Sunday, June 27, 2010

Weaning Snodgrass off "bxke"

We were on our way to Kennedy Grove on Friday when a motorcycle stopped in front of our van on the highway.

"Bxke!", said Snodgrass. "My bxke!"

"A motorcycle!", said Rosa. "Looooooooook! My bxxxxxxke!"

"That motorcycle is not yours!", I told him.

"That wasn't nice", said Rosa. "We don't want him hitting you and stamping his feet."

"Bxxxke!", said Shawn.

"Say 'motorcycle'," said a coach.

"Bxke!"

"Mo-tor-cy-cle."

"Bxke! Bxke!"

"Say 'mo-tor'", I said.

"Bxke! Bxke!"

"Mo-tor."

"You know", said Rosa. "It isn't fair to him that we're trying to get him to say 'motorcycle' and 'bicycle'. Because it is a bxke."

"Yes", said La Netta. "Isn't it only 'bicycle' when there are more than one of them?"

"No, 'bicycle' is singular", said Rosa.

"'Bicycle' is one of them", I said. "More than one are bicycles.

"And a motorcycle", said Rosa. "He can't tell the difference. It has two wheels, so it looks like that to him."

"Yeah", said La Netta.

"And a bicycle, that's what it is, a bxke. So should we be telling him not to call it what it is?"

"No."

"And 'motorycle', I don't think he can say that."

"He can't."

"Mo-tor-cy-cle. It's just too long."

So La Netta and Rosa weren't going to be trying to teach Snodgrass to say "bicycle" and "motorcycle" anymore.

Snodgrass said "bxke" about thirty more times on our way to Kennedy Grove.

At last we reached Kennedy Grove. "There's kids at this park", said La Netta.

"I'm going to the restroom", I said.

"There are kids here! Don't be making noises!"

"I'm just going to be using the urinal", I said.

"What about the --", Rosa began.

"The things that Snodgrass said?", I asked.

"Yeah."

"I'll just purge that off when I get home."

"OK", said La Netta.

I went to the restroom and urinated inside the stall. Then I washed my hands and came out.

"Did you wasi your hands?", asked La Netta.

"Yes", I said.

"I thought you weren't going to purge", said Rosa.

"I washed my hands because I spilt some urine on my hands while I was emptying my bladder."

"You should always wash your hands, not just when you spill urine on yourself", said La Netta.

"Well, Rosa said, 'I thought you weren't going to purge'."

"It's that you took so long!", said Rosa. "That was almost fifteen minutes!"

When we got to Ken's house during drops, I asked, "La Netta, may I have my pill so I can take it when I get home?"

"Why can't you take it now?", asked La Netta.

"Remember? All that stuff Snodgrass said?"

Rosa handed La Netta my pill, and La Netta handed it to me. I pocketed it.

When I got home, I picked all the "bxke"s (both Snodgrass' and Rosa's out of my navel. Then I could finally swallow that pill.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Four I-words in one day

Today Rosa and Kay were driving me, without La Netta.

Rosa and Kay discussed where to go. We were supposed to cook at the office, the cooking being something Ken likes, but as Ken was not with us the coaches thought we might go somewhere else instead.

"Is there anywhere you'd like to go?", asked Kay. "Trader Joe's?"

"Well," I said, "We were supposed to go to Trader Joe's earlier thos week but we didn't, so I'd like to go there."

Kay called the office. "Trader Joe's and then Wal-mart . . . oh? Go to Wal-mart and then Trader Joe's."

The person answering the phone explained. It was a short day, where all the clients would have to be home by 12:30 so the coaches could attend a meeting.

Kay and Rosa said they had forgotten all about that. They decided they'd just go to Trader Joe's then Pinole Valley Park, and skip Wal-mart. Then I'd be home by 12:30.

As we drove to Trader Joe's, Rosa said, "ice xxxxx with the lid on it".

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Sorry!", said Rosa. "I forgot."

Kay asked me if I wanted to go to the restroom first at Trader Joe's, and I definitely did.

I purged off the gliding, sliding pink ice xxxxx taste in my mouth. Then I left to tell Rosa I wanted to look for molasses cookies.

Kay and I looked through four shelves of cookies. While I was there a mother was talking to her child.

"I want ice xxxxx", the child said.

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Ice xxxxx!"

"Blechhh!"

"Ice xxxxx!"

"Blechhh!"

After the failure to find them, Kay said, "I'll ask a staff. You stay right there."

"I might hear a word then and I won't have anyone to ask", I said.

"Oh, that's right. In that case, come with me."

I followed Kay to the cash register, where Kay asked an employee about molasses cookies.

"I know where they are . . . Druid Circles", the employee said.

She took us over. She pointed to the Druid Circles, which were oatmeal raisin, and said that the molasses cookies came in the same kind of bag, but they didn't itemize the molasses cookies anymore.

"First the rambutans, now the molasses cookies!", I said.

"Is there anywhere else you want to look?", asked Rosa. "Chocolate?"

"Let's go to the chocolates", I said.

"They have the I-word on the bottom", said Rosa.

"Just read them off to me", I said. I didn't want to complicate my purging off the I-word by accidentally seeing some ice xxxxx.

Rosa read them off until she got to cocoa almonds.

"I'll go with the cocoa almonds", I said, and she gave a box to me.

Rosa handed me the box. Then she saw something ever better.

"Liqueur cherries in chocolate", she said.

I looked at the box. "Oh, look, I can't get this", I said. I read: "Sale of this product to persons under the legal age for purchasing alcoholic beverages is unlawful".

"But you're over the legal age!", said Rosa.

"I don't have my ID with me. And I look about 20."

"How about I get it for you?", asked Rosa.

"OK", I said. "You buy the cherries and I'll buy the cocoa almonds."

Rosa brought the liqueur cherries to the cash register. The cash register rang it up, then rang up the almonds. It came out to $8.something.

Rosa explained to me that I would have to pay for both, but that she would "get" the liqueur cherries for me. She apologized for having confused me.

I didn't want to pay all that money, so I told the cashier, "How much for just the cherries?"

That came out to $3.something, which I gladly paid.

The song "If You Leave" by Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark was playing on the Trader Joe's Intercom. They sang "twice" and "price" many times, which meant I would have to purge off lots of "ice"s while doing my "ice xxxxx" ritual.

We then drove to Pinole Valley Park. I purged off all the "ice"s then did those three butterfat-filled "ice xxxxx"s the child had said. At 12:33 I was finally home.

A song that didn't have "pajxmxs" in it

On Wednesday, La Netta took me to the Chinese restaurant after not going to any program sites. I bought chow mein, orange chicken and broccoli beef. It would be simply scrumptious. I may have heard some "frok"s amid the Chinese chattering, but I wasn't sure.

When we got to Davis Park, I purged the "frok"s off.

We dropped Sayun off early, so La Netta asked if we'd like to stop at the dollar store before the rest of us were dropped off. I agreed to the suggestion.

La Netta took me in, bought a few things and took me to the cookie aisle. I had two dollar bills left, so I picked out two boxes of Pom Poms.

"You really enjoy those, don't you?", asked La Netta.

"I do", I said.

A song played on the radio. It contained the words "My joy, always remember me".

Did they say "pajxmxs"? I asked La Netta if they said "the P-word".

"No, no P-word", said La Netta.

"It sounded like they said, 'pajamdras'."

"They weren't even talking about that", said La Netta. "The song was about love!"

Just then, La Netta greeted a relative of hers who had her son Jeremiah with him. La Netta explained that it was her father.

His father greeted me, and asked me how I was doing.

"I don't know how I'm doing", I said. "I heard a song. My joy, always remember me?"

"My joy, always remember me?", he asked.

"Do you know that song?"

"No, I don't. How are the lyrics going?"

"I'm finished with my rock musical", I stated.

"Finished? That's great! Well, I'll see you later."

"See ya!"

After saying good-bye to La Netta's relatives, we paid for all our great stuff and headed back to the van.

Rosa reminisced about a relative who fed her as a child. "But I would never be full, until he gave me ice xxxxx", she said.

"Blechhh!", I responded.

"Sorry!", said Rosa.

When I got home, I put my Chinese food on the kitchen counter. I looked up the lyrics, and discovered that the song was called "Never Forget You", and was done by an artist named the Noisettes.

Then I purged off the I-word.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

An offer and an opportunity

On Monday morning, the van was playing rap. I put my headphones on and turned them up to 32, the highest volume they go, but I could still hear the rap songs. Emanuel, Carl, Rodney and Robin were in the van with me.

"Did they say C-word pie?", I asked La Netta.

"No, James", said La Netta.

A little later . . . "Did they say C-word pie?"

"No, they didn't."

Then I got to the end of a rap song. ". . . my cutxe pie", it sang.

"Echhhh!", I gagged.

La Netta turned the radio off. "What happened, James?", she asked.

"They said the C-word in a song", said Carl.

"I didn't hear that", said La Netta.

"It sounded like it to me", I said.

"I may be 90% hippie, but I'm still in tune to hear the C-word", said Carl.

When we reached the office, we were free of rap. I spent a long time in the restroom purging off the word, a purge embellished by ample gagging.

"The River Jordan" by Michael Jackson was playing on the television, as the gang watched Free Willy. Carl rewound it and I heard the beginning. It was a commercial, wherein they said "shxpping".

"Rrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"What's up, James?", asked La Netta in the other room.

"They said the SH-word."

"What's the SH-word?"

"Rhymes with 'slipping'."

Then the commercial said "shxpping and handling".

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Shxpping and handling?", asked La Netta.

"Yes."

"What's wrong with that?"

"I'll explain to you some time when I don't have to purge it off."

I picked my navel and got rid of the "shxpping".

"Robin's very agitated", said La Netta, "So we're going to go to Target instead of Wal-mart. I mean instead of Trader Joe's."

Lita asked La Netta for some milk when she went to Target. La Netta asked me what I wanted and I said I needed new deodorant. (The cap has been off my old deodorant for a long time. I can't smell it so I have no idea whether it's eried out.)

I walked into Target with La Netta, Robin and Rodney. After I put the deodorant in the trunk, La Netta looked at orange juices and punches. Suddenly she remembered the milk she was supposed to get Lita, and picked it out.

We were soon back at the office, bringing Lita the milk. Carl said he wanted to go to Burger King, and La Netta asked him what he wanted to get from there.

"A veggie burger, maybe?", he said. "Or a regular hamburger? I'm 90% hippie, but I haven't given up meat yet. How about I get a hamburger, some Fries and a drink from 7-11?"

"We're only making one stop", said La Netta. "How about some chicken? Oh, wait, you don't eat chicken." Carl is the client who won't eat turkey, duck, lamb, oysters or any food whose name is the same as the animal it comes from. "You want a Number 8?"

"No."

"Or a Number 12?"

"A Number 12."

I asked La Netta if there were any other fast food restaurants along the way and she asked, "Do you want anything from KFC?"

"I think I'll get some snackers", I said.

I asked for four barbecue snackers. After the man said, "3.47", I asked, "May I add a fifth snacker?"

He left to get La Netta's order. "Sir?", I asked when he got back.

No response.

"Sir?", I repeated.

"Yes?", he said.

"Could I have a fifth snacker?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Could I have a fifth snacker?"

"No, we don't have one. You wanted a fish snacker?"

"He means he wants to add another snacker", said La Netta.

"F-I-F-T-H", I spelled out.

"He's got you", said La Netta.

He bought me my five honey barbecue snackers. I thanked him and we were on our way.

We ate in the office. I brought the bag in, thinking I'd eat just one snacker, then save the other four for home. But after I had my first one, I decided to eat them all right then and there.

Lita and Carl joined us for drops. Even Snodgrass came along.

"Scxxt over", Lita told Shawn.

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Scxxt over, Shawn."

"Rrrrrrrrrrr!"

"Oh, I am so sorry! My bad!"

Carl began talking about vampires and zombies. He said he was half vampire and half werewolf, and that all the undead creatures that scratched or bit made you one of their own.

"You shouldn't attempt human cloning", Carl said to me, "Because that's what the result looks like." He pointed to Robin as he said it. He and I both laughed.

"And you know Bill?", he added. "That's what successful cloning looks like."

"James", said Lita.

"Yes?", I replied.

"The people at the Hayward Office have invited you over to give a speech to them. They read your blog and they want to hear you talk."

"Great!", I said. "I'd love to do that!"

"They're also going to ask you questions. They're probably going to write the questions, so you don't hear any words."

"Won't I see the words then?"

"Will you be willing to take questions?"

"If they write the words the way I do in my blog, with the X's. Or La Netta can read the questions and cross out the purge words for me."

"La Netta's busy that day", said Lita. "Maybe Rosa can come along with you."

Carl told Lita how he fornicated his way through high school. "When I was going to high school in 1967, 1968 . . .", he said.

"Check your dates!", said Lita. "You're not that old."

"I was born in 2355 B.C.", he said.

"What did he say?", asked Lita.

"He said he was born in 2355 B.C.", I said.

"OK, I'm not going to discuss that anymore", said Lita. "You need to get back to reality, Carl."

"I'm immortal", said Carl.

"Do you really believe that, James?", asked Lita.

"James doesn't believe that. Nobody believes that."

We dropped off Snodgrass, and then Ken, then Robin got dropped off at ABC. When the staff at Robin and Jolene's house came over, she had a client with red hair and glasses, wearing a green top and carrying a puce backpack. He looked so much like a Hollywood image of an introverted nerd that I concluded he had Asperger's. Finally, the van made a stop at my house, where Rodney, Carl and I stepped out.

Appearing at a meeting in Hayward to deliver a speech is a great offer and an opportunity to me. I can't wait to explain logaesthesia to people in positions high-up. I could really help other people understand my condition by speaking about it, and help CIWP better accommodate its clients with OCD. (It's cut out for some disabilities more than others; mentally disabled people like Snodgrass get along just fine with the program, while some autistic people like Robin are bothered by the noise level and crammed vans and people with OCD have to suffer many words being spoken and radio stations with purge words being sung playing in the van.) I shall spread the word of logaesthesia.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Cutxe pie?

Santina woke me up Friday morning, and I got out of bed, combed my hair, applied deodorant, put on my sleep mask and sunglasses, turned off my white sound machine, grabbed my red bag and was out the door. As I walked out, I saw Santina. She had what looked like red pajamdras under her bathrobe. They seemed to have pictures of ducks on them.

I climbed into the van and Rosa chatted with La Netta. Several minutes into the conversation, she said, "I could always get them cake and ice xxxxx."

"Blechhh!", I said.

"I could always get them that", she said.

Then she started telling La Netta about Thursday. "Shawn got excited because he saw a bxke. And he started saying, 'My bxke! My bxke!', and James said, 'That's not your bxke!', and Shawn got really mad and hit him with his hat."

"Is that true, James?", asked La Netta.

"Said, 'That motorcycle is NOT YOURS, Shawn!", I said.

Rosa stopped at her house for about twenty minutes. "I can't hold it in!", I told La Netta.

When Rosa came back into the van, I said, "I can't hold it in!" again.

Instead of going to Berkeley Marina, the van stopped off at the office. "Was Santina wearing pajamdras this morning?", I asked La Netta.

"Yes, she was", said La Netta. "Why does she wear them?"

"Dunno. Stan said he told the staff not to wear them to work."

"But she does anyway."

"Yeah."

I went into the restroom and purged off the pajamdras. Then I did "ice xxxxx". While "cake and ice xxxxx" usually has a cake taste that overpowers my attempts to get the ice xxxxx taste out, this time the I-word had a blackberry frozen yogurt taste. I purged until I felt all the yogurt taste coming up. Then I purged some more, until I tasted vanilla ice xxxxx on pie coming up.

Finally, I picked my navel and I was out of there.

We entered Ross, where I heard a song playing on the radio. "Did they say, 'C-word pie'?", I asked La Netta.

"I'm going to really listen to it", she said.

"You couldn't tell."

"I couldn't tell."

I heard "cutxe pie" the second time, and I asked La Netta again.

"They didn't say it", she said.

"What did they say?"

"I don't know."

I gathered the lyrics, "shake it up", "I know what's best for me", "oops oops, oops oops", "that means I gotta". I memorized them for googling.

"I know what's best for me, therefore I gotta shake it up", I sang.

"That's a Mariah Carey song if you want to look it up", said La Netta.

I looked at headphones and sunglasses with La Netta. Then we left for the dollar store.

I bought sliced turkey and two boxes of Pom Poms, singing "Alouette" whenever a commercial came on. I made it through without incident.

La Netta asked where I wanted to go for lunch, and I told her I wanted to visit the taquería.

I ordered the tortas, on which I spent $7. This was a sandwich filled with black beans, chicken, guacamole, lettuce and tomatoes.

After 1:00, I asked La Netta for my pill. I told her I was going to purge off the C-word from the Mariah Carey song.

"You better google it", she said. "I don't think they said the C-word."

"OK, I'll just keep it in my pocket and take it when I get home," I said.

"I guess you should purge now", she said.

I went to the restroom, purged off two "cutxe"s, and took my pill.

La Netta declined our usual end-of-the-week hug, as her neck was feeling tense that Friday. Instead she promised me one for Monday.

I got inside, turned on my white sound machine and took off my sleep mask. Ziplocking my Mexican food, I searched:
"shake it up" "mariah carey" "know what's best for me" "that means i've got to"
on AltaVista.

I got a hit for a Mariah Carey song called "Shake It Off". It had sounded as if she were singing "shake it up", to me, but I checked this song out. The opening lyrics were not "oops oops", but "oo oo". It did have the lyrics I had heard about knowing what's best for her, however.

No "cutxe"! That means I could eat my tortas now.

And my sliced turkey.

I'd be too full for Pom Poms.

Eat at CostCo

On Thursday, it was Rosa and Kay who were there to pick me up. I have no idea what happened to my beloved La Netta.

Snodgrass got his soda can and other lunch items out early, and Rosa said, "He always makes a mxss".

"Eewwwwww!", I squealed.

A motorcycle passed by, and Baby Shawn began saying, "Bxke! Bxke! Loooook! My bxke!"

"That motorcycle is NOT YOURS, Shawn!", I snapped back.

Snodgrass got to throwing a tantrum. He kicked his feet and hit me with his hat.

We reached the dollar store, where just Rosa took me in. First I picked out a Stars & Stripes root beer, then we went to the frozen foods section.

I looked through shelves of lunch meat and pancakes before I saw a shelf with Mexican food. I thought I'd spend two dollars on two burritos, one for my lunch and one for my dinner. Then, just before I purchased, I looked at the shelf to my right out of curiosity whether it had anything better. I saw a Tony's pizza . . . then I looked at the other pizza. Crisp & Txsty, it said. "Blechhh!"

I settled on the two burritos and we made our purchases and left.

Our next stop was a gas station. I heard people talk about "rice" and say something was "nice". Rosa talked about her sister Yoli and said "my sister" about nine times.

"Should we go to CostCo now?", asked Kay.

"But I can't hold it in!", I said.

"OK, we'll go to the office instead."

They drove to the office and I immediately got to working on "txsty". I had thought "Mr. Txstee" and "txsty ice xxxxx" to myself so much that I had to do a lot of rubble-clearing. I also did "madolice-ister" and "nadolice" and "radolice". Finally, I could get down to "txsty" itself. Then I picked my navel ("badolike") and purged of "mxss" ("madoless") and was ready to go.

While Kay was on her cellphone, I thought I heard her interlocutor say "ice xxxxx". While we walked to CostCo, I asked her, "Did the woman on the phone say the I-word?"

"You know", said Kay, "I was so focused on talking to Shawn that I didn't hear her."

"But you were on your cellphone!", I said.

"Ohhhhhhhhh, that woman. I thought you meant the lady who just passed."

"Did she?"

"We wouldn't have been talking about that. We were just talking about getting . . ."

"Salmon?"

"Yeah. Salmon. And other stuff. For dinner."

I held onto the cart at CostCo as they drove around. "They have ribs here, would you like some, James?", asked Kay.

"I don't eat ribs, Kay", I told her. I hate the way ribs make a mxss with all their sauce when you eat them, and people wear bxbs to eat them! Blechhh!

I heard a man right behind me asking, "Would you like to try the hummus?"

"Hummus?", I said to him. "I think I will."

"Actually, I was speaking to my daughter", he said. "Here, Cassidy!" Life is so hard when you have your eyes closed. Just imagine the way it must be for blind people!

Kay announced that they had turkey sandwiches with a pesto-like condiment. I said I wanted to try one of them. They handed me a piece and I ate it.

Then Kay read a sign that said they had a body-flushing berry.

"Is that açaí berry?", I asked.

"It is!", said Kay. I drank a cup of green juice.

"Actually, that was Green Envy", said the salesman. I'm bringing out the açaí now."

As I drank the açaí, Kay said, "I always wanted to know how to pronounce that word. Açaí."

Kay and Rosa tried several more foods, then we left.

"Now what language is that word 'açaí' from, James?", asked Kay.

"It was originally Tupí, but we got it from Portuguese."

"What's Tupí?"

"It's a language spoken by the Latin American Indians of Brazil."

"I wish I had all that knowledge."

Eager to eat my burritos for lunch and dinner, I sat in the back row next to a screaming Snodgrass as the coaches dropped each of us home.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Drowning out the ice xxxxx truck

Emanuel was asking to go to McDonald's today, and La Netta told him we'd go there, and then to Wal-mart. Emanuel bought a cup of coffee and an iced tea at McDonald's once we finally arrived.

When we got to Wal-mart, Emanuel said he needed his bus pass, and the had thrown the bag that had it away in front of McDonald's. He asked whether we could drive back to McDonald's.

La Netta told him we could go back after we were done with McDonald's. Emanuel said he needed to go now. La Netta finally convinced him to sign out.

With the group minus Emanuel, we took a ride upstairs. La Netta waited a long time in customer service, then said, "I just remembered, I can do this at any register", and apologized to me for making me stand in line.

I got a Tampico mango juice and an Orange Ocean Hawaiian punch. Then we headed over to the candy aisle where I put two bags of pastel mints into the cart.

While we were in Wal-mart, one mother called her child sweetxe and I growled.
We went back downstairs in the elevator, and La Netta and I paid for our stuff while Rosa took Snodgrass outside. La Netta asked whether I needed to go to the restroom, and I replied in the affirmative. I porged off "sweetxe" and was ready to take my pill.

La Netta and I were screaming as we came out. It was Snodgrass doing the screaming.

"HIe's hollering for us!", said La Netta. "He must have thought we were leaving him."

Snodgrass continued to scream awhile. La Netta put my purchases in the trunk. Then, as we settled down in the car and began to drive off, Baby Shawn said, "Bxke!"

"Don't start saying that word", Rosa said. "It isn't even there anymore!"

When we got to Davis Park, I picked my navel. I came out and asked for my pill, then took it.

Shortly thereafter, I heard a car's radio. "What's that radio playing?", I asked La Netta.

"I don't know", she said, "It's all the way at the other end of the park. It's so hard to hear. It's not traffic."

I got my headphones on anyway and drowned it out.

While I had them on, I thought I heard Rosa saying "pxking out".

"Did I hear the P & O words?", I asked.

"No," Rosa said, "I said 'polka dot'."

"Oh! Polka dot! OK!" I slid back into my headphones.

A few minutes later, I asked La Netta whether the radio was still there. She said she couldn't hear it anymore.

I turned off my headphones and put my sunglasses back on.

Just then, I heard bells. I knew what those bells signified. It was an ice xxxxx cart. Should I put my headphones back on? The bells were getting closer and closer.

"Ice xxxxx!", the man driving the truck shouted.

"Blechhh!", I said. "La Netta, I'll be in the restroom."

"OK", said La Netta.

Should I get deep into my headphones until the truck passed? But that way I wouldn't be able to purge immediately. I would have to wait until I got to the restroom.

"Ice xxxxx!", I heard a child shout. I wanted to drown it out so badly.

I heard three or four more "ice xxxxx"s, or maybe just "scream"s, coming from the field. I was in the restroom by now, saying "blech" after each one. Should I stay or should I go? I had to purge off the I-word. I had to. But the kids outside just kept producing more I-words to purge off.

The "ice xxxxx"s stopped. I purged off all the words except the first one. Then, I sensed someone outside the stall. I tried several more times to get the first one, before I made the first "ice xxxxx" come out with an "adolice cradoleam" down there and an "adolice cradoleam" going up.

The man walked in the stall as soon as I came out. La Netta had some hand sanitizer ready for me.

After I finished applying it, I walked towards the van, hearing Snodgrass scream, and then walked back out.

"Are you going to get in?", La Netta asked.

"We're leaving now?", I asked.

"Sure."

And so we began drops, and finished up our day.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Levette learns the D-word

While I was at home, I decided to get out that can of rambutans in syrup and finally eat them. I went to the kitchen, got out the can opener and began opening the rambutan can.

I got about halfway through when it got stuck.

Levette Webster, Stan's brother, came into the kitchen and saw me. "What've you got there?", he asked.

"I've got a can of rambutans", I said.

"What?", he asked.

"Ram-bu-tans."

"What are those?", he asked.

I pointed to the can, which had a picture of this red, bristly Southeast Asian fruit with a white inside.

He put the can in the sink and tried opening it.

Finally, he got the lid all the way off. I began pouring out the syrup.

"Let me get a napkin for that", said Levette. "We don't want it to drxp."

"EEEEEWWWWWWWWWW-W-W-W-W-W!", I shrieked as Levette walked away.

Bernard heard and walked up. "What's wrong?", asked Bernard.

"Levette said the D-word!", I said.

"What did you say?"

"Levette said the D-word!"

"What's that?"

"Rhymes with 'slip'."

Just then, Levette came back. "What's wrong?", Levette asked.

"Levette said the D-word!", I repeated.

"I said, 'drxp'."

"That's the D-word!"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't know that!"

Totally grossed out by the thought of drxpping food, I walked into the restroom, still shrieking in disgust, and unzipped my pants.

"Dradolip!", I chanted, as my nails scratched up and down over my groin and the taste of rambutan syrup came up.

"Dradolip!" -- a second time.

After ninety times, I did an overarching "dradolip" that circled my groin and another one that came out over my abdomen. The last bursts of rambutan syrup taste came squirting up like mouthwash.

Then, finally, I could eat my rambutans.

Upside-down?

On Monday, the group was eating our lunches at Miller's Knots (well, I wasn't) when Snodgrass got his lunch out. It was that time again, the time when he would open his soda. Shawn usually shakes his soda can before he opens it, but this time he did something new: he turned the soda upside-down before opening it!

The soda spilt all over Shawn's lap and the seat. "Did he really open it upside-down?", asked Rosa.

Later the coaches began sweeping out the van. Shawn's crumbs from his sandwich and cheese snacks covered the seat. Then Rosa said, "He always makes a mxss".

"Ewwwwww!", I said.

I went to the Miller's Knots restroom and slid the wooden door closed. Then I walked up to the toilet and unzipped my pants.

"Madoless", I chanted. I stirred around all that oatmealy stuff inside my groin. "Madoless, madoless." My nails circled my scrotum. I did two thrusts and their accompanying chants at the left. Then I did three more thrusts.

Finally, I finished with the "madoless" ritual as all that oatmealy taste came out, my hands reaching over my abdomen, my chest, my throat and my chin.

The van was ready with some hand sanitizer as soon as I got back.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Frok inside

On Thursday, we spent the beginning of our day at the office. I had to come out to ask several words to La Netta.

At about 11, we left to go to our stores. La Netta parked in front of one store.

"Where are we?", I asked.

"This is 7-11", said La Netta. "Want to come in?"

"Where are we getting lunch?"

"Here, I guess."

"Then sure."

"What would you like?", La Netta asked me as I went in. "They have sandwiches."

"Do they have burritos?"

"Yes."

"Burritos and sandwiches then."

La Netta took me to their fresh foods to look.

"Is there plastic silverware in any of these containers?", I asked.

"I don't see any", said La Netta.

I looked around. I saw several sandwiches, but nothing I had to have.

Then I saw a picture of a frok on one of the items. I checked the box out. It had a drawing of a white frok and the words "FROK INSIDE".

Even though I didn't see any plastic silverware inside, the "frok" they were referring to had to be a plastic one. I recoiled in horror. It even had a picture. There was another box of the same item to its left.

I finally saw three boxes of sushi. I checked one out and showed it to La Netta.

"This is what you want to get?", she asked.

"Yes", I said.

I paid for my sushi, then squatted down on the floor to get my change into my sandwich bag and my bag into my pocket.

I took the sushi, and we left.

Soon the group found ourselves at Pinole Valley Park. As I stepped out to go to the restroom, La Netta asked me, "Why was the postman angry yesterday? How were you purging? At Davis Park."

I tried to remember. "Davis Park, Davis Park . . ."

"It was yesterday", said La Netta. "The postman came oot of the restroom and he looked really angry."

"I was actually waiting for someone else to get out of the stall", I said. "Maybe it was that person."

"No, it was you", said La Netta. "It was after you went in. He had this really angry look on his face. Were you making noise?"

"I think he really needed to go, and was angry that somebody else was already in there."

I walked to the restroom and then purged off all the "frok"s and froks.

I finally came out a new man.

La Netta talked to me about Glee. She thought I'd like it, and asked if I got cable in my room. I asked her whether I could watch it over the Internet. She wasn't sure.

After talking for hours at the park, we drove home. Rosa said that whenever she said she "hates" something, her kids would tell her, "'Hate' is a very strong word, Mommy." She said, "Screw that, there are some things I hate."

"I agree with you, Rosa", I said.

"Who do you hate?", asked La Netta.

"Whom do I hate? I hate Michael Martinez . . . Shawn Snodgrass . . . Ayyoon Saechao . . ."

"Anyone else?"

"Whom am I missing? There's someone . . ."

"Well, you don't hate too many people, said La Netta.

"Do you hate them, or do you hate the things they do?", asked Rosa.

"Ummmm . . .", I began.

"Well," said La Netta, "What I've noticed about James is that he remembers the things you do and he holds onto them for a very long time. Once your on his shitlist, it's very hard to get off his shitlist."

Case in point: Ayyoon and his Michael Lie.

La Netta then dropped me off and I ate my washed my hands (with soap), ate my sushi and washed my hands again (without soap). I only wished there were more than six sushi in my box.

A radio too loud for my headphones

It was Wednesday morning, and I was climbing into the CIWP van while the van just waited. Emanuel was up front. La Netta asked me whether Stan had given me money.

I told her no.

"Want to ask him?", asked La Netta.

"Yes", I said.

"Tell Santina you're going back in to call Stan."

I walked back in and dialed Stan's cell number.

"Stan, I need money", I said.

"All right", said Stan Man, "I'll be there in two minutes."

I walked back to the van and told La Netta Stan would be here in two minutes. Emanuel was complaining about how his staff had told him Stan would come to bring him money that morning, but Stan didn't.

"All right", said La Netta, "But I'm only going to wait two minutes."

Two minutes later, Stan Man pulled up. "Want to get your money?", La Netta asked me.

"Yes", I said. I climbed out and entered my house, where Stan was there with a pen. I signed for my money, and he gave me a $20 bill.

I came out with the bill in my pocket. Emanuel then walked out.

"Did Stan give you the money?", La Netta asked Emanuel.

"Yeah", said Emanuel.

La Netta turned on the radio. It was on Emanuel's favorite station, 106.1 KMEL. They talked about summer vacation beginning. ". . . in your pajxmxs", one DJ said.

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Oh, god!", said La Netta. She turned ofe the DJ banter.

Baby Shawn got out his diaper bag and began taking his diaper out of it.

"Zip it up!", said La Netta. "Oh, no you don't! Zip it up!"

Emanuel requested the radio be turned back on, so La Netta turned it back on. I donned my headphones and turned the volume all the way up to the max. I could still hear the radio.

"the radio's not on loud", said La Netta.

A new song began. "I've got my exe on you . . .", it started out.

"Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!", I said. "These headphones aren't doing any good!"

As my headphones failed me, the song continued playing. The singer said "sweetxe", and I growled.

We stopped at the office, where I purged off all those words: first I did my "pajamdras" ritual, then Emanuel knocked. I let him in, and he spent a long time in there.

When he finally got out, I did the "got my exe on" phrase: "got madoly adolye on". That wore me out, but I could still muster up enough energy to purge off "sweetxe".

We then drove off, La Netta taking me to Trader Joe's. As Emanuel was dropped off, we could finally turn off the radio.

At Trader Joe's, I asked La Netta where we were going to buy lunch.

"Here would be a good spot", she said.

So I got chili verde and chicken burritos from the frozen food aisle. I also picked up a bottle of mango mangosteen juice.

"Is it safe to look to the left?", I asked.

"You don't want to go there", she said.

I started to walk left, but La Netta grabbed me.

"I said you don't want to go there", she said. She told me it had "the I-stuff" (ice xxxxx).

As we visited the dried fruits, I put one more item into the cart: roasted dried plantain. La Netta and I paid for our food then we were on our ways.

Ernestine took Robin in a separate van as I drove with just La Netta and Snodgrass.

The radio was off, but La Netta turned it on.

"If you become a regular C-tibank customer . . .", the commercial said.

"Rrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Oh, god!", La Netta said. She turned it off. "That was one of your favorite radio stations!"

Ernestine joined us for lunch. "Robin will make a mxss in the back", she said.

"Eewwwwww!", I said.

A cyclist rode by. I was afraid Snodgrass was going to say it.

"Bxke!", said Shawn. "Bxke! LOOK! My bxke!"

"That bicycle is not yours", I told Shawn.

"Say 'bicycle'," said La Netta.

"As soon as I saw the cyclist, I was afraid he was going to say it", I said.

"You want me to drive you around to the restroom?", asked La Netta.

"Sure", I said.

I got to the restroom. I rubble-cleared some "city"s, then got to "C-tibank". After several "Sadolitibank" scrapes and many peanut butter tastes, that "C-tibank" finally came up. Then I picked my navel, for Snodgrass' "bxke"s: "badolike, badolike, badolike". And finally I did "mxss": "madoless, madoless".

I brought my headphones, sleep mask and Trader Joe's bag with me into Ernestine's van.

"Is there anywhere you want to go?", she asked.

There was nowhere, so we stayed there.

"Ernestine, are you listening to the radio?", I asked.

"No", said Ernestine. "Do you want me to turn it off?"

"Yes", I said.

So she turned it off.

Ernestine drove slowly; finally she got me home. I made it out with my stuff.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Tumbling juices

On Monday, it was just La Netta who drove with us.

Emanuel was in need of money, but his staff had told him Stan would bring it to him. Stan never came. When we stopped in Berkeley, Emanuel could not get off, poor boy.

La Netta called the office, then we went into the 99-cent store together. I put Stars & Stripes root beer, Stars & Stripes Loopy Limon and grape juice into my basket. While we were there, La Netta got a call from the office saying Emanuel's money had been dropped off.

While we left the store, Shawn saw a bicycle. "Bxke!", he said. "Look! Bxke! Bxke! Bxke! My bxke!"

"That bicycle is not yours!", I told Snodgrass.

We drove back to the office. Emanuel got his money, while I picked my navel in the restroom. Then we dropped Emanuel off at University.

My beverages flew off the seat at the end where I had them stacked up. Tie next time we drove, they flew off the middle seat of the back row.

La Netta drove Snodgrass home. Then it was just she and I. The clock said 2:31 as we reached my house.

"Do you want to wait ten minutes?", asked La Netta.

"Yes", I said.

La Netta said she'd help me get my juices, which were now scattered all over the van. But for now, she was working on her binder.

"Eeeewwwwww!", I said.

"What?", asked La Netta.

"I see pyramids".

La Netta realized the dollar bills in the transparent plastic bag in her binder were showing. She flipped the bag down.

Finally, I collected my juices and hugged La Netta for my shower and the end of the week. We said our good-byes as I stood in front of the house with my juices.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

A question of sleep

This morning Stan Man took me from my house to the Richmond Mental Health Clinic. I carried my headphone bag and sleep mask with me and took the drive with him and Rodney.

Dr. Luburic soon came out.

"Follow the doctor", said Stan.

"Which way did he go?", I asked.

"To the left."

So I walked into the room to the left and soon Stan and I were alone with Dr. Luburic.

Dr. Luburic asked me how I was feeling now that I was taking four milligrams of Risperdal at night instead of three -- whether I was still attacking myself.

I told him it felt the same as before -- that I was still attacking myself, and didn't feel a change.

Dr. Luburic then asked Stan, and Stan said it seemed to be the same with me.

"Now, I know you bite yourself", said Dr. Luburic. "I've seen you biting yourself, but do you bang your head against the wall?"

"No", I said.

"What else do you do?"

"I bang on my head with my fist; sometimes I beat my chest."

"Oh. Now this is what you imagine doing to other people?"

"Yes."

"James, may I ask you a question?", asked Stan.

"Sure, Stan Man", I said.

"You said you've been hitting yourself because various incidents from the past come up in your mind and haunt you. Whom are you imagining hurting like that? For a long time it was President Bush. Who is it now?"

"My parents . . . the manager of Royal Siam -- that's a Thai restauarant in Moraga . . . various cops."

"Oh."

"I've noticed that James is mainly doing this at night", said Stan. "I'll have to pay closer attention, but it seems that my staff are telling me he does this at night."

"Does James get sleep at night?", asked Dr. Luburic.

"James sleeps around the clock", said Stan. "He'll get home, and he'll sleep for several hours, then at night he'll be awake and hitting himself and yelling."

"Is that true, James?"

"My sleeping schedules are crazy, Dr. Luburic!", I said.

"Oh, all right then. In that case, we may want to try staying up during the day, so you have a consistent sleeping schedule. Naps are not absolutely verboten, but you can nap too much. Just stay in bed for thirty minutes and unwind, without falling asleep. Now, do you sleep with the light on?"

"No."

"Good. Do you have a television on or the radio on when you sleep?"

"No."

"Good."

"Maybe you can get up, use the computer, walk around in your room . . .", said Stan.

"Listen to some CD's?", I supplied.

"Listen to some CD's. Yeah."

Dr. Luburic said he could give me an extra one milligram of Risperdal to take as needed, when I'm attacking myself, even though he said it might be hard to ask at night. Stan and I both said that was a good idea.

He prescribed the Risperdal addition, and we were on our way. "Good-bye, James", said Dr. Luburic.

"Good-bye, Dr. Luburic", I said.

Staying awake during the day is going to be a real challenge. Even if it would prevent me from banging and biting on myself and yelling, it will be difficult to do it. I'll keep you all posted on how this goes!

The new Asian market

On Wednesday La Netta and Rosa took the group to a new Asian market -- not the Pacific East Ranch Market.

We started out by looking at their fruit -- apples, grapes, lychees, mangoes, kiwifruit, oranges, bananas, coconuts, pineapples, durians. I didn't buy anything from the fruit section.

Then came the cookies and crackers. I picked out a box of strawberry cream wafers made in Malaysia. I also told La Netta I wanted to look at the juices.

We were at the cereal aisle. I looked up high and saw Scooby-Doo. I was hoping I didn't see any Dipser-man, but I checked to the right of Scooby-Doo, which had been at the corner of my field of vision, and two items to the right of the Scooby-Doo cereal was something Dipser-man. I shrieked, and pointed to the Dipser-man items to La Netta.

"Are we ready to leave?", asked Rosa.

"I wanted to look at the juices", I said.

La Netta took me to the juice aisle and I looked at the mango- and lychee-flavored drinks. I finally selected an aloe drink, pomegranate-flavored.

"I've had that one and it's really good", said La Netta.

We paid for our stuff and left, then as we stepped outside I saw Lee's Garden. "They have a Lee's Garden here", I told La Netta.

"I guess", she said.

"Do you want me to take him in?", asked Rosa.

"Sure", said La Netta.

I walked in, with some saliva in my mouth. I ordered chow mein, Hunan chicken and fried fish, and paid for it with the money in my pocket.

"Could you untie it?", I asked the employee.

I felt around, with my eyes closed, and took the plastic silverware out. Then I left.

"Next time I take you into a restaurant, you need to spit out your saliva before you go in", said Rosa. "Because you were talking with your mouth full of spit, and that was rude."

As we walked to our van, someone else bumped into it with their own car. Did I hear "pxking around" -- or was that "fucking around"?

La Netta spoke with the family that bumped us, then we went on our ways.

"La Netta, did they say 'fucking around'?", I asked.

"No", said La Netta. "What's up?"

"Oh, I just heard something that sounded like the P & A words," I said.

"No", said Rosa, "They did not say that."

We drove up to Davis Park, and the coaches noticed that some children were having their field trip. I walked in the restroom and saw it was occupied. Someone was in the stall, and someone else was waiting to use the stall. Neither one the guys who were in the restroom were children.

"James, I want to say something to you", said La Netta. "Be careful when you go to the restroom after someone. You never know what that person was doing in there."

Like masturbating? Why would I have to be careful about that? Or did she mean drugs?

"You mean he could have been doing drugs?", I asked.

"He could have", said La Netta. "You never know."

I went into the restroom and purged off Dipser-man.

"James!", Rosa called. "You know there's kids here, right?"}

"I know!", I said.

After that unneeded interruption, I completed my purging.

"La Netta", I said to my friend on the bench, "It sounded like either F'ing around, or the P & A words."

"Oh," she said.

"What was it they said when they crashed into us?"

"It wasn't a crash, it was just a bump", said La Netta.

"What was it they said when they bumped into us?"

"Turning around", said La Netta.

"Turning around? Oh, OK."

We changed Snodgrass and drove off. As Rosa went into a McDonald's, I spoke to La Netta.

"La Netta, today was a bad day", I said.

"What made today such a bad day?", she asked.

"First I saw Dipser-man at the Asian market. Then I thought I heard the P & A words when they bumped into our car and I couldn't make out what they were saying. Then I went into Lee's Garden and Rosa said, 'Next time I take you into a restaurant, you need to spit out your saliva before you go in, because you were talking with your mouth full of spit, and that was rude'. Then we got to the park and it was swarming with children. Then I had to wait to get into the restroom stall."

Silence.

"Do you hear me?", I asked.

"Yes", said La Netta.

"La Netta, I don't think it's rude to talk with saliva in your mouth."

"Well, sometimes when you're talking, and saliva's in your mouth, it's hard to hear you."

We did drops. When we got to my house, La Netta and Rosa's conversation turned to toys that their parents kept from their childhoods. La Netta said she had a Down's-syndrome-looking doll called Drowsy, and her family would call her copy of the doll Pissy Drowsy because she wet it when she wet the bed at night.

"And I had this teddy bear that sang, and you could roll it into a ball", said La Netta. "I forget what you call it."

"Popple", I said with my mouth full of spit.

"What?", asked La Netta.

Just then, I began choking and coughing. I gagged and wheezed. "Get out of the van and spit that out, quick", said La Netta.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and walked outside. I spat all my saliva out and continued to cough.

Cough, cough. La Netta hit my back to made for saliva come up and break my coughing. Finally it stopped.

"See why you should spit it out before you speak?", asked La Netta.

"Anyway, I said it's a Popple", I said.

"A Popple?", asked La Netta.

"Yes."

At 2:30, I got my bag of Chinese food and my two Asian market bags and brought them in with me. I forgot to hug La Netta for my shower, but I made up for that on Thursday.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Staring down a freezer of ice xxxxx

Today we took our trip to Wal-mart for the week after a three-day week-end. La Netta asked me what I wanted to get, and I told her I needed juices.

I held onto the shopping cart with my eyes closed. Then La Netta tried to go downstairs carrying the cart but couldn't fit the cart onto the escalator. La Netta said we'd have to go down without it and I'd have to carry my juices.

I covered my eyes with my left hand, one juice in each hand, as I followed La Netta to the juice aisle. Then I picked up two Hawaiian punches -- the Fruit Juicy Red variety.

I followed La Netta upstairs, my head at an angle. As I followed her, I couldn't see the shelves at my sides.

Or could I?

I checked, and I saw Tigger! It was a shelf of Winnxe the Pooh diapers!

"Oh no, La Netta!", I called out to my friend.

When I made it up the elevator, I asked La Netta if she had heard me saying, "Oh no", and she said she had. I put my juices in the shopping cart. We met up with Rosa's group, and stood around near where the commercials were playing. I plugged my ears and hummed, occasionally following La Netta around as she moved. I would have to look in front of me to move, so I removed my hands from my ears when walking to free them up for covering my eyes.

While I had my hands uncovered, I heard what sounded like "Pxke around in our store!" from the woman in the commercial.

"Did the woman whose voice was coming from there say a purge word?", I asked La Netta.

She was on a cellphone call.

"Did she?", I asked.

Just then, I heard a commercial saying, "Dreyer's Grand Ice Xxxxx"!

"Blechhh!", I said.

I plugged my ears and sang "Alouette".

When she finished her phone call, I asked La Netta, "Did she?"

"No", said La Netta.

She asked me what was wrong, and I told her the commercials were driving me crazy. So she walked to a different section.

We paid for our purchases, and when it was my turn, I looked for the conveyor belt and looked too far to the left, seeing ice xxxxx bars and popsicles.

"Why did you look there?", asked La Netta. "You don't want to see that stuff."

"It was an accident", I said. "I was looking for the belt and I thought that that far to the left would still be it."

After I paid, she asked me if I wanted to go to the restroom, and I said yes.

I purged off all the ice xxxxx products, then got to the word itself.

"James, we're ready!", said La Netta.

I paced back and forth as I purged. "Let me wash up!", I said.

When I got out, La Netta told me the man in the restroom had told her I was pacing back and forth. I explained that was what I always do when I purge.

At Miller's Knots, I went to the restroom and purged off all the Winnxe the Pooh characters.

Then I saw a broken frok walking back. Back to the restroom for me.

Finally, I washed my hands with the faucet valve.