pocket. I took bills out. "$1 . . . $2 . . ."

"Oh, wait, you do have enough!", La Netta said.

La Netta then went to the restaurant part of Las Montañas. She ordered some quesadillas. She asked if I wanted to wait with the shopping cart while she poured her coffee.

I stood there. Afterwards I asked her if someone had said "shxp". She said no.

Carl then got lunch at Burger King. Next was going to be Miller's Knots, but La Netta called in and changed the schedule to the much closer Davis Park because we were running out of time.

At Davis Park I purged off "keep an exe on" after much rubble-clearing. I finished at 1:57.

We then drove home. I kept my headphones on for most of the trip home, but after we dropped Lance off and I was the only one left in the van, I took them off.

The radio turned to a song that seemed to sing "cutxe pie". "Did they say 'C-word pie' in this song?", I asked La Netta.

"You've heard this song before", La Netta said.

"What song is this?"

"I don't know."

"Aziz, could you please turn the radio up?"

No response.

"Aziz, could you please turn the radio up?", I repeated.

Aziz turned it OFF.

"We're almost at your house", said La Netta.

"Aziz, could you please turn the radio back on?", I asked.

No response.

"Aziz, could you please turn the radio back on?", I repeated.

Still no response.

"Aziz?", I asked.

Still no response.

"Aziz, does this have to do with me yelling at you in Ross?", I asked.

No response.

"La Netta", I asked, "Why isn't Aziz speaking to me?"

"I have no idea", La Netta said.

"Aziz, does this have to do with me yelling at you in Ross?"

"Yes, it does", Aziz said.

"We're at your house", La Netta said.

"I need to know if the song sang the C-word", I told her.

"It didn't."

"You were listening?"

"Of course. I always listen!"

I went to the back to grab my pastries, and then La Netta walked me up to my house.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

The end of hugs?

On Friday, Aziz drove us all over to the 7-11 site. Despite my blog post, Lita had combined our groups again.

While his clients worked, I stayed in the van.

I got out at one point. "Aziz?", I asked.

"Yes?", said Aziz.

"Did one of your clients say the word that rhymes with 'single'?"

"No."

I got back into the van and shortly thereaeter, everyone else got in. Aziz had left Alfonso to program with Clarissa's group, meaning Ken, Carl, Adam and yours truly were left in the van.

The radio turned on. "5-11", I heard. Was this traffic?

I listened longer to determine whether it was traffic. Then I heard the word "mxss".

Then the DI said, "KBLX traffic, brought to you by . . ." Then they talked about something else. That means they must have just finished traffic!

"Ewwwwwwww!", I said. "They said the M-word! It was traffic! Didn't you hear that, La Netta?"

"No", said La Netta, "I was talking with Aziz."

"Aziz, did you hear the M-word?"

"No", Aziz replied.

"This is why I hate KBLX", I said.

"I'm sorry", said Aziz. "I didn't know that."

"There are other people in the van who like KBLX", said La Netta. "We turn it on for them."

"Aziz," I said, "If the radio's set to KBLX, tell me before you turn on the radio so I have time to get my headphones on."

"OK", said Aziz. "I will do that."

"They were saying at the meeting today that we're not allowed to hug clients", La Netta said. "They said that wasn't appropriate behavior."

"You're not allowed to hug clients?", I asked.

"That's right."

"That means we can't hug or shower hugs or end-of-the-week hug?"

"Yes. I don't know if they didn't say it was sexual harassment or what . . . there's something in my book that explains it. And I told them, what about the clients who like being hugged?"

"EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!", I shrieked.

"What was that for?", asked La Netta.

"I'm still grossed-out", I said.

"By the hugging thing?"

"No, by the M-word."

I needed to purge off "mxss", but La Netta drove to the office where we said good-bye to Aziz and Adam and she told us not to get out of the van. No one was to get our except her.

I stayed in there with Aziz until La Netta got back. I could have done a lot of purging in that period of time.

We then drove over to Big Lots. La Netta made a cellphone call, then we were ready to go in.

I spotted some wasabi peanuts. I had La Netta read the bag over for purge words. When she informed me that there were none, the bag went into the cart.

At the candy aisle, I found some spice drops and Easter eggs. La Netta said the Easter eggs must not be any good by now. "You don't want those", she said.

"It says, 'Freshness guaranteed'," I said.

"OK", said La Netta.

As "Big Yellow Taxi" came on the Intercom, I looked behind me and saw six Dipser-mans. "Ewwwww!", I shrieked.

"What?", La Netta asked.

I pointed to the Dipser-mans.

"Oh", La Netta said.

I pointed some udon called Mr. Udon out to Carl, and said, "Here's a food we could have used for U -- udon!"

It was determined that I needed to spit, so La Netta took me to the restroom. On the way there, I heard a song that sang "itty-bxtty man", and growled.

In the restroom I spat, then purged off "bxtty". I used the toilet to empty my bladder, then washed my hands and came out.

La Netta showed me some granola. She checked the box and found no "txsty" or "ice xxxxx". "They have another flavor too", said La Netta.

"What's the other flavor?", I asked.

"Oatmeal."

"I don't like oatmeal. I'm going with the peanut butter."

"That's fine."

A little later . . . "James, don't look to your left", La Netta said.

I covered my eyes and walked down.

"Did they have tie I-word on the left?", I asked.

"No, it was Winnxe the Pooh," said La Netta. "You wouldn't have liked to see that, would you?"

"I wouldn't have", I replied.

We paid for our stuff. I told La Netta I wanted her to go before me.

"How's your day been going?", the girl at the cash register asked me.

"It's been a terrible day", I replied.

We then picked up lunch, then drove over to Kennedy Grove.

A man talked to his dog as I walked to the restroom.

"La Netta, did that man talking to his dog say the C-word?"

"No, he didn't", La Netta replied.

"You know whom I was referring to, right?"

"Right."

La Netta said she had a towel, and laid it out for me so I could sit on the bench. I told her I'd be in the restroom.

I went to the private restroom and purged off /ai/ sounds and eyes, then did the Dipser-mans' eyes. I'd be able to hear /ai/ sounds from now on.

Next, I got to the word "mxss". Purging off "mxss" in connection with traffic is a nightmare, because the gross factor is so strong. I kept on doing it until it felt right.

When I heard La Netta calling my name, I was still purging. I came out.

"And you didn't even get to sit on the towel", La Netta said.

"We're leaving now?", I asked.

"Right."

"Let me wash my hands."

"OK, I'll meet you at the van."

I washed my hands and then made it to the van.

"Finished?", asked La Netta.

"No", I replied.

La Netta dropped Ken and Carl off, then I asked her if she was well enough to hug me.

"I can't hug you", La Netta replied.

I was saddened that La Netta would obey a eascist rule like that, and even more saddened that she had not hugged me all week.

"La Netta, if you hadn't said you were too sick to hug me, we could have had one last hug yesterday", I said.

"I know", La Netta said. "I wasn't feeling well yesterday. I've been feeling better today than I've felt all week."

I got home and finished purging off "mxss", then did six Dipser-mans. In the evening, I swallowed the pills La Netta had given me that morning.

This new rule against coaches hugging clients is terrible. I won't be able to hug La Netta after a shower anymore, and how will Tiffany and I get our hugs in when she never seems to be working at my house anymore? I think I'm going to stop showering until I can get rewarded for a shower again.

Two "shxp"s

It was Wednesday morning. and we were parked in front of Thrift Town. La Netta was making a call on her cellphone.

". . . And I have to pay for shxpping and handling", said La Netta.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Mom, I'll have to talk to you later", La Netta said. She hung up.

We then walked into Thrift Town. I stopped to look at the things in front of the store to make sure I hadn't seen any Winnxe the Pooh.

Carl was enthralled by the clothes, constantly pointing items out to La Netta.

"Are these pajamdras?", I asked La Netta.

"No," La Netta replied.

La Netta let me use the restroom there. I went in, picked my navel, washed my hands and came right out.

"You know the story of Snow White?", asked Carl. "Now they have it in book form -- see?"

"Carl, I don't want to rush you, but we're ready to go", I said.

"Hey, check out this book!"

La Netta said we were combining groups. I asked about the dollar store, and La Netta said she could still take me, if not today, Thursday morning.

We stopped at the burrito truck. Carl asked for a super vegetarian burrito and they had one pre-made for one of their most frequent customers. I ordered a super vegetarian burrito and paid only $2.50 for it.

"What do you suppose that truck is for?", Carl asked.

"I think that's when they shxp -- shxp -- shxps the food . . ."

"Rrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Aziz, you can't say that word", Carl said.

"What did I say?", asked Aziz.

"You said the SH-word", I replied.

"Oh, I'm sorry, James."

We went to Davis Park. My plans were to pick my navel in the Davis Park restroom and then eat my burrito. But to my surprise, the restrooms were locked!

I walked around. La Netta called me up to talk to Carl. Carl told me about meeting an Atlantean in a desert once.

"An alien?", La Netta asked.

"An Atlantean", I replied. "A person from the sunken island of Atlantis."

La Netta then did drops.

When we got to my house, Stan was standing there. "Hey, James, take a ride with me", he said.

"OK, Stan Man", I obliged. "Do I bring my headphones?"

I rode with Stan, while I picked my navel at the back of the van. I finally got all of Aziz's "shxp"s out.

"Let me open the door for them", Stan Man said.

We next drove to my home. Then, just after we all got out and were sanding outside the door, Stan said, "Let's take Charles and them home". He told us to all get back in the van.

On the way there, I asked Stan if I heard a car raadio. He said yes, somebody else's radio is on. Stan also asked me why my headphones weren't on.

"When I asked you, you just asked me, 'I don't know, do you need them?'," I told Stan.

"I told you to bring your headphones", he said.

"Did I hear the M-word on the car radio?", I asked Stan.

"The radio's not even on. But I'll turn it on, just so you can be sure."

I thought I heard the word "cutxe" -- or did I? It was sort of vague.

"Stan, did they say the C-word?", I asked.

"I'll turn the radio on for you", said Stan. I thought it was already on.

"Stan, did they say the C-word on the radio?", I asked.

"What?", asked Stan.

"Stan, did they say the C-word on the radio?"

"What?"

"Stan, did they say the C-word on the radio?"

"I turned it up for you."

"I mean did they say it after you turned it on? You're hearing's better than mine."

"What?"

"I mean did they say it after you turned it on? You're hearing's better than mine."

"What?"

"I mean did they say it after you turned it on? You're hearing's better than mine."

"I don't know."

I listened closely to the lyrics. They were singing, "Ooh yeah", near the end. Then the singer sang, "I'm a fool for you."

I put my headphones on for the remainder of the trip home. Upon getting home, I discovered that my Internet was down.

"Just wait a while, it'll go back up", said Stan.

"Do you know the title of the song that goes, 'Ooh yeah, ooh yeah, I'm a fool for you'?", I asked Stan.

"Was that the song that was playing on the radio?", Stan asked.

"Yes."

"How did it go again?"

"Ooh yeah, ooh yeah, I'm a fool for you."

"I don't know that song."

My Internet connection finally went up. I googled:

"i'm a fool for you" lyrics

and then:

"i'm a fool for you" lyrics "ooh yeah"

I couldn't find any song among the many that seemed to have those two phrases clustered near the end. Then I figured that if I added "cutxe" to my search, I could find if any results had those phrases as well as "cutxe". I looked away from the bar and typed in:

"i'm a fool for you" lyrics "ooh yeah" cutxe

The x in "cutxe" was actually an i.

I looked through the four pages of Google hits. All of them were song collections, none of them lyrics to one particular song! That means no song with "I'm a fool for you", "ooh yeah" and "cutxe" existed! I took my pills and ate my burrito.

Party planner

On Tuesday, we were driving to the office when Carl asked if I had met his sister Christina.

I replied that I hadn't.

"Because lately I've been seeing Christina axx oxxx the pxxxx", replied Carl.

"Ewwwwwwww!", I said.

"Sorry, James", apologized Carl.

I went into the office to purge off "axx oxxx the pxxxx".

Aziz knocked.

"Yes?", I said.

"James?", he said.

"Yes?"

"Alfonso needs to use it."

"He can come in when I'm done."

I continued purging. Then I heard another knock

"Yes?", I said.

"James?", Aziz said.

"Yes?"

"Alfonso wants to use it now."

I came out. I heard La Netta talking with Rosa in the women's restroom.

"And then he had the nerve to tell Lita to read his blog", La Netta said.

"La Netta?", I asked.

"He's listening to our conversation!", said La Netta. "Yes, James?"

"Did you say the WH-word?"

"I don't know; I was in the restroom."

"No, I'm asking you if you said it."

"Me? No, I didn't."

"OK, thanks, La Netta."

I went back in and finished purging off "axx oxxx the pxxxx".

I then lay on the couch. I had to get off a few timse to ask about "whxxps" and other words, but no purge words were said.

Then came Ross. Aziz took me with him. "Ewwwwww!", I said.

"What is it?", Aziz asked.

I showed him the Winnxe the Pooh toy on the floor. I asked him if he could tell me when he sees Winnxe the Pooh or Dipser-man, so I know to close my eyes.

Aziz took me to the restroom. I purged in there until La Netta got me.

"Can we go to Chef's?", I asked La Netta.

La Netta said there would probably be no parking there.

"What about See's?", I asked La Netta.

"I could run you in", La Netta said.

When we got back into the van, La Netta told Aziz to drive us to See's Chocolates.

"Ooh, the parking here looks bad", said La Netta. "James, do you really have to go to See's?"

"Well, I wanted to get some peanut crunch", I said.

"Who is it for?", La Netta asked.

"For Jolene", I replied.

"I think we should find a way to get to her before we make any purchases. Don't want the food to get old and stale."

"Good point."

"We can't just show up at her house", La Netta said. "She's not a CIWP client."

"It wasn't my idea to show up at her house", I said. "My idea was to throw a birthday party."

"But we can't just show up at her house during program."

"La Netta! That wasn't my idea either! I already told you how I planned to do it!"

"What were your plans?"

"My plan was for Lita to give us the phone number of Jolene's house, and we'd call Jolene's house and set a date for a birthday party. Then one afternoon or evening, you'd pick me up from my house and you and I would drive over with presents for Jolene and see her."

Lunch was inside KFC. I ordered four snackers.

"Crispy or original?", the employee asked.

"Original", I said.

I got my snackers. I didn't know that by not saying "honey barbecue", they gave me snackers with no sauce at all.

I finished purging off Pooh in the restroom, then sat down to eat my snackers. Apparently they had given me crispy when I asked for original. Aargh!

On our way home, La Netta and Aziz were talking about outsourcing.

"It's that they shxp jobs . . .", said La Netta.

"Rrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Oh, I am so sorry, James!", said La Netta.

Later on, La Netta said "every whxxx way".

"Rrrrrrrrrrr!", I said.

"Is that a word?"

"You said the E, W, W words."

"Oh."

I was dropped off at Ken and Carl's house, as Stan had asked for the previous day, then it turned out they had a change of plans. Aziz and La Netta were to take me to my own house.

Aziz and La Netta discussed Bush and Obama. They discussed how Obama would have to clean up after Bush.

"This mxss -- stuff", Aziz said. Did he say "slxp" after that?

"La Netta", I asked, "Did Aziz say the SL-word?"

"No, he didn't, James", La Netta said.

I was then dropped off at my own house. La Netta said she was too sick to hug me.

Las Montañas, at last!

On Monday, La Netta took us all to the office. We had Grocery Outlet and Wal-mart on the schedule, but she said she'd take me to the Mexican store afterwards.

After a little time at the office, she drove us over to Wal-mart. "What do you want to get at Wal-mart?", she asked.

"Juices and stuffed animals", I replied.

I got the juices I needed. "The stuffed animals are upstairs", said La Netta, "And Carl doesn't do upstairs."

So then it was Grocery Outlet. I got four piroshkis, three for myself and one for Jolene. I also got raspberry and blackberry candies from Haribo, chili lemon peanuts and ham.

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"What happened?", La Netta asked.

"Look at this", I said. I pointed to a word on a box.

ICE MINT SHXPPER, it read.

"Oh, well, at least you got a lot of neat stuff", La Netta said.

La Netta then drove us over to Las Montañas. La Netta hadn't told me there was a tilde over the N when she spelled it out for me. But there it was -- right there on the sign.

As we walked in, I noticed there were vending machines in front of Las Montañas. I checked them out -- and saw one Winnxe the Pooh and two Tiggers! I shrieked in horror.

We visited the bakery. It was there I bought a twisted beige and pink roll and two cookies (a yellow one and a pink one). I stood in line, then paid for them.

"La Netta!", I said with delight. "They have flan!"

"Good!", said La Netta.

La Netta asked me where I wanted to go, so I told her I wanted to visit the cookie section and see if they had anything like Pom Poms or Copitos.

"They have these", said La Netta, pointing to a type of cookie called Sponch! "Do you want these?"

After finding nothing better, I picked out the Sponch! cookies. Into my basket they went, along with the flan and bakery foods.

"Look for a cash register with a light above it", said La Netta.

I looked up and saw a stuffed Winnxe the Pooh along with some beanie babies. "Ewwwwww!", I said.

"There's one!", La Netta said.

"How are you doing?", the cashier asked.

"It's a rough day", I replied.

"Why did you say it was a rough day?", La Netta asked.

"Because of the stuff I saw in the vending machines in front of the store", I replied.

"But aren't you glad about all the cool stuff you got?"

"I am", I replied.

"OK, James", said Carl as we drove up to Davis Park. "The mascot of Frosty Freeze."

"An anthropomorphic I-word cone", I said.

"The mascot of Frosted Flakes."

"Tony the Tiger."

"The lead male in Who's the Boss?"

"No idea."

"Tony Danza. The leader of a mob family."

He was clearly doing Tonys. "Tony Soprano?", I said.

"Good."

We got out at the park, and I purged off "shxpper" and all the Poohs and Tiggers in the restroom.

When I came out, I said, "The world's most famous professional skateboarder".

"Tony Hawk!", Carl said. "Good one!"

Carl offered me his chips and salsa. Having finished purging, I ate his chips to take care of my sore throat.

"La Netta!", I said. "The chips helped! My sore throat has disappeared!"

"Good!", said La Netta.

La Netta said she was too unwell to hug me that day. It was disappointing after we couldn't have an end-of-the-week hug on Friday. But there would be other opportunities to hug her. Right?

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Combining the groups

It was finally Friday, the day we had Las Montanas on the schedule. I was alone with La Netta when I hopped into the van. There was no Ken, and we would pick up Carl later.

La Netta told me that today we would combine groups with Aziz.

"We're still going to be able to go to Las Montanas, right?", I asked.

"We are", said La Netta.

"Oh, good."

We stopped at the office. I heard Tiffany's voice as she was talking to another CIWPer.

"Tiffany?", I called.

"James!", she said.

I ran up to Tiffany. We opened our arms and embraced.

"Oh, Tiffany", I said.

"Oh, James", said Tiffany.

"Oh, Tiffany."

"Oh, James. We haven't had a hug all year!"

"I know!"

"They've got me working at Kemet House 2. So how you been?"

"I've been feeling down lately."

I also met up with Aziz at the office. We all agreed that Stan Man would drop Carl off at the 7-11 where Aziz's group worked.

Soon we were off to 7-11. While we stopped there, Aziz mentioned that after his crew worked at 7-11 hey would play basketball.

"We're going to Las Montanas today!", I told Aziz excitedly.

"Actually, we're not going to be able to go there", said La Netta, "Because after this Aziz's group is going to play basketball at the park."

"What?!", I said.

La Netta made a phone call. I heard what may have been a "whxxps", with two "oops"es later on during her phone call.

"La Netta, did I hear a WH-word during your phone call?", I asked.

"No, James", said La Netta. "My interlocutors don't use those words."

"I meant outside at 7-11."

"Oh. You didn't."

"It was just the OO-form said three times?"

"Yes."

I heard two more "oops"es. Then I heard a "whxxps".

"D'OH!", I said, slamming my forehead. "D'OH! D'OH! D''OH! D'OH! D''OH! D'OH! D''OH! D'OH! D''OH! D'OH! D''OH!"

"How many times did you hit yourself?", asked La Netta.

"I didn't count", I said. "Who was that clumsy ox who said the WH-word?"

"You call people you don't like an ox?"

"You said people don't like being called an ox?"

"No, I said, 'You call people you don't like an ox'?"

"I call people who use the WH-word clumsy oxen."

"Oh."

"I'm having a great day", said Aziz.

"James isn't", La Netta said.

"You're right", I said.

"Why is that?", asked Aziz.

"First of all, we had Las Montanas on our schedule, and now we can't go there. I was looking forward to going there all week."

"Oh."

"Do you have to go to the park to play basketball?"

"Yes, because basketball is on the schedule for today, and my guys have been looking forward to playing it all week. I wish I could change the schedule for you. But I'm not doing it for you; I'm doing it for them."

"And then I heard some clumsy ox saying the WH-word at 7-11."

A little later, I asked Aziz where the group was going after basketball. He told me they were going to pick up lunch, and then eat lunch and volunteer at Kennedy Grove.

Everything for his group. Nothing for Carl and me.

On the way to the park, I ieard "bxke-riding" in a commercial while I was preparing my headphones. I growled.

Then came a park. "Is there a restroom here?", I asked La Netta.

"I don't think so", said La Netta.

I got out and spat. "Is there a restroom, Aziz?", I asked.

Aziz pointed to the restroom. He said the women's was in front of the building and the men's was behind the building.

I went into the restroom. An African-American guy in a striped polo walked in the same time I did. I gestured to him to let him know that the stall was all his.

I picked my navel in the main part of the restroom. Then the guy in the striped polo finally came out and I had the stall all to myself. I purged off the word "whxxps".

"What was the restroom like?", La Netta asked when I came out.

"Dirty, with lots of water on the floor", I replied.

They drove over to Jack-in-the-box. They got lunch, I didn't.

"You're not getting a teriyaki bowl today?", La Netta asked.

"The only place I want to get lunch today is Las Montanas", I said.

Then we drove over to Kennedy Grove.

La Netta got out. I told Aziz I was staying in the van.

"Let me tell La Netta", he said. "La Netta! James, Carl and I will be staying in the van."

La Netta spoke to Aziz from a eistance.

"She said everybody needs to get out", Aziz said.

"Tell her I'll only get out if she takes me to Las Montanas", I said.

La Netta came over to the van. "We're all getting out", she said.

"I'll get out under one condition and one condition only: that you take me to Las Montanas", I said.

"Everyone else is getting out. Come on."

"Let me do things at my own pace!"

"I've already told you what we can do."

"First I left my van to combine with Aziz's group."

"Lita told us to do that. We had to follow her orders. You need to take that up with Lita."

"Then I went to 7-11 with you guys, where I heard the WH-word."

"That was out of my control!"

"Then instead of going to Las Montanas, I went along with you to a park so Aziz's group could play basketball. And now you want me to get out here for over an hour, having to stand up for over an hour with no place to sit down? Forget it!"

"You know what?", La Netta told Aziz. "Just leave him here."

La Netta and the group walked off to eat lunch.

They ate for several minutes, then Aziz walked over. "How are you feeling?", he asked.

"Crappy", I said. "I was looking forward to going to Las Montanas all week."

"I know", said Aziz, "But changes happen, man. There's nothing we can do about it."

Aziz talked about the wasps at this park. He said once he was stung by a bee, and after he passed out he found himself in a hospital.

"The bees are the busiest of the animals", said Aziz. "They're working 24 hours a day. They don't stop?"

"They don't sleep?", I asked.

"They don't. And the ants, they are also very busy, but still not as busy as the bees. If the bees are the busiest animal, I think the ants would be the second busiest."

"And then would come the shrews. They're constantly racing about getting food."

"True. I think all the creatures have a story to teach us. And there are some bees that do nothing but mate with the queen."

"The drones?"

"Yes. All they do is make babies with the queen."

"And they can only do it once, and then they die."

"Now, why is that?"

"Because the act of sexual intercourse pulls the stinger out of the body, and when the stinger comes out, it's attached to other parts of its body and all of its guts come out."

"Oh! That makes sense!"

I sat on the back seat of the van for about two hours before La Netta and the gang came. They drove off to do our first drops, Adam and Alfonso.

What is to blame here is the combining of groups. Because Lita combined La Netta and Aziz, we didn't get to do the things La Netta's group had planned and were completely dominated by the schedule of Aziz's group. CIWP needs to stop combining groups like this. Clients have a lot of hope and anticipation for doing their favorite activities, and when two groups are driving in one van, these things get cancelled. We shouldn't have to suffer cancellations just because only two of a coach's clients showed up. Let the coaches erive with only one or two clients or take low-functioning clients out of a six-client group to put them in with the two-client group.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Spitting over twenty times

This morning we stayed at Miller's Knots until La Netta announced she needed to go to the restroom. So we drove over to the office. I stayed in the men's restroom while La Netta went into the women's.

Then La Netta announced she was ready to leave. As we drove off in the van, I heard Ken saying something that may have been "yxk".

"La Netta, what did Ken say?", I asked.

"Ask Ken", La Netta said.

"Ken, what did you say?"

Ken said something that didn't sound anything like what he had said.

"Did he say 'black'?", I asked.

"No, he said the other word", La Netta said.

"Did he say the Y-word?", I asked.

"Yes", La Netta replied.

"Ewwwwwww!"

We got out at Smart & Final, the place I had requested for this week. (Well, one of two places, along with Las Montanas.)

"Do you want to go to the frozen section?", La Netta asked me. I replied in the affirmative, and we were soon inside the cold door.

The sausages were too expensive, and I really didn't want any of their other lunch meat, so we soon left the room.

"Let's get out of here before we turn to ice", La Netta said.

We got to the juices, where I picked up a Tampico and a Berkeley Farms fruit punch. Then I passed up on a lemon meringue pie.

We paid for our stuff at the check-out, then it was oef to buy lunch.

La Netta drove up to a Taco Bell. She stayed in the van while Ken walked in. La Netta told me that after Ken and Carl were out, I could go in.

"OK, James, you can go in now", La Netta said.

"Who's going to listen out for words?", I asked.

"There aren't many people in there", she said.

I went in and ordered. I thought I heard a woman saying "Whxxps", but luckily, it turned out she was speaking in Spanish. I picked up my order, asked for napkins and walked out.

We were soon at Eavis Park. I walked into the restroom and purged off Ken's "yxk". While I was purging, I heard a man talking to his dog. It sounded as if he was saying, "Cutxe cutxe cutxe cutxe cutxe".

When I walked into the van, La Netta asked, "Are you going to get your soap and walk back in?"

"I already washed my hands", I replied.

"With water, right?"

"Right."

"Then try soap too."

"Before I go back in, I need to know something. Did that man with the dog say the C-word?"

"Yes, he did."

"He did?"

"Yes."

"Echhhh! Let me carry the soap in and purge, then I can wash afterwards."

I carried my soap in and started purging off "cutxe". It was taking forever, so I gave up, washed my hands, and walked back into the van, deciding to finish when I got home.

I got out to spit.

I got out to spit again.

La Netta saw me looking at the clock. She asked what was up.

"I'm just anxious to get home", I replied.

"Why are you so anxious to get home?", she asked.

"So I can finish purging. It was taking too long to purge off the C-word, so I decided I'd just finish when I got home."

"Have you taken your pills yet?"

"No, I haven't."

"Then why don't you go back in the restroom and try to finish up, so you can take your pills."

"Should I bring my soap with me?"

"What did you say?"

"I asked, 'Should I bring my soap with me?'"

"You can just come back for it."

"I don't want to make two trips."

I carried the soap in and began purging: "kyadolutadolie, adolye, adolee".

Soon I had been in there for an hour.

I walked out thrice to ask La Netta about purge words. The third time, La Netta asked me, "Are you almost done?"

"No", I replied, "Why do you ask?"

"Because it's time to go."

"Oh, let me wash up."

I washed with my bottle of hand soap, then I was back in the van. La Netta drove over to a place down the street from Ken's house.

I got out to spit several times.

"You've spat over twenty times today", La Netta said.

"Really?", I asked.

"Yes. What's up with your throat?"

"I have a sore throat."

La Netta then dropped off Carl and Ken, where I got out to spit again. Then it was my turn.

When I got home, I purged off all the "cutxe"s, took my pills, had some starfruit juice and ate my Taco Bell at last.

Thinking I heard words

We were at Miller's Knots Tuesday morning. La Netta said we'd make a stop at the office.

As we drove to the office, "Dipser Wxbs" by No Doubt came on the radio. I put my headphones on, and when I took them off it was on a different station.

"KBLX!", the DJ said. "Now let's look around at some traffic . . ."

"Quick!", I said. "Traffic!"

La Netta changed the station, and ended upon a commercial that said "C-tibank".

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

La Netta turned the radio off.

When we got to the office, Carl said, "We know what you've gotta do". I went in there and purged off "C-tibank".

Once I came out, it was Carl's turn to use the restroom.

We visited the 99-cent store. When I got to the Club 99 commercial that asked, "Want it by the case?", I stopped and put my basket down so I could plug my ears during the part that said "Free shxpping".

I picked out a Zacky bologna and put it in my basket.

Carl held out two shampoos. "Pick one", he said.

I thought he was asking which one he should get, so I chose the Ocean Wave shampoo. When he put it in my basket, I told him, "I don't want to pay money for that".

"OK," said Carl, "Then I'll buy it and you can pay me back later".

"No", I said. "I mean I didn't want either of the shampoos at all."

"Gxtcha", Carl said.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

"Sorry!"

When we stopped at the juice aisle, I put a cranberry Fuji Langer's into my basket. La Netta pointed out a passionfruit citrus Langer's, and I placed that into my basket as well. Then we went around, where I got a Stars & Stripes root beer.

I noticed some Winnxe the Pooh pencils and went, "Ewwwwwwwww!"

Twice I had to stop to put my basket down, plug my ears and hum "Alouette" because a commercial that started out with "Attention, shoppers!" began. One of those commercials has the word "txsty" near the beginning.

We all paid for our stuff, then carried our juices, shampoos and other items to the van.

We parked in front of K-mart, our next stop. Carl said that something had "caught my exe" (ewwwww!), then I heard him say "pxking out".

"Did you say the P & O words?", I asked Carl.

"No, I said 'parking lot'," Carl replied.

Carl said he'd walk into K-mart alone, then the rest of us could join. La Netta sighed and said we all needed to go in together.

We walked into K-mart, and La Netta took us around the store as Carl picked something out.

Near the end, I asked La Netta if someone had said the number "twenty", as in "4:20".

"I didn't hear that", La Netta said.

"Did you iear the TW-word?", I asked.

"I didn't hear that", La Netta said.

When I got in the van, I said I was having a bad day bvecause I had heard the TW-word (Twxnkxe).

"You did not hear the TW-word", La Netta said.

"Are you sure?", I asked.

"Yes", she replied. "Yesterday and today you think you've been hearing words that no one said. What's up? Did you not get any rest?"

"I got lots of rest", I replied.

We were soon at the part of Pinole Valley Park that had the portable. I went in, and purged off "caught my exe", with a lot of rubble-clearing before. Then I did "gxtcha", then, finally, I got to the Winnxe the Pooh pencils.

After over an hour in the restroom, I came out.

La Netta said I had been in there a long time. Well, no surprise, for I had heard and seen some creepy stuff.

A beautiful caterpillar

On Monday, I walked into the van to hear gospel playing.

"La Netta", I said, "Here's a quiz for you. Who is the oldest living gospel star?"

"Aretha Franklin?", La Netta guessed.

"No," I said. "It's George Beverly Shea."

"And how old is he?"

"He's 102."

"I've never heard of him until now", La Netta says.

She soon changed the station to 98.1 KISS-FM. An old school rap song that sang "Slide, slide, slippity-slide" soon came on the radio. "Musical treasure", it sang. I wasn't sure, but it may have said "Txto too". (I later googled "slide slide slippity slide" and "txto too" and discovered that it did indeed have those words.)

When we got to the office restroom, I purged off "Txto", just in case. We spent quite a while at the office, where I mostly lay on the couch.

La Netta said we couldn't go to the book recycle, so instead we just went to Marshall's, where Ken had selected.

Afterwards, La Netta stopped by Burger King. I asked La Netta what there was to eat for lunch today, and she said there was just Burger King.

Then we hit Miller's Knots. "We're getting out", La Netta said.

"First no lunch, and now I have to get out?!", I said.

La Netta closed the van door and let me stay in the van.

I heard a car driving by. Did it say "cutxe"?

I had to ask La Netta about "drxp" from our group's conversation, "txsty" from two men visiting the park, and "cutxe" from the car radio's song.

"Why are you so tensed up on words today?", La Netta asked me.

"Dunno", I replied.

"We caught a caterpillar", said La Netta. "Want to see it?"

She showed me her drink, and in the cup was a big caterpillar.

"It's beautiful", La Netta said. "Do you want to take it home with you?"

"No," I replied.

"Carl's going to let it go", La Netta said.

I looked at the tree. The caterpillar was now climbing up the part where the branches first divided.

"It's a beautiful black and orange caterpillar", I told La Netta.

"It is", La Netta said.

We drove home, but La Netta was too sick for an end-of-the-week hug. She and I said our good-byes knowing that at a park today a lovely caterpillar had made our acquaintance.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

The pills were delicious

On Thursday, we started our day out with a trip to Grocery Outlet. We gathered the cheese Carl would need for his Philly cheese steak.

Carl wanted to look around, but La Netta told him we only had time to get the things we needed. I asked if we could buy some piroshki, and she said yes. Once we got to the frozen food aisle, I placed three piroshkis in Carl's basket.

After we paid for our goodies, we drove over to the office, and Carl made his Philly cheese steak. I sat in the couch room, then came out to ask La Netta if I had heard the WH-word.

"No, you didn't", said La Netta.

I thanked La Netta and lay back down. But then I heard the WH-word again.

"La Netta, did Emonte say the WH-word?", I asked.

"No, he didn't", said La Netta.

The others ate their Philly cheese steak, as I continued to lie on my favorite couch. Did I hear Kay saying "ice xxxxx"? Didn't really sound like it, but it could've been the I-word. I didn't bother asking Kay because it seemed to come from the conference room, and someone had told me there would be an annoal meeting in the conference room.

We were finally ready to leave. "La Netta, was Emonte naming the fast-food restaurants?", I asked.

"Yes", said La Netta.

We then stopped to get lunch (I personally had told La Netta I would just have my piroshki). Carl tole La Netta about his experiences with psychiatrists and group homes.

"I was shxpped off to a mental health clinic . . .", said Carl.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Sorry about that!", said Carl. "I was taken to a mental health clinic . . ."

Once we got to Pinole Valley Park, I complained that we were not near the portable, so I would not be able to pick my navel.

"You can use the restroom", said La Netta.

"But you're going to say, 'There are kids here!'," I objected.

"I think we're alone", said Carl.

So I went and picked my navel, then I washed my hands and came out.

"Did you wasi your hands?", asked La Netta.

"Yes, I did", I replied.

I got out of the van to clear my throat of phlegm and got back in again.

"Now, I'm ready to take my pills . . . except for one thing", I said. "Did Kay say the I-word in the office?"

"That's something you should have asked Kay when you were in the office," La Netta said.

"I heard her saying it in the conference room."

"There was a meeting in the conference room."

"Exactly! I couldn't have asked Kay because there was an annual in the conference room."

"Well, then, how about: I don't know?"

"I'm going to have to purge!", I said.

I got out of the van once more and headed back to the restroom. Vanilla ice xxxxx permeated every pore and cavity in my body. It came up again and again. Finally, I was ice-xxxxx-free.

I washed my hands and was ready to take my pills.

"Safeway commercial!", I said when I got back into the van.

Carl turned it off.

I swallowed each pill. The pills were delicious.

Enzingiyi the clairaudient

On Wednesday, we walked into the pet store, where we were scheduled.

At PetSmart, La Netta pointed out the hamsters and guinea pigs. She asked me if hamsters were related to rats or guinea pigs, and I explained to her that hamsters were more closely related to rats, whereas guinea pigs were more closely related to porcupines.

"Ken is wandering off again", said La Netta.

After a full stay at the pet store, we walked out where La Netta turned on the radio and 98.1 KISS-FM played.

I heard a familiar song opening, with lots of cranking sounds and an electronic beat. I tried to remember what song was this? Could this be the song La Netta turned off once that started out with "cutxe pie"?

"Cutxe pie . . .", the song began.

"Echhhhhh!", I said.

La Netta turned the radio off.

I declined the burrito truck, so while the others got their lunches there I stayed in the van. Then I went to the restroom at Davis Park to purge off "cutxe".

I came out. The radio was oee when I got back into the van. La Netta said we'd go at 1:00.

Shortly before we left off, I thought I heard a familiar song playing. "Do I hear the song 'Ring My Bell'?", I asked La Netta.

La Netta turned the radio on. "Ring My Bell" was playing. "Yoou must have ESP, because that song is playing, but the radio was oef."

"Are you sure the radio was off?", I asked.

"It was. The clock wasn't on."

"Wow, you think I should get tested for psychic powers?"

"You siould."

There was just one thing I wanted to know . . .

"Are you sure another car didn't have its radio on?", I asked.

"It couldn't have been another car", La Netta said. "There aren't any other cars around here."

At 1:00, La Netta drove off to K-mart, and after K-mart we all went home. La Netta said Carl had stressed her out so much she couldn't hug me a shower hug.

Could this be why I'm so attracted to the new age section? If what La Netta said is true, I have the power of clairaudience. I have read about psychic powers before, but never seriously believed that I had them myself. The truth is out there . . .

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Eating inside Taco Bell

Today La Netta took the group into El Cerrito Plaza because I had requested Lucky's.

It started out with a trip to Barnes & Noble. "We've had trouble with this Barnes & Noble before", said La Netta.

"Thanks to James and Robin", said Carl.

"No," said La Netta, "It wasn't James and Robin. They've actually had trouble with other groups. Now, Carl, where do you want to look at?"

"I'll be in the bargain section."

"OK, first we'll look in the bargain section, then we'll go to where James wants to go, then we'll go wherever Ken wants to go."

We looked at the bargain section together. "Oh, James", said La Netta, "Don't look to your . . . right. I see something you don't like."

"Thanks, La Netta", I said, and closed my eyes.

"Now, we're ready to go to the new age section for James", said Carl.

"James, where do you want to go?", asked La Netta.

"New age", I replied.

"Want to lead the way?"

I tried to find it. I made a wrong move and La Netta told me to go straight ahead.

La Netta kept telling me to go straight ahead. "Does this part look familiar?", she asked.

"No," I replied.

Finally we found it. I looked at new age until Carl asked an employee, "Would you happen to have The Bxne series?"

"That'd be under graphic novels", she said.

"Where's that?"

"Graphic novels, she says", I answered for her.

"Could you show me the way?"

"James, are you ready to follow Carl?", asked La Netta.

"Yes", I replied.

We walked over to the graphic novels, while La Netta looked at cookbooks.

Then we left the store and went on to go to Lucky's.

I walked down a long aisle until I saw my Tampicos. La Netta said I could simply put them in the cart.

La Netta then vosoted the pastry section. "James, you probably don't want to look here", said La Netta.

"Do you see dollar bills?", I asked.

"No, but they usually have some Winnxe the Pooh stuff in the cakes", she said.

"To my right or my left?", I asked.

"It's safest not to look on either side", Carl said.

"I wanted to know because I already saw some cakes to my left."

"Well, back there is OK, but don't look farther down", said La Netta.

As we walked down an aisle, I heard a mother telling her child, "Wait until you get home to eat that, or there will be a terrible mxss."

"Ewwwwwwwww!", I said.

"A terrible mxss!"

"Ewwwwwwwww!"

We visited the meat section to find some beef for the Philly cheese steak Carl was going to cook on Tuesday. Carl wanted to spend more than $10, but La Netta said we had to stick within a $10 budget.

The peppers posed a particular problem. Carl insisted Philly cheese steak have peppers to be "authentic", but La Netta said they were too expensive. They then agreed to wait until the farmers' market to buy the peppers.

While we were at the check-out, I thought I heard a balloon-like "Whxxxxxps!"

"Did I hear a WH-word?", I asked La Netta.

"You didn't", La Netta said.

After we paid for our stuff, I asked La Netta, "What did I hear that sounded like the WH-word?"

"James!", said La Netta. "I already told you you did not hear the WH-word?"

"Was it the sound of the scanner scanning?"

"James, I've told you already. I was listening and nobody said that word."

"What did they say then?"

"I listened out, I didn't hear any words, so I just dropped it."

"Are you 100% sure no one said a WH-word?"

"Yes. Now are you ready to let it go and move on?"

"No, I'm not."

"You're not ready to move on?"

"I'm not."

A little while later, I asked La Netta, "You heard the scanner, right?"

"Yes, I did."

"Is that what went whoop?"

"Yes, it does sound like that."

"Mystery solved!"

Then we visited the earmers' market, where the peppers were found. All we needed now was the cheese, which Carl and La Netta agreed to get at Grocery Outlet on Thursday morning.

While I was there, I saw a little boy with a character on the top right of his T-shirt. I then saw the back, and at first I was relieved it wasn't Dipser-man. But then I looked at it more closely and noticed it resembled Popexe. I read the letters below the picture and they spelled out POPEXE. I cringed in horror at the one eye open and the other exe closed.

"What's the matter?", asked La Netta. "Is it what that woman in Lucky's said?"

"Yes", I replied.

Next was Jamba Juice. I told La Netta I couldn't drink a Jamba Juice, but she got herself one. She told me a restroom was open.

I went to the restroom and began purging. La Netta soon knocked and told me I could finish at the office.

In the office I purged off all the eyes and /ai/ sounds, then went to Popexe's eyes. Purging off "mxss" came quickly afterwards.

Finally, we hit Taco Bell. Carl had wanted to eat inside there, so eating inside Taco Bell was placed on the schedule.

I ordered a soft-shell taco, a Crunch Wrap Supreme and a chicken chalupa, and was told I was order #136. My order was soon called.

When everyone had his or her food, we sat down to eat. My Crunch Wrap Supreme was crunchier than usual today, for some reason. I asked La Netta about a few words.

I finished the soet-shell taco and was soon eating my chalupa. While I was down to about one bite left, I heard a man say "C-tibank".

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

As I got up, La Netta said, "Someone's in the restroom."

The fellow in the restroom soon walked out. I went in and spat out my chalupa. Then I tried to get peanut-butter taste instead of chalupa taste to come up.

Just after I flushed, someone knocked and I walked out.

I looked at La Netta's office phone. It said 1:19 -- a safe time. I was relieved.

I finished my chalupa.

"Why don't you like that bank?", La Netta asked.

"I've told you twice before", I told La Netta.

"Well, can you tell me again?"

"You'll just forget again."

"Maybe this time I'll remember. Is it because they S things around in there?"

"You mean the SH-word?" Shxp, of course.

"M-hm", said La Netta.

"No, that's not it. To make a long story short, it's because 'city', C-I-T-Y, used to be a purge word."

"Oh yeah, now I remember you telling me that."

La Netta walked into the women's room. Carl said he'd listen out for words for me.

"No words", Carl said at the end of it. We were soon in the van, on our drive to Walgreen's.

Carl checked out battery prices at Walgreen's while the rest of us stayed inside the van. I told him Big Lots had an even better deal.

We were soon at Carl and Ken's house, and we said our good-byes. Finally, La Netta dropped me home, and she and I said our own good-byes.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

T.G.I.F.

Our CIWP group spent the beginning of Friday waiting in front of the Richmond Mental Health Clinic for Carl. We then hit Hilltop Plaza.

We were soon in Party City.

"Did I hear the I-word?", I asked La Netta.

"I didn't hear it", La Netta said.

"What did they say?"

"They said, 'Hey'."

"I know they said 'Hey', but what else did they say?"

"I already told you."

"La Netta, I heard a sentence of about six or eight words. Did they say, 'I see'?"

No response.

"La Netta", I asked, "Did they say, 'I see'?"

No response.

"La Netta", I repeated, "Did they say, 'I see'?"

"I'm not going to answer, because I already told you no", said La Netta.

"But you said all they said was 'Hey', and I clearly heard more than that, so how do I know they didn't say the I-word without you hearing it?"

"I heard everything they said. They didn't say the I-word."

After Party City, we went into the dollar store.

I asked La Netta if Ken had said the A, O the P words (axx oxxx the pxxxx), and she said yes. I shrieked, "Ewwwww!"

Shortly thereafter, we found ourselves in a fabric aisle. The commercial advertising "delicious produce" came on. I plugged my ears and hummed. The last time it had come on I was so busy plugging my ears that I saw some Winnxe the Pooh stuff.

But this time, I thought I saw something through the finges of my left hand, which couldn't cover my eyes too well. I looked through the finges to see what I had seen. I saw a light orangish-brown and red. Was it --?

Oh, no! It was Winnxe the Pooh socks!

"Ewwwwwwwwwwww!", I shrieked.

"What?", asked La Netta.

I pointed to it. "Did you warn me?", I asked.

"I didn't warn you because I didn't see it."

They had no Copitos, so we left with La Netta buying a lot and me not buying anything.

Then came Kennedy Grove. I climbed to a restroom, careful not to see the "all"s, "over"s and "place"s in signs. I had my head to the ground as I ambled towards the restroom.

Once I got in there, I heard a schizophrenic male client (was it Rodney?) speaking. He may have said "Whxxpsie".

No one there was there to hear for me. I slammed my forehead and went, "D'OH!"

Soon I embarked on "axx oxxx the pxxxx". I started with the "adolall"s for words like "fall", "follow" and "dollar". Then a few "adolover"s and "pladolace"s.

Then I did an "adolall adolover the pladolace".

Next, came the "whxxpsie". I tasted whipped cream as I chanted, "Whadoloopsie, whadoloopsie, whadolewpsie, whadoloopsie, adoloopsie, adolewpsie".

After I finished with a long ritual, it came time for the Winnxe the Pooh sock. I had seen not only a Winnxe the Pooh on the sock, but also a tag with Winnxe the Pooh and Tigger on it attached. I spent the rest of my time in the restroom purging off two Winnxe the Poohs and a Tigger.

La Netta was soon ready to take me home. I asked her when she got to my house if she was well enough for a hug.

"My nose is stuffed up", La Netta said.

"Is that all?", I asked.

"Yes."

"Then let's hug our end-of-the-week hog."

"Oh, James", La Netta said as she hugged me.

Then came a hug for my last shower. I walked into my house, glad it was Friday.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

An ice xxxxx and a whxxps

I was lying in bed Tuesday when I heard Jason talking. I thought he was talking to Claudette. "Ice xxxxx for girls", it sounded like he said.

"Claudette!", I called.

No response.

"Claudette!", I called again.

She still didn't come in.

"CLAUDETTE!", I shouted.

Shortly after, Claudette came in. "Did you want me?", she asked.

"Yes", I replied. "Did Jason say the I-word?"

"I don't know, because I didn't hear him."

"But wasn't he talking to you?"

"No. He was talking with Pia. I don't know what he said when he was with her."

"That was Pia? Not you."

"Yes."

Shortly after, I thought I heard a "whxxps".

I had to ask. I got up out of bed and put on my shades.

"Claudette," I said, "Did anyone say the WH-word?"

"No one was talking", she said. "Unless you heard Levette. Levette's outside."

I walked to the door. Levette was on his cellphone.

"Levette?", I said. "Levette? Levette!"

Levette kept talking.

"Levette?", I said. "Could you carry your conversation somewhere else? I can hear you from my room."

"Levette?!"

"Hold on", Levette said to his interlocutor. "Yes?"

"Could you carry your conversation somewhere else? I can hear you from my room."

"Go back to your room, James." Just then, Levette went back to his phone call. "Thinks he can tell me what to do. 'Can you carry your conversation somewhere else?'"

Angry, I walked into Claudette's office.

"Claudette?", I said. "I asked Levette if he could carry his conversation somewhere else, because I can hear him from my room. And he just told me to go back to my room. And then, do you know what he said to his phone interlocutor?"

"No", Claudette replied.

"He said, 'Thinks he can tell me what to do. 'Can you carry your conversation somewhere else?''"

"I'll have to talk to him", said Claudette.

That day, Levette was just rude.

Liquid Zoloft?

On Tuesday morning Stan Man drove me to my appointment with Dr. Luburic. He called in, saying he'd be 15 minutes late.

Shortly after we arrived, Dr. Luburic came out. He invited me in, and Stan and I sat down.

He asked me how things had been going, and I told them they'd been going badly.

"What's been going on?", Dr. Luburic asked.

I told him about having my alarm clock stolen by Jason. I told him about the prank phone call in which somebody claiming to be my grandmother asked if I ate all her ice xxxxx.

"And you're still picking at your teeth", said Dr. Luburic. "I take it the tooth thing is still going on?"

"Yes", I replied.

"Have you gotten it filled?"

"No."

"James", said Stan. "I have a question."

"Yes?"

"Do your teeth hurt?"

"No, they don't."

"How often are you asking for the one milligram?", asked Dr. Luburic.

"I'd say it averages out to once a week. One week I asked for it a whole lot, the other weeks I haven't been asking. But on average, once a week."

"As I've told you last time", said Stan, "James has matured since I met him. He's made some permanent improvements."

"That's good to hear", said Dr. Luburic. "Have you been using the Benadryl at all?"

"I haven't", I replied. "The Prozac is still on the table."

"The other day, doc", began Stan, "James was asking me a lot of questions and I told him he did a lot better when he was on the, uh, Prozac. But then he brought up why he quit, so I just sort of let it go. He had some issues with it, he said it mxssed up his libido . . ."

"There's this other medication he can take", said Dr. Luburic. "It's called Zoloft, and it's available in liquid form."

"Oh, James needs it to be in dissoluble tablet form", said Stan. "He had an issue with that."

"The thing about liquid Zoloft is you can mix it with orange juice, lemon soda, orange soda . . ."

"Oh, James drinks juice, so that could work well for him", said Stan.

"Can you mix it with Tampico?", I asked.

"What's that?", asked Dr. Luburic.

"It's sort of like orange juice", explained Stan, "And it comes in a gallon plastic bottle . . . it's basically sugar."

"That'd work just fine. Well, are you willing to try it?"

"It's hard to decide after just one day", I said.

"I understand", said Dr. Luburic. "It's like I suddenly brought Zoloft up before you. Well, you can talk it over with Stan, and research Zoloft on the Internet. As for the libido, it can have an effect on your libido, but that's not as much of an issue as it is with Prozac."

We said our good-byes. Stan asked if I could wait in the waiting room while Bernard had his turn.

"I'm going to be unprotected from words!", I said.

"Do you want me to take you to the restroom?", he asked.

"Sure, Stan."

Stan took me over.

"Thanks, Stan Man", I said.

After a short time in the restroom, I heard Stan's voice. "We're ready", he said.

We walked to the van, then Stan Man drove me to CIWP.

"Hi, James", I heard La Netta saying.

I waved at La Netta.

I went and sat down in the couch room.

La Netta asked me if I wanted to drive the van around with her for washing. I took my red bag and entered the van with La Netta. Drive around she did.

"Want to take your red bag with you?", asked La Netta.

"You don't trust them not to steal it?", I asked.

"Someone may see it."

"What about my sleep mask; can we trust them with that?"

"I'd take it along too, just to be on the safe side."

I brought my headphones and sleep mask back into the office and was soon in the couch room.

As I lay on the couch, Gerardo came in to get something off the shelves. He bumped into me. "Whxxps, sorry!", he said.

"D'OH!", I said, slamming my forehead. "D'OH! D'OH! D'OH! D'OH! D'OH! D'OH!"

La Netta came in. "James", she said, "Why are you punching yourself?"

"Gerardo bumped into me and said, 'WH-word, sorry'," I replied.

"Oh."

In the adiacent room, Gerardo came in and told La Netta I had scared him.

"He scared you?", said La Netta. "I'll talk to James about that."

I purged off "whxxps" in the restroom.

Even though we had Smart & Final today, our van was being washed instead. I worried whether we were going to get to go, but La Netta said we would make a way.

We finally left the office. "So Gerardo said I scared him?", I asked.

"He did", said La Netta. "You heard that?"

"Yes."

Soon after we stopped at Smart & Final, I saw a wxnking sun. I put my right foot up to the cardboard box and split its closed exe in half with my shoe.

"James!", said La Netta. "James!"

I came over.

"What were you doing?", she asked. "I don't think they'd like you kicking their boxes."

"Did you see the sun?", I asked.

"Oh, what it's doing with its eyes?"

"Yes."

"Oh, I've never seen you do that."

"Oh, I've done that in other stores that have the boxes with the suns on them. Like at Grocery Outlet."

We soon arrived at the processed meat section. I looked at the Aidell's sausages.

"Do you see that those are more than $8?", La Netta asked me.

"$8?", I asked. "I thought they were $3."

"I don't know how much money you have. The ones below you are $7."

"I'll skip them then."

La Netta then took me over to the Tampicos, where I bought one yellow Tampico bottle and one Berkeley Farms orange drink at one gallon, priced at $1.39.

While we approached the check-out, La Netta found some lemon meringue pies, non-frozen. I got one.

While we stood in the check-out, the person ahead of me was ringing up her items. The cashier said, "And for the ice xxxxx . . . ."

"Blechhh!", I said.

Next came Fallas Paredes. This time they had 98.1 KISS-FM, an old-school station, instead of rap.

"Is this a good station for you?", La Netta asked.

"Yes", I replied.

We avoided the pajamdras and La Netta told me where not to go. But at the very end, I saw a stuffed Winnxe the Pooh to my left, having fallen off a shelf.

"Ewwwwwwwww!", I said.

"What?", asked La Netta.

I pointed to it.

"Oh", she said.

Then it came time for drops. La Netta said she might stop by a McDonald's on our way home, but we didn't even visit Mickey D's.

At home, I purged off all the /ai/s I had heard, then did the wxnking sun. My rectum and pelvis were banged up against. I felt mutilated when I was done.

But that was not all. I then had to rubble-clear all the "ice"s and "cream"s, and then purge off the word "ice xxxxx". Then, finally, I purged off Winnxe the Pooh. I fell exhausted into bed.

Aziz says the K & E words

On Monday, we started out by spending some time at the office.

Then we walked into the dollar store in Berkeley. I waited with La Netta while Aziz took the others in. La Netta was saying, "Adam, come on Adam, come in with us" and asking, "Do you want some cookies?"

When we walked in, I overheard an older man talking with his friends. He said, "There goes a boy riding a bxke". I growled.

Then a commercial advertising "delicious produce" came on. I plugged my ears and hummed so I wouldn't hear the word "txsty". I heard La Netta speaking while I hummed.

I walked forward, then saw pencils before me. What were they? Oh, no, they were Winnxe the Pooh pencils! That shele had a lot of Winnxe the Pooh stuff.

"La Netta, did you warn me about the Winnxe the Pooh stuff?", I asked.

"No, because I didn't see it", she replied. "I was going fast keeping up with Adam."

"I heard you talking to me while I had my ears plugged."

"Oh, I was telling you about something else you didn't want to see."

I purchased my Zacky bologna, La Netta and Aziz purchased their stuff, and we were out the door.

"I didn't know you liked Zacky bologna", La Netta said.

"I'll eat Zacky, but Butterball's my favorite", I explained.

"Oh."

Then came Miller's Knots. "Getting out, James?", asked La Netta as Aziz stayed in.

"I'm going to the restroom", I replied.

I took off my sleep mask, put my sunglasses back on and unbuckled my seatbelt. I was soon in the wooden sliding-door restroom with my pants unbuttoned.

It took a long time to pick my navel for "bxke" and make it feel right. But the really long time came from all those Winnxe the Pooh characters.

I finally walked out, and La Netta asked me if I was going to take my pills.

"I'll take them in the van", I replied.

"Why don't you take them out here, so you can throw the packages away?", she asked.

"I'll take them in the restroom."

I walked back to the restroom and took my pills, then threw a white package into the garbage can.

"Eammit!", I exclaimed as it fell onto the ground instead.

I walked back to the van. As I talked to the others there, saliva came out of my mouth. I moved my headphones and got out a napkin to wipe it.

Just then, the rest of the group came in. "Lance, you're sitting on my headphones!", I said.

"Why are your headphones there?", asked La Netta.

"I moved them so I could get a napkin out of my bag."

"Why don't you go out to spit instead of spitting in your napkin?"

"I'm not getting out my napkin to spit. I'm getting out my napkin to wipe the saliva from my, um . . . beard."

"Oh. Well, why don't you spit now, since you still have some saliva in your mouth?"

"All right. Aziz, could you turn the radio to Star 101.3 while I'm going outside?"

"Sure, James", said Aziz.

I left to spit and Aziz turned the station to Star 101.3. I climbed back into the van.

As "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz played, the conversation turned to how sneaky Adam was.

"Got to keep an exe on him", said Aziz.

"Did Aziz say the K & E words?", I asked.

"Yes, he did", said La Netta.

"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

"We still have time for you to go to the restroom."

I was soon in the restroom, purging off the K & E words. Some saliva came out while I was purging. I stayed in there for minutes, but the slimy exeball finally came out of me.

Soon I was back into the van. As we drove home, I asked La Netta if she was well again.

She said she wasn't, but asked me if I was well.

"I don't have the sore throat anymore", I replied.

We said our good-byes, and I walked inside to have bologna for lunch.

Prank call!

Last week-end Claudette came into my room and said, "Telephone".

I looked eor the telephone on my dresser, but Claudette said it was in the kitchen.

I made it into the kitchen and picked up the portable phone. "Hello?", I said.

Someone hung up.

"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again", I mocked the operator in front of Claudette.

"She hung up?", asked Claudette.

"Yes, I replied. Do you know who it was?"

"I think it was your mom. I've heard your mom's voice before."

I dialed my parents' phone number, but all I got was an answering machine message.

"They're not home", I told Claudette.

Then the phone rang again. "It's for you", Claudette said.

"Hello?", I said.

"Hello, James darling", a voice said.

"Is this Pia?", I asked.

"This is your grandmother, James darling."

"My grandmother?"

"Yes. I came to ask you, did you eat all my ice xxxxx?"

"Blechhh!", I said, and hung up.

"Claudette!", I shouted, running into the kitchen. "It was someone claiming to be my grandmother, asking, 'Did you eat all my I-word?'"

"Oh, no!", said Claudette.

After I finished purging, I called Claudette into my room.

"Claudette," I said, "My grandmother passed away in 2007."

"She did?", asked Claudette.

"Yes. She was 95."

"Well, my grandmother passed away in 2006, at 92."

"Yet this person claimed to be my grandmother."

"What did she ask you again."

"She called me 'James darling' and asked, 'Did you eat all my I-word?'"

"How awful. Who do you think would do such a thing like that?"

"Emanuel?"

"No, Emanuel's too crazy. He wouldn't know your phone number."

"That's true."

"It's been a crazy week-end!"

"My alarm clock got stolen by Jason."

"Yep."

"And then Bernard had his stuff stolen."

"Right."

"And then there were the ants in my room."

"And you spilled your juice."

"That too."

"Well, I'll be in the kitchen, I've got to help Rodney."

"OK, see ya, Claudette."

"See ya, James."

I now have a mystery on my hands. Who whom I know could make a phone call to my house posing as my grandmother just to say the I-word? Renée Robinson, perhaps? No one else even comes to mind. I did think Emanuel was likely, but Claudette ruled that one out. It may have been a man impersonating a woman's voice. If he or she calls again, Claudette has promised she'll ask who it is before handing me the telephone.