Thursday, January 27, 2011

A short and sleepy day

This morning, La Netta told me we'd go to Safeway and then drive to the office.

"Do you want to know why I don't eat ice xxxxx anymore?", Carl asked La Netta.

Did he say "eskem" -- whatever that means? Or was it "ice xxxxx"?

"What did you say?", asked La Netta.

"Do you want to know why I don't eat frozen treats anymore?", Carl asked La Netta.

He had said it. "Blechhh!", I said.

"What happened?", asked La Netta.

"The first time he said the I-word", I said.

"I did", admitted Carl.

"I didn't hear it", La Netta said.

When we walked into Safeway, I had to cup my hands over my eyes. I had to be very careful not to see any ice xxxxx.

"Why you got your eyes closed?", La Netta asked me.

"They're cupped", I said.

"Cupped?"

"Yes."

"Well, I guess that means you're not getting anything here?"

"It does."

After we left, La Netta told Carl we were doing drops early today.

"Where are we getting lunch today?", I asked.

"I don't know", said La Netta, "We probably could've gotten it at Safeway."

"I would have gotten it there if I had known we were doing drops early."

We walked into the office and got together in the conference room after I was done purging off "ice xxxxx".

The Mask was on TV. "What was that last line?", I asked La Netta, thinking I had heard the words "pxke around".

"Something about Christmas", said La Netta.

"Did they say any purge words?"

"No. What's wrong with you today?"

"I'm sleepy."

A little later I thought I heard "pajxmxs" in the movie. "Did they say the P-word?", I asked La Netta.

I couldn't make out the response clearly.

Then I heard "pajxmxs" a second time, and a third time. "Rrrrrrrrr!", I growled. "They said it!"

I went to the restroom, and purged the three "pajxmxs"es off: "pajahmdras, pajahmdras, pajahmdras". Then I went into the couch room until we were ready to leave.

After we left the office, La Netta took us to the burrito truck. I ordered a tongue super burrito for $4.

"It's official", Carl said, "He's a sorcerer."

Carl ordered vegetarian. Then Ken got something.

We were soon at Point Pinole. La Netta left the van while her clients were eating their burritos (well, I saved mine until I got home).

"Is that Snodgrass I hear?", I asked Carl.

"Snodgrass and Robin", said Carl.

"Snodgrass", I said. "Right Ken?"

"Right!", said Ken. "Stupid Snodgrass."

"Does anyone in this van actually like Snodgrass?"

"No", said Carl.

"No, James", said Ken.

I shrieked like Tully. I asked, "We got any hand sanitizer, it's all gone?" I ululated like Robin. I shouted, "Look! My book!"

"If you're going to make fun of freaks, make sure they can't hear you", said Carl.

"I lllllove burritos", I said.

"Jolene", said Carl.

"Right", I replied.

"If you take Rodney, turn him into a girl, make him White, make him 80 years old, and make him thin and bxny, you get Jolene."

"Ewwww!", I said.

"What?", asked Carl.

"You said the word that rhymes with 'Tony'."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did. Thin and . . ."

"Oh yeah. Sorry about that."

Later Ken and Carl and I began Bush-bashing.

"Al Gore is the real winner of the 2000 Election, right Carl?", I asked.

"Right", said Carl.

"Right, Ken?"

"Right", said Ken.

Carl gave me the chips that were left over in his burrito bag. He didn't want them.

La Netta then stopped in front of our house.

"Why are we here?", asked Carl.

"Early drops", said La Netta.

Ken walked out and stood by the car door. He started moping and fretting.

"Ken, we're going to drop you off here, but then Stan's going to take you home", said La Netta.

At 12:06, we entered the house. La Netta was still sick so no end-of-the-week hug or shower hug.

I purged off "bxny" in my room, then ate my burrito and chips.

A dipser and a Dipser-man

Today I arrived at CIWP with Carl, Ken and La Netta.

Carl was talking about his goals -- how he had a goal to work out. He took off his seatbelt while we were driving to demonstrate the different exercises he did.

"Keep your seatbelt on", said La Netta.

"I just need to demonstrate", said Carl.

"There goes a police car!"

"Damn!" Carl put his seatbelt back on.

I asked La Netta whether Carl had said the D-word, and she said no.

"Did he say 'drinking'?", I asked.

"No", said La Netta.

"I said 'damn'," said Carl.

"It was before that", I said.

"You probably heard 'demonstrate'."

Since we were early, La Netta suggested we go into the 99-cent store.

Shortly after I came in, I came across a box had had several squares on it. I looked to check them out, and one was Marvel Comics. One of the characters appeared to be Dipser-man. Another was SpongeBob SquarePants.

"James, close your eyes", said Carl.

"He can't find his way around if he's closing his eyes", said La Netta.

Carl showed me some pastry.

"Carl, I don't think he's interested", said La Netta.

We stopped by the seafood. La Netta showed me some oysters, which I turned down, then she showed me some crab from Chicken of the Sea. I placed the crab in my basket.

When we stopped by the frozen foods, I added a Tony's pepperoni pizza to my basket.

". . . free membership, and free shxpping and handling!", a commercial said.

"Rrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

We finally paid for all out items and left.

"Why are you so sad?", La Netta asked me.

"I had a tough time in that dollar store", I said. "But at least I got two great things."

"That's the way to think!"

We then drove over to the pet store.

"Why do you still have your hands cupped?", La Netta asked when I was looking at the rabbit cage, and I explained that I didn't want to see the txrxntulas.

"Well, we're far away from that section", said La Netta.

Carl wanted to show me fish that glowed in the dark.

We looked at parrots, rodents, snakes and lizards, and then La Netta told me that the txrxntula was there, so I didn't look.

I heard a mother say "little bxtty" to her child, and growled.

After we left, we took a drive to Walgreen's.

"How was your week-end?", La Netta asked me.

"Oh, La Netta, it was great!", I said.

"Did Lamesha come over or something?"

"Yes, she did."

"Oh, that's good."

At Walgreen's we all used the restroom. I purged off "shxpping" and "bxtty", while the rest of the clients defecated and/or urinated.

Next La Netta told Carl we were going where he wanted to go: Goodwill.

I followed La Netta around through the racks of clothes, even though La Netta told me I could open my eyes.

"Instead of looking in one place, look axx oxxx the pxxxx!", the radio on the Intercom said.

"Eeeewwwwwww!", I responded.

We looked around a lot more, and then Carl was ready to leave. But La Netta wanted to look.

"Did they say 'mama'?", I asked La Netta, making sure the word in the song wasn't "pajxmx".

"I was speaking to some other coaches the other day", La Netta said, "And I told them that you seem to be a little worse when we're in a small group."

Afterwards, we drove over to Taco Bell. I saw my black frok or spork from Jack-in-the-box on the seat in front of me. While we were driving La Netta said it was 11:04.

"Why did you tell me the time?", I asked her.

"So you could take your pill."

"I can't take it now . . . the A, O the P words, remember?"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, James."

"Is Jack-in-the-box's silverware biodegradable?", I asked La Netta.

"I don't know."

I had only coins left, so all I got from Taco Bell was a cheese quesadilla. I wanted to get napkins, but I didn't want to risk seeing plastic silverware looking around for them. I called out Carl's name four times, but no response. Finally, I gave out on getting napkins and headed back to the van. Carl was already in the van.

La Netta told me she was going to turn on the radio.

"Even if I . . .", I began, then we hit a stoplight. "Stupid stoplight!", I said.

When the van moved again, I spoke. "Even if I put my headphones on, I'd still hear the A-part and the O-part and the P-part in these songs on my CD."

"Can't you just fast-forward through them?", asked La Netta.

"I don't remember where they are", I said.

We drove to Davis Park. The first thing I did was purge off "axx oxxx the pxxxx". Then I did Dipser-man. Finally, I got to the plastic frok and I was out of there.

La Netta hit her head against the window. "Ooh-ooh!", she said.

"Whxxps!", I heard Ken say.

"Was that the WH-word?", I asked.

"I said, 'Ooh-ooh'," said La Netta.

"I meant Ken."

"Oh yeah, that was the WH-word."

"Whxxps!", said Ken again.

"No, wait, that wasn't. No wait, it was."

I got out. "D'OH!", I said, slamming my forehead. "D'OH! D'OH!"

I got those two mxsses of whipped cream to come out of me in the restroom. Then I got back in the van and we listened to some Star 101.3.

We enjoyed Star 101.3 all the way home. "Are you familiar with the Flintstones?", Carl asked La Netta.

"I've seen it", said La Netta.

"See all these houses? They look just like the cave houses. This is Bedrock."

La Netta still had the cold, so she put off my end-of-the-week hog and shower hug for yet another day. When I got home, I ate my quesadilla and Tony's pepperoni pizza. Then I drifted off to sleep.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Lamesha returns

Today, while I was typing away at the computer at 3:56, I heard "James" at the front door. Someone let this female voice in.

"I'm here to see James!", she told my staff.

It was someone I hadn't hugged since March of 2008.

"LAMESHAAAAAAAAAAA!", I said. Lamesha and I hugged.

I introduced Lamesha to Carl and Nick. She also met Bernard, telling him, "You must be Charles' brother!"

She then came into my room and told me she enjoyed my See's. She saw the See's box my mother had sent me.

I pulled two beanie babies, Pinky and Neon, out of my dresser drawer. "Who got you those?", she asked.

After I figured out that she was referring to the beanie babies and not the See's chocolates, I told her that I had won Pinky at a party in Moraga, and that Neon was a Christmas present for my brother Alex. When Alex was selling several of his beanie babies, I saw Pinky and Neon in the rummage pile and rescued them.

Lamesha hugged off five showers with me. "I see you've still got your shower chart", she said.

Lamesha noticed I still had the Daffy Duck hairdrier she got me. "Does it still work?", she asked.

"It didn't work last time I tried it, but I'm keeping it", I said.

I told Lamesha about the new sleep mask. She said she was going to get me a new one, but she was thinking about me while in church today and got the urge to visit me on a whim. "I don't like lying to you", she said. "When I'm telling you I'm coming, I want to come!"

I showed Lamesha my little red radio. "Is that the original, or is that a replacement?", she asked.

"It's the original", I replied.

"I thought Jason stole it."

"He did . . . but you found it! It was under the sink in my bathroom . . . remember?"

"Oh, yeah . . . now I remember."

"It was the best Christmas present I ever got!"

"Yeah . . . you liked it because of the light!", she said. She pressed the light button and laughed. "I'll have to get you a better present than that!"

"That's the best present I could get, Lamesha!", I said.

As Lamesha left, she told me she'd try to see me every Sunday from now on. God has answered our prayers and stopped Satan's plans to keep us apart. Now we'll be seeing each other more often. I can only look eorward to telling the story of what we're going to do next Sunday!

No more stores?

On Friday, it was still just La Netta, Carl, Robin and yours truly.

We stopped off at Vincent Park early in the morning, where Carl wanted 107.7. La Netta turned the station there. They celebrated the anniversary of the day Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off a real bat. They then had a dramatized scene of Ozzy recovering in the hospital. The nurse told him never to do it again -- only for Ozzy to bite the heads off Barney, the office parrot, who "makes sick kids happy", and Patches, the office cat.

I began wondering if a song had the words "pxke around" in it. After I asked La Netta what the song said, she changed the station.

We then drove to the office. I slept on the couch in the couch room. Then as La Netta and I were leaning, I saw La Netta doing eishes. "Are you doing dishes?", I asked.

"I was washing out my coffee cup", said La Netta. "Then I thought I'd do more."

Just as I began walking to the restroom so I'd be safe, I heard Maria say, "Pxrdon?"

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!", I said.

I went to the restroom to purge the "pardon" off.

"I'll be in the van", said La Netta.

"OK, La Netta", I said.

Soon Carl came to get me. I told him I wasn't quite finished.

I needed another "n'drop?" with another lightning-shock feeling. And I got it.

Soon I was doing the final "padolardon, padolardon, padolardon, padolardon" ritual, and then got a "padolardon" to circle around my genitals and go up. It was perfect!

I washed my hands and came out.

"You were in there a long time", said La Netta.

As we drove, I heard Carl say, "Bxke tied to a pole".

"Did you say the bicycle was tied to a pole?", I asked Carl.

"I did", said Carl. "There was a bicycle, and it . . .", and he went into the details about how that bicycle was tied up.

"You said the short form of 'bicycle' though, didn't you?"

"He did", said La Netta. "Wait . . . actually, he didn't."

We then stopped at a dollar store. In the juice section, I picked up some aloe juice.

A yogurt commercial came on the Intercom. "Did they say . . . BLECHHH!", I said.

"No, they didn't", said La Netta.

"It sounded like the T-word."

"I didn't hear that."

"It was 'T-word flavors'."

"I didn't hear that."

"It was 'something flavors'. What was the word right before 'flavors'?"

"A variety of flavors."

La Netta showed me some combs. "Which would you like . . . this . . . or this?", she asked me.

"Ummmmmm . . .", I stumbled.

"You can look at all the combs they have here?"

"Are there any combs with characters I don't like?"

"No character combs. You can look."

Just as I looked, I saw a sheet of Winnxe the Pooh and Tigger stickers on a wall to the right. "Ewwwwwwwww!", I said. I pointed to it.

"Oh my gosh!", said La Netta.

"You said there weren't any character combs. You didn't say anything about character other things!"

"That's because I didn't see it!"

I picked out a bag that had several big combs in it. I put that in my basket.

Then came some Zacky bologna from the lunchmeat section.

La Netta showed me the fruits and pointed out some kiwifruit. I picked a bag up and she said, "I don't think those bags are good."

There was kiwifruit juice on my hands. "I'll be washing my hands", I told her.

"I'm not going to stand there waiting for you to finish purging", said La Netta.

"I'm just going there to wash my hands", I said. I went into a restroom, poured some water over my hands, and came straight out.

While we were browsing the candy section, an ad for dog food that said "txsty" twice came on. I went "blechhh" each time.

"I want you to check this Willy Wonka Spree candy for the T-word", I told La Netta.

"I'll check it", said Carl. Carl looked. "It has it."

"OK, thanks, Carl."

"Stay away from anything Willy Wonka."

"OK."

"It's made from children."

I picked out a chocolate-covered cookie dough box, and we left the candy aisle.

"Do you need batteries?", asked La Netta.

"I was thinking I'd get some at Target", I replied.

"We probably won't go to Target today."

"OK, then I'll get these." I placed a case of long-lasting batteries into my basket.

Then, the yogurt commercial came on again. "It's on again", I told La Netta. "Listen closely!"

". . . Variety of txsty flavors!", the commercial said.

"They said it!", said Carl.

"Blechhh!", I said. "We were both right. They said, 'variety of T-word flavors'."

"OK", said La Netta.

As we stepped into the check-out line, I saw the Winnxe the Pooh character sticker sheet again. "Eeeewwwwwwww!", I said, pointing to it.

"It's in a lot of places", said La Netta.

We paid for all our stuff, then we went into Subway. The woman with the Asian accent was working there again.

"Would you like me to toast it?", she asked.

"Please don't toast it", I said.

The woman proceeded to place Swiss cheese on it. Then I heard an oven going.

"Wait!", I said. "Don't toast it!"

"I asked if you wanted it toasted, and you said yes", she said.

"No, I didn't. I said, 'Please don't toast it'. Didn't I, Carl?"

"He said not to toast it", said Carl.

I asked for onions and olives and peppers. After she put those on, she asked me, "Mayonnaise? Mustard?"

"I'll pass", I said.

"Do you want them or not?"

"He doesn't want them, miss", said La Netta. "Just tell her no."

After I was done ordering mine, Carl and La Netta got their sandwiches.

"Why do you think she didn't understand when I told her, 'I'll pass'?", I asked La Netta.

"I think she just got coneused with having lots of people's sandwiches to do at the same time", said La Netta. "And when you told her not to toast it, I heard you say not to toast it, but when you said, 'Please don't toast it', she heard what she wanted to hear and just heard the 'please', and thought the answer was yes. It's best to make your answers short and to the point."

"She's right", said Carl. "Short . . . and to the point."

We arrived at Kennedy Grove. Now the portables were down. La Netta told me I could try the men's restroom.

I went in there and purged off all the "txsty"s.

"James?", said Carl.

"Yes?", I said.

"La Netta wants to know if you're all right."

"I'm not -- there's a lot of purging to do."

I continued purging until I finished the "txsty"s. Then I carved into Winnxe the Pooh and Tigger.

So many Poohs and Tiggers -- this would take me forever! Carl came in again and said, "La Netta's worried about you".

Finally I heard La Netta calling. She said we were leaving.

I washed my hands and came out.

"Since you're in there so long, maybe from now on we should skip the stores, so you won't hear things, and just go to the parks," said La Netta.

When we got home, I asked La Netta for our end-of-the-week hug. She said her back pains were killing her, so she couldn't.

After I got home, I finished purging off the Winnxe the Poohs and Tiggers. I ate my Subway foot-long at 8:00 that day.
Thursday was unusually clear and peaceful. And the reason why? We only had one coach, La Netta in the van, and when I got into the backseat, Snodgrass was not there.

No Emanuel either.

Carl got in the van after I did, then La Netta picked up Robin. She then called in the office and said that we had everybody.

We listened for a long time to Star 101.3 as they played the songs Carl and I loved.

We then heard a food commercial come on. Before I could figure out that it was a food commercial, I heard what sounded like "Txstee-freeze".

"Did they say 'T-word freeze' in that commercial?", I asked La Netta.

"I didn't hear it", said La Netta.

"What did they say?"

"I don't know."

"It really sounded like that."

"How does that even go with what they were talking about?"

"Do you know what the T-word freeze is?"

"Yes."

"Well, I'm going to go in there and purge."

"OK."

I went in and purged in the Davis Park restroom. I then came out and got back in the van, and we began drops.

Robin head-butted me.

"Owwwwwww!", I screamed. "Shame on you, Robin!" I slapped Robin's wrist.

"Robin, don't head-butt him", said La Netta.

Later, Robin hit me with his hand.

"Owwwwwww!", I screamed. "Shame on you, Robin!" I slapped Robin on the wrist, seven to nine times.

"Some people should not be having kids", said Carl. "And Robin's parents are some of them."

"Carl, that was mean", said La Netta.

Robin hit me a third time when we were at Point Pinole.

Carl came back and slapped Robin in the face.

Robin recoiled and ululated.

Carl slapped Robin in the face again, resulting in more recoiling.

"Have I gotten through to you?", asked Carl.

Carl then talked about people who could not learn. "People like Robin . . . Tully . . . Rodney . . . Shawn . . . Ganesh . . . David . . . Dr. Giggles . . ."

"Who's Dr. Giggles?", asked La Netta.

"Black guy . . . has a high-pitched squeaky voice . . . it always sounds like he's giggling. I don't know his name."

Wanda returns

When I arrived at program Wednesday, La Netta was with Wanda rather than Rosa. We picked up Robin, then stopped at Emanuel's house before deciding not to pick him up.

Wanda referred to that "little bxtty short dude" when trying to describe someone to La Netta. I growled.

As we were on our way to Miller's Knots, Ken said, "Whxxps!" I slammed my forehead and said, "D'OH!" I had to try three slams before I got it right.

As we arrived at Miller's Knots, La Netta asked me, "Do you have to go to the bathroom?" I replied in the affirmative, and headed for the restroom. I first purgee off "bxtty" -- it was trivially easy as I chanted "badolitty, badolitty" and bread snatches came up. Then I did "whadoluups, whadoluups, whadoluups . . ." and finished the ritual for "whxxps". It was a lot harder, but I still made it.

"Aren't you going to wash your hands?", asked La Netta.

"May I have some hand sanitizer?", I asked.

"You can use your soap."

"I hate using the faucet here. It's so difficult."

"You can ask Ken to hold it for you."

Brilliant idea! "Ken," I asked, "Could you hold this faucet for me while I wash my hands?"

So Ken held the faucet while I poured soap on my hands, closed the soap bottle, set the soap bottle down, rubbed back and forth 100 times, and washed the soap off my hands.

"Thanks, Ken!", I said.

La Netta said the next stop on our schedule was Williams' Health Food. I had specifically requested this after we weren't able to go there last week.

On our drive, Wanda said, "gets into her pajxmxs . . ."

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Sorry . . . gets into her clothes."

A little later, Wanda said, "That boy be looking a hot mxss!"

"Eeeeeewwwwwww!", I said.

"Sorry, James", said Wanda.

"James, will you be able to make it into Williams'?", asked La Netta.

"Yes", I told La Netta.

We finally stopped, and La Netta and I walked into Williams' together.

"I'd like to look at this first", La Netta said. She looked over some items she'd consider before taking me over to the juices.

I saw two boxes that said "Txsty Bite" on them. "Blechhh!", I said.

"Oh", said La Netta. "Do we have to leave?"

"No", I said.

"Don't look up", La Netta said.

"They have the I-word there?", I guessed.

"Yes", she said.

After going through a few more aisles, La Netta finally let me look at the juices. Every time I saw the word "juice", I saw the letters ICE, and "txsty" is connected to "ice xxxxx", so I had to be careful not to look at too many.

I told La Netta I wanted to look at for açaí and goji. La Netta said she saw some açaí blueberry and also some goji mixed in with something else. I had read that mixed goji juices didn't have the benefits of the goji berry, so I just put the açaí blueberry in my basket. Then I added a hibiscus nectar. I took the hibiscus nectar out and replaced it when I found a cheaper bottle that was also one quart

The song "Land of a 1,000 Eances" came on the Intercom. I realized for the first time that it said "Bxny Moronie" in it. After the line "let your backbone slip", I realized I would have to purge off "backbone" first before getting to "bxny".

I paid for my stuff, but by now my mouth had a lot of saliva in it. "May I see your paper bag and your plastic bag?", I asked the boy at the desk.

The cashier put my juices into a paper bag AND a plastic bag.

I started looking at the food company's ads on the plastic bag to make sure there was no "txsty".

"Can't you look at the bag once you're in the van?", asked La Netta.

"I'm checking for the T-word", I told La Netta.

After ascertaining there was no T-word on the bag, La Netta and I walked back to the van.

"I can't hold it in!", I shouted.

Wanda said she was going to "buy me one of those Twxnkie doughnuts".

"Echhhh!", I said.

"I can't say 'Twxnkie'?," asked Wanda.

"You can't", I said.

"What can I say?"

"Call it 'one of those Hostess snacks that begins with a TW'."

"Hostess snacks . . . OK."

After we pulled up to Target . . . "I can't hold it in!"

"We should probably wait until we get to our lunch site", La Netta said. "If you use the restroom in Target they'll be calling security on you. You make all those strange noises when you're purging, don't you?"

"Oh, Wanda, why did you have to say the P-word?"

"I didn't", said Wanda.

"You changed it to 'clothes', but the first time you said the P-word. I can't hold it in!"

We pulled up in front of two restaurants. When Wanda was getting her lunch, I tried not to think the mispronounced singular form of "pajxmxs". "Don't think it! Don't think it! Don't think it! Don't think it!", I shouted to myself.

"Would some music help?", La Netta asked. She turned Star 101.3 on.

"Thanks, La Netta", I said.

"You're welcome, James."

Then we pulled up to Davis Park. "The restrooms are open", La Netta said. "That's a good thing."

The first thing I did when I ran in there (after unbuttoning my pants) was purging off "pajxmxs". I did some "pajahmdras" and "pajaamdras" rituals before getting to Wanda's original word. It tasted like pizza sauce. When it came out, I sighed a big sigh of relief.

Then I did all the "ice"s I had seen, then all the "adolice, adolice cradoleam"s for the /ais/'s I had heard (nice, twice, price, I said, I see, buy something, my sister, etc.) I then did the "txsty"s. That took up the longest time.

While I was purging off the word "mxss", I heard La Netta say, "James, come out so Carl can use it."

I came out and La Netta asked, "You're still purging?"

"Yes", I said.

"Your body must be in real pain right now!"

"It is!"

I went back into the restroom shortly and finished with "madoless, madoless, madoless". Then I did some "backbadolone" and got to "badolony".

All the while, the purging was interspersed with sore throats. These off-and-on sore throats would have me dredging up a whole lot of saliva into my throat. Then I'd have to spit it all out.

Finally, the worst part: I had saved the worst for last. I purged off the two "Twxnkies" in a "Twadolinkadolye, adolee, wadolink" fashion, gagging all the way. After about twenty minutes, I stopped gagging and I came out.

I went into the van and reached for the soap in my red bag.

"Are you going to wash your hands?", asked La Netta.

"I'm reaching for my soap", I replied.

I got the soap, washed my hands, and came out. I explained to La Netta about the sore throat.

"I'm going to drink one of my juices from Williams'", I told her.

"OK", said La Netta.

I drank some çaí blueberry. After four gulps, I put the cap back on. I had no more sore throats for the rest of program.

Then Rodney began eating from the trash. "No, Rodney! Don't eat from the garbage!", Wanda said.

Rodney was pulling things out of that garbage can and snacking on them. His coach told him he was down to a mini-meal from the dollar menu at McDonald's on Friday -- there would be no Big Mac for him.

Then it came time for Rodney's group to leave. Rodney was with Rosa, rather than his usual Wanda. Rodney assaulted Rosa.

"James, you're going with Rosa", said La Netta.

"I don't want to go with them!", I said.

"Wanda's going with Rosa -- I'm only going to be able to have three."

"Can't Robin go with them?"

"No -- we're dropping off you with Carl and Rodney so we'll only have to make one stop at your house."

"La Netta, are you still going to the Laundromat?"

"No, because I won't have a partner."

"Please come with me", said Wanda.

"No!"

"Not please. Just . . . come with me. I need you to."

"All right."

"Thank you."

"You're not welcome."

We dropped off Tully, then drove to my house. When we got to my house, Rodney got up from his back seat and started barging into the front. "Can you take me to get a treat?", he asked.

"Yes, said Wanda. "You didn't eat out of the garbage. You were a good man."

"Can you take me to get a treat?"

"You didn't eat out of the garbage. You were a good man."

"Can you take me to get a treat?"

"You were a good man."

"Can you take me to get a treat?"

"You were a good man. Good man. Good man, Rodney."

"Can you take me to get a treat?"

"We'll take you, as soon as you get back in your seat and close the door, so we can drive there."

"Can you take me to get a treat?"

"We'll take you, as soon as you get back in your seat and close the door, so we can drive there."

"Can you take me to get a treat?"

"We'll take you, as soon as you get back in your seat and close the door, so we can drive there."

"Can you take me to get a treat?"

"We'll take you, as soon as you get back in your seat and close the door, so we can drive there."

"Can you take me to get a treat?"

"We'll take you, as soon as you get back in your seat and close the door, so we can drive there."

Finally our staff came, and we were all let home.

A new sleep mask!

On Tuesday, we all went into the dollar store together. No schedule had been made last week, so a speustic schedule for Tuesday was whipped up at the office an hour before.

We stopped at the Stars and Stripes, and I put three bottles in my basket: grape, root beer and a new flavor -- Pineapple Pizazz.

An ad came on about the frozen food section. I put my hands close to my ears. "Check out our frozen foods . . . ice--", and as I heard "ice", I plugged my ears and let out a "whew".

"I plugged my ears just in time!", I said.

I had picked out some molasses cookies and we were about to leave when Rosa noticed some masks in the aisle she was visiting. "They have eye masks!", she said.

I carried my basket over and Rosa held up a light blue sleep mask labeled "Eye mask". On the front, it said "10 more minutes" in black letters.

I left the dollar store with everything I wanted. When I got int he van, I put them in the trunk, but then remembered my sleep mask. I got it out and opened it.

When we left off from the dollar store, I put it on. It was perfect! This thin sleep mask allowed me to listen to my headphones while not seeing anything at all. I wouldn't have to worry about Frosty Freeze or C-tibank.

As we were doing drops that day, Rosa said, "Ken likes to stop and talk to the ice xxxxx man".

As the other group members laughed, I said, "Blechhhh!"

"Sorry, James!", said Rosa.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

The day I didn't want to go to Big Lots

On Friday, Emanuel did not come with us; we got a call from Stan saying he was to be left at home.

We started out parked. La Netta made a call on her cellphone. We started it when Rosa was out of the van, then after Rosa was in again she was still making the call.

Did La Netta say, "talk some meth"? Oh, no, she couldn't have, that doesn't make any sense. It must have been "talk some mxss".

"Talk some what?", I asked La Netta.

"Talk some stuff", La Netta said.

"La Netta, what did you really say?", I asked.

La Netta went on with her conversation.

When she hung up, Rosa said, "James, when La Netta said 'talk some stuff', she wasn't talking to you; she was talking to her interlocutor."

"Oh, really?", I asked.

"Yes. You heard what she said, so why ask?"

"It sounded like she was saying 'meth' . . . you know, like the drug?"

"But when La Netta said 'talk some stuff', you said 'Don't lie to me'."

"No, I didn't, I said, 'What did you really say?' I asked it because 'stuff' doesn't sound anything like 'meth', so I knew that couldn't have been it."

"Well, we can take you to a park to purge, or we can go on with our day."

"I want to go on with our day."

The first site was Home Depot. While I was there I saw some bottles of Ortho bug spray. Among the bugs featured on the bottles were dipsers.

It became increasingly hard to walk around in the store, but I did enjoy looking at a detergent called Foca.

"They have Foca", said Rosa.

"What's that?", asked La Netta.

I picked a Foca bag up. "'Foca' is the Spanish word for 'seal'," I told La Netta.

La Netta looked at the white fur seal on the bag.

"I've used that detergent before, but I didn't know it meant 'seal'," said Rosa.

After leaving Home Depot, we hit Big Lots.

La Netta and Rosa spent a lot of time looking at coffee cups. Some had Santa Claus and a snowman, and were clearly left over from Christmas.

As they were looking at one section, a commercial came on.

I plugged my ears. "Alouette, gentille alouette . . .", I began singing.

"James," asked La Netta, "Do we need to leave?"

"I don't want to be here", I told La Netta.

"Then we have no reason to stay here", she said. We all walked out the door.

La Netta said she'd walk to the post office, while Rosa could go back to the van and erive around.

As I stood in the post office with La Netta, I said, "When I don't want to go into a store, all I have to do is tell you and we'll leave?"

"Yes", said La Netta.

As I was looking at brochures in boxes, I saw a brochure that said, "A faster way to shxp".

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"What happened?", asked La Netta.

"I'll show you", I said. I walked over to the boxes and carried one over to La Netta.

When we got outside, La Netta said, "So the brochure has the D-word".

"No, La Netta", I said. "Not the D-word, the SH-word!"

La Netta laughed. "I was trying to say 'the SH-word', but I was thinking of the word 'delivery', which began with D."

I passed on buying lunch at McDonald's, and soon we found ourselves at Kennedy Grove.

I went out and purged off the dipsers. That took the longest time. Next came picking "shxp" out of my navel, which was quick. I finished with "mxss".

We were soon at my house, where La Netta and I hugged a big end-of-the-week hug. And so came the end of a long week and the start of a three-day week-end.

Daredevil Emanuel

On Thursday, I heard a song on the radio that may have said "cutxe".

"Did that song sing the C-word?", I asked La Netta.

"I don't know", said La Netta.

We soon stopped at the office, where we would spend a good part of our day. We all walked into the conference room together.

"May I go to the restroom?", I asked.

"Sore", said La Netta.

I went into the restroom and began purging off the word "cutxe". Once I finished, I washed my hands and walked out to the couch room.

I rested a long time on the couch. Emanuel lay on the floor while I rested.

When La Netta came in, Emanuel said, "Ice xxxxx!"

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Ice xxxxx!"

"Blechhh!"

"Ice xxxxx!"

"Blechhh!"

"Emanuel", said La Netta. "Why did you do that?"

While I was walking out of the door, I heard Emanue's radio. It sounded as if there was a "cutxe" in one of the songs. Something to ask La Netta about later.

I purged in the restroom, and came out again. I stayed in the conference room until La Netta said she was going to the restroom.

Not wanting to be left vulnerable, I told her I'd go into the men's room while she was going into the women's. I stayed in the restroom until some man knocked on the door and asked if he could use it.

I let him in. I was standing out and asked La Netta if she was still in the restroom. I guess she didn't hear me, because I didn't hear a response from the restroom and when I walked out to the conference room to check for her Rosa said she wasn't there.

I stayed in the conference room, until I heard a character in the movie they were watching saying, "better keep my exe on this boy!"

"Eeeewwwwwwwww!", I boomed.

Before long, I was in the restroom. I stayed there for a long time. It was prolonged even more by Emanuel saying "Ice xxxxx!" outside the door.

"Why'd you do that?", asked Rosa.

I purged off the I-word (when I thought mearc cie to myself I had to purge off the /ai/ sound from the thought) and then finished with "keep madoly adolye on".

I joined the van and we drove away from the office. Ken said "axx oxxx the pxxxx" on our way there, and I growled.

We were soon parked.

"Do you want to go in, James?", asked Rosa.

"This is the pet store?", I asked.

"This is Trader Joe's."

"I'll go in."

After I assented to going in, I was joined by Rosa and Robin. Robin head-butted me.

"Owwwwww!", I said.

"Robin", said Rosa, "We'll have to take you out of this store."

But Robin stayed with us. I picked out some challah and put it in the basket. Rosa asked if I wanted a sample of cherry-apple pie filling, and I told her I couldn't swallow.

As we stood in line, Robin hit me on the head. "Owwwww!", I said again.

"Robin, I'm taking you out", said Rosa. "James, watch this basket for me."

I watched both her and my baskets until Rosa came back in. When she was back in, she didn't have Robin.

I paid for my challah, and Rosa paid for her purchase. With white plastic bag in hand, I was out the door.

It was 10:48 when I got back into the van. Emanuel was left at the office. After buying chow mein, steamed vegetables and honey sesame chicken at Chef's, I asked La Netta if they said the WH-word and she said no.

We drove over to Vincent Park. La Netta asked me if I needed to go to the restroom. At first I said no, but then I remembered Ken's "axx oxxx the pxxxx" and walked in.

Then I remembered I needed soap and walked out. I told La Netta I needed soap.

"So you're going to purge?", asked La Netta.

"Yes", I said. "I just remembered Ken said the A, O the P words."

"Oh."

"And one thing I need to know before I go in: When you were in the couch room with Emanuel, did the song on his radio have the C-word in it?"

"It did."

"Oh, thanks for telling me. Now I'll purge that off too."

I purged off all the "all"s from the times we said "challah", and all the "all"s from the challah package labels. Then I did all the "all"s in the songs and dialogue, then all the "over"s and "place"s. Finally, I purged off "axx oxxx the pxxxx" itself. Then I got to "cutxe".

I came back out. After a bit of talk at Vincent Park, we were ready to drive back to the office where Emanuel was.

While Rosa went into the office to get Emanuel, I walked in to use the restroom.

While I was in there, I heard a knock. I turned the fan off and said, "Yes?"

No response. I turned the fan back on and resumed what I was eoing.

Then I heard another knock. I turned the fan off. "Yes?"

"Hi", said Emanuel. "May I use it?"

As I walked out, Emanuel said, "Ice xxxxx!"

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Ice xxxxx!"

"Blechhh!"

"Ice xxxxx!"

"Blechhh!"

"Ice xxxxx!"

"Blechhh!"

"Ice xxxxx!"

"Blechhh!"

"Ice xxxxx!"

"Blechhh!"

"What is going on?", asked Rosa when she got out of the restroom.

I explained what had happened.

Rosa knocked on the eoor and told Emanuel he had to go.

Emanuel washed his hands, then walked out and said, "Ice xxxxx!"

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Emanuel!", said Rosa.

After I finished purging, I was in the van.

"Are you bisexual?", Emanuel asked me.

"Yes", I said.

"Are you bisexual?"

"I said yes."

"Are you bisexual?"

"James, don't answer him", said La Netta. "He just wants to get a kick out of seeing you answer."

"Are you bisexual?", asked you-know-who.

"I've already answered that question", he said.

Then all of a sudden, Emanuel said, "I feel sick -- let me get out of this van".

"We can't stop", said La Netta.

"I'm sick. I'm going to throw up."

"Get your seatbelt back on!"

Before we knew it, Emanuel was out of his seat, and about to jump out of the van by opening the door. "Emanuel, that is dangerous!", his coaches were yelling.

"I'm going to throw up!", said Emanuel. "Let me out right here!"

"We're on the freeway!"

As soon as we got off the freeway, La Netta stopped for Emanuel and let him out.

"Emanuel can't sit up front anymore if he's going to get out of the van", said La Netta. She kept reiterating how dangerous what Emanuel had done was

When we got to my house, La Netta told Stan what Emanuel had done. I whispered in her ear to also tell him about the bisexuality question.

Before I knew it, I was back in my house with my Chinese food all sealed up.

A trip with no "Alouette"

Wednesday morning, we stopped by Jolene's house to pick up Robin. A woman there seemed to be wearing pink pajamdra bottoms.

"Was she in her pajamdras?", I asked La Netta.

"Yes", said La Netta.

"Eeeeeewwwwwwww."

I managed to hold it in until the time we got to Berkeley Marina. I walked into the third restroom and purged all the "pajxmxs"es out of myself, then purged her pajamdras off.

We had Grocery Outlet and the dollar store on our schedule. "Here's the thing", said La Netta. "We'll go into these stores, but the moment you start singing 'Alouette', we are going to turn around and leave. When you sing and stop, we waste a lot of time."

"What if I hear a purge word in a commercial?", I asked.

"Well, then you can purge it off in the restroom", said La Netta.

We parked in the parking lot of Grocery Outlet.

"If they don't say any purge words in the commercials, I'll be able to take my pill at 11:00", I said.

"What did you say?", asked La Netta.

"If they don't say any purge words in the commercials, I'll be able to take my pill at 11:00."

"You will be able to take your pill", said Rosa.

"Want to take some deep breaths?", asked La Netta.

I inhaled. I exhaled. I inhaled. I exhaled. I inhaled. I exhaled.

We all walked in together.

"Will you be able to push a shopping cart?", asked La Netta.

"Will I be the only one buying something?", I asked.

"Most likely", she said.

I pushed a shopping cart until Rosa found some baskets, and I traded my cart for a basket.

At the juice section, I picked out two 2-quart bottles of grape juice. Then I saw a pomegranate-blackberry drink. I carried it up to La Netta.

"Open your eyes", La Netta said.

I looked and found La Netta.

"Where's your shopping basket?", she asked me.

"I just wanted you to check this bottle for the T-word", I said.

La Netta looked it over. "It doesn't have it. It has 'taste', though."

"That's OK", I said.

Then I saw a one-gallon bottle of cranberry-grape juice for $3.99. There was no advertisement on back.

"James?", called La Netta.

"I'm still looking!", I said.

"OK, but the group doesn't want to stay here for too long!"

I carried my basket with three juices, and we were soon at the candy aisle. I tried a rocky road Mocha Supreme bar, then selected some raspberry candies from Haribo and some spice drops.

Then La Netta asked if I wanted anything else. I told her I wanted some piroshki.

La Netta took us back an aisle. We wove through the erozen foods, as she showed me where the piroshki was. I picked out three piroshkis.

Rosa selected some crackers and some chocolate.

We paid for all our stuff. Mine came out to $14.99.

"I'm very proud of you", said La Netta. "You held your own basket. You were great -- it was wonderful seeing you carry your own basket. And you didn't stop."

We drove over to the dollar store.

"Who do I take with me?", asked La Netta. "Ken? Do you want to go? James, are you coming?"

"I'm staying in the van", I said.

"OK", said La Netta.

I didn't want to risk a commercial at the dollar store. I stayed in the van as Rosa ate her crackers.

When La Netta came back out, we drove to Davis Park. Rosa said ". . . buy my family Twxnkies".

"Echhhh!", I gagged. "Echhhhh!"

Rosa talked about tricycles. When she talked about Ricky being on his tricycle when he was younger, he said one of his playmates "pushed the bxke".

"Rosa, can we talk about this later?", I asked.

"Sure", said Rosa. "Sorry, James. Although I thought I said 'tricycle'."

"First you said 'tricycle', but you also said the short form of 'bicycle'," I said.

We got to Davis Park. "The restrooms appear to be closed", said La Netta.

I walked around the park. I was choking and gagging from hearing the word "Twxnkies". A lot of saliva came up.

"Could we go to another park where the restrooms are open?", I asked.

"Depends on if we have enough time", said La Netta.

"What time is it now?"

"I don't know."

We ended up staying at Davis Park until drops. So I didn't get to purge off "Twxnkies" and "bxke" at program.

"I'm so proud of you", La Netta said as we pulled up at my house. She gave me a bag with two grape juice bottles in it, a bag with a cranberry-grape juice bottle in it, and a third bag with my piroshkis and candy inside.

"Hug for my shower?", I asked.

"I'll have to hug you some day when you don't have all these bags to carry", she said.

Juiceless

On Tuesday, I left off for program still without my red bag.

As soon as we pulled up to Emanuel's house, Emanuel started ranting. La Netta and Rosa told him to tone the ranting down.

Emanuel soon made a reference to "White boys like Ken". A coach told him to stop it.

Before long he was making another reference to "White boys". He said, "I'm going to pull a 9/11 on you, 'cause I'm from Al Qaeda".

"Sign yourself out, Emanuel", said Rosa. We pulled up to a bos stop. But Emanuel didn't get out.

"I'm going to clown you all!", said Emanuel angrily. "I'm not from this Bay Area! I'm not even from L.A.! I'm from the East Coast!"

"That's it!", said La Netta. "If you're going to behave this way, we're not going to go to Williams or Target!"

Emanuel continued to talk his nonsense. "That's it", La Netta said, "We're not going to Williams."

"Emanuel, sign yourself out so I can go to Williams", I told Emanuel.

He didn't sign himself out.

"Sign yourself out!", said Rosa angrily.

"ALL YOU LIVE FOR IS TO SCREW PEOPLE OVER!", I said to Emanuel.

Emanuel laughed.

"Do you think that's funny!", I asked.

"Are you bisexual?", said Emanuel.

"Yes", I said.

"James' sexuality is his business", said La Netta.

"Are you bisexual?", asked Emanoel.

"Are you?", asked Rosa.

"Sign yourself out!", said La Netta.

"I want to go to Williams", said Emanuel.

"Sign yourself out."

"I want to go to Williams. I want to go to Williams. I want to go to Williams. I want to go to Williams."

Emanuel finally signed himself out after Rosa forced him to.

"You should ask him what he is", said Rosa.

"What are you?", I asked.

"I'm Scooby-doo!", said Emanuel, now having walked outside of the van.

"Are we going to Williams?", asked one coach.

"No, it's past that time already", said the other.

"Can't we go to Williams now that Emanuel is out of the van?", I asked.

"No", said a coach. "Then we'll miss Target. Don't you want to get your juices at Target?"

"I do", I replied.

La Netta turned the radio on, and soon the radio was on an R&B station. I heard "cutxe" in a song, but I also heard a few "kill me"s.

"Is that song saying the C-word?", I asked La Netta.

"I didn't hear that", La Netta replied.

Before long came the song "There Goes My Baby". I wanted to put my headphones on, but they were in Stan's van.

"Is this 'There Goes My Baby'?", I asked.

"It is", said La Netta.

"Can't you just plug your ears when they say the word?", Rosa asked.

"I don't remember where in the song it is", I replied.

I plugged my ears and hummed to sing over the song. After four long hums, I listened and discovered the radio was off.

A while later, on our drive to Target, La Netta turned on the radio again. This time it was on a rap song.

The song sang "txxdles" during one of its first lines.

I continued to listen, and the rapper sang that his pants were getting "snxg".

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

La Netta turned the radio off.

We sat, parked in front of Target. Robin and Snodgrass were fighting.

"Did that mother with the red hair say the P-word to her child?", I asked La Netta.

"I couldn't hear what the mother was saying", said La Netta.

A little while later, I asked if I heard the WH-word.

"Do you remember what La Netta said?", asked Rosa. "You're stressing her out with all your questions."

Snodgrass hit Robin with his hat, while Robin head-butted Snodgrass. The two were moved into different rows.

But they continued to fight. Robin ululated, and Snodgrass growled at him. Snodgrass also screamed in his high-pitched voice.

"When are we going to go into Target?", I asked.

"I don't know if we can go into Target today", said La Netta. "The group is acting up."

La Netta and Rosa conversed with each other. As their conversation went on, I became restless for a trip to Target. We had skipped Williams so we would have time for Target. So when would our Target time come?

When there was an opening in the conversation, I asked La Netta, "If we leave Snodgrass and Robin here, can we go into Target together?"

"It wasn't just Snodgrass and Robin", said Rosa. "It was also you. La Netta asked you to tone it down, and you didn't tone it down."

"What did I do?", I asked.

"You were asking, 'Did this song sing this word?' 'Did this song sing that word?' 'Did that song sing this word?' 'Did that song sing that word?'"

The conversation between La Netta and Rosa resumed. Then I asked La Netta, "La Netta, if I don't ask about any words, will you take me into Target?"

"My eyes are flickering and my whole body's in pain", said La Netta. "You stressed me out with all that humming."

"Rosa", I asked, "Will you take me into Target if I don't ask about any words?"

"It's time to go to our next program site", said Rosa.

I began crying. We had given up Williams to go to Target, and now we couldn't go to Target either. I would be juiceless.

I stepped out of the van.

"Are you going to get back in?", Rosa asked me.

"I'm not getting back in until we go into Target", I said.

Rosa traded spots with La Netta, as Rosa got into the driver's seat. I paced around in the handicapped parking zone next to our van for a good five to ten minutes.

"James", La Netta said, "Can't Stan take you to Target?"

"He's too busy", I said.

"Did you ask him?"

"He's always too busy when I ask him to take me places."

La Netta kept trying to get me to get Stan to get my juices (wow, that was three "get"s there in the last sentence).

Finally, she asked, "Can't you just ask Stan to go to Target and get your juices?"

"He probably can't", I said.

"He's gotten them for you before."

"Yeah, he'll probably get them for me." I stepped back into the van.

As we left Target, Snodgrass said, "My bxke!"

"You don't even see one!", said La Netta.

We headed to Uppertail to get lunch. We were originally planning on Subway, but La Netta suggested that we go to Lee's Garden while in Uppertail.

I went into Lee's Garden with La Netta.

The employee said, "Hi, how are you?"

"It's a bad day", I said.

"I said, 'Hi, how are you?'," she said.

"I said, 'It's a bad day.'"

"May I take your order?"

I ordered chow mein, Mongolian beef and mixed vegetables with shromp. How would I enjoy this when I was so low on juice?

As we drove over to our lunch site, Robin hit me.

"Owwwwwww!", I screamed. "SHAME ON YOU, ROBIN!"

I walked into the restroom. I started with "pajxmxs". Next I purged off "txxdles", then I picked "bxke" out of my navel. Next I did some "snadolug, snadolug", and then finally I purged off "cutxe".

We embarked on drops. While Robin was in the back seat, he hit La Netta.

"SHAME ON YOU, ROBIN!", I said. "You hit my friend!"

La Netta chastised Robin angrily. She told Robin he had better cut it out.

"James", said La Netta, "Ask Stan if he can get you some juices from Target. Tell him about Emanuel, and how you didn't get to go to Williams, and how you didn't have your headphones so you were humming."

We pulled up at my door. 2:30. As La Netta and I walked up, Stan Man said, "King Iames! Your red bag is in your room."

"Stan", I asked, "Can you go to Target and buy me two bottles of Market Pantry apple juice?"

"Not today", he said.

"Can you do it tomorrow?", I asked.

"I'll have to see about that. Maybe."

I walked into my room. There was my red bag, with my headphones and CD player.

Dental appointment

Rodney and I went to the dentist's office in Richmond Monday. Pia was speaking with Stan Man and filling out forms for their two clients after he and we went in.

"Your birthdate: September 8, 19 . . . what?", asked Pia.

"'79", I supplied.

"When was your last dentist's appointment?", Pia asked, writing "June 2010".

"It was in 2009."

"No, I think it was in 2010. Let me call the office to make sure."

Pia then called Dr. Wong.

"You're gooe, James!", said Pia. "It was in 2009!"

"Did I hear a WH-word?", I asked Pia.

"I can't tell you", said Pia, "Because I was busy filling out this form."

"Can you listen out for words for me?"

"You don't need to worry; they're speaking in Spanish.

They called Rodney to the dentist's office. Eventually, they called me in.

"How are you doing?", a woman with Paulette on her nametag asked me.

"It's a bad day", I said.

"What's wrong?"

"Well . . . I lost my sleep mask . . . and I lost a friend . . . and someone broke into my box of See's chocolates . . . and my best friend Lamesha was supposed to come over on the twenty-third but didn't."

"Well, maybe your friend can come over later, and someone can buy you a new box of chocolates."

She then told me she was going to do X-rays of my teeth. I expected four X-rays.

After the fourth X-ray was done, she started another and I figured they were going to do six X-rays, the way they did at Dr. Smith's.

After the sixth X-ray, Paulette started in on a seventh.

After the tenth X-ray, Paulette told me we were almost done.

"This seems to be going on forever", I said.

"I thought I was being quick", she said. "These X-rays take pictures of about three of your teeth at a time."

Eventually she finished with the X-rays and I was back in the waiting room.

A dentist who was identified as Dr. Wilson called me into his room.

"How are you doing?", he asked.

"It's a bad day", I replied.

"What's wrong?"

"Do you want me to go over the same laundry list I gave to Paulette?"

"Oh, well, then, you don't have to answer."

Dr. Wolson sat me up in his reclining seat. He felt around with a pick and mirror. "For someone who hasn't gone to the dentist since 2009, your teeth are pretty good, except you have two cavities -- one up here and one down here. We'll make an appointment to fill them."

"I am NOT getting a filling!", I said.

"That's fine, you don't have to ie you don't want to."

Dr. Wilson then left the room as I waited in the waiting room. Luckily for me, they were playing music on KOIT. When the commercials came, I plugged my ears.

Finally, Dr. Wilson came back in. "Dr. Wilson", I said. "Can I get the two teeth
with the cavities in them extracted?"

"They don't need to be pulled", he said, "They need to be filled."

"I want them pulled, so I can have a perfect mouth."

"Well, your teeth aren't in bad shape. We can either fill them, or we can leave them alone. You decide, and when we're done with this appointment, you tell me what we've decided."

Paulette walked into the room. "How did you know my name?", asked Paulette.

"I saw it on your nametag, and I heard someone calling you Paulette", I replied.

"I heard you calling 'Paulette'."

"Oh, Dr. Wilson just asked how I was doing, and I told him it was a bad day, and he asked why, and I said, 'Do you want me to go over the same laundry list I gave to Paulette?'"

"Ohhhhhhh."

Dr. Wilson picked at calculous with a pick. Then he brushed my teeth with a magic toothbrush. While we was picking, he and Paulette were involved in a conversation.

"I got him a boy doll with blue pajxmxs", Paulette said.

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

Dr. Wilson suddenly backed out of my mouth. "What's wrong?", he asked.

"Paulette said a purge word."

"A purge word? Which one?"

"Rhymes with 'llamas'. Don't say it."

"Oh, I know what it is", said Paulette. "Llamas. I definitely know what it is."

I heard what may have been a "whxxps" in the other room.

Finally, Dr. Wilson finished brushing. He gave me some water to rinse my mouth out with and I would spit it out into a ceramic tube. The tube appeared to be cracked on the inside.

"Now you're ready to go", said Paulette.

"Wait, I want to speak to Dr. Wilson first", I said.

"He's here in the room!"

"Yes?", said Dr. Wilson.

"Those teeth with the cavities -- I've decided I'm going to just let them be", I said.

"That's fine", said Dr. Wilson.

Dr. Wilson called out Pia. Pia asked me how I was doing and I told her I had heard the P-word and was burning to purge it off.

Dr. Wilson explained to Pia that I had two cavities and would not be getting them filled.

"Any reason why?", asked Pia.

Dr. Wilson explained that I wanted a perfect mouth, and was going for extraction, but they didn't extract good teeth here.

I found a restroom and purged off "pajxmxs", then came out.

Pia took me into her van. I told her my red bag was left in Stan Man's van from when he had driven me to the dentist's office.

"I'll have to call Stan", said Pia.

Pia dropped me off at the office. I was there without my red bag. I purged off "whxxps" in the restroom. Soon La Netta came in and picked me up.

"What kind of appointment did you have?", asked La Netta.

"It was a dentist's appointment", I replied.

"Did they get your teeth clean? Show me your teeth."

I showed La Netta my teeth.

"They look great!", said La Netta.

We stepped into the van together and Rosa drove us to our park site, Miller's Knots. "You missed going to Taco Bell for lunch -- you missed everything!", said Rosa.

"Rodney was going to the dentist with you too, right?", asked La Netta. "Who picked Rodney up and drove him here?"

"Dunno", I replied.

"Did you have any cavities?", asked Rosa.

"I had two teeth with cavities, so those are coming out", I bragged.

"Pulled? Are they that bad?"

"The dentist said he wanted them filled, but I said no, I'm getting them extracted."

"You should really get them filled instead of extracted, because you never know how your teeth are going to be later in life, and when you're old, those two teeth may be your best teeth!" Rosa doesn't understand.

We were soon at Miller's Knots. While the others were eating lunch, I was left lunchless -- not that I would have eaten mine at Miller's Knots anyway; not that I ever did, but today especially my mouth was still full of gunk from all that dentistry.

La Netta and Rosa got to talking about body type. La Netta mentioned Jeremiah -- "those muscles jxggling", she said.

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Do you need to go to the restroom?"

"Yes."

I went into the restroom and chanted 90 "jadoliggle"s. Then I did a "jadoliggle" down there and a "jadoliggle" up here and I was out.

We were soon doing drops, and when I got home, my red bag was still not in my room.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I lose my sleep mask

On Thursday morning Stan came into my room and told me we had an appointment with Dr. Luburic. I got out of bed, put my shoes on, put on my sleep mask and sunglasses, grabbed my red bag, turned off my white sound machine and walked out of the house.

We were soon in the Richmond Mental Health Clinic. Stan left and told me, "Tell him everything's OK, and keep everything the same."

Dr. Luburic soon called me in and asked how I was doing these days. I told him I was sad because "I lost a friend".

Dr. Luburic wanted to know more about what had happened.

I told him about Tiffany. A few weeks ago, Tiffany had told me to tell her at midnight when she first came over everything I would need that night.

At 11:00 p.m. on New Year's Eve, Tiffany had come into my room, and asked me if there was anything I needed. I checked the restroom and said I needed more toilet paper, but I didn't need anything else.

Then on New Year's Day at 8:00 a.m., I came out of my room, and Tiffany asked, in an angry tone of voice, "Yes, James!"

I told her I wanted a chimichanga for breakeast.

Then Tiffany said, "James, you could have DONE asked for this last night! I asked you if you needed anything, and you said no, just the toilet paper!"

"But it's morning now!", I said. "It's 8:00!"

"I specifically asked you if you needed anything. I am not going to be doing this in the morning."

"But it's a new day. I thought you meant if I needed anything over the night!"

I told Dr. Luburic that since it was officially morning, Tiffany would have no trouble being up and around to get me stuff -- it's not as if she was in bed, asleep. Dr. Luburic agreed.

"And now I don't love Tiffany anymore", I finished.

I also talked to him about Lamesha. Lamesha was supposed to come over on December 23, but she didn't. I mentioned how much I missed Lamesha.

Then Dr. Luburic got into asking for the pills. I said I kept having these fits of rage, but I was afraid to ask for the one-milligram Risperdal pill because my staff would ask me why -- they'd want all the "juicy details" on what I was thinking about.

Just then Stan came in the room. Dr. Luburic said, "He's been sad because of relationships with his staff -- Tanya and Lamesha."

"Tiffany", I said.

"Tiffany and Lamesha."

I filled Stan in on what was going on with Tiffany.

"James said he was in love with, were the words he used, that he loved Tiffany."

"Did you have a bit of a crush on Tiffany?", Stan Man asked me.

"Oh, no", I said. "I loved Tiffany, but I wasn't in love with her."

"Is it an issue of physical contact? You're not getting enough hugs from her because she's sick and can't hug you?"

"I understand the illness part", I said. "But it used to be that Tiffany and I would have long hugs and long-lasting conversations. Recently she's been saying, "Yes, James!" in an angry tone of voice when I come in and not having time to talk. She'd start putting off hugs until the morning, and then when the morning came she'd leave without hugging me."

We then switched to the topic of Lamesha. I mentioned that I did communicate with Lamesha over Facebook.

Stan said that I have the right to be given my one-milligram Risperdals and I shouldn't have to be asked why in order to take it.

Then I got into my See's chocolates being stolen. I told Dr. Luburic and Stan the story. At first the box of chocolates was too long to fit in a Ziploc bag, so La Netta and I went to Wal-mart and found a storage container that was big enough for my chocolates. Then when I got home that day and wanted to see if my chocolates would fit, I noticed that the red Christmas wrapping paper around my box was opened at one end. I opened the box and discovered that the divider between the two layers of chocolate was taken out and about half the chocolates had been eaten. I ran out and told Stan, "Someone broke into my See's chocolates!", and Stan said he'd tell Pia.

I mentioned that Rodney had been after my liqueur cake only the day before, so that pointed to Rodney, but on the other hand, Rodney wouldn't have been that sneaky; he would have just taken the chocolate, ripped off the wrapping paper, and been caught with it, so that pointed to Jason. I said I didn't know whether Nick stole food, and Stan Man said he didn't.

"A little Sherlock Holmes", said Dr. Luburic.

We stayed on my 4 milligrams in the a.m., 4 in the p.m. dosage, and I said good-bye to Dr. Luburic. Stan Man and I left his office.

Stan drove me over to the CIWP office. I put my red bag and sleep mask down on the table in the couch room, and lay on the couch.

La Netta eventually came in, and said, "I didn't know you were here." She said she'd be in the restroom, then we'd go.

I went into the restroom, so I wouldn't be exposed to words from the other clients who were here now.

I waited and waited and waited. When would La Netta knock?

Finally I came out. "La Netta?", I asked as I stood by the women's room.

Kay finally came out of the women's room. "La Netta's waiting for you in the van", said Kay. "She thought you were already in the van."

I went into the couch room to gather my stuff. I picked up my red bag, but my sleep mask was missing.

I looked in my bag, then on the table, then under the table. I informed Kay that my sleep mask was missing.

Kay went to the van, where we told La Netta. Kay said she'd go in the office one last time, to check the restroom.

She came out and said she had checked, but couldn't find it anywhere.

"Did you check the wastebaskets?", I asked.

"No, I didn't", she said.

I asked which clients were there, and she said the coaches in the office had Gerardo and Ganesh.

"What do you want to eat?", Kay asked me.

"I've been craving Mongolian beef for over a week", I said.

La Netta drove over to Rickshaw. I ordered chow mein, broccoli beef and something new called Mandarin chicken. It seemd to be covered in orange sauce. As you can tell, I had to make do with broccoli beee because they didn't have Mongolian beef.

While we were driving, Kay said she'd call up Ernestine and ask her to check the wastebaskets for my sleep mask. She got a call a little later and it turned out no sleep masks were found in any wastebasket.

Snodgrass leant over while I had my Styrofoam in the back. "Don't lean over, Shawn!", I said. "You're going to crush my Chinese food!"

A little later he was leaning over again. "Don't lean over!", I said. "Don't lean over! Don't lean over! Don't lean over! You're going to crush my Chinese food!"

"Shawn," said Kay, "Don't eat crumbs off the floor."

So that was why Snodgrass was leaning over. He wa trying to pick crumbs of his meal off the floor and eat them.

The conversation soon turned to cooking.

"My mother makes this txsty beef", said Kay.

"Blechhhh!", I said.

"Ohhhhhhh!", said Kay. "And I had gone so good for most of the day!"

I went to the restroom to purge off "txsty". I thought "txsty" to myself, then had to throw in an extra "tadolasty; tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty; tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty; tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty; tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty; tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty; tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty; tadolasty, adolice cradoleam". I soon thought the word 5 times, then 11 times, then 14 times. Every time I tried to accomplish a block of "taddolasty"s, I thought it again.

After what seemed like an eternity, I got to the original "txsty" and purged it off with two of those chants. I washed my hands and was ready to go.

When I got back it was 1:38. La Netta told me I had spent a good thirty, forty minutes in the restroom.

As we drove home, we knew there would be no Frosty Freeze, so I put on my headphones. Even without my sleep mask, I could wear headphones because I knew I didn't have to listen for La Netta saying, "Close your eyes, James!"

There were, as always, gaps between the songs. During one gap, I heard a commercial on the radio say "Shxpping and handling".

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

La Netta turned the radio off.

"Why did it have to be during a gap?", I asked.

"How terrible!", said La Netta.

Once I got home, I picked "shxpping" out of my navel and ate my Chinese food.

Emanuel at his worst

On Wednesday morning, I was out of money. I had left a message on Stan's answering machine telling him I needed money, but I wasn't sure if he got it.

Then we pulled up to Emanuel's house. There was a lot of drama surrounding Emanuel getting into the van. Sonya and Pia were there.

As soon as I was alerted to Pia's presence, I said, "Wait!", and came running out the van door. "Pia!", I called.

"Yes, James?", asked Pia.

"I need money", I said.

"Gotchya. How much?"

"I need $20."

"Gotchya." Pia pulled a 20 out of her wallet.

I had my hands open.

"Close your hand", said Pia.

I closed one hand and grasped the $20 bill. I put it in my pocket, and Pia and I said our good-byes.

Emanuel began touching Snodgrass. "Shawn doesn't like that", said Rosa.

I put my headphones on. They turned themselves off after about two songs, so I turned them on again at medium volume. I couldn't hear the radio, but I could hear Rosa yelling at Emanuel. From what I could make out, Rosa was upset that Emanuel was violating Snodgrass. Emanuel kept saying, "He likes being touched!"

We then stopped at the office. As we went in, Emanuel said, "Ice xxxxx!"

"Blechhhhh!", I said.

"Hey, James, how would you like some ice xxxxx?"

"Blechhhh!"

"Emanuel!", his coaches yelled at him.

"James, why don't you stay out here until Emanuel decides what he's going to do with himself?", said La Netta. "If you go into the restroom, he's just going to stand outside and say the I-word."

So I stayed in the conference room until La Netta tole me it was safe to use the restroom.

I went into the restroom and purged off all Emanuel's "ice xxxxx"s. Then I was back in the conference room.

When Emanuel walked out of the conference room and into the restroom, La Netta gestured for me to let her whisper something to me. I came over, and La Netta whispered, "You can go into the conference room."

I lay down on the couch for quite a while.

Then I heard two people outside. It sounded as if one of them said, "You're coughing axx oxxx the pxxxx".

"Did he say, 'You're coughing A, O the P words'?", I asked La Netta.

"Yes", said La Netta.

"Ewwwwwww!" I went into the restroom a second time.

I purged for some time, trying to get "axx oxxx the pxxxx" out of my body. This time, the floor was visibly wet.

Then La Netta knocked. She said Robin had to use the restroom.

I said I would let him in soon.

Then I finally got "axx oxxx the pxxxx" to come out of me. I washed my hands and opened the eoor.

Then came an angry Robin flying in. He hit me -- right on the head!

"Owwwwww!", I screamed. "SHAME ON YOU, ROBIN!"

La Netta told Robin it was not OK to hit me.

Robin then walked into the restroom. As Robin walked in, I told La Netta, "The floor is wet."

"Is it?", she asked. She opened the eoor and said, "Let me see the floor, Robin."

What La Netta saw was urine on the floor.

"Emanuel!", said La Netta. "You urinated all over the floor!"

"It wasn't me", said Emanuel.

"You were the only one who was in there", said La Netta. "And I know James didn't do it."

La Netta made Emanuel clean his urine up.

"James, how's the burrito truck sound?", asked La Netta.

"It sounds good", I said.

La Netta took me to the burrito truck, where I got a vegetarian super burrito. We were next at Davis Park.

La Netta began eating her burrito and chips. I noticed that as she ate it, she took a chip and dipped it in the insides of her burrito, then ate it, then chipped the chip again.

"It's never occurred to me to eat a burrito that way!", I said.

"Everyone says I'm so different", said La Netta.

That made me very hungry for burrito. I go in the back row, empty now that Snodgrass was in the middle row and Robin was outside, and I began eating my burrito. It was one of the best burritos I had ever had.

I then stepped outside to eat my chips. I saw a chip with a human face on it, and rejecting it, walked over to give it to Robin. As I walked over, I saw a clear frok. It may have been biodegradable, but I wasn't taking any chances. I would purge that frok off as soon as I was done giving Robin his chip.

Robin took the chip from me and began eating it. I then stuffed my bag of chips in my right pocket and purged in the restroom.

When I was certain I had gotten that frok out, I resumed eating my chips. When I finished, I threw that bag away.

The conversation in the van resumed, and Rosa said "shxpped". I growled, and went to the restroom to purge it off.

La Netta let Robin in the back row, thinking the chip I gave him would build a friendship between us and Robin would calm down, but soon Robin hit my head again.

La Netta told Robin to get back out of that van if he couldn't behave. I moved to the middle.

"I think what it is", said La Netta, "Is Robin sees James giving peanut crunch and tacos and presents to Jolene, and he thinks that James is trying to steal Jolene from him."

We then rode home, and Robin in the back row hit my head in the middle row. I screamed in pain again.

"Robin!", I said. "I am not lusting after Jolene!"

"Robin!", said La Netta with stern eyes. "You'll have to stop hitting my friend!" Her eyes freaked Robin out.

We passed a cemetery. La Netta told me that that was where her stillborn daughter was. Her grandmother and great-grandmother were also there. Then she mentioned she had a deceased cousin named Mxkey, and I went "Ewwwwww!"

I picked "Mxkey" out of my navel when I got home, my head oh so sore from Robin's violent behavior.

Smack!

On Tuesday, we were at El Cerrito Plaza, so I asked La Netta if we could go to Chef's. She said we probably could.

Then when we got near Chef's, the parking lot was full. So much for a dragging economy.

"Do you want to go to 7-11?", asked La Netta. "They have food at 7-11."

"Sure", I said. "Do they have sushi in 7-11?"

"They do", said La Netta.

She showed me the deli and I picked out a sushi box for $3.something. Then I noticed something to the right of the sushi. It said "Frok inside" and next to the words was a picture of a frok."

"You didn't actually see one," La Netta said. "It was just a picture of one."

After I paid for my sushi I explained to her. "I still have to purge because it said the F-word."

"But it's probably biodegradable!", said La Netta. "They're passing that new law?"

"Has the law already passed?"

"I don't know; you can look it up online. But the Chinese places have switched over, McDonald's is switching over . . ."

We sat in front of the 7-11. As I pondered whether to take my pill just yet, I lifted my sleep mask and I saw the sign on the left of the 7-11: C-tibank.

"Rrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"What's wrong?", asked La Netta.

"The soft C-word. That sign."

"Where is it?"

"To the left of the 7-11 building."

"Ohhhhhhhh! I didn't even see it! I'm sorry, James."

We then went to the gas station, where someone with a motorcycle came out of a restroom. Rosa referred to the boy "on the bxke".

By now, I had three words squirming inside of me and was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

Snodgrass and Robin began fighting in the back row. Robin head-butted Snodgrass, then Snodgrass whacked Robin with his hat. A full-out fight was going on in the back row before I made it to the Vincent Park restroom.

I started out with the drawing of a frok, and then the word "frok". I then purged again for the drawing of the frok as described by the word, and then purged again for the word "frok" as a descroptor of the picture.

Then I did "C-tibank".

Finally, I tried picking "bxke" out of my navel. It took a long time to get the feeling right, but eventually I got it.

I got back in the van after purging. By now Snodgrass was on the left and Robin was on the right; they had been separated to stop the two from fighting. I got into the middle.

Only about five minutes after I got into the middle, I felt a smack on my head from the right side. My eyes flickered on and off. Robin had head-butted me!

"Owwwww!", I said. "SHAME ON YOU, ROBIN!"

I smacked Robin's wrist.

The coaches chastised Robin. I explained that my head was in pain, and that my eyes had flickered on and off.

La Netta pressed a cold paper towel to my head. I kept my sunglasses and sleep mask on and she held the paper towel against my head while I stood still. I flushed the paper towel down the john when she was done.

Then La Netta wet another paper towel. She put a second one up to my head just in case I was still in pain.

When we were done with this, we began driving home.

"My bxke!", said Snodgrass as we drove home.

"-cycle", said La Netta. "And it's a motorcycle", she added.

"And it's not yours", I said.

A box for my See's!

Monday was Wal-mart day. I had told La Netta that I wanted juices and a ziploc bag big enough to hold my long box of See's chocolates. I had not yet opened the two-pound See's box I got for Christmas because it was oblong and too long to fit in one of the ziploc bags I had.

There was a motorcycle in front of Wal-mart. La Netta told me to plug my ears. So I plugged my ears and hummed while Snodgrass squealed.

We waited for Rosa as she used the restroom. La Netta was browsing in the magazine section with Snodgrass and Ken. Snodgrass found a motorcycle magazine and began saying, "Bxke!", so I heard the word anyway.

"Oh, this is something you'd like", said La Netta.

She held up to me an issue of the National Enquirer whose cover story was "Who's Gay, Who's Not". I learned from the cover that Sarah Palin had a lesbian romance. Who knew?

Then, below the Sarah Palin photo, I saw a caption with the word "cutxes".

"Echhhhh!", I gagged.

"Oh, no, what happened?", asked La Netta.

I pointed to the C-word, and she put the tabloid back.

After looking at Christmas leftovers, La Netta took me to the juice section, where I got two Hawaiian punches, Fruit Juicy Red and Berry Limeade Blast.

We then looked for ziploc bags big enough to hold my See's box, but couldn't find any. Then someone suggested I try for a storage box.

We looked through storage boxes. We needed one that was big enough two hold a two-pound box. Finally we found one for $3.50.

It came out to be $4.00 with the tax, but I managed to pay for my stuff with the money I had. Then we were out the door.

As we were parked in the parking lot and ready to drive off, Rosa pointed out something to La Netta. She said it was "behind the moped".

"What did you say?", asked La Netta.

"Behind the bxke."

Because she had had to change her words, I would now have to pick my navel. This wasn't going to be any fun.

We stopped at a burrito truck, where I got a tongue burrito.

Then I purged off the word "cutxes" at Miller's Knots. Next, I did Snodgrass "bxke"s, which went quickly. But then came Rosa's "bxke", which was just a nightmare. I picked and stabbed at my navel from many different angles, trying to get it to feel right.

I finally came out and told La Netta I was hungry.

"Why don't you eat your burrito here?"

"I don't want to spill my burrito on the seat", I said.

"OK", said La Netta.

When we got home that day, I wanted to hug La Netta our end-of-the-week hug that we didn't get to share on Thursday, but she was sick and declined a hug.

I got home and finally ate my burrito.