Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I hate Wanda!

On Tuesday, Wanda picked up us instead of La Netta.

I asked Wanda if Carl and I could listen to Star 101.3 a few times. Wanda finally told me she didn't know what frequency that station was. Being Captain Obvious, I told her that Star 101.3 was 101.3.

Now that the radio was on Star 101.3 instead of KBLX, I thought I could relax. But instead Wanda was making a cellphone call to Donna.

Wanda hung up and called another friend, whom she told that Donna had just been in an accident while on the phone with Wanda. She said that Lita would be there. They were on the way to Ganesh's house, and Carl blamed Ganesh's "touchy-feeliness" for the accident.

While Donna was making a cellphone call about the accident, I thought I may have heard her interlocutor say "mxss", and then "traffic".

When she was done, I asked, "Wanda?"

"Yes?", said Wanda.

"You know what the M-word is, right?"

"Know, I don't James."

"It rhymes with 'dress'."

"Oh."

"Did your interlocutor say the M-word?"

"I don't know WHAT they said."

"But you were on your cellphone with her. You HAD to know!"

"James, I heard, and it didn't sound like she said the M-word", said Carl.

Wanda made another cellphone call.

When she was done, I asked her if she knew what "interlocutor" meant.

"No, I don't, James", said Wanda.

"It means the person with whom you are holding a conversation", I said.

"Nobody knows what it means", said Carl. "Only you."

"OK, please don't talk to me about it anymore", said Wanda.

"I just wanted to find out for sure if they said the M-word. And whether they were talking about traffic."

"If Carl says he didn't hear it, they didn't say it!"

"I was listening, they didn't say it", said Carl.

"Were they talking about traffic?", I asked.

"No. They were talking about a car accident."

"Thank God!"

Because of the rain, we didn't go into any stores. Instead we just drove around and parked until 11:00, when I took my pill.

After 11:00, Wanda met up with another coach and shared baby pictures.

They were oohing and aahing over the babies. Did I hear one of them say "cutxe"?

Then they talked about how the babies were "so cute". They chatted about a minute more, then said their good-byes.

"Did they say the C-word?", I asked Carl.

"No, they didn't", said Carl. "Wait -- they may have. Since they were talking about babies."

"Wanda, was that Donna?", I asked.

"That was Ramona", said Wanda.

"Did you or Ramona say the C-word?"

"No, we didn't James."

"Wait, you know what the C-word is, right?"

"No, I don't."

"Rhymes with 'beauty'."

"Oh."

"Did they say it?"

"I don't know WHAT they said."

"It's the word 'cute', with an IE at the end. You did hear them say their babies were cute, right?"

"I don't know. I wasn't listening."

"You had to be listening, if you were holding a conversation with them!"

"I wasn't listening."

"You're not making any sense!"

"Well, it makes sense to me, James! I don't know what words they said."

"Wait, you understand what the C-word is, right?"

"No, I don't."

"It's 'cute' with an IE at the end. Rhymes with 'beauty'."

"I don't know what they said, so stop asking."

"I hate you, Wanda!", I said. "I HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE you, Wanda!"

"Fine. That's what you feel."

How in the world could Wanda communicate with her interlocutor if she wasn't listening to what she was saying? What Wanda said was garbage, and everyone in the van knew it.

"Wanda," I said, "You have to have been listening, or else you couldn't carry on a conversation with them."

"I'm really not", she said. "I'm not paying attention."

"James", said Carl, "Wanda doesn't listen to anyone but herself."

When we parked in front of a fast-food restaurant, I asked Carl to tell Wanda what the C-word was when I got out and ask her if she or Ramona had said it.

"I can't do it, James", said Carl. "Wanda only listens to herself. Wanda doesn't listen."

I begged him a few more times, then Wanda said we were leaving. I got out and spat, then we drove off.

Wanda made a cellphone call and repeated that I had said, "I hate you, Wanda!" I knew she WAS listening, because she obviously heard me there.

"He said, 'I know you're listening to what other people say', but I'm not", Wanda said in her call. "I'm not paying attention."

A little later, Wanda said, "I scxxted in front of the van" to her phone interlocutor.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRR!", I growled.

"What? I can't say 'scxxt'?"

"Yes", I said.

"Wanda's like Ken", Carl said. "She only listens to herself."

Wanda dropped off Carl and Ken, then dropped me off a little later. When I got home, I purged off "scxxted in front of", and then "cutxe".

I have asked Lita repeatedly not to put me with Wanda. But when La Netta calls off, guess whom I find myself with. I have had to show Wanda my eyes to get her to play something other than KBLX. She has uttered utter nonsense like, "If I didn't hear it, you didn't hear it!" And now she makes a transparent claim of not listening to her own conversations. I really do hate Wanda, and I don't know why someone like me is so mismatched with a coach on the days when I don't have my regular coach.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Carl the leader

We were going to Lucky's, as scheduled, today so that I could get my juices. La Netta told me she'd push a cart this time so I didn't have to carry two cold bottles.

While we were walking through, Carl walked ahead of the group. La Netta had to call out for him.

We got to the frozen juice section and I put my two Tampicos in the cart La Netta was pushing.

Carl said he'd be over there. Then he walked in front of us again. La Netta couldn't fine him.

We got to the check-out. I thought I may have heard someone say "Scxxt out".

"Did that person to our right say the SC-word?", I asked La Netta.

"I don't know, because I wasn't listening", said La Netta.

Great. Now I would have to purge.

Carl was well in front of the group when we walked outside. La Netta called out to him and started to chastise him.

"I told you where I'd be", said Carl.

"No, you didn't", said La Netta.

"Yes, he did", I said. "I heard him."

"See?", said Carl. "He gets it."

"How could you could hear Carl but you couldn't hear the people in the store?", asked La Netta.

"Well", I said, "I could hear some words but I couldn't make out others. And it sounded as if someone was saying, 'SC-word out'."

"Well, if you were able to hear Carl, it's a good chance you did hear what you thought you heard."

We then got to the ground below the BART station. Carl walked fearfully away from the tracks when the BART train came, lest it fall on him.

Someone said "Good morning" to La Netta, and La Netta said good morning back.

"Who was that?", I asked La Netta.

"It was just a walker", La Netta said.

"Like in Star Wars", said Carl. "Do you get it?"

"Sure, like Luke Skywalker", I said.

"No, like those pods that have legs coming out."

"Or a walker like Jolene's walker", I said.

"Huh. Yeah. But you know who the real walker is?"

"Who?"

"Chuck Norris."

"Walker: Texas Ranger?"

"Exactly."

We took a walk down a block, where I dodged the trees and bushes, and then picked up our van from the auto shop. While we were walking, La Netta saw my face and asked if I was all right. I told her I was trying to avoid the plants.

We packed my Tampicos, the lasagna I had gotten at Trader Joe's and everything La Netta bought at Lucky's into the trunk of the van. Then La Netta drove us to the office.

On our drive I thought "scxxt" and "scxxt out" several times to myself. I also thought such other combinations as "scxxt over", "scxxt by", "scxxting on out of here" and "scxxtin' around".

She used the restroom. Carl went in. Then I went in and purged. I did all the combinations of "scxxt" I had thought. It took forever for the "scadolooting on out" to feel done. There always felt as if there was one more I needed to do.

Finally I did a carroty "scadoloot out" eown there and a carroty "scadoloot out" up here and I was done. I washed my hands and found La Netta in the main office.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Ken says both his words

On Friday, La Netta stopped at the gas station to fill up our van. While we were waiting in our van for her, Carl asked Ken for a bag of food. Ken passed the plastic bag to Carl, and said, "Whxxps!"

"D'OH!", I said, slamming my forehead. Outside, I saw La Netta looking at me.

"Ooh, I shouldn't have said that", said Ken.

Carl noticed his cookie bag was ripped at the bottom. "So that's why he said it!", said Carl.

La Netta finally came back into the van.

"You heard it, didn't you?", I asked.

"I heard you hitting yourself", said La Netta.

"Ken said the WH-word because his bag ripped as he was passing it to me", said Carl.

"Oh", said La Netta.

Our next stop was Refugio Park. "Here we are, James; get out and spit", said Carl.

I got out and spat.

"I was wondering how you have so much saliva", said La Netta.

Ken needed to go to the bathroom, so La Netta took us all over.

I walked in and purged off Ken's "whxxps". I then washed my hands. When I came out, I walked around until I saw La Netta. We hung around the park a bit more before we left to go to Big Lots.

I told La Netta I wasn't buying anything in Big Lots. She asked why, and I explained I needed to save my money.

"What are you saving it for?", asked La Netta.

"I'm approaching the end of the month", I replied.

"Here, you might like these cookies", La Netta said.

I looked at the cookies. All three had faces drawn onto them in frosting. One had its eyes closed upside-down, and the third was wxnking, with its closed exe being closed upside-down.

"I wouldn't like these", I replied.

"Why?", asked La Netta. She saw me drawing lines through each closed exe with the nail of my left pinky. "Oh, because they have faces on them?"

"Yes."

We turned a corner. I saw red and blue. Were those Dipser-mans?

"You don't want to look down there", said La Netta.

I checked those more closely and those were three Dipser-mans. "Ewwwwww!", I said. "Too late, La Netta!"

"Oh, god", La Netta said.

After we left, Carl and got his lunch at Jack-in-the-box. As we were parked in front of the restaurant, Ken said "axx oxxx the pxxxx".

"Ewwwwwww!", I said.

La Netta turned the radio on.

"La Netta", I said, "Can we keep the radio off until I get somewhere where I can purge the A, O the P words off?"

"What did you say?", she asked.

"La Netta, can we keep the radio off until I get somewhere where I can purge the A, O the P words off?"

"That'll be pretty far", La Netta said.

"If you keep the radio on, I'll be purging much longer."

"Your peers have decided that this is what they want to listen to."

"So my peers would be OK if I spent a long time in the restroom? Carl, would you be OK if I held you up?"

Carl didn't answer.

"Why don't you get on your headphones?", asked La Netta.

"Then I'll hear the words on my headphones", I said.

"Your headphones have words on them?", asked La Netta. There was a look of surprise on her face.

"Well, after I hear the A, O the P words, then every time someone says 'all' or 'over' or 'place' I have to purge those words off too."

A song that kept using the word "fall" played on the radio. The clients and coach also said "dollar" a lot.

Finally, we reached Kennedy Grove. I climbed out of the van with the rest of the group and took the path to my left. I then went into the one-person restroom.

After I walked in, I saw a dipser on the ground. "Ewwww!", I shrieked. I grabbed some toilet paper and squashed it.

I then flushed it down the john.

I rubble-cleared all the /ai/ sounds I had heard, with my eyes closed, and then did the eyes on the cookie faces. I got into my rectum doing the wxnk.

I began purging the dipser off with my eyes closed. "Adolye, adolye, adolye, adolye, adolye, adolye, adolye, adolye."

I then did the legs. Next came the "spadolider, taradolantula" ritual.

When I finoshed with that, I did the "axx oxxx the pxxxx". There were so many "all"s that it took a while before I could get to the phrase itself.

"Scxxt forward", I heard someone say.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!", I growled.

I purged off "scxxt forward": "Scadoloot forward, scadoloot forward". I thought some "scxxt by"s, "scxxt back"s and "scxxt up"s to myself int he process, and had to think these backwards and purge them all off too before I finished.

I came out to ask La Netta if I had heard the word "whxxps".

"No WH-word", said La Netta.

"So I didn't hear anything besides the SC-word?", I asked.

"You didn't even hear that."

"Yes, I did. Someone said, "SC-word forward".

"No, they didn't."

"What did they say that sounded like it?"

"They said, 'Scott, move forward'."

"Scott?"

"Yes."

I went back in and got to all three Dipser-mans. I came out, having finished.

"You were in there for a long time", La Netta said.

"I know", I said.

"What took you so long?"

"Well, first I had to purge off the A, O the P words. I warned you that it was going to take a long time if we kept the radio on, but you insisted on letting my peers listen to what they wanted to. And the songs had 'all' and 'over' and 'place' in them."

"I was listening to the songs, and I did not hear those words!"

"Well, one of them said 'fall' a lot. Anything with the word 'all' in it counts: also, always, ball, call, fall, follow, dollar, small . . ."

"Oh. Well, what I don't understand is why you couldn't just get on your headphones. You know where all the words are on your CD."

"Well, the words 'all' and 'over' and 'place' come up a lot. I can't remember where every occurrence of those words is in the songs."

"I see."

We dropped Ken and Carl off at their house. La Netta turned on the radio, but it was on a commercial. "Let's talk", I said.

La Netta turned the radio off.

"LOOOOOOOOOOOK!", I said. "My favorite taco!"

"Really?", asked La Netta.

"That was Joshawn!", I said.

"You want Shawn back?"

"I said, 'LOOOOOOOOOK! My favorite taco!' It was Joshawn."

"Oh, it was Jo AND Shawn. I could use them back in the group."

"Joshawn. A hybrid of Jolene and Shawn."

"Oi. I miss them. Especially Jolene."

La Netta reminisced over the times Jolene would give the former a hard time when changing diapers, and shout, "Not gettin' it!" She also recounted the time we went into a mall and La Netta told Ernestine to split the group so that Ernestine had Jolene and La Netta had everyone else. As La Netta was getting her juices with me, she heard Jolene yelling and saying, "I want to go with her!"

After a long session of laughing, I came home and said good-bye to La Netta and another week at CIWP.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

All for nothing

It was midnight, and I was waiting for Stan to bring me my money. I thought I'd call him and ask whether he was going to be there in the morning.

I walked out of my room to get the portable phone, but as I was walking I heard the television in Jason's room blaring loudly. I thought I heard the word "mxss", and wanted to check to make sure it wasn't traffic.

When I went in, I thought I'd turn it off. But the room was dark, and I couldn't find the power button.

As I reached for Jason's light switch, I heard the television say "Twxnkxe venues like [name here] and [name here]".

"ECHHHHHHHHH!", I shouted.

I heard what sounded like "Twxnkxes" again. Just then, I heard a staff yelling at me to close the door.

I left his room without turning the television off. Now I would have to do a lot of purging.

I unbuttoned my pants in the restroom. "Twadolinkadolie, adolye, adolee . . . wadolink", I chanted. As I purged, I kept on gagging.

Huge wads of spit dangled from my mouth. My mouth filled up, then I started touhing the saliva, getting it to go down into the toilet. I washed my hands, and resumed purging.

I was in there for 30 minutes. After I finished purging, I grabbed the portable phone, and called Stan with the bathroom fan on.

"Hello?", Stan asked.

"Stan?", I said. "Are you going to be here in the morning to get me my money?"

"I forgot to give you your money?"

"You did."

"So I had you sign, but didn't give you the twenty?"

"Actually, let me check."

I took my sandwich bag out of my right pocket. In there I saw a $20 bill.

"There's a $20 bill in there!", I said. "I had forgotten all about it!"

"That's good", said Stan. "Good night."

"Good-bye."

"Good-bye."

"Good night." I hung up.

I had had my money all along. So all that venturing out of my room at night and hearing the TW-word on Jason's television was for nothing!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

A magic television?

When I got to program Tuesday morning, La Netta asked me how I was doing.

I told her that I hadn't been able to sleep all night. I had been low on juices, so I got out to make a Torani drink with water at 10:00 p.m. I heard Bernard's television, and had thought I heard the P&A words when I went to ask Bernard. I called Bernard's name a few times before Levette told me Bernard was asleep.

"His television is still on!", I said.

"What did you say?", asked Levette.

"His television is still on!"

"What was that?"

"His television is still on!"

Since no one could tell me whether I had heard the P&A words, I spent all night purging.

"How awful", said La Netta.

As we drove to Miller's Knots, I started breaking wind and La Netta told me to put my legs down. I put my legs down.

A little while later, I was still breaking wind, and La Netta asked me, "Are your legs down?"

"They are", I said.

"I can smell it", said La Netta.

"Well, my legs are down."

"You might want to try and use it at the park."

I went to the park and broke a lot of wind. But I could not defecate, as the toilet paper rolls were not cylindrical and La Netta had no toilet paper of her own.

I stood outside at the park and La Netta talked about a news story she had seen about the increase in autism cases among children. She asked why so many people say "He's autistic" to signify that a person is smart, and I explained to her about autistic savants and Asperger's.

"Do you think Ganesh has Asperger's, because he's really into forms of transportation, especially, uh--?", La Netta asked.

"Airplanes?", I filled her in.

"Yes, airplanes."

"He's too low-functioning to be Asperger's. I think Ganesh is schizophrenic."

"Why do you think he's schizophrenic?"

"Well, I was in the middle of the office with him once, and he pointed, and said, 'A tree', even though their were no trees in sight."

"Whoa, really?"

"Yeah."

"It's easy to pick out the schizophrenic clients."

"Yeah. They hear or see things that aren't there."

We went on to talking about Tourette's before I felt the diarrhea inside me. "I feel as if I'm going to burst!", I said.

"OK," said La Netta, "Then I guess we better get to the office."

As I hopped inside my van I put my headphones on. Carl was talking, so I waited my turn to tell La Netta I was getting my headphones on as the radio played.

Carl said "axx oxxx the pxxxx" as he was speaking.

"Carl, did you say the A, O the P words?", I asked.

"Get your headphones on", said Carl.

"Did you, though?"

"Just get your headphones on."

"Did he, La Netta?"

"Yes", La Netta replied.

"Ewwwwww!"

La Netta turned the radio off.

We were soon at the office. I went into the restroom, unbuttoned my pants and got onto the toilet seat. The diarrhea all came out of me.

I cleaned myself with toilet paper for about three minutes, and then purged off "axx oxxx the pxxxx".

I washed my hands, and came out.

"Oh, good, you're out", said La Netta.

La Netta told me to close her eyes when she stopped. I asked her if she was at a bank, and she said yes. I knew it must have been C-tibank.

While I was inside, I heard what sounded like "Whxxps" from a song on a passing car radio.

When La Netta got back, I asked her if she had heard a car radio and she said no.

We then visited Target. I carried my own basket and put my two Hawaiian punches (the apple juices were too expensive at over $4 a bottle now) into my basket.

Carl said, "like Petex from Little Rascals".

"Rrrrrrrrrrrr", I growled.

"What happened?", asked Carl.

"You said the P-name", I said.

"Sorry, I didn't know", Carl apologized.

Then we all bought our goodies, and I followed La Netta outside. She told me I could go into the van and she'd listen out for words, but I wanted to stay with her.

The woman she was talking with said "little bxtty ones". I growled.

"You wanted to come with me", La Netta told me.

Our next stop was Burger King. I went to the restroom, where I purged off "Petex" and "bxtty", then "whxxps".

I hung around with the group at the table once I had come out of the restroom, and I sat sadly while they ate.

After lunch, we were too early to leave, so La Netta took us to 7-11 to get shaved ice. As much as I love shaved ice, I turned the offer down.

I kept asking La Netta whether I was hearing the T-word, and she said no. I heard it again and again.

I asked La Netta if they said the S-word (sxftxe). She said no.

Then, shortly before we left, I heard "txsty" and said, "Blechhh!"

"What was the 'Blechhh' for?", asked La Netta.

"I know I heard the T-word this time."

"On the radio?"

"Must be."

"You like this song." The radio was playing "I'm Like a Bird" by Nelly Furtado.

"Is there a television in here?", I asked.

"Yes", said La Netta. "But they were talking about make-up. And people don't say the T-word when they talk about make-up."

"Really?", I asked.

"Yes."

"James," said Carl, "When I left, they were talking about food."

"No, they were talking about make-up."

"I left after you left."

La Netta went back in to get something. When she came out I asked her if the television was talking about food or make-up, and she said they were still talking about make-up.

"What we have is a magic television", said Carl. "Everyone hears it talking about whatever's on their mind. Ken hears it talking about death and killing people."

We got Carl and Ken home, then when La Netta got me home I purged off "txsty" quickly.

Ice Crxme

Monday was Grocery Outlet. I had requested this the week before, so La Netta took me in along with Carl and Ken.

I found a bag of Reese's eggs at the candy section. They still had stuff left over from Easter! So glad I was as those went into my cart.

I saw some Pop Tarts that were ice-xxxxx-flavored. It said "Ice Crxme Sandwich" on the front of each box, and showed an ice xxxxx sandwich.

"Blechhh!", I said.

La Netta showed me the piroshkis. I picked out one rice and chicken, one spinach and one pizza. I would have to purge off all the "rice"s from the piroshki packages before I got to "ice xxxxx".

La Netta asked if I wanted to look at the juices, but I told her I couldn't look because I'd see the word "juice". I asked her if she saw any Tampicos, and she said no.

I paid for my stuff, then we left. La Netta's friend called her on her cellphone, and La Netta said, "James saw something".

I spent a long time at Miller's Knots purging off all that ice xxxxx and all those I-words. It started with the rubble-clearing (nice, I see, etc.), then I got to tie ice xxxxx sandwiches themselves, then I did all the "ice xxxxx"s (the word), then I did the ice xxxxx sandwiches again for each word "ice xxxxx", then I did the ice xxxxx sandwiches again for each word "ice crxme", then I did the "ice xxxxx"s as they apply to the ice xxxxx sandwiches, then I did the "ice crxme"s as they apply to the ice xxxxx sandwiches.

I finally came out. I talked with La Netta, Carl and Ken, but got eager to sit down. La Netta said it was too hot to get back in the van.

When we reëntered the van, I took both my pills.

Since we still had a lot of time, La Netta drove us to K-mart, where Carl could look at posters.

I followed the others with my eyes cupped. But shortly before I left, I turned a corner and saw what looked like a humanoid outline in blue cobwxb. I looked at the picture and saw a different superhero. But then I looked and saw there were a multiplicity of superheroes in the picture. One of them was Dipser-man! And the blue outline was a second Dipser-man!

"Ewwwwww!", I said.

"What was that 'Ewwwwww' for?", asked La Netta.

After we left, I got into the van and looked at the view outside. I saw a sign reading, "Ice Xxxxx".

"Blechhh!", I said.

"What was that 'Blechhh' for?", asked La Netta.

"You didn't see that?", I asked her.

"I didn't", La Netta said.

When I got home, I purged off "ice xxxxx" immeeiately, then got to all the Dipser-man stuff. Eventually, I could eat my piroshkis and they tasted really tempting after that rough day of purging.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

I break my shades

This morning I decided I was tired of my sunglasses (the pair La Netta picked out for me) falling off, so I put on a blue pair. This pair had the same problem, though: a loose hinge.

La Netta took us to Wal-mart (to return something) and Subway (to buy breakfast) before taking us to the office.

La Netta asked me where in the office I would go, and I told her I would be in the Internet room. Then she said schedules needed to be made.

"Dammit!", I said as my sunglasses fell off my head.

When I looked at the ground, I saw a severed temple arm sitting apart from the rest of the sunglasses. "Oh, no!", I said. "Look!"

"They're broken", said Carl.

"Let me see if I can fix them", said La Netta.

Then La Netta discovered the hinge was shot. She had thought the pin could go through, but it couldn't.

As Carl suggested things, I told them all I'd be in the Internet room until Carl was done.

I watched the music video for "Island in the Sun" by Weezer. I wanted to remember how the melody went so I could tweak it for the melody of an Angst song.

Then Carl came in and wanted to show me something. I followed him out, then discovered he had saved my seat for me. I thanked Carl, and resumed with my Internet work.

On YouTube I saw a vodeo caption that said, "Tig Ol' Bxtties". I growled.

Then Carl told me he was done suggesting things for the schedule. It was my turn to suggest.

When I walked into the conference room, my mouth was eull of saliva. La Netta told me to go to the restroom to spit. When I spat in there, I also purged off "bxtties".

I requested Grocery Outlet, Wal-mart, Barnes & Noble and the International Market. Before long, the schedule was finished.

I slept on the couch in the couch room. Then, when La Netta went to the women's room, I went into the men's room.

We left and got our car washed. While La Netta was washing the car, I discovered there were no pills in my right pocket.

La Netta got a phone call from the office, saying I had left my pills there. We drove back, where I picked them up.

In the van, I took my pills. We then drove over to the dollar store.

"Do I have to go in?", asked Carl.

"If we all go in, we'll spend less time at Pinole Valley Park", said La Netta. She knows how much Carl hates that park.

"Works for me", said Carl.

When we got inside, La Netta showed me the Easter eggs they had left over. I bought twelve, and also told La Netta I wanted bologna.

Then La Netta said, "Are you going to lead the way to get us our lunch meat?"

"The lunch meat's thataway, right?", I said, shuffling my left hand.

"No, it isn't."

"It's that way", said Carl, pointing.

I followed Carl's eirections, but still didn't see any lunch meat.

"Do you want to open your eyes and look?", asked La Netta.

"It's too hard to do it without my sunglasses", I said.

"Then maybe we can come back for it some other day."

Somehow, we finally made it to the lunch meat section, where I picked up a package of bologna. (I settlee for Zacky, as they didn't have Butterball).

As we stood in line, a commercial that advertised cereals and Quaker Oats came on. It said the word "txsty".

"Blechhh!", I said.

"What did I say?", asked Carl.

"You didn't say anything. Didn't you hear that commercial?"

"No."

"They said the T-word."

I began singing "Alouette" with my ears plugged and stamping my feet.

"James", said La Netta.

"Yes?", I asked.

"Do we have to leave now?"

"No."

"OK, then stop singing."

"But that commercial already said one word -- I'm afraid they're going to say another."

I paid for my eggs and bologna and the others paid for their stuff. When the cashier asked me how I was doing, I said, "It's a bad day -- I broke my shades".

Then the "by the bulk" commercial came on. I stood and plugged my ears.

"James?", said La Netta.

I spoke as the words "free shxpping" came on.

Then I followed La Netta out the door.

I explained to La Netta that I needed to stand still so I could plug my ears without losing my sunglasses. "You do know that that commercial has the SH-word in it, right?", I asked.

"No, I didn't", said La Netta.

We then went into Taco Bell, where Carl had insisted we go this week to try the 99-cent Crunch Wrap Supreme deal.

I stood behind Carl, thinking he was in line. Then when La Netta came in she asked, "Are you two going to order?"

"We're waiting in line", I said.

"It's your turn now."

"Really? I thought Carl was waiting in line."

"I'm looking at the menu", said Carl.

I ordered a chicken chalupa, their Crunch Wrap Supreme and a soft-shell taco. My order came out to $5.something. Meanwhile, I was trying to hold in the word "txsty".

Carl settled for a box deal.

As we walked out, Carl ran into someone from his old day program. La Netta talked with the woman who worked there, and soon they started chatting.

"I can't hold it in!", I shouted from inside the van.

More talking.

"I can't hold it in!", I said again.

"La Netta, we better get going", said Carl.

More talking.

"I can't hold it in!", I repeated.

"La Netta!", said Carl. "Let's get going, for James' sake."

La Netta finally said good-bye.

"What's up with you, James?", asked La Netta.

"I can't hold it in!", I replied.

"You were able to hold it in at Taco Bell."

"Well, I really wanted that Mexican food. La Netta, can we park at the place with the portable when we go to Pinole Valley Park?"

"We'll see."

When we parked there, we weren't at the place with the portable.

"Well, the youngest person here is a teen-ager", said Carl.

"Why didn't we park by the portable?", I asked.

"Because this site was on our schedule", said La Netta. "They're different addresses. Oh, there comes a family pulling up."

"La Netta, can you call in and change the schedule so we can park by the portable?"

"We're only here about thirty minutes."

"I can't hole the T-word in that long!"

"Put on your seatbelt, Ken." La Netta drove over.

"Tianks, La Netta", I said.

I got out and purged in the portable. After about twenty minutes, I came out with my liquid soap.

"They don't have water in there, do they?", asked La Netta.

"They do", I said.

I asked Carl if he had bought the 99-cent Crunch Wrap Supreme.

"No, I didn't", said Carl. "I bought the box. It was cheaper."

"The Crunch Wrap Supreme would've been cheaper", La Netta said.

"I saw the price on the menu. It was $1.19."

I checked out my receipt and discovered it said 99 cents for my Crunch Wrap Supreme. I showed it to Carl.

"You're right", he said. "Don't ever leave me to my own devices. That's a surefire way I'll screw up."

We drove home, without me hugging La Netta. When I got home, I retired my broken sunglasses and took out an undamaged pair of black shades to put on.

A good day

Wednesday morning, I discovered that Lita had placed only three clients and one driver in our group. This would make Carl much happier, no doubt.

It made me happier, too. I had a walk with La Netta and talked with her. We discussed a teacher who had been arrested for molesting a student in the news. La Netta mentioned that in Aziz's Yemen, the guys get married at 21 and the girls get married at 16. We talked about the dreams we had had the previous night. All the time while we walked, we saw the flowers and trees and grass. We also saw some ducks.

"James, look at that!", La Netta said. "Is that a potato bug?"

"That's a Jerusalem cricket!", I said.

"So that's what they are?"

"Yes. It's small for a Jerusalem cricket."

"How large are they usually?"

"They get about this big", I said, making a pill shape with my hands.

Speaking of pills, I also showed La Netta two pillbugs along the path.

I told La Netta that that was a great walk, and she agreed.

We then went to Williams' Health Food. I told La Netta I wanted to look at juice.

Before we got to the juice, I saw some Terra Chips.

"It's been so long since I had them that they might have changed the blurb on the bag", I told La Netta. "Could you check for the T-word?"

La Netta perused the bag. "They don't have it, but they have the D-word."

"The word that rhymes with 'slip'?"

"The D-word that means the T-word."

"Delicious?"

"Yes."

"That's OK."

I then got two juices, a lemon ginger echinacea and a cranberry delight, both of which were under $3.

After I paid for them, they were bagged. I checked the brown paper bag, but no T-word or I-word anywhere.

We then stopped by Lee's Garden, where I got some Chinese food. I asked La Netta about a few words, but nothing was said. By the time we came back out to the van, I had chow mein, fried fish and Hunan chicken.

Then we talked at Davis Park. Before long, we could leave to drop Ken home, then it came time for Carl and me.

It was so nice to have a day with no purge words and no contamination for once. Every once in a while, I need a day like that. It must have been the smaller group setting. If Lita keeps the group small, the stress in my life will be minimized, due to no back-and-forth conversation between coaches that leaves me out. Let's hope I have more days like this in the future.

Three S-words

On Tuesday, La Netta said good morning to me. Then a coach whose voice I didn't recognize said good morning.

"Good morning, La Netta", I said.

"Aren't you going to say good morning to LaTanya?", asked La Netta.

Whew! La Netta had filled me in on the name! "Good morning, LaTanya", I said.

We parked in front of the office. I lifted up my sleep mask and looked outsode.

I saw a truck that read CHINA SHXPPING pass by. "Rrrrrrrrr!", I growled. "I'll be in the restroom!"

"OK", LaTanya said.

I walked into the restroom. I began picking my navel.

Carl knocked.

"Ja?", I asked.

"What word did you think you heard?", asked Carl.

"I didn't hear a word. I saw a truck that said 'China SH-word' on it driving by."

"Ah", said Carl.

I came back to the restroom, and La Netta asked me why I was in there. I told her what I had told Carl.

We then drove to Burger King. Carl was insulting a new client named Margarita. He threw in some insults to Adam along the way. "People like Tully, Shawn, Nick, Robin, Rodney, Bernard, Adam and Margarita . . .", Carl started out.

LaTanya and La Netta began discussing Jerry Brown.

". . . He thinks he can go scxxtin' around . . . ", said LaTanya.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled. "I'll be in the restroom." As I got out of my chair, my chair spun around and I spun with it. I made a screeching sound on the floor as I almost fell.

"What happened?", asked La Netta.

I explained to her.

After I came out of the restroom, Carl and I discussed the songs on the radio. They had played "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson twice, and "Paperback Novel" by Nickelback twice. Carl said it was like elevator music.

We finally left Burger King and went about our day. La Netta told me when we got to the burrito truck, and I bought a vegetarian super burrito, as did Carl.

Lunch was Davis Park. I discovered that the restroom was locked.

"I discovered it a few minutes before you did", said Carl.

"Everyone's getting out here", said La Netta. After she shooed Adam out of the van, the group (minus yours truly) ate their burritos and other lunch items.

I stood outside and listened as LaTanya spoke to Margarita. At one point, I thought I heard LaTanya calling Margarita "sweetxe".

"LaTanya, did you say the SW-word?", I asked.

"I didn't", said LaTanya. But I was speaking to Margarita."

"I know you were, but do you know what the SW-word is?"

"No, I don't."

"It's a term of endearment . . . rhymes with 'graffiti'."

"She said it", said Carl.

"Well, you shouldn't worry, because I was talking to Margarita", said LaTanya.

"It makes no difference", I said.

"What I say to Margarita is just between she and I."

"It's like people who are offended by profanity . . . someone can say S-H. . . or F-U. . . and if people don't like it, they'll be offended by it no matter whom the swearer is talking to. They can be walking down the street, and they'll hear somebody else call somebody else a B . . . and it will make no difference that the person was talking to someone else."

It seemed to take forever, but at 1:00, La Netta said we could go.

La Netta told Carl that they were going to start splitting the groups, so La Netta would have only three. Carl couldn't be placed with Cliff's group, because Alfonso was there and Alfonso was disturbed by the way Carl put down low-functionals.

So I ended up hearing/reading three purge words that began with an S that day: shxpping, scxxt and sweetxe. It was an alliterative day for purging.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

La Netta loses her pictures

On Friday La Netta had only Carl, Adam and me.

I put my headphones on in the morning. Then, when I tried to put my sleep mask back on the next time I got into the van, I found the sleep mask intertangled with the headphones.

"La Netta", I asked, "Did this song sing the I-word?"

"No", said La Netta.

"La Netta, can we have a different radio station until I can get my headphones and my sleep mask disentangled?"

"Sure." So La Netta switched the station.

We were listening to good music up to the time we got to the clothing store. When I got in there, I began to cup my eyes.

At least they were playing 98.1 KISS-FM. But then it switched to commercials.

The first commercial was for Chase Bank. I thought this would be safe (good thing it wasn't C-tibank!)

But then they said, "Popping up axx oxxx the pxxxx".

"Ewwwwwww!", I said.

The next commercial was a food commercial so I plugged my ears and hummed "Alouette".

A few commercials later was another food commercial, so I plugged my ears and hummed again.

Finally, the commercials ended! But I was seeing things in the clothing store. I had to ask La Netta, "Are these pillowcases?"

"That's men's underwear", she told me.

A little later I saw something printed with beer mugs. "What's this?", I asked.

"It's men's underwear", she said.

By the time we finally got out (we must have been in there forty-five minutes), I was a nervous wreck.

Then a song that said "this mxss" came on the radio. I said, "Ewwwwww!"

We stopped at Taco Bell where I picked up my usual three things. Then we visited Kennedy Grove.

"Which way are you going?", La Netta asked me as we climbed out of the van to our lunch site.

"That way", I said, pointing to the right.

"That's far."

"I can make it."

"Go on the left path, there."

So I took the left. I carefully avoided the "Keep an eagle exe out" sign.

Shortly after I arrived, I walked into a unisex restroom. There I cleared all the "all"s and "over"s and "place"s out of me.

I saw a dipser, so I killed it with some toilet paper. Then I purged e the dipser off.

I finished with "axx oxxx the pxxxx". I then made it to "mxss".

Finally, I washed my hands.

"You were in there for a pretty long time", La Netta said.

"I know", I said.

"Did it feel like a long time?"

"It did."

We hung around for about an hour more. Shortly before we left, I saw an unhappy La Netta. She said, "I'm disappointed".

"Why are you disappointed?", I asked.

It turned out La Netta had gotten a virus on her cellphone. To get it off, she decided to wipe clean the cellphone data. She was thinking it would just clear her contacts list, but it wasn't until after she had requested it wiped that she remembered the pictures she had stored on there. She was hoping there was some way one could restore the pictures.

"Did you ever print out that picture of me hugging Jolene?", I asked.

"No", said La Netta, with the tone of the word rising.

As we walked back to the van, I took the path on the left. Was the little girl saying, "Hi, sweetxe"? Or "Hi, cutxe"? Or "Hi, Petex"?

I asked La Netta if the little girl had said "Hi, SW-word".

"No, James", said La Netta.

"Did she say, 'Hi, C-word'?"

"Yes."

"She said the C-word?!?"

"No, wait, no she didn't. It was, 'Push me high'."

"Did she say someone's name?"

"She did, but I couldn't make out what the name was, since that family was Ethiopian or something."

La Netta turned on the radio when we got into the van. Soon I identified the song as "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems" by Notorious B.I.G.

"Wait, La Netta, this song has the C-word in it", I said.

La Netta turned it off promptly.

When we got home, I asked La Netta for some hugs. First we did a shower hug.

Then came an end-of-the-week hug.

Then I said, "And a hug for hoping you can get your pictures back!"

La Netta agreed with me on that one.

New Scout Generation?

My Internet had been down all night. But on Thursday, we were going to the office, so I would have time to go online.

I climbed into the room where La Netta was making a schedule. "Next week put down Williams' . . .", I began.

"Wait, James", said La Netta. "Let me get my papers out before you make your schedule."

"I'll be in the Internet room today, so I wanted to tell you right now and then leave for the room."

"Oh, OK."

"I want to go to Williams', and I want to get my juice at either Wal-mart or Lucky's."

"All right."

I went to the Internet room. There I browsed Wikipedia and discovered that there was an article titled [[New Scout Generation]] that was up for deletion. It basically said that the Bittersweet Generation was a bunch of Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts who got behind Bush after 9/11, supported the War on Iraq, would gladly die for their country, supported Big Oil, opposed drug legalization, would pay higher taxes to be safe from terrorism and was willing to give up civil liberties for security -- about as antithetical to the real nature of this generation as you could get! All the !votes were either "delete" or "strong delete".

I went out into the main room to check the schedule. I hung around some more.

Then, all of a sudden, I thought I heard someone in the main room say, "Whxxpsies!"

"D'OH!", I said slamming my forehead. "D'OH! D'OH! D'OH!"

"Whxxps!", said Ken.

"D'OH! D'OH! D'OH! D'OH!!!!! That was a WH-word, right, La Netta?"

"Ken said it", said La Netta.

"Did I hear the WH-word with an I-E-S at the end in the main office?", I asked La Netta.

"No, you didn't. But Ken said it when you started slamming your head."

"With a WH at the beginning?"

"Yes."

"So the person in the main office just said the OO-form with an I-E-S at the end?" (In other words, "oopsies".)

"Yes."

"Well, I'll be in the restroom."

I purged off the WH-word. Then I knocked on the women's door and told La Netta I'd be in the men's.

La Netta looked for Down Home Music after we left, but couldn't find it anywhere. As a result, we got lunch at Jack-in-the-box and made an early trip to Pinole Valley Park.

While we were there La Netta met a friend who ran another program. She had a 33-year-old man named Jeff with her who wanted to shake everybody's hand repeatedly. When I asked him his name, he just said, "Khees-khees".

I told La Netta I'd be in the restroom to spit.

"You're not going in there to purge are you?", La Netta asked.

"I don't need to purge", I said.

"Well, remember yesterday when you said you needed to go in the men's room to spit? And you were there for 20 minutes."

"I don't have to purge this time."

"So you're going to be in and out?"

"Well, I'd also like to take my pills after I spit, so I should be a little longer. I want to take the pills where I won't see any cobvebs."

"But aren't you more likely to see cobwxbs in the restroom than out here?"

"When I go into the stall, there aren't any cobvebs. But I see plenty out here, in these bushes and in this grate."

"Oh, OK. But even then it shouldn't take you too long."

I went into the restroom and spat. Then I took both of my pills. I came out.

La Netta's friend was telling Jeff that that was enough hand-shaking. This was interspersed with chat with La Netta.

La Netta's friend said "axx oxxx the pxxxx".

"Ewwwwww!", I said.

"Ewwwwww indeed", her friend said, and laughed.

"La Netta, can we leave now?", I asked.

"We're a little early to leave", she said.

La Netta said good-bye to her friend, and began talking with Carl, Ken and the group. When I talked, she told me my mouth was full of saliva. She said to go to the restroom to spit it all out.

While I was in the restroom, I purged off the phrase "axx oxxx the pxxxx". Whew!

We were still too early to go, so we chatted in the van for the next half-hour.

When I finally got home, it was a sigh of relief to be free from all those cobwxbs and purge words. La Netta said she had a pain in her back that prevented her from hugging me, but she promised she'd hug me on Friday no matter what.

Missing Lee's Garden

Today, Aziz needed to be dropped off early. We decided we would drop him off at the office after our trip to the library.

As we were driving to the San Pablo Library, I heard Ken say, "Stan only gets a bxke . . ."

"Did you say something about Stan's bicycle?", I asked Ken.

"No, James, I didn't say Ken has a bxke."

"La Netta", I asked, "Did Ken say something about Stan having a bicycle?"

"No, he didn't", said La Netta.

But Ken had already said the word "bxke" -- if not twice, then once.

I asked La Netta if we could go to Lee's Garden.

"If it's open", La Netta saie.

"It's after 11:00, isn't it?", I asked.

"Yes it is, 11:00."

"Then it's open."

We got to the library. I just sat at a table while La Netta and Ken browsed through magazines. La Netta had several issues of Better Homes and Gardens.

Carl brought three movies to the table: Batman Begins, Batman Returns, and Batman Forever. He arranged them, then asked if I liked.

My full got more and more saliva in it. "La Netta, I need to spit", I said.

"OK, James", said La Netta. "Ken, do you want Chinese food too?"

Ken was silent.

Carl showed me a movie on 2012.

Soon, La Netta said, "We're ready to leave -- first I'll put these magazines back". She told me to follow her.

I followed La Netta to the magazine section, where she put her magazines back. Her foot was asleep, so she kept shaking it. When she thought her foot was back, she walked only to discover it was still asleep.

"OK, you want to go to the bathroom?", she asked me.

"Yes", I said.

"Go to this desk -- pick up the code for the men's room."

I picked up one of the papers with the code, and punched it in at the men's room. Soon I was in there spitting.

Then I thought I'd pick my navel. I rubble-cleared, then picked two "bxke"s out of my navel. I got them feeling just right.

Then I sat down on the toilet seat and urinated. As I was urinating, I heard La Netta call my name.

"I'm on the toilet seat!", I said.

I finished urinating, and washed my hands (with water, there was no soap dispenser that wasn't broken).

"You were in there for so long", said La Netta. "Now it's time to go. I didn't get to go to the restroom!"

"You didn't?", I asked.

"I didn't. Now we have to take Aziz to the office."

As she walked to the car, I said, "And we missed Lee's Garden!"

"M-hm", La Netta said.

"Oh no!"

As we drove, La Netta told me she had tried to send Ken into the men's room three separate times. But Ken froze up.

We got to the office, where La Netta spent 17 minutes using the restroom then talking to Lita. Next, Aziz left.

"La Netta, I'll make a deal with you", I said. "If you take me to Lee's Garden, I'll let you listen to any radio station you want. I'll just use my headphones."

"I don't choose what radio station we listen to", La Netta said. "The radio is for the clients."

"How about Star 101.3?", asked Carl. "That's a good station."

La Netta turned the radio to Star 101.3.

After a few songs, I said, "La Netta, I'm not enjoying this -- just listen to your KMEL or something."

"What did you say?", La Netta asked.

"La Netta, I'm not enjoying this -- just listen to your KMEL or something."

"Carl chose this radio station."

"I recommended it because I know James likes this station", said Carl.

"I'll never eorgive myself for missing Lee's Garden!", I said.

"This isn't your last chance", said Carl. "There'll be many other chances."

We got to the burrito truck, and Carl bought a burrito. La Netta asked if I wanted one, and I said, "No way".

"I thought you liked this burrito truck", said La Netta.

"I do. But I wanted Lee's Garden today."

"Maybe Stan can take you."

When we got home, I walked up to Stan Man. "Stan", I said, "I need you to take me to Lee's Garden."

"You need to me to?", asked Stan. "Where is it?"

"By the San Pablo Library."

"And what do they sell?"

"Chinese food."

"Chinese food. I'll take you. Jut let me get these seats in the van."

Carl strongly lifted three seats with Stan Man and fit them into the van. Then Stan told me we were ready to go.

"This must be it", said Stan when he got there. "Because this is the only Chinese place around here. Oh wait, that's a store. Oh, I see it now! Lee's Garden!"

Stan took me in. I asked him about the WH-word twice and "drxpping down" once.

I ordered chow mein, Mongolian beef ane Hunan chicken, and then paid for it with a ten and a one. I got a five and some coins back.

"Thanks for taking me to Lee's Garden, Stan", I said as we left.

"No problem", said Stan Man. "Anytime."

"And now we know where it is."

"Yep."

He bangs

On Tuesday, I was expecting money from Stan, but he wasn't at my group home in the morning.

I got into the van and we drove to the office. La Netta told us to nobody get out of the van, unless we needed to use the restroom.

Rosa walked up to the van while we were parked. "Could you keep an exe --", she asked to LaTanya.

"Ewwwwwwww!", I said.

"Sorry, watch my people?"

"I'll be in the restroom", I said.

"I didn't finish it", said Rosa.

I purged in the restroom, then came out. La Netta asked what was up, and I explained. I also said I wanted to know if anyone in the office had money for me. La Netta told me Pia had left two tens for me.

We walked into Barnes & Noble, then visited PetCo.

"You don't want to see to the txrxntula, right?", asked La Netta.

"Right", I replied.

"Then don't look to the right. Let's get out of this area."

We looked at several fish. La Netta commented that the paucity of fish reflected the economy we were in.

When we left, it was 10:47.

"I want to go to Chef's", I said.

La Netta said we had to leave now to go to Target.

I stayed in the van while La Netta took Ken into Target. Ken returned with three shiny new items.

We then hung around at Vincent Park. They found an area distant from the parking lot to eat lunch in.

After hanging around awhile, I began walking off. "Where you going?", asked La Netta.

"I'm going to give birth", I said.

"Give birth?"

"Yes."

"I remember! Go ahead!" Just the other day, La Netta had asked me what kind of child I was, and I recounted being 3. I explained how toilet-training was painful, because when I defecated it felt like giving birth.

I put my headphones on as we drove home, shouting "GAP!" during each gap, because the radio was playing some rap songs I didn't know.

When we got to Ken's place, I took them off. Ken said, "Stan Man drives axx oxxx the pxxxx".

"Ewwwww!", I said.

Ken went home. Then I asked La Netta if we could have the radio off for our drive home, but La Netta said he had to have the radio on for Adam.

I put my headphones back on.

After the second song, I shouted "GAP!" Then I heard the word "txsty" in a commercial.

"Blechhh!", I said. "Oh La Netta, why did the gap have to come right then?"

"I don't know, James!", said La Netta. She switched the station to Star 101.3, which we listened to till we got home.

When I got home, I went into the restroom and purged off "txsty". Once I thought "txsty" to myself 20 times! I herd some big bangs on my door. It was Rodney.

i purged off La Netta's "nice", which had an "ice" in it, and all the "I see"s in the songs. During the rubble-clearing, Rodney just kept banging on the door.

I finally finished with "txsty". Then came "axx oxxx the pxxxx". I rubble-cleared a lot of "all"s and a few "over"s and "place"s. Rodney was still banging. I told Rodney to use Jason's bathroom.

Then I finished. I buttoned my pants and washed my hands. I came out, and it was Rodney's turn.

Monday, June 6, 2011

A gxtcha, a whxxps, an axx oxxx the pxxxx, a pardon and a mxss

On Friday, La Netta did not come to program. Instead we had Aziz and Kay. When Kay's two people, Lance and Billie Jean, combined with our group of four, we had six people total.

We stopped at Lucky's as was scheduled for La Netta and Aziz's group that day so I could get my juices. I carried out three Tampicos, each a different flavor.

Then I sat in the van with Aziz as the women went into the beauty shop.

Everything was going fine until we got to Taco Bell. We all ordered our lunches, but when I ordered mine, I was informed that Taco Bell no longer carried the shrimp burrito.

"Oh no!", I said. "I never got to try it!"

"It will be here again next year", the employee said.

"What time of year?"

"Starting in March."

I had to ask about several words. Luckily, Carl was there to ask.

"Did I hear the P & A words?", I asked Carl.

"No P & A words", said Carl.

"Did I hear the I-word?"

"No I-word."

Everyone finished his or her lunch and I was getting anxious, with the conversations from people we didn't know in our restaurant. My staff asked if I wanted to go out, and I said yes.

So Kay took me out. I was soon in the van.

I heard five people outside speaking. Were they saying "Whxxps"?

Carl came out. Just then I heard one of the people outside saying "Gxtcha". "Did they say the G-word?" I asked Carl.

"Yes", said Carl.

I had gotten outside to avoid the conversation inside. Now what I was hearing was worse than the conversation inside.

Clients began loading into the van. They would see me purge. Carl climbed into the back seat. Surely he would see me purge.

I entered the Taco Bell building again. I stood outside the restroom and knocked. Someone was in the men's.

"Excuse me", said Kay wiile she went into the women's.

When Kay came out, someone was still in the men's. I heard the man in that restroom flushing multiple times.

"I do hope he's all right", said Kay.

I stood right in front of the restroom door, in front of Adam, as several males from our group waited to use the restroom.

Finally, a man with dishevelled grey-brown hair and a moustache and beard walked out of the restroom.

"Whxxps!", he said as he saw me.

"D'OH!", I said, slamming my forehead. "YOU SAID THE WH-WORD!" My sunglasses flew off my head.

"It's all right, James", said Kay. "He had no way of knowing."

I locked the door, then slammed myself several more times with several "D'OH"s, trying to make an impact right in the middle of my forehead.

I finally got it. I put my sunglasses back on.

"Adam, Lance, James is going to be a while now", said Kay. "Do you want to use the women's?"

I purged off "Gxtcha", then I spent several minutes on that clumsy-ox word, "Whxxps".

Kay asked me if I would finish soon. I answered her, then resumed my purging.

Finally, I could get the hang of purging out all that whipped cream. A "whxxps" came out of me. I washed my hands.

"You really got it smack-dab in the middle", said Kay.

We were back in the van. "OK, I'm about my take my pills now, so I'm going to need some silence", I said.

"OK", said Kay.

"You can drive off now", I said.

"May we talk to find out where to go?"

"Oh, sure."

So Kay asked Carl where he wanted to go.

Carl said, "Ross", but Kay said Ross was out of the area.

Finally they settled on another place that had a Ross. I asked for silence a second time, and this time I took my pills.

When we got to Ken's house, Ken said, "Stan Man drives axx oxxx the pxxxx".

"Ewwwwwww!", I shouted.

Kay was out of the van, and Carl had moved to the front, so no one would see my purging in my back seat. I saw Kay outside talking to Stan at a distance. I unbuttoned my pants, quickly purged off the A, O the P words, and buttoned back up.

"Who used to live around here?", Kay asked as we drove to Adam's house.

"Is that Ro-ro?", I asked.

"Yes!", said Kay. "Rovaughn lived here. Kit-kat!"

"Kit-kat! Salad salad!"

"I think I may have known him", said Carl. "What did he look like?"

"He was African-American, and he was in his forties, and he had a round body and a receding hairline. He would wear a black leather jacket with a white paint stain on it. And he wore sweatshirts and sweatpants in mismatched colors. And he always had on a pair of brown dress shoes."

"You've got that right down", said Kay. "You sure remember!"

"He sounds like a cool version of Rodney", said Carl.

"And he had Down's syndrome!", I said.

"You're right! What do I look like?", asked Kay.

"You're African-American, and you're in your sixties, and you have fuzzy white hair. And you're of petite build."

Carl talked to Kay. When Carl told her something, Kay said, "Pxrdon?"

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

We finally made it home. Carl took two Tampicos, while I took one Tampico and my red bag and Taco Bell.

Carl and Claudette talked. Claudette asked me how my day was, and I told her it was bad.

Carl's hands began to feel scraped. He gave me one Tampico.

Then Carl moved his Tampico to his other hand. He was still chatting with Claudette.

I set my Tampicos down as my hands were so weighed down. Just as I sought to pick them up again and move them near the door, I heard a van.

"Stan's here!", said Carl.

I picked up my Tampicos and carried them with me, along with my Taco Bell bag.

Carl picked up my red bag.

"Thank God he got here", said Claudette.

"Did you say, 'Pardon'?," I asked Claudette.

"What did you say?", asked Claudette.

"I asked, 'Did you say, 'Pardon'?'"

"No, I didn't. I said, 'He got here'."

Carl and I brought the Tampicos into my room, and I turned on my white sound machine. I put my Taco Bell bag on the kitchen counter.

Then I unbuttoned my pants and began to purge off "Pardon". The "pardon" ritual was hard to do this time, as my arms were so stretched and some of the nerves seemed dead. Having arms like this was never a good omen for purging, but it was particularly bad for purging off words like "pardon" and "pxke around" where the rituals entailed me shocking myself at some points. The spasticity of my arms made it hard to do these shocks.

I heard a knock at my door. "I can't come right now!", I said.

"OK," Claudette said.

I finally finished with "Pardon". Then I came out to ask Claudette what it was. She said she had placed my Taco Bell in the microwave so Rodney wouldn't get it.

Meanwhile, they were talking about something that had happened on the roads on TV, and I thought I heard heard the word "mxss".

"Did they say the M-word?", I asked.

"Yes, they did", said Claudette.

"EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!", I said. "Was it once or twice?"

"I think only once."

Instead of getting my Taco Bell and eating it, I went back into my room and spent the next few hours purging. Sigh.

Friday, June 3, 2011

A week without stores?

Yesterday morning, Stan Man came into my room.

"We're ready?", I asked.

"Yes", he said.

I put on my sleep mask and sunglasses, grabbed my red bag and turned off my white sound machine. I was out of the door and into Stan Man's van.

We waited in the waiting room, where I thought I heard someone say "Yxk".

I also heard something that sounded like "cutxe" when an employee answered the telephone.

"They don't have a box for Middle Eastern", I said as I looked at the form Stan was filling out for me.

"Don't worry about that", he said.

"Check off N - Other", I said.

"What did you say?"

"Check off N - Other."

"Under preferred language?"

"Under ethnicity."

"Where is it?"

"N." I pointed to it.

Dr. Luburic saw another patient, then it was my turn.

"So I see you're still picking at your teeth", said Dr. Luburic.

"Yes", I said.

"Are those cavities getting bigger?"

"My wife says he wants them pulled", said Stan, "But they didn't want to do that, so they've just been leaving his teeth alone."

"What is it that makes you wxry of fillings?", Dr. Luburic asked.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrr", I growled. "That's a word."

"The W-word?", asked Stan.

"Yes."

I told him about being 6 years old and first going to the dentist. I learned for the first time about cavities and fillings and the importance of good dental hygiene, and told myself that I would have a perfect mouth all my life and never get a filling.

Dr. Luburic told me that if I got these teeth pulled, I would go down the path of having a whole bunch of teeth filled and would need dentures.

"Makes you want to reconsider, doesn't it?", asked Stan.

"Uh, no", I said. I said "no" the way some people say, "Hello?!?"

Dr. Luburic brought up naps. "Are you sleeping better at night?", he asked.

"No", I said. "Some nights I don't get much sleep. Some nights I don't sleep at all."

"So you're still taking naps?"

"Yes."

Dr. Luburic asked about the Benadryl. "Have you been using it at all?"

"I haven't", I said.

Dr. Luburic asked Stan about me.

"Well, he's basically been the same as before", Stan said. "He still bites his hand, and I still hear him up hurting himself at night. But he's matured. Now when I ask him to go somewhere with me, he'll get up and do it. Whereas before, it used to be it took him a long time to get out of the house. He'll go along with me up to a point . . . sometimes he tries to hear me when the other clients in the van are talking. He'll say his head is about to explode, and he'll want the other clients to be quiet."

"OK, it sounds as if he's been the same", Dr. Luburic said.

"James doesn't want to do what's good for James", said Stan. "Like getting his teeth fixed. Or taking medication."

Dr. Luburic said I needed a refill on my medication. He also said my lab work was fine.

Stan and I said our good-byes to Dr. Luburic, then Stan and I left the building. As I left . . .

"Did that woman say 'pardon', or did she say 'Gordon'?", I asked Stan.

"I don't really know", said Stan.

As I entered the office at CIWP, I heard such friends as Ken and Carl. Then I set my red bag down and walked into the restroom.

I purged off "yxk". Then I did "pxrdon".

La Netta started calling me. She tole me she'd be in the van.

I got to "wxry". While I was doing that word, La Netta knocked again, and said she and the group were leaving.

I finished off "wxry", then got to the van.

"Buying lunch today?", La Netta asked.

"No", I replied.

"So you have no money."

"That's correct."

We walked into K-mart, wherebefore I spat in a berm.

I asked La Netta about a few words in K-mart. Then I charted coughing and choking on my saliva as my mouth filled up again.

"Didn't you spit before we came in?", asked La Netta.

"M-hm", I replied.

It started to get really bad, and La Netta said, "What did you really talk about with Dr. Luburic?"

Finally, La Netta told me, "If you open your eyes, you can find your way to the restroom."

"They are open", I said with my mouth full of saliva.

"You said you don't want to open them?"

"They are open."

"If they're open, then you should be able to find your way."

I walked down an aisle of dolls. I got to a dead end.

"For someone whose eyes are open, you're going the wrong way", said La Netta.

I walked left and found the men's room. I spat in there.

We finally left, no one having bought anything.

I asked for Alice, 97.3. It started out on a JC Penney commercial before a "Commercials:Off; Music:On" spot, and before long we were listening to music.

We ate lunch at Pinole Valley Park. La Netta said some pills might calm me down.

We were too early for drops, so we went to a dollar store.

On our way out of the store, La Netta said, "Want to open your eyes?"

"I don't know if it's safe to open them", I said.

"What?", asked La Netta.

"I don't know if it's safe to open them", I said.

"What?", asked La Netta.

"I don't know if it's safe to open them", I said.

"We're on our way out -- there's nothing there."

After we left, La Netta said, "You seem to act didferently in stores when you're not buying anything."

La Netta told me that if I wanted to go to dollar stores . . .

"I don't want to go to stores", I said.

"We go to the stores mostly for you. You want to go to parks instead?", she asked.

"Yes."

"So you want to meet with Tiffany at Point Pinole?"

"No."

"Yesterday we'll try it. We won't go to any stores."

Carl swivels his butt

On Wednesday, we were at Davis Park when I was eating my tacos from Jack-in-the-box in the back row. I finished, and Carl was still eating his Jack-in-the-box in the seat to my right.

Carl finished, and La Netta said, "Maybe James can move over and you can have more room."

Carl didn't like the idea.

Then La Netta said, "Maybe you can sit on James' left".

"Alfonso sits there", said Carl.

"Alfonso can sit on the right."

"All right", Carl said.

Carl climbed to the left of me He said a bunch of things, then said, "I'll scxxt over here".

"Did you say the SC-word?", I asked Carl.

"The restroom is there", he said.

"So you did say it."

"Unfortunately, yes."

I went in and thought "revo toocs" with the thought of cooked carrot stewing inside of me.

I thought "scxxt by" and "scxxt back", then had to think these things backwards.

An old man walked into the stall then apologized.

I kept on purging.

Carl walked into the restroom and saw I was using the stall.

I kept on purging, unable to get that carrot taste to come up. I got sidetracked by thinking of lots of other contexts for the word "scxxt".

Then finally, I nailed it. "Scxxt over" came right up with the taste of cooked carrot.

"James", said La Netta, "Someone needs to use it."

"I just finished", I told her.

I walked out of the stall and washed my hands. Then I walked into the van.

"Ken!", La Netta called. "We're ready to do drops now!"