Monday, September 27, 2010

Going home full

The radio was turned to KISS-FM 98.1 today, and La Netta was letting the commercials play. A Wells Fargo ad came on. AEter it said "Wells Fargo -- with us, you'll go far", there was a coda. "[Something] at C-tibank . . .", it started out.

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I said. "Did you hear that, La Netta?"

La Netta said something, but the commercial was still on, so I plugged my ears and hummed.

"La Netta", I said. "Could you turn off the commercial so I can hear what you're saying?"

La Netta turned it off. I unplugged my ears.

"I said, 'Do you want to go home with Rosa so you can use the bathroom?'," replied La Netta.

"I can't go home with Rosa!", I said. "Emanuel will want to listen to rap!"

So we drove off.

That peanut-buttery taste lingered in me. I was feeling all sorts of soft, buttery peanut butter splashing like juice along the sides of my groin. I was stopping at Snodgrass' house full of this word, and I couldn't rest.

Then came Ken's house. I wished my intestines were empty, but they weren't. I carried the peanut butter home with me. It made mxssy splashes.

Then at 2:05 we got to my house. For the next 13 minutes, I struggled with the name of this stupid bank that can't even spell "city" correctly. La Netta asked if I wanted to gather up my juices. So I did. I picked up the three bottles of liquid from the dollar store that were in the trunk and put them up on my seat, which was empty except for me. Then I saw my box of Pom Poms in the back of the trunk. It was stranded on the floor. I put that in my red bag.

At 2:18, La Netta walked me up to the house. I started going to the right, then switched over and took the left route when I saw that I would have had to walk by the beam that has an orb dipser's wxb on it.

Once I got in, I set my purchases down, turned on my white sound machine and took off my sleep mask. I then went into the restroom and purged off "C-tibank". The taste of Peter Pan peanut butter came right out of me.

Emanuel makes it hard for us

On Friday, La Netta had turned the radio to KBLX when a song came on that sang, "Cutxe, you turn me on . . ."

"Echhhhh!", I gagged. "La Netta, could you turnthis song off next time they play it?", I asked.

"Sure", La Netta said.

"Rock with you . . .", the singer sang.

I thought back to another song that had the C-word in it, of which I had asked the same request of La Netta.

"Hey, La Netta", I said, "Remember that New Edition song that had the C-word in it?"

"'Rock with You'?", asked La Netta.

"This song is it?"

"This is 'Rock with You', I believe is the title."

"So it's by New Edition?"

"I believe it is."

"This song came on before and I asked if you could turn it off the next time it comes on. Why didn't you turn it off?"

La Netta explained that she had Emanuel pounding at her head and a lot of things to think about in general.

We went into Wal-mart together. Emanuel wandered off from the group.

I picked up my two Tampicos while I was there. La Netta asked Emanuel to stay in the store. Instead he went outside. La Netta asked an employee where he was, and the employee told her Emanuel was outside.

La Netta took the shopping cart out, and noted that she had misplaced her keys. Se tried to find them in the van. "Could you open it?", she asked me, sticking her hand in a window.

I pulled my sleeve over my hand and struggled to push a window in.

"No", she said. "I mean pull up the door lock".

I grabbed the lock between my finges and attempted to pull it up, but alas, my hand was too weak.

Then La Netta met Rosa and got the keys. She opened the door and yelled at Emanuel for "doing too much" in Wal-mart.

"They're going to start asking us not to come", said La Netta, "And James, you won't be able to get your juices."

They asked Emanuel if he wanted to sign out, but Emanuel began cussing at them. "Tell Stan he can suck my dick", said Emanuel.

"Wait until Stan gets home, and you tell that to Stan!", said La Netta indignantly.

Emanuel boomed at them, then calmed down and got inside.

Later on that day, Emanuel referred to "that fat woman".

"You mean La Netta?", I asked.

"Yes", said Emanuel.

"La Netta's my friend", I said.



"How good of friends are you?"

"Emanuel", said La Netta, "Knock it off! Because we're not that kind of friends! That is nasty"

Emanuel laughed.

"La Netta", I asked later in the day, "Did Emanuel really mean 'How good of friends are you?' in a sexual way?"

"Yes, he did", said La Netta. "I saw his face, and he had an evil grin on his face."

"Oh. I had my sleep mask on."

After 2:00, I asked for my pill. When I got inside my house, I finished purging off "cutxe", and looked up that song. It turned out it was not by New Edition, but by Bobby Brown.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Up to 4 and 4

"We have an appointment with Dr. Luburic this morning", Stan told me as I lay in bed with my shoes on.

I had already put my deodorant on and combed my hair, so I got on my sleep mask and sunglasses immediately and picked up my red bag. I turned off my white sound machine and was out the door.

When I entered the van, it said 8:42, so I stared all through 8:44 and 8:45.

We finally parked, far from the clinic. I had to walk past lots of litter, inspecting it all to make sure it wasn't from Frosty Freeze, worrying when I'd see plastic silverware littered on the ground. This was no fun.

We arrived just before 9:00, but the woman working there told us our appointment wasn't until 9:30.


Dr. Luburic surprised us, however, by coming out early. He welcomed us into his office.

"Is it to the right or to the left?", I asked.

"Left", someone told me.

Stan Man and I soon settled in the office.

"How have you been?", Dr. Luburic asked me.

"Well, I said, I've been asking for the one-milligram Risperdal pill more often. I don't feel angry more often, I've just been remembering to ask for it."

"Would you say you've been feeling bad less often, or the same, or more often?"

"I'd say the same."

"Stan, what have you observed?"

"Basically what James says. He's been the same. Pretty stable."

"How often have you been asking for that one-milligram pill?", Dr. Luburic asked me.

"Four times a week, about", I said.

Stan Man said he also observed that I had been asking for my pill more often.

"What things have been making you hurt yourself?", asked Dr. Luburic.

"Thinking about things that happened to me, thinking about things that happened to other people, thinking about all the citizens who got behind George W. Bush after 9/11 . . .", I said. "That makes me potch my abdomen" -- I demonstrated lightly -- "Like this, only harder."

Dr. Luburic asked us about the Benadryl, and I explained that I hadn't been needing to take it. Stan Man asked if we could discontinue the Benadryl, since I hadn't needed it. Dr. Luburic explained that with the higher dosages of Risperdal, I could start going into shock, so I needed it. "James has been tolerating it very well", he said.

"Can we increase my dosage to four milligrams in the a.m. and four milligrams in the p.m.?", I asked.

"We could", said Dr. Luburic.

"Thank you, Dr. Luburic", I said.

"Since you're asking for it more days than not, that's the best course to take."

While Stan spoke on his cellphone, he asked Dr. Luburic a question. "Pia wants to know, is there a group he can go to where they talk about OCD?"

"There are support groups we have here, for our medication," said Dr. Luburic.

"But any specifically for OCD?"

"None for OCD."

"James," asked Stan, "When they give you a one-milligram pill, does it actually make you feel better?"

"Yes", I said.

"How long does it take?"

"Well, I know the medicine doesn't take effect that fast, but after they give it to me, I stop attacking myself, at least for a little while."

"How long is a little while?"

"A few hours."

"Oh, OK."

"Risperdal is probably the best pill for self-injury", said Dr. Luburic, "Although it doesn't really help with the obsessions and compulsions you have as a result of your disorder. Prozac is best for that, but I know how you feel about Prozac."

Stan and I said good-bye to Dr. Luburic, having a new prescription for me. We walked outside.

Just then, I heard a man saying "Twxnkie!" to someone. eisgusting!

I would have to purge once I got to the CIWP office.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The object vs. the word

We had just returned from a successful trip to Target today at which I had bought headphones that worked, as well as lasagna, when we sat parked in front of the office. I lifted my sleep mask to check the time when I saw Rosa carrying a plate of something.

"Is there plastic silverware in the van?", I asked Rosa.

"Yes, there is", she said.

I paused a little. "Is it a spoon or is it an F-word?"

"It's . . . it's a frok", Rosa said.

I took my sleep mask off and started to climb out of the van. "I'll be in the restroom", I said.

"Why? Did you see it?"

"No", I said.

"I wasn't actually eating with it."


"You can't see it in the van."

I stepped out.

"Do you still need to purge?", Rosa asked.

"Yes", I said.


"Because you said the F-word."


Emanuel ruins our day

On Tuesday I was in a hurry to get out of the house. It was the day I would get my headphones at Target, so I didn't want to miss anything. I checked my red bag before I left. The gift certificate was still in it.

When we pulled up to our first program site, I explained that I hadn't had a chance to go to the bathroom at home before leaving, and would like to use their restroom.

As I went in to urinate, I heard what sounded like a "Pardon?" in the conversation outside. As the time passed, I heard another "Pardon?"

Then I heard a "pxke around". I walked out of the restroom door and there was Rosa. I asked her, "Did you hear the P & A words?"

"No, you didn't", said Rosa.

"Did the people who were talking say 'pardon'?"

"No, they didn't."

So I left. I didn't have to purge, but I didn't get to go back in and wash my hands.

Shortly after, Rosa and I went into Grocery Outlet in Pinole. This one didn't have piroshkis, so we looked at Tony's pizzas before I settled on lunch meat.

While we were looking, Emanuel walked up. "Hey, James", he said.

"Yes, Emanuel?", I asked.

"We're going to buy some ice xxxxx."

"Blechhh!", I said.

"You and me can have some ice xxxxx."


"Emanuel!", said Rosa, "Knock it off! You know James does not like that word!"

"Let me ask them where their ice xxxxx is!", said Emanuel.

"Blechhh!", I said.

Emanuel kept on laughing.

He said the word about fifteen more times. Meanwhile, Rosa and I were checking expiration date on the Butterball turkey ham. They were two for $1.00, but most of them were already past their expiration dates. Finally, we found two that were to expire on September 25.

We approached the cashier.

"Excuse me," said Emanuel to the cashier, "Could you show me your ice xxxxx?"

"It's over here", the cashier said.

"That's your ice xxxxx."


"That's where your ice xxxxx is?"


"What's there?"

"The ice xxxxx", answered the cashier.

This dialogue elicited four "blech"s from me.

I paid a dollar for my purchase, then we left. Emanuel said the I-word three more times outside the Grocery Outlet, as we were walking to our van.

"That is NOT OK!", Rosa told him.

Then we erove over to Target. Some of us thought our troubles with Emanuel were over for the day.

Once we got into Target, however, Emanuel started talking about "Negro people".

"Do you hear that archaic language?", I asked La Netta.

"I do", said La Netta.

"James, do you know who John Dillinger and Baby Nelson were?", asked Emanuel.

"They were gangsters", I said.

"Gangsters from where?"

"From the 1920's and 1930's."

"Who were John Dillinger and Baby Nelson?"

"Gangsters from the 1920's and 1930's."

Emanuel laughed.

"James", La Netta said. She pulled me over. "Emanuel's doing some inappropriate talking now, so just try your best not to respond to him, OK?"

"OK", I said.

He made a comment about "White men and their wives" as we approached the restroom.

I went into the restroom and began purging off all those "ice xxxxx"s. Emanuel referred to La Netta as "a Negro nigger fat candy bar".

"Emanuel!", I said. "Is that how you refer to La Netta?"

"You're funny, James."

"Emanuel, leave me alone. I'm trying to purge."

"I want to talk to you, James."

La Netta came to get us. "Where's Robin?", asked La Netta.

No answer from Emanuel.

"James, do you see Robin?"

"I don't see him", I said, "I'm in the stall."

"I sent Robin out", said Emanuel. "He ran out the door."

"James," said La Netta. "Let's go; we need to look for Robin."

"I just need to wash my hands", I told La Netta.


I began washing my hands. It was then that I noticed Robin sitting cross-legged on the floor.

"Robin's sitting on the floor cross-legged", I told La Netta.

"OK", said La Netta. "Thanks, James."

"You're welcome."

"Robin, go in that stall", said Emanuel. Robin obediently walked in.

I went in a stall too, and Emanuel said "ice xxxxx" twice. Each time I said "blech".

I finally got done purging. Emanuel, meanwhile, was cursing "that Mexican wetback Rosa".

I got out, and told La Netta I was ready to leave the restrooms.

"Robin, come on!", said La Netta.

Emanuel used the word '"faggot" as we walked along.

"Is there anything else you want, or is it just the headphones?", asked La Netta.

"The gift certificate is worth $30", I said. "If the headphones come out to $19.99 or $24.99, "I'd like to get a lasagna too."

As we were shopping, La Netta walked through the clothes aisle. "James got this", Emanuel said as he dropped Kotex panties into the cart.

"James did not get this!", said La Netta angrily.

"Yes, he did!", said Emanuel. "You're going to need this for purging, aren't you James?"

I looked at headphones with La Netta. I finally found a pair of Sony headphones for $24.99. I decided I liked them, and put them in the shopping cart.

As Emanuel kept on talking, La Netta said she we were going to have to get the lasagna some other day. We went straight to the cashier.

"You're making minimum wage, aren't you?", Emanuel said to the cashier.

We finally exited the store, with Emanuel still yakking angrily.

"Emanuel!", said La Netta. "You had security following us! You were doing way too much today!"

Rosa and La Netta both continued to berate Emanuel for the things he had said in the stores.

"If you're going to act like this, just sign yourself out", a coach said. "Do not get back in this van!"

Emanuel walked away. Then he walked back in.

He was silent all the way during our drive to the office.

Once we reached the office, Emanuel went in. Rosa went in.

"Ewww, yxk!", said Snodgrass, picking something out of my bag.

"Ewwwww!", I said.

I told La Netta I would be going to the restroom.

"Why?", asked La Netta.

"Snodgrass said the Y-word", I replied.

I walked in and waited for two other clients to come out before purging. When I got out, I asked La Netta what Snodgrass had shown her. It was tissue from my red bag.

We reached Vincent Park. "A bxke! A bxke!", shouted Snodgrass as a bicycle drove by.

I went in the restroom, picked my navel, and came back out.

We were too early for drops, so we drove to a clothing store while I tried to get my headphones open. Rosa switched the dial to KBLX.

When we got back out, I said, "Rosa, don't turn the radio back on until I have my headphones on."

"We may need scissors to get these open", said La Netta.

I heard the sound of the van turning on. I plugged my ears and began to belt it out.

"James!", said Rosa. "James!"

I uncovered my ears.

"It's not traffic!", she said.

Alas, we didn't have scissors. Yet La Netta could open the headphones anyway.

Just one thing: the plug on the headphones was too big to fit my CD player.

Waiting on dough

On Monday morning, as we pulled up to Robin's house, Rosa told me, "Jolene's here".

I walked up to the door and said, "Jolene?"

"Somebody's at the door!", said Jolene.

"Jolene!", I said.

"Get the door, Eula!", Jolene said.

Eula still didn't invite me in, so I pulled my sleeve over my hand to ring the doorbell.

Eula came up, and I told her I was coming to speak to Jolene.

"Come in!", Eula said.

With my eyes closed, I walked in.

"Jolene!", I said.

"Go to the bathroom, Robin", Jolene said, "Go to the bathroom, Robin."

"I'm not Robin!", I said.

"James!", said Jolene.

"How have you been, Jolene?"

"I've been fine."

"Did you like the stuffed cat I gave you?"

"I did."

After a while, I left. I saw Eula's legs in pajamdras as I left the house.

Our next stop was Emanuel's house.

"Can I stop to get a Black and Mild?", Emanuel asked.

"No, either you get in the van and go where we go, or you sign out", said Rosa.

"I need my nicotine!", Emanuel said.

"You should have gotten it before we pulled up."

"I have an addiction. I my need my nicotine fix."

"You had all this morning to buy cigarettes. Now, either get in, or sign yourself out."

Emanuel reluctantly got into the van, and we drove to the office.

Once we got to the office, I purged off Eula's pajamdras. Then I stepped outside.

I sat on the couch in the couch room, while Emanuel slept on the floor, even though he was supposed to be working that day.

Before long, I started asking questions about what they were saying in the room to my left. It was Shawn's annual.

"James, Shawn is having his annual in there, so just ask me if you need to know what they said. You can just go into the Internet room so you don't hear things."

I walked up to the Internet room and saw the picture with the three pumpkins, one with a dipser carved into it. "Ewwwww!", I shrieked.

I screwed up and thought it was after 11 now, so I thought it would be safe to look at the compoter. I pressed the button that took the computer off the screensaver . . . and saw that the time on the bottom right of the screen was . . .

10:18! The worst possible time!

Oh no! I would have to come in some later day and look at the clock when it said 10:16!

I looked briefly at 4thkingdom, but didn't get too involved as I didn't have my Greasemonkey filter.

I came out and told Rosa I would be going to the restroom. She asked why, and I showed her the pumpkin.

Stan still hadn't dropped my money off, so I waited in the Internet room. I decided to check my Yahoo mail. On the Yahoo page, there was the CBS exe.

"Eeewwwwwwww!", I shrieked.

"James, we're ready to go", said Rosa.

"Did Stan drop my money off?"

"We're leaving!"

"Did Stan drop my money off?"

I stepped outside. I went to the restroom to purge off the creepy exe, and when I came out there was a $20 bill left for me.

Rosa and I walked to the van. We were waiting on La Netta and Emanuel and the rest of the group. Snodgrass was in the van.

Then Rosa was told to just go and buy lunch, as La Netta and the gang would be awhile.

Rosa asked me what I wanted, and without a moment's hesitation I replied, "Chef's".

Rosa took me to Chef's, but said I would have to go in myself. I went in, ordered chow mein, tofu eggplant and honey sesame chicken, felt around for my plastic silverware with my eyes closed, took it out and walked out the door.

I set my bag of food down in the middle row of van seats. Snodgrass leant forward and moved it to the left. I checked and saw chow mein spilling out of the Styrofoam and into the bag.

"The contents are shifting!", I said.

"What did you say?", asked Rosa.

"The contents are shifting!"

"What does that mean?"

"You know . . ."

"Is it spilling?"

"Like when contents shift in a cereal box . . ."

I walked up to my Styrofoam. Snodgrass tried to move it again.

"Leave my bag alone, Shawn!", I said.

"Shawn, hands off," said Rosa.

"Don't touch, Shawn. You're not helping, you're hindering!"

I stuffed all the chow mein in by pushing the bag from the outside. Then I closed my Styrofoam container.

Rosa then drove back to the office to get the rest of the gang.

As we drove to Miller's Knots, Emanuel started ranting again. "I'm stuck here in the van with that little bisexual White boy James Landau!", he said.

"Emanuel!", his coaches chastised him.

I was able to chill once we got to Miller's Knots. The rest of the people ate lunch while I sat in the van in my usual seat, with my eyes closed and my sleep mask on.

When I got home that day, it was a big relief. I ate all my delicious Chinese food and then took a nap.

Friday, September 17, 2010

So quiet you could hear a pin drop

Yesterday, we were driving to the office when "You Oughtta Know" by Alanis Morissette came on the radio. "This song has the M-word in it", I said.

Rosa changed the station. "Can't you just say 'ssem'?"

"I don't remember where all the M-words are in this song", I explained.

After a while, commercials came on the new station and Rosa turned it off.

We spent some time in the office, then when we got back in the van, Rosa turned the radio back on. It wasn't up too high, and the rushing sound of the highway made it even quieter. I heard two songs playing.

Then . . . did I hear "t-ngle"? I could barely hear, but that may have been it.

"Did they sing the word that rhymes with 'single' in this song?", I asked La Netta.

"I can't hear it", said La Netta.

"Rosa? Turn it up so I can see what song this is."

It was DJ's talking. No way to google song lyrics. Rosa turned it back off.

"Rosa", I said, "I know you heard -- did they say the word that rhymes with 'single'?"

"I really can't tell", she said.

We then ended up at Pinole Valley Park. La Netta was surprised I had to use the restroom.

I bent over until I felt the fluid go through my cracking throat. Then I purged "tadolingle, jadolingle, jadoliggle, tadolingle". I went on with the ritual, covering each of the three vaccinated words. Finally I got it out.

"Are you going to ask for hand sanitizer?", La Netta asked me.

"I don't want it", I said.

"Here", La Netta said, giving me my hand sanitizer. I rubbed it until it was all absorbed into my hands.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The picnic we didn't want to attend

Yesterday, La Netta told the group that there was a picnic at Emeryville Marina on Wednesday, and asked me whether I wanted to attend.

"Is there going to be plastic silverware?", I asked.

"There is", said La Netta.

"Are they going to have the I-word?"

"I don't know."

"I don't want to go, La Netta."

La Netta then asked Ken, and Ken also replied in the negative.

"Shawn?", asked La Netta.

Today La Netta told us that she had told the office Ken and I didn't want to go, but they were forcing us to attend.

Rosa took Ken and me into Wal-mart before the trip to Emeryville Marina. I bought two bottles of Hawaiian punch, then we left.

We then drove up to Emeryville Marina. A coach asked Ken for help with Snodgrass' wheelchair after we parked, and Ken said, "It's moving axx oxxx the pxxxx".

"Rrrrrrrr!", I growled. "Could you please get me to the restroom?"

"What happened?", asked Rosa.

"Ken said the A, O the P words", I said.

"He did? Really?"

"Yep", said La Netta.

While I was about to climb out, I noticed an office phone on the seat in front of me. While I was checking the time, I heard Rosa say "snxg". Another word to purge off.

The office phone said 11:30. It was a safe time. Whew!

"Want to take the office phone?", La Netta asked me.

"Sure", I said, and picked it up with my turtleneck sleeve. I handed it to La Netta.

La Netta approached the restrooms. But she then discovered that we would have to go in through a different route. We climbed back around. La Netta told me to duck so as to avoid the trees above me. It was painful, walking around hunched over with words inside me.

We then ran across Donna. La Netta spoke to Donna, and Donna said, "I didn't want to go here either". She then said, "It's a mxss."

"Eeeewwwwww!", I said.

"I'm so sorry, James!", Donna apologized.

La Netta finally walked me up to the men's room, and I went in.

The first job was to purge off all the "all"s, and a few "over"s and "place"s. After I finished with that job, the soupy "axx oxxx the pxxxx" came quickly out. I then purged off "mxss". Then came the fuzzy-feeling "snxg".

"Are you almost ready?", asked La Netta.

"Yes", I said.

We came out, and mingled with a few people. La Netta noted that Lita wasn't there. Someone told me to say "cheese", then snapped a photo of me with La Netta at my side.

La Netta announced that we were about to leave.

"Don't you want to have a hot dog or something?", a partygoer asked.

"We came just for the picture", said La Netta.

We came back out. I had to duck under more trees.

We then drove off, with Star 101.3 playing. Some guy named Marco had his four tunes at noon chosen. They started off with Train's "Hey, Soul Sister", then they played "The Reason" by Hoobastank.

While "The Reason" was playing, someone chirped our van.

It was Lita. "Sorry I was late," said Lita. "I got caught up in work. I saw you guys leaving just as I pulled over."

"I see", said La Netta.

"Thank you for making an effort", said Lita.

La Netta told her about how the party went.

"Sorry, James", said Lita.

"James, did you hear Lita?", asked La Netta.

"I did," I said. "She said, 'Sorry, James'."

"What do you want to tell her?"

"I don't know what to say."

"Lita, James says he heard you but he didn't know what to say."

Lita said good-bye, and we stopped at Taco Bell. Ken, Rosa and I all bought lunch. I did hear the word "frok" a few times in there, though.

We then stopped at the dollar store, where I went in with La Netta to buy nail clippers. La Netta purchased some envelopes.

As we drove to Kennedy Grove, Rosa talked about someone who got furniture from Indonesia. "I don't know if he shxpped it over . . .", said Rosa.

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled.

We got to Kennedy Grove, where we were parked far away from the portables.

"I'm going to the restroom?", I said.

"You really want to walk all that distance?", asked La Netta.

"Yes, I do", I said.

I walked to the portables. I purged off all the "frok"s I had thought to myself, then did the "frok"s I heard at Taco Bell: "fadorork, fadorork, fadorork". Next came the navel-picking for "shxpped".

I went back, and we were ready to begin drops.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

An annual with no Stan Man

This morning Emanuel got in the van and immediately started ranting and rambling.

He used the word "nigger" a lot in his rant, and we all (except Snodgrass and Robin) told him not to talk like that.

"I'll be clowning you niggers to the high hills!", said Emanuel.

"You're drxpping on the seat", Rosa told Emanuel. "You're drooling!"

"Eeewwwwwwww!", I said.

Then Emanuel went into a fast food restaurant. When we were all back in the van, Rosa told him, "You can't be making racist comments, because there's other races in the van."

"I have a right to be racist!", said Emanuel.

"Not at program, you don't!"

"When you went into the restaurant, and you saw that White girl passing by, and you made that comment about people and their White wives, that was not OK", said La Netta.

They went on and on about racism until we got to the dollar store.

I bought two Stars & Stripes (a root beer and a Loopy Limon), and tried a bottle of blueberry lemonade. I also bought some Zacky turkey ham for my lunch, and decided to try some honey sesame cookies.

After paying for our purchases, we went to my annual meeting. La Netta came in with me, while the rest of the group drove around with Rosa.

Cynthia Hunt, my new case manager, was there. Lita was there. But Stan Man was not there.

They decided to go ahead with no Stan Man.

We went over my first goal, increasing participation in activities. La Netta said that now I go into all the stores except for a few times wherein I say I don't want to go and they work something out.

On the sheet it read, "James presented 'his story' at two different CIWP offices during this last report period and did extremely well. In return for doing his presentation here in the Richmond office he earned a trip to World Market in Concord, he was informed that he could choose something within reason as a reward."

The next goal was increasing the times I shower and change clothes per week. It is now at three times a week. Cynthia Hunt suggested upping it to four. I put my foot down there.

The third goal was about interacting with peers, something I have no problem with. When we discussed this and my fourth goal, wearing headphones to program, we brought up Shawn Snodgrass. Lita said that she understands Shawn says "bxke" a lot and that the attempt to teach him to say "bicycle" and "motorcycle" has been fruitless.

"What does he do?", Lita asked.

"Well", I said, "He goes ga-ga when he sees a motorcycle or bicycle, and says the short form of 'bicycle', often saying it's his, and I have to correct him and tell him, 'That motorcycle is NOT YOURS, Shawn!' And now he's started figuring out that I don't like it."

"Is that true?", Lita asked La Netta.

"Well," said La Netta, "A few times Shawn has said the word, and then looked around for James."

"Shawn isn't as intelligent as you", said Cynthia Hunt. "You're going to have to be the bigger person, and ognore him." Cynthia Hunt told me Snodgrass was like a child, who did things just because he loved to get a response out of me. Emanuel came up, and they said we had the same issue with Emanuel.

"But Shawn's annual is coming up", said Lita.

"I have some ideals for goals for Snodgrass", I said.

"OK, let's hear them", said Lita.

"'Shawn will expand his vocabulary.'"

"He already has that goal", said Lita.

"'Shawn will cover his mouth when coughing or sneezing.'"

"That's a good one."

"That's a good one", said La Netta.

"'Shawn will not fondle his peers.'"

La Netta discussed that one with us. She recalled talking with me about how I didn't want Snodgrass putting his hand under my pants because I was afraid he was going to pop a button off.

"Well", said Lita, "It's your body, but there's a time and place for that, and what Shawn is doing is not appropriate."

"Another goal", I said. "'Shawn will not claim ownership of others' possessions.'"

"OK", said Lita. "Maybe you can write those down."

Lita said that we would begin splitting the group, so I wouldn't have to deal with Snodgrass and Emanuel during road trips. The group would be split two to three times a week.

I discussed how my headphones had broken several times, and how the last headphones were playing so low that I could hear the radio even when I had the headphone volume set to maximum.

"The radio was set at four", La Netta verified it.

But now, I mentioned, Stan has bought me a gift certificate for Target, so now I can buy headphones that really work there. Joy!

Next, Cynthia Hunt took out CEDAR, a questionnaire from the Regional Center on the abilities and behaviors of clients. I had indicated that I wanted this filled out.

"OK, but don't read the I-word in the ordering food question", I said.

"That one isn't in there anymore", said Cynthia Hunt. "I know a lot of these. You can use your hands and finges and you can walk, right?"

"Right", I said.

"La Netta, you know James' words. Why don't you read them."

"Disruptive behavior . . .", La Netta said, ". . . No. Sele-injurious behaviors."

"You got me there", I said.

"What do you do?", asked Cynthia Hunt.

"I bite my hands", I said. "And I bang my head and yell. When they first filled this form out, they said I didn't attack myself."

We filled the rest of the form out, then we adjourned the meeting. I went out to the restroom to purge off "drxpping".

We then had lunch (well, I didn't) at Vincent Park, where Emanuel was outside going off by going on. Rosa spoke with a woman who knew him. The woman asked her how she survived being stuck in the van with Emanuel, plus several other clients who each had their own issues.

We then began drops.

"Eww, yxk", said Snodgrass.

"It sounds like Shawn said, 'Eww, yxk'," said La Netta.

"Ewwwww!", I said.

Emanuel requested the radio, but we turned it off when he began ranting again. When we got home, he was talking and talking in my driveway. La Netta picked up on the fact that Emanuel was turned to La Netta and was checking whether La Netta was watching. "He wants an audience", said La Netta.

I'm filled with eager anticipation for his splitting the group idea. I can't wait to be free from Snodgrass and Emanuel's chatterings.

Saturday, September 11, 2010


On Friday, Rosa and Ernestine were driving -- no La Netta. We were in the Trader Joe's in Berkeley.

"Put your shoes on!", Rosa said to Emanuel. "No shirt, no shoes, no service!"

Emanuel leisurely put his shoes on.

Rosa asked me what sections I wanted to look at. "Dried fruit?", she asked.

"Sure", I said.

After looking at all the dried fruits and trail mixes Trader Joe's had in stock, I picked out some hibiscus flowers. I had had them before, and they were dee-licious.

"Frozen foods?", she asked.

"Sure", I said.

I there picked out a lasagna, and put that in the cart too.

As I was shopping, I heard Emanuel say "riding my bxke". I would have to pick my navel when I got a chance.

"Chocolate?", asked Rosa.

"Sure", I said. "On top?"

"There's the I-stuff down that way, just look on top."

I kept my eyes covered as I surveyed the chocolate aisle, finally selecting some chocolate-covered ginger.

Rosa showed me the cookies too, but I decided I had bought enough for one day.

"Do you want to look at the juices?", she asked.

"Sure", I said.

"We're going to Grocery Outlet later, so maybe you want to buy juice there."

I made my purchases and then left.

As we drove off in the dark, Emanuel spoke to Snodgrass. "A bxke", he said. Strike two. Or would that be, bxke two?

Then came Grocery Outlet. I placed three piroshkis into the shopping cart. I also discovered, when at the juice section, that I could buy a gallon of SunnyD for only $1.99. I decided to try the SunnyD.

Then we got to the check-out. I paid for my goodies. The cashier handed me my dollar bills, then a commercial came on.

"Alouette, gentille alouette, alouette je te plumerai", I began to sing to myself.

I heard my name being called. "Is the commercial over?", I asked.

It sounded like a "yes", so I unplugged my ears.

The Grocery Outlet commercial was still going on! I plugged my ears once again.

"Je te plumerai la tête, je te plumerai la tête", I sang to myself. "Et la tête, et la tête. alouette, alouette, oh, oh, oh, oh . . ."

After the third verse of "Alouette", I unplugged my ears. I was now at the opposite corner of the check-out counter. I placed my dollar bills down, covered them up and looked at the corner, saw both one-dollar bills were pyramid-side-down, and put my ones and five into my doggy bag.

My food was bagged and placed in the cart. Did I hear the T-word?

Asking Rosa, I asked, "Did they say the T-word, Rosa?"

"Pxrdon?", the cashier asked.

"RRRRRRRRRRRR!", I growled. I wasn't even talking to her!

Now I would have to go to the restroom for more than just "bxke".

I found my way to the restroom and locked it. Then I felt the shock devour my body as I thought "pardon" backwards: N'drop?

I did four sets of eight "padolardon"s, two sets to the left of my schlong and two sets to the right of my schlong. Then I added four more "padolardon"s to each of the four locations.

Another shock! N'drop? "Padolardon!"

I balanced on one leg as the other leg went against a toilet. I did ten alternating pairs of "padolardon" closer to my leg, and "pardon" farther away from my leg. Then I switched legs and did the same "padolardon" set on the other side of my groin.

Another shock! N'drop?, I thought to myself.

N'drop, n'drop, n'drop, n'drop?, I thought, as I did eight "padolardon"s going up from my groin to about waist area. Then I did four more "padolardon"s that went up to around the chest area. Finally, with my pants and underwear down, I thrust my hands all around the circumference of my schlong and caused them to go up over my chest and out my mouth! I was done!

Next, came Emanuel's second "bxke". That was easier. The first "bxke" he said was harder.

"Come on!", said Emanuel. "I need to use the restroom."

"Let me do things at my own pace!", I said.

"Come on!"

"Let me do things at my own pace!", I said.

Eventually, I got my navel picked and was done with "bxke". I walked out to the outside of the restroom, where Emanuel was lying on a bench. He said "come on" five more times, and each time I said, "Let me do things at my own pace".

When I walked out, Rosa asked me, "Why couldn't you just use the restroom at our lunch site?"

I didn't have a good answer.

We got to Vincent Park, and there I took my pill.

A record number of "bxke"s

It was Thursday. The day of the big party.

You see, Ken, Carl, Snodgrass, Rodney and I were all born in September. Robin was born in August, and Emanuel had had his birthday in July. Tully's birthday is also supposed to be somewhere in August or September. So La Netta's group and Tiffany's group decided to join at Kennedy Grove and throw a birthday party for their Virgos.

I wanted to stay free of purge words so I would be able to eat pizza and possibly tacos at the party.

As we drove down the highway, La Netta said, "I saw the nurse on the--", and then halted.

"On the bxke", said Rosa. My first purge word of the day.

As we headed down towards Vincent Park, Emanuel started to talk about riding his bxke. He detailed how he would get away from cops. He started saying the word "bxke" a lot as he was talking.

"Emanuel", I asked, "Is there anything else you'd like to talk about?"

"I want to talk about this", said Emanuel. He went on to say, "I'm going to ride my bxke into the ocean and then swim across the ocean". He repeated himself as he spoke, which made him mention his bicycle even more.

At Vincent Park, I picked my navel many times.

Rosa and La Netta announced that we would be going to the dollar store then to CostCo to buy our party needs.

Just as we parked in front of the Dollar Tree, Ken said "axx oxxx the pxxxx".

"Rrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

I walked in, and La Netta said she'd get the cart and I could hold onto the cart.

"Are you to my left or my right?", I asked La Netta. It was then that I looked, and I saw drawings of cobwxbs from Halloween right in front of me. "Ewwwwwww!", I shouted.

An ad for the frozen food aisle came on. I plugged my ears, but my mouth was too full of saliva to sing "Alouette". Instead, I just hummed. It sounded as if I may have heard "ice xxxxx", and may have heard "txsty". I unplugged my ears when I thought they'd be done, only to hear what sounded like "txsty" as the ad finished up.

"Did they say the T-word?", I asked La Netta.

"No", La Netta said.

"They said, 'HDC'?"

"Yeah, I guess."

I did not bother asking about "ice xxxxx".

"Can we look at Stars & Stripes while we're here?", I asked.

"Sure", La Netta said.

She informed me when we were in the Stars & Stripes aisle. Ken picked out a sweet orange and a Loopy Limon for the group. I looked at the punch flavor, and saw the words "artificially flavored" on many bottles. The more I saw, themore I would have to purge off while doing Ken's "axx oxxx the pxxxx". I finally found root beer, and La Netta and Ken helped me find grape.

Then the ad for the frozen food aisle repeated. I decided this time I would listen.

They listed "ice xxxxx" as among their frozen foods. "Blechhh!", I said. So they did say the I-word in that ad! No T-word, though.

La Netta said the metal silverware was very expensive -- two pieces for a dollar. "So do you mind if you just buy metal for you, and we don't look at the other people eating their cake?"

"I'm not going to eat cake", I said.

"So I can just buy plastic for everyone?"

"Yes. And I'll keep my eyes closed."

La Netta and Ken also picked out balloons. Since I didn't want a balloon, La Netta paid for one of my sodas in lieu of buying me a balloon. We then left the Dollar Tree.

We bought pizza, chicken and cake at CostCo.

"Do you want to try this jalapeño?", Rosa asked me.

"Can't swallow", I said.

"What's up with you?"

"I just can't swallow."

"No, I mean Shawn."

Then, came the check-out. As we waited in line, Snodgrass began saying, "Bxke! Bxke! Bxke!"

"He sees one?", I asked La Netta.

"There isn't one around here", said La Netta. "It sounds like it, but I don't think that's what he's saying."

"Oh, he is saying it", said Rosa. "He's just getting his engine revved up."

As we stood in line, Snodgrass said "bxke" over and over again.

"What do you want to talk about at your annual meeting?", La Netta asked.

I pointed to Snodgrass.

Our pizzas were finally ready. We had two, one pepperoni and one combination. As they paid for their stuff, I collected the saliva in my mouth and spat it out once we got to the parking lot in front of the van.

We drove to Kennedy Grove. I instantly went for a restroom. My first task was to purge off "axx oxxx the pxxxx". I started by doing some "adolall, adolall adolover the pladolace, adolall adolover the pladolace" for the labels on the Stars & Stripes bottles. Then I did all the other "alls" and "over"s and "place"s we had heard on our trip. Finally, I got to that soupy "adolall adolover the pladolace".

Next came the I-word. I purged off several "spicy"s, three "nice"s, some "I saids", an "I swear" and many "price"s, as well as a "cream cheese", before doing the two "ice xxxxx"s. They tasted rather buttery.

Tiffany said hi to me from the outside of the portable. I told her I was waving at her from the inside.

Then was a lot of cobwxb.

Finally, I picked my navel a whole lot of times for Shawn's "bxke"s. Snodgrass must have said the word sixty times today. Combined with Emanuel's uses of the word and the "nurse on the bxke" comment, that would set a record for the number of times I had heard the word "bxke" in one day.

I came out, and there was Tiffany!

I waved at her, and told her my birthday had been the day before.

"Happy birthday, James", said Tiffany. "I'll give you a hug later."

"Thanks, Tiffany", I said.

Then came the singing. "Happy birthday to you", La Netta sang. "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear . . . Emanuel. Happy birthday to you!"

Soon the group was singing happy birthday to all eight of us!

"We're leaving", Tiffany told Rodney. "Stop fussing with the restrooms, we need to go!"

I said good-bye to my friend Tiffany as they left. Then people finished eating cake. I would get to carry the pizza home, as I hadn't had any -- by the time I had come out of the restroom, they were already eating cake with plastic silverware so I couldn't look.

I rode home with the pizza in front of me, and ate six slices once I got home.

31 going on 32

On Wednesday, I turned as many years old as there were flavors of the ice xxxxx I would not be eating with my birthday cake. I turned 31.

We drove all the way over to Concord. As a reward for my speaking at the office meeting, Lita let me go to Concord to celebrate my birtheay at World Market.

We were a few minutes early, so we sat around as Emanuel devoured chips, waiting for World Market to open at 10:00. Finally it opened.

I picked up some wafers, and La Netta looked at the wafers. They had the I-word on the box. I put them back.

I also had La Netta looked at biscotti, coffee candy and chocolate-covered macadamias -- all three had the T-word on the package.

I purchased rice candy, Haribo fruit salae, spicy cracker mix, wasabi blast, hazelnut Torani, mango licorice, bamboo shoots, macadamia cookies called laceys and an Indian dish called baigan bharta.

At the check-out counter, the lady asked me if I'd like to sign up for discount cards. She asked me my phone number, and I explained that I didn't know it as I lived in a group home. She then took the CIWP phone number and my email address.

We then left to go back to Davis Park. I spent my time there talking with La Netta.

The restroom doors were locked, so no one went to the bathroom while we were hanging out at the park. Emanuel was running back and forth. La Netta called him over: "Emanuel! Don't bum a cigarette off them!"

Emanuel explained that he was just getting his exercise. He ran back and forth various times, around the park.

La Netta then said we were going to leave to we'd have somewhere to go to the bathroom.

Just as we left, Ken said Emanuel was "running axx oxxx the pxxxx". I growled.

Emanuel talked on and on as we drove to Kennedy Grove. He talked about stealing bxkes.

"Emanuel!", said La Netta.

"Oh, no!", said Ken. The restrooms at Kennedy Grove were locked up.

As Ken tried to figure out why the restrooms were locked at both parks, one of us noticed the portables. Many of us went into a portable. When I saw someone else coming out of one, I held my door open with my foot so I wouldn't have to touch the cobwxbs on the handle, and went in.

I purged off "axx oxxx the pxxxx": "adolall adolover the pladolace, adolall adolover the pladolace . . ."

Then I picked my navel for Emanuel's "bxkes".

We were soon at my house. La Netta said "Happy birthday" to me one last time.

"Hug for my shower?", I asked La Netta.

"Sure", she said, and we hugged for my shower Tuesday night.

"Now, hug for my birthday!"

La Netta hugged me a few more moments for my birthday, and then let me go.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Silverware in my salad

This morning, we had no Emanuel, so I guessed the day would be calm, with no rap music to listen to.

La Netta asked if I wanted to go into Safeway, and I replied in the affirmative. We went in, and she showed me the macaroni salad. I spent $3.99 on it, purchasing it at the deli. The fellow at the counter bagged it and thanked for for buying from his store. I said "you're welcome".

The whole group then drove around and went to Marshall's. Snodgrass was squealing in the store, excited about shoes.

After about forty-five minutes, the group left, and La Netta went into the dollar store with Snodgrass, Robin and me. Snodgrass was pointing out objects excitedly. La Netta went straight back out.

"Is it OK if we go back into Marshall's once Rosa comes out?", asked La Netta.

"I thought we were going into the dollar store", I said.

"We are. But I want to go into Marshall's too. I saw something I wanted."

"All right, La Netta."

Finally, we went back in.

"Did I hear the WH-word?", I asked La Netta.

"No, you didn't", said La Netta.

"Did that song sing the C-word?"

"No, it didn't."

After asking three more words, La Netta found it again and made a purchase. We were out of here.

We then hit the dollar store. Just La Netta and I were going, so she told me to hold onto the back of her sweater.

After maneuvering ourselves through several aisles, we were at the cookie section. They didn't have Pom Poms, so I purchased some coconut cookies from Li'l Dutch Maid.

I still had $35 left in my pocket.

I stood outside and talked with La Netta.

"Have you heard from your parents?", she asked.

"Well, they sent me a birthday card", I said. "I opened it, and there were $40 inside."

"How nice! What did the card say?"

"Well, on the outside, it showed all these smileys . . . you know what a smiley is, right?"

"A smiley face?"

"It's one of those series of characters that people type on the Internet . . . when you turn them sideways, they resemble a facial expression. Like colon, hyphen, closing parenthesis for a smiling face."

"Oh, I've wanted to know how to make those! If I got my cellphone out, would you show me?"

"I might see the time."


"So anyway, there were 15 smileys, and in the middle was a smiley with a less-than sign for a party hat, and an asterisk, and it was labeled 'Birthday smiley'. And on the inside it said, 'Smile -- it's your birthday'."

"Have you heard from Lamesha?"

"Well, I noticed she was on Yahoo Mail the other day the same time I was, so I left her a message asking how she was doing. Then I went on her Facebook page, and noticed other people were writing on it. LaShanda Green wrote, 'Hey Mesha Mesha, how's U and the family doing?', and she wrote back saying they were fine . . . and soon more people were writing . . . so I left a message asking her how Hennessy was doing. So Lamesha is Facebooking again."

"That's good to hear. So she's getting better! All that praying is helping her!"

We then hopped in the van. To make room for Robin, Rosa tried to get Snodgrass to move. "Robin's getting in, Shawn", she said. "Scxxt o -- Move over." She caught herself, but by the time she had caught herself, the entire SC-word plus part of "over" had already slipped out. I growled.

"Move over, Shawn!", Rosa repeated.

Finally Snodgrass moved to the middle. Just as I was getting my seatbelt on, I saw two bags of black plastic in my macaroni salad bag. "Eeewwwwwwww!", I shrieked.

"What?", asked a coach.

I picked up a plastic frok and showed it to her.

Rosa collected the frok.

"Well, don't they always put froks in your things?", Rosa asked.

"No," I said. "Usually when I buy macaroni salad, they don't put in plastic silverware."

"I mean other places you go."

"The other places I go, I take them out."


"I feel around for them with my eyes closed and I take them out."

"Oh. I see now!"

"Here." I handed Rosa a second frok.

"They must have thought you were having a whole party at your house!", said La Netta.

We went to the office. It was hard to juggle the "scxxt o--" and the two plastic froks and word "frok". I started out on the SC-word then did some rubble-clearing on "frok". I finally got "scxxt o--" and "scxxt over", then did the word "frok", the second plastic frok and then the first plastic frok.

I urinated, took my pill, and washed my hands.

I came out, and La Netta asked, "What were you purging for?"

"The plastic silverware", I said.

"Was that all?"

"And Rosa's SC-word."

"I didn't say it all", said Rosa. "I said 'scoo--', and then I caught myself."

"You said the whole SC-word, and part of the word 'over'."

"I heard her say 'scoo'", said La Netta.

"You did the purging for nothing", said Rosa. "Ie you purge for nothing, and then next time you hear that word, does that mean you don't have to purge it off?"

"It doesn't work like that", I said.

We then drove to Vincent Park. Snodgrass tried bothering other people to see if they would open his CapriSun for him.

"It's your CapriSun", La Netta said. "Not ours. You open it."

Finally he got it.

After he was done, he started bothering other people to throw away his garbage. "Eeeeeeek!", he said. "Eeeeeeeeek! Yxk! Yxk!"

"Did Snodgrass just say the Y-word?", I asked La Netta.

"I suppose so, James", La Netta replied.

I went to the restroom to purge it off. La Netta tried to change Snodgrass' diaper, but gave up on it.

We drove home. I hugged La Netta for our last end of the week, and for my Tuesday shower. Then I went into my house to eat macaroni salad, without plastic silverware.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

A rough end to my week

Sometimes the Fridays in my CIWP week are peaceful, like the calm after the storm. Not the Friday yesterday, September 3.

I left the house early, before La Netta got here, so my staff would be ready for her ride. As I walked out the door, I saw my staff in her Tweety Bird pajamdras.

After I hopped into the van, gospel music played. Then the commercials played and no one turned them off. I heard a commercial that talked about saving money say "Ride your bxke to work". Strike two.

Then we stopped at the office, where I picked my navel and purged off the pajamdras. I asked for Maria, but somebody told me Maria wasn't there -- Lita was. And Lita was speaking with La Netta.

Afterwards, I told La Netta I needed to speak to Lita about the schedule next week. Rosa had made the schedule without remembering to schedule World Market for my birthday. I wanted to make sure Lita changed it so we would have World Market on the schedule.

"Lita isn't in charge of the schedules", said La Netta. "Maria is." La Netta told me that Maria knew we were going to World Market.

We parked in El Cerrito and La Netta got out. "Ooh, James, he hasn't seen it yet, but he's going to see it", said Rosa.

Eventually Snodgrass noticed the motorcycle. "Bxke!", he said. "Ooh! My bxke! My bxke!"

"That motorcycle is not yours, Shawn!", I told him.

"Bxke! Bicle!"

Then we drove and parked. I thought we were at Barnes & Noble so I pulled up my sleep mask and looked. Unfortunately, we were in front of a C-tibank.

"Rrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"What is it?", asked Rosa.

"That bank in front of us", I said.



"Why don't you like that bank?"

"I'll have to explain some time I don't have to purge it off."

We didn't go into Barnes & Noble -- instead I stayed in the van while La Netta took Ken and Emanuel into Lucky's.

Once we got back, we went into the Dollar Store.

"Is there anything you're looking for?", asked La Netta.

"Stars & Stripes", I said.

I held onto the cart. "Do you think you should open your eyes?", La Netta asked me as I walked through some stuff in the aisles. But before I could reply, she was speaking with another CIWPer.

Finally, La Netta told me we were at the Stars & Stripes aisle. I looked and found a grape Stars & Stripes, and pulled it into the cart. Then I picked up a root beer. I looked for the cart, but by then La Netta was wheeling her way forward. I chased after her, and to my right I saw something. I checked it out -- three Dipser-mans!

"Eeewwwwwww!", I said, and pointed to them.

I put my root beer in the cart and kept my eyes closed for the rest of the shopping. As we went through the check-out, I heard something that sounded like "cutxe".

"Did I hear the C-word?", I asked La Netta.

"I didn't", La Netta said.

"Did they say 'beauty'?", I asked.

"I didn't hear that."


"I don't know."

I paid for my stuff, then we went outside.

"Did they say 'tutti', as in 'tutti-frutti'?", I asked La Netta.

"I don't know, since I didn't hear it", La Netta said.

So now I would have to purge off Dipser-man and "cutxe" too. Aaaaaaaarghhhh!

After La Netta carried my sodas to the trunk, we drove over to Lee's Garden. I ordered chow mein, mixed vegetables with shromp and, last but not least, Mongolian beef.

We headed back towards the van and then drove, drove to Kennedy Grove. When I got out, I went to the restroom there and rubble-cleared some /ai/ sounds then purged off Dipser-man's eyes. Next, I picked my navel and got the "bxke"s out of the way, then did "cutxe". Then, I spent a long time on "C-tibank".

Instead of finishing the Dipser-mans, I left the restroom and decided to do them when I got home. I went into the van where my good friend Ken was.

Ken was looking for gloves. I helped him search in the back, but couldn't find them.

"Snodgrass is an idiot", said Ken.

"I know", I said. "He won't stop talking about motorcycles."

"We ought to pour acid down his back!"

"Or down his throat!"

"Yeah! He'll never talk again! Stupid Snodgrass."

"Jolene was the perfect client", I said. "She never caused me any stress."

"Yeah", said Ken.

"All she wanted were her tacos."


After several more minutes of me talking with Ken, La Netta finished changing Snodgrass' diaper. She came back. It was time for drops.

I heard a song singing "Hey, _____". Was it "Hey, cutxe?"

"They're singing, 'Hey, what'?", I asked La Netta.

"What?", La Netta asked.

"Hey, what? What's the next word after 'hey'?"

"I'll have to listen."

The chorus came again.

"They're singing it right now!", I interrupted La Netta to say.

"Hey, Daddy", said Rosa.

"Hey, Daddy", said La Netta.

"Thanks", I said.

Later in the same song I heard, "Pxke it all out, pxke it out right here",

"Did they say the P & O words?", I asked La Netta.

"No", La Netta said.

"What did they say?"

"I guess you'd do best to google those lyrics", La Netta said.

I said good-bye to Ken as we got to his house, then said good-bye to La Netta as we reached mine.

When I got home, I searched for "Hey, Daddy" on Wikipedia and discovered it was an Usher song. This didn't portend well -- Usher said "pxking it out" in his other song, "There Goes My Baby". Then I searched the lyrics at, nd discovered that he did indeed sing it -- not two, but four, times!

Between all the "pxke it out"s and the Dipser-mans, I didn't eat my ziplocked Chinese food until 4:45.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Parrots, rabbits, kittens, puppies, fish and an epileptic man

Yesterday, I came to program to see La Netta absent and Rosa and Kay driving the van.

We decided to follow our schedule: we would go to Wet Pets and then Wal-mart.

At Wet Pets we enjoyed the parakeet and corals and fish. There were both kittens and puppies that had been born recently. I looked at a green parrot with Kay.

"What kind of parrot do you suppose that is?", I asked her. "It's not a parakeet, it's not a cockatoo or cockatiel, and I don't think macaws come in green."

"Maybe it is a cockatoo", said Kay.

"Don't cockatoos have those crests on their heads?"

"Oooohhhhh! You're right! They do!"

I was looking at animals with Rosa when I heard someone fall to the floor and bump his head. "Rosa!", Kay called.

Rosa and I walked over. Robin was having a seizure -- he was on the ground, making those laugh-like sounds.

They got out their office phone and told someone at the office. Soon someone came over and got out a wheelchair to put Robin in. Robin was wheeled into a van, while Rosa drove some of us in the other van.

They treated Robin for his seizure, then brought him back for us. We made a brief trip to Wal-mart together before going into Lee's Garden.

Kay walked in, and I followed suit. "Is Rosa there?", I asked her.

"No, did you want her?", asked Kay.

"I'm going to need her to listen out for words", I said.

"Oh, OK", said Kay. Kay walked to the van where Rosa was still sitting. Kay explained to Rosa that I needed her to listen for purge words. Rosa went with me, and started out at the back of a long line.

I followed her . . . then I saw a dollar bill with an exe on it!

"Ewwwww!", I said.

"What?", asked Rosa.

"Dollar bill."

Rosa folded the dollar bill and moved it to her left hand.

Person after person walked eown the path to our left, carrying out their Styrofoam containers in their bags.

Finally it was our turn. Rosa helped Ken order (and the employee tried to overcharge him for his $4.79 order!), then it was my turn.

I ordered chow mein, Hunan pork and fried fish. After my order was given to me, Rosa called me.

I explained I was taking the plastic silverware out. I felt around for it with my eyes closed and took a frok out. Then I left.

Kay went and got yogurt. When she got back in the van, Kay began eating her yogurt. "Isn't this good, Ken?", she said.

Just as we got to Davis Park, Kay said, "It sure is txsty".

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Sorry, James!", said Kay. "I forgot!"

I asked Rosa whether Emanuel had said the I-word in Wal-mart.

"No, he didn't", said Rosa.

I went in and got to "txsty" immediately. "Tadolasty; tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty; tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty; tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty; tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty; tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty; tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty; tadolasty, adolice cradoleam", I repeated over and over again. I kept thinking the word to myself, which prolonged the purging.

Then I took forever on that eye. I was bleeding by the end.

On our drive home, Emanuel kept asking for 106.1. We listened to Wild 94.9 for a little while, but they began doing commercials, so Rosa switched back.

"Did they say the C-word?", I asked Rosa.

"What?", Rosa asked.

"Did they say the C-word?"

"No, they didn't." She turned it down.

"Could we have it up?", asked Emanuel.

"If it's up too loud, I can't hear James asking about the words", Rosa said.

We got to a song where I heard "pxke around". "Did they say the P & A words?", I asked Rosa.

"No, they didn't", said Rosa.

The song sang something about a "mansion". It mentioned "dealing with fate", and said "got a nice" something and "I can't relate". I wrote down the lyrics on a paper in my red bag with a pen I had bought at Target.

"Turn it up", said Emanuel.

Rosa explained to Emanuel that if the volume was too high she couldn't hear me asking about purge words.

"You let James run the van", said Emanuel.

"No, I don't", said Rosa. "We're all working together."

"We're letting you have your station", I told Emanuel.

Once we stopped at my house, we let Emanuel out of the van and turned the radio off.

I brought my Chinese food into my house, and made sure the lyric paper was in the red bag. After I went in the house, I googled the song and discovered it as "Hail Mary" by Tupac Shakur. He didn't say "pxke around" -- instead he said "walk around" (not the first time I've coneused one for the other). I then pulled my rug up to eat my Chinese food.