Thursday, April 29, 2010

Two P-words

Emanuel was with the group on Wednesday. I thought I heard him say, "Scxxty mouse".

"Rrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"I said 'skateboard'," said Emanuel. "And 'scxxter'."

"Like a motor scxxter?", asked Ken.

"Yes." He leisured on about a bicycle, then he stopped talking . . . for a little while.

Emanuel said, "James, let me whisper something to you."

I leant near him.

"Scxxt!", he whispered.

"Rrrrrrr!", I said.

"I said, 'skateboard'," said Emanuel.

"No", said Ernestine, "I heard what you said."

"It was the SC-word!", I said.

"I said 'skateboard'," said Emanuel. "S-C-A-T-E-B-O-A-R-D."

"'Skateboard' is S-K-A-T-E-B-O-A-R-D", I said.

"No, it's S-C-X-X-T", said Emanuel.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Emanuel!", said both Rosa and Ernestine.

"Scxxt!", said Emanuel.

"Rrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"A skateboard, a bicycle . . . and a roller-coaster. What goes with them?"

"A motorcycle!", I said.

"No. A scxxter. OK, now. A bicycle, a motorcycle, a skateboard, and . . ."


"No. A scxxter."

We drove to El Cerrito.

"James, let me tell you something", said Emanoel.

"No", said his coaches. "You are not going to be doing this."

"James, tell me another word you don't like."

"No, because then you're going to say it", I said.

"I won't tell. I promise."


"Hippopotamus? That bothers you? Really? Hippopotamus!"

No response.

"OK. Tell me a real word."

"James, we can take you to the gas station, but you'll only have five or seven minutes there", said Rosa.

"All right", I said.

"Can you be that fast?"

"I can try."

So we stopped at the gas station. I walked in the restroom, and Emanuel left off.

I purged off some thoughts of mine, like "scxxt by" or "boot-scxxtin' boogie", and then pulled off the "scxxter"s. Then I purged off the spellings-out of the word. Then I did some "scadoloot, scadoloot", doing the rest of the "scxxt"s Emanuel had said.

We stopped at GNC. I looked at the protein bars, then looked around until I saw protein shxkes labeled with "SHXKE". Ernestine made a purchase, then as soon as she was done purchasing I asked her where the Ostrim bars were.

I picked out an Ostrim, and paid for it. Then I began purging as soon as I got into Barnes & Noble (our first stop was the restroom).

In Barnes & Noble, we looked at CD's. I listened to Jimmy Eat World and Colbie Caillat.

"They have Hannah Montana!", I said to Rosa.

"Really?", said Rosa. She looked. "I didn't know she had so many albums! Three -- four -- five CD's!" She checked through the Hannah Montana CD's while I looked at others.

I found a Millennium Party CD that specialized in new-wave tunes. I tried out the first five. There were "Rock Lobster" by the B-52's, "Whip It" by Devo, "Take On Me", by A-ha and "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of These)" by the Eurythmics. I listenened to the sixth tune and didn't recognize it. I looked on the CD cover and it said it was "I Ran" by A Flock of Seagulls. I don't think I've ever actually heard a Flock of Seagulls song.

Ernestine said "pajxmxs" while we were on our way to pick op lunch. She pronounces it the same way as La Netta. I growled, and Ernestine apologized.

It was so hard to hold it in as we headed to Lee's Garden. I finally got there and ordered chow mein, fried fish and Hunan pork. When we left, I felt even worse holding it in.

Finally, we reached Davis Park. I ran to the restroom and let loose.

When I got back in, the rest of them ate lunch. I heard Ernestine say "little bxtty", and growled. I walked out to go to the restroom.

I was back shortly. "You're back already?", asked Rosa. "That was quick!"

"Well, the B-word is a fairly mild one", I said.

On the way home, Ernestine said "little bxtty" again. Later, we were talking about her daughter (or was it her niece?), and she said, "without shoes on, in her pajxmxs . . ."

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Oh, I'm sorry!", said Ernestine. "I said it again! I'll have to remember!"

"Let's pray Stan Man gets here soon", I said.

"So you wait until home to eat your lunch, right?"

"Right. I don't want to hear a purge word while I'm in the middle of a bite."

"I see."

Stan finally got here.

"Stan Man!", I said. "Hey Stan, I need to get in the house soon, because I heard the P-word and I can't hold it in."

"I'm going to need to ride somewhere first", said Stan, "So yoou'll need to hold it."

"Is this to get something you need to eat for your diabetes?"



I got in the back while Stan drove downhill and picked up pizza.

I thought I heard him say, "pxking around with my hands", during his phone call, but I asked him if he said the P & A words and he said no. Whew!

Stan Man got out and collected his pizza.

Then we drove back. Stan let me in the house and I could finally purge off "pajxmxs" before it was too late. Godsend!

La Netta needs a raise

On Tuesday, La Netta took me into Safeway to buy lunch. She had told me she was considering not coming to work this morning because she felt so bad. We looked for the macaroni salad I like, but the deli didn't have it.

No problem -- we got some sushi instead. Twelve rolls of "surimi", for $6.99.

Rosa said, "I've got to go in my house and get some plates and froks".

"Metal?", I asked.

"No," she said. "Actually, they're plastic, but they look like metal -- have you ever seen silverware like that?"

"No, I haven't."

I excused myself to go to the restroom. I purged off "froks".

Robin had head-butted La Netta a few days back, and she was still in pain. She mentioned how Jolene would keep saying, "My head hurts!" after being head-butted, hours after the butting, and La Netta would tell her, "That was four hours ago!" But now she understands, because her head is still in pain.

La Netta called the office and said she had to go home. The office called back, and said Maria could take her place as Rosa did drops.

I said good-bye to my friend La Netta, and Rosa began drops.

While Rosa drove us home, she chatted with Maria about buying food. "Those Cutxe tangerines . . .", she said.

"Echhhh!", I gagged.

"Sorry!", said Rosa. "Well, anyway, those tangerines . . .", and she talked about the citrus fruits called Cutxes.

"Actually, they're clementines", I said.


When I got home, I purged off the C-word.

La Netta had been head-butted by Robin. Recently, La Netta has been spat on. She has had her sandwich sneezed on. She has been sneezed on by Snodgrass without him covering his mouth. These coaches put up with so much abuse from these clients. And all they get is $11 an hour for it! Maybe it's time these coaches get a raise.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Up to four milligrams

I got up early Thursday morning and was told that my ride was here. I walked out the door with headphone bag in hand and sleep mask on eyes to see Stan Man.

"I'm taking you to Dr. Luburic", he said.

He drove me to the office, then walked up with me and filled out some paperwork. As we waited in the waiting room, I heard a conversation. Someone mentioned "little bxtty houses". I growled.

He asked me things like my birthdate and my race. I didn't see a category on the race list for Middle Eastern groups. (They did have Mien, though.)

"Did I hear a WH-word?", I asked Stan.

"No, you didn't", replied Stan.

Soon Dr. Luburic came out and greeted us. We walked in together.

Dr. Luburic asked me how it was going.

"Well", I said. "At first when you took me off the medicine I felt better, but now I feel the effects of my Risperdal wearing off. I'm getting angry and biting myself and banging against my head and yelling."

"Stan, what have you seen?", asked Dr. Luburic.

"After we took him off the medicine, James was back to his old self", said Stan. "And that's what he's seeing. He's thinking about things like George W. Bush -- James can't stand him."

"Well", said Dr. Luburic. "The Prozac stays in the system for a few months after you get off of it, and I think what James is seeing is it wearing off. There are medicines I could put him on, but I think Prozac is the best. I could up the dosage of the Risperdal . . ."

"Why don't you do that?", I asked.

"I could try. What dosage are you on now?"

"Three milligrams in the a.m., and three milligrams in the p.m."

"Have you had any problems from the Risperdal in the past?"

"Well, when they first put me on it, it was one milligram in the a.m. and one in the p.m. Then about a month later, Dr. Levine increased it to two in the a.m and two in the p.m. And that made me really lethargic -- I wanted to sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep. So we went back to one. Eventually, they increased it to two again, and last year it was increased to three in the a.m. and three in the p.m."

"All right, thank you for telling me this. I'm glad to know this. We'll start conservative by going to three milligrams in the a.m. and four milligrams in the p.m."

"Can we have this in writing?", asked Stan.

"Yes", said Dr. Luburic.

Dr. Luburic then went on to prescribe Benadryl in case my Risperdal was creating problems. We left at 9:58.

"James, I'm so proud of you", said Stan. "You want to get better."

"Well, after they first took me off the Prozac, I was feeling better", I said. "But now I'm feeling worse again."

Stan Man drove me to the CIWP office. After purging off "bxtty" in the restroom, I met La Netta and the group in the office. Kay was there talking to Ganesh about the people in photographs.

"And there's Rovaughn", said Kay. "La Netta would call him Ro-ro. There's Ganesh -- his bxny finge."

"I'll be in the restroom", said La Netta.

"I'll be going there too", I said.

"What did you say?", asked La Netta.

"I'll be going there too."

"What was that?"

"I'll be going there too."


I walked in and purged off "bxny", its chocolate-slumber taste filling my mouth. "Badolony, badolony, badolony . . ."

Soon after I came out, we were ready to leave. La Netta dropped Emanuel off, then took me into Subway.

I ordered a foot-long with meatballs, Swiss cheese, onions and olives on Italian bread. Then we left. I had spent all my dollar bills.

La Netta asked me about my appointment. I explained to her how they were going to increase my dosage.

The others ate lunch while I sat in the van. Then as we drove home, Snodgrass started saying "bxke".

"Bxke!", said Baby Shawn. "Bxxxxxxke!"

"James", said La Netta. "Summer's coming up, and . . ."

"There're going to be more people eating the I-word?", I asked.

"That too. But I was going to say, you'll be seeing a lot more people driving motorcycles, so Shawn is going to be saying that word an awful lot."

"Bxke!", he said as a second motorcycle drove by.

"See what I mean?", asked La Netta.

We finally dropped Mr. Motorcycle Man at home, followed by Ken. And then it was my turn.


"Scxxt!", said Emanuel Wednesday morning.

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Emanuel!", La Netta and Alejandra both chastised him.

La Netta had told Emanuel she could take him to Berkeley today. He was looking forward to his ride.

We landed at the office, where I got out and purged off "scxxt".

When I got back, Emanuel was telling us, "I'm going to set off this whole van!"

"If you do, I won't take you to Berkeley", said La Netta.

"I'm going to set off this whole van!"

Soon the time came to leave. Alejandra got Snodgrass to sit in the middle row and Robin to sit in back.

"Shawn, scxxt over", said Alejandra.

"Rrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Sorry, James", said Alejandra.

"Go out and go to the restroom", said La Netta.

"Why did you have to go just because somebody said 'scxxt'?", said Emanoel. "Scxxt!"

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Emanuel!", both Alejandra and La Netta said.

"Oh Alejandra", I asked, "Why did you have to set off Emanuel?"

"I didn't mean to", she said. "It's just a common word that I use."

I went in the restroom again, and it was after 10:00 when I came out.

Our first site was See's. La Netta and I went in, and I ordered six chocolates. The lady working there handed us each a strawberry truffle, a new flavor of chocolate.

"I liked the strawberry truffles", said La Netta.

Next she walked into GNC with me. La Netta looked for vinegar oil, while I browsed over the energy bars. I didn't find anything I liked.

La Netta and I then tried Trader Joe's. She found vinegar oil for a dollar less than they had it at GNC, and bought it. I bought some dried hibiscus flowers from the dried fruit section.

Next Emanuel was driven to Berkeley. He insisted upon having rap played as we drove.

Our lunch site was Davis Park. We had the usual food-throwing.

Alejandra talked about another group that ate in the van. She mentioned how they didn't like to deal with this group, because "they don't clean up their mxss".

"Eeewwwwww!", I said. I purged in the Davis Park restroom.

Finally, Alejandra drove us all home. When we parked, Carl came up to us. He was talking with a damaged voice.

"Why don't you get your tonsils removed?", asked La Netta.

"Every part of the body serves a purpose", said Carl. "Your tonsils . . . your appeneix . . . you need 'em all."

"The good part is afterwards you get to have ice xxxxx", said Alejandra.

"Blechhh!", I said. "Blechhhhhhh!"

"It's not about that", said Carl. "It's not about the frozen dessert you get at the end."

After waiting an eternity for Stan, I entered my house door and zipped up my See's chocolates and set down my hibiscus flowers. I spent half an hour purging off "ice xxxxx".

Snodgrass the manimal

On Tuesday morning, I was supposed to have my money from Stan. I had even called him the night before to ensure that he was going to bring me my money. But he didn't come over.

I told La Netta I was waiting on Stan, but she said we needed to leave now or Robin's house would can us for being late. So we left the house without my money.

Then we got a call from the office, in which the caller said Stan had missed my house and would leave my money at the office. I was saved!

We hit the office to pick up my money, but Stan wasn't there. La Netta and I both took trips to the restrooms, then when we were done we discovered that Pia had left a $20 for me.

We drove with this money in my pocket over to Ross. La Netta asked me whether I wanted to look at the food section in Ross. I said yes, so we looked. I saw one dish that came with a knife and spork. They were plastic.

I shrieked, then pointed to it for La Netta. We left the food section, and later we left Ross to get Chinese food.

At Chef's, I ordered chow mein, hot braised chicken and vegetables with fish.

"No frok, just a napkin?", the employee asked.

"Right", I replied.

As we walked out, we drove to Vincent Park. Shawn Snodgrass began throwing food in the back -- chips and things like that.

At Vincent Park, I purged off the word "frok" as well as the plastic silverware at Ross. Then I came back out to discover Shawn holding up his sandwich.

"Don't you think of throwing that in the back!", said La Netta.

After he had thrown some things in the trunk, Snodgrass took his hat from his head. He hit La Netta with it. Then he threw it into the trunk. He asked La Netta, with his own limited vocabulary, to pick the hat back up for him.

"Not with the way you hit me!", said La Netta. "Oh, look at it! You made a mxss!"

"Eeeewwwwwwww!", I said.

"Sorry, James", said La Netta. "You can go to the restroom now."

I went in and purged off the M-word. When I came out, La Netta told me another shocker. "Shawn took your lunchbag and threw it in the back."

"My lunchbag?", I asked.

"No, sorry, your bag. The red one. He threw your headphones."

I looked and didn't see my headphones in my bag. Then I found them sprawled over the floor. I gave them with the Superglue to La Netta and she glued them together.

Snodgrass started throwing a full-out tantrum, in which he was shaking the van. He growled as he shook it.

Then as we all got back into the van, Baby Shawn sneezed without covering his mouth.

"Cover your mouth, Shawn", said La Netta.

Then, one more shocker: the walker shocker. "Shawn, you threw your walker on James' headphones", said La Netta. "James, I'll glue them back together but I don't think this is going to work."

I left my headphones in the van overnight. I did not bring them home that day. Shawn Snodgrass had acted like Michael Martinez.

A pajamergency

We were in Hilltop Mall, and had just gotten out of Wal-mart, when Rosa said, "I was in my pajxmxs . . ."

"Rrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Sorry," Rosa said. "Well, anyway I was in them . . ."

"I can't hold it in", I told La Netta.

"Sorry, James", said Rosa.

"When's the next restroom?", I asked La Netta.

"I don't know", she said.

We climbed up the looking-down-from-above part of the mall, the part that Carl fears, and walked towards a shop. I thought, "pajxmxs, pajxmxs" to myself and battled it in my head: zamahzhdap, zamaazhdap, zamahzhdap.

Then La Netta went into a store and asked somebody a question. All the while, I battled my alien brain syndrome, as part of my brain was trying to think the mispronounced singular form of "pajxmxs".

La Netta just talked and talked. My head wanted to explode. I hoped she would get here soon so she could get me to a restroom. I kept thinking "pajxmxs, zamazhdap, pajxmxs, zamaazhdap, zamahzhdap". Please don't let me think the mispronounced singular form.

Finally, La Netta came out. "La Netta", I said. "I can't hold it in any longer."

"OK", said La Netta. "I'll take you back to Wal-mart".

So we walked towards Wal-mart.

As we walked, La Netta asked me, "James, what exactly does that word make you do?"

"It's just a standard purge", I said.

"What does that mean?"

"At my groin."

"Do you make any noises?"

"I do."

"Then I'll have to take you to Davis Park. Or they'll have them calling the police on us, and we'll be banned from Wal-mart."

"This other group, they got banned from Barnes & Noble . . .", said Rosa.

As we walked, I just wished I'd get somewhere. "La Netta", I said, "No one's going to call the gestapo on us just because I'm chanting."

"But they get offended", said La Netta.

FINALLY we were out of Hilltop Mall. We headed towards the van, then someone lifted Shawn's wheelchair and let Snodgrass in. I got in and put on my sleep mask and seatbelt. Then we were ready to roll.

Soon afterwards, we were at Davis Park. I climbed over Shawn and Robin and walked into the restroom.

I climbed into the stall and unzipped my pants.

"Pajahmdras", I thought to myself. "Pajahmdras, pajahmdras, pajahmdras." Then I did the other pronunciation: "Pajaamdras, pajahmdras, pajaamdras, pajahmdras, pajaamdras, pajahmdras, pajaamdras, pajahmdras . . ."

Finally I got to Rosa's "pajxmxs". It was brief but hard: "pajahmdras" down there, "pajahmdras" up here. I was out.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Maria says "Pardon" again

On Thursday morning, we listened on the radio to DJ's chatting about Whitney Houston, and how awful her last concert tour was. People were saying they wasted their money on hearing her. There were clips of her belting out "I Will Always Love You".

Darnell looked up some videos of her on his cellphone. "Do you see how bxny she looks?", he said.

"That guy's riding his bxke too fast", said Ken.

"He's going to get a ticket", said La Netta.

"Ken, now you're going to get Snodgrass saying the word!", I said.

I plugged my ears as we headed to the office. I could hear Ken saying "axx oxxx the pxxxx" as my ears were plugged.

We were soon at the CIWP office. La Netta told me the plastic silverware at the bottom of the ramp had been removed, so I could look again. But as we walked in, La Netta's face registered concern. She said she saw a bump on my head. "Have you been scratching it?", she asked.

"No", I replied.

She took a closer look, and then got Lita to look at it. She found dandruff, but no lice.

"We should dab some alcohol on it", said La Netta.

"First I want to call Stan to tell him I need money", I said.

I went into a room with a telephone, and dialed Stan's cell. "Stan Man?", I said.

"What's up, James?", said Stan.

"Did you get my answering machine message?"

"Yes. I'll bring you your money at the office this morning."

"We're leaving at 10:30. Can you bring it before then?"

"I'll make sure to bring it before then", said Stan.

"Good-bye, Stan", I said.


I then went in the office. I picked "bxke" out of my navel, and did some "badolony, badolony, badolony". The chocolate crumble taste filled my sensorium as I purged it off.

"Where's Lita?", I asked Maria when I got out.

"She's at a meeting," Maria replied.

"Oh", I said disappointedly. "She was supposed to dab my head with alcohol."



"Ooh, sorry, James!"

I walked towards the restroom.

"What's wrong, James?", asked La Netta.

"I said a word", said Maria.

"Which word?"

"The word that rhymes with 'garden'," I answered.

I went to the restroom and did my "pardon" ritual. After I got to the 20 "padolardon"s hinging between the each hip and side of the pelvis, I came out to let someone else use it.

I was soon back in there, and finished my "padolardon"s. I washed my hands and came out.

When I went back into the room where La Netta was, she said Stan Man had brought my money. It was right there in the middle of the table, and I picked it up and put it in my pocket's money bag.

Darnell and Ken finally arrived, after their scheduled 10:30. We joined them in the van and drove soon to Subway.

While I was in Subway, I heard a Safeway commercial. I plugged my ears while the lady was making my sandwich. I heard Darnell say something. Finally I unplugged them and my foot-long was done. I paid for it, then left to go be with La Netta while Darnell and Ken were still ordering.

They ate lunch at Pinole Valley Park. As we left, Snodgrass saw a motorcycle. "Bxke!", he said. "Loooooooook! Bxxxxxxxxke! Look! My bxke!"

"That motorcycle is not yours, Shawn", I said.

Upon getting home, I picked my navel. What a rough day.

National Youth Rights Day

"Scxxt!", said Emanoel Wednesday morning.

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled.



"Emanoel!", said Ernestine.

"What's wrong with 'scxxt'?", Emanuel asked.

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled.

"James feels the same way when he hears that word as you feel when Stan doesn't give you $5 in the morning," said La Netta.

"No way! How can 'scxxt' hurt someone?", asked Emanuel.

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"'Scxxt' doesn't hurt him . . ."


". . . so how does 'scxxt' hurt me?"


"Emanoel!", La Netta and Ernestine were calling out by now.

"What if I say, 'Scxxt scxxt scxxt scxxt' . . .", Emanuel started.

"Rrrrrrr rrrrrr rrrrrrr rrrrrrr!", I growled.





"Emanuel", said La Netta, "If you say that one more time, I'll going to call Lita."

"OK", said Emanuel.

We were fine for a little while, then La Netta went to a clothing store called Fallas. I decided to stay. So did Emanuel.

"Scxxt!", said Emanuel.

"Rrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Emanuel, that's not nice!", said Ernestine.

I crossed the street and then ran into Fallas.

"What's wrong?", asked La Netta.

I told her about Emanuel.

"How awful", she said.

I asked her if she had van money to buy me a piroshki.

"I don't", said La Netta.

"How did you spend it all already?", I asked.

"I have some. But that's not what van money is for."

"Don't you recall what happened to the piroshki I bought last time we went?"


"Jolene ate it, remember?"

"Well, she's your friend, right?"

"Can you please buy it for me?"

"I can't replace everything Jolene eats."

"But La Netta! You bought the piroshki for me!"

"Wait . . . I bought it for you? Really?"

"Yes. You were treating each of us to one thing we picked out, and I picked out the piroshki."


As we drove from Fallas to Grocery Outlet, I announced, "Today is National Youth Rights Day".

"Today is what?", asked a coach.

"National Youth Rights Day", I said.

"What rights do youth have?", asked La Netta.

"What rights do youth have?", asked Ernestine.

"It's about stuff like lowering the voting age and lowering the drinking age", I said.

"Well, I don't agree with that -- not with lowering the drinking age", said La Netta. "Because kids drink under 21 anyway."

"Then they shouldn't be criminals", I said.

"I think there would be accidents".

Just then we hit a red light. "Stupid stoplight!", I yelled. "AAAARRGHH! I HATE STOPLIGHTS!"

"I'm going to need to take a baby aspirin", said La Netta. Ernestine laughed.

When the van started moving again, I said, "There wouldn't be accidents, because the only people whom the drinking age stops are the people who would have drunk, but don't because it's against the law. If these people would unquestioningly obey a controversial law that says you can't drink a drop of alcohol until you're 21, then how in the world would they break a law against drunk driving?"

"Mmmmmmmmm", said La Netta.

Someone wanted to know whether I drank as a teen-ager. I said I did, with my friends or at home "borrowing" from my parents' liquor cabinet. "I never did anything wrong because of my use of alcohol", I told them. "And I learned to hate the United States because it made me a criminal for my drinking."

We entered Grocery Outlet, where I picked up some Butterball sliced turkey and two piroshkis. La Netta and Ernestine also shopped there.

As we left, I heard Shawn saying something.

"Is he saying, 'Bye'?", I asked.

"Yes", said La Netta.

Then I heard someone in Grocery Outlet say a sentence that ended in "bxke".

"Oh no, he's saying that word that you don't like", said La Netta.

"Did he see one?", I asked.

"Yes", said La Netta.

Luckily, we were pulling up to Davis Park for lunch, so I picked my navel, and then purged off Emanuel's "scxxt"s.

A strange thing happened when I got home that day. After heating up my two piroshkis in the microwave, I started by eating my rice and chicken piroshki. Then I opened the one in the spinach piroshki wrapper . . . but when I started in on it, it was rice and chicken too.

The official site of National Youth Rights Day is

The Facebook page:

More press:

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Our fifth anniversary

After I came out of my room today, I heard Santina say, "the guy from city". I didn't know whether she meant "the guy from the city" or "the guy from C-ti", as in C-tibank.

On Friday and Monday it had been just Darnell, so I was delighted to see La Netta. "La Netta!", I said. "You missed our anniversary!"

"Oh, lord!", said La Netta. "When was it: Friday or yesterday?"

"Actually, it was on Sunday, but we were supposed to celebrate it yesterday."

Our first program site was Burger King, so I asked La Netta if now would be a good time to get out to use the restroom, and she said yes. I went and purged off the peanut-butter "C-ti".

It was five years ago, on April 11, 2005, that La Netta and I had our first day together. Since then, we've gotten to know each other much better, such that La Netta knows me better than any other person in the world.

"Are you buying anything at Williams'?", La Netta asked me. I told her I was.

So we went into Williams' together. She bought a dietary supplement, then we headed over to the juice aisle. I picked up a blueberry açaí juice, while La Netta found me a hibiscus cooler.

Then she went over and scooped out two of these things called Tofu Energee Nuggets, as I had indicated last time that I wanted to try them.

As we stood in line, I heard a "Pxrdon?", and growled. We paid for our items.

I spat out a huge stream of saliva after I stepped out of Williams', then we headed for Golden Palace. I ordered ginger cilantro chicken.

On the way to Vincent Park, where the others would eat their lunch, we encountered a shooting. There were guns and cops and helicopters. There were news cameras. The traffic was stopped up. I whimpered when someone mentioned the traffic, in hopes everyone would change the subject so no one would say "mxss".

"There are cops axx oxxx the pxxxx", said Ken.

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

We finally made it to Vincent Park at 1:03. I got out and purged of "axx oxxx the pxxxx" in the restroom. Then came the "padolardon"ing.

When I got out there were children running around. Lots of them. I called La Netta's name and found her.

She could tell something was wrong with me. I told her it was the multitude of small children running around.

"If it makes you feel any better, most of the children here are Hispanic", said La Netta.

"So they'll be speaking Spanish, and I won't hear the WH-word or the I-word?", I asked.

"Yes", said La Netta.

"I get stressed when there are children that age running around. If I open my eyes, I might see them wearing clothes with those characters on them, and if I close my eyes, and try to walk around, they'll be running and I'll collide."

"I checked their shoes, and none of them have characters on them. Does that make you feel better?"

"It does."

I got my pill in the van. I saw a cellphone by the pill! But it said 1:29. A safe time.

Soon we were doing drops. I hugged La Netta our end-of-the-week hug, then shared a long hug for our fifth anniversary.

"Think about how you want to celebrate it", La Netta said.

"I will", I said.

I brought my bags into my room and unloaded my juices and Chinese food. Just one problem.

The Tofu Energee Nuggets weren't in my bag.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I reveal a new word to La Netta

On Thorsday, we spent a lot of our day at the office. I spent most of my office time sleeping. I did ask La Netta, "Today's the day we go to Lucky's, right?"

"Right", said La Netta.

We visited a bank or two, while I stayed in the van. "James, what did you want to get at Lucky's?", La Netta asked around 11:00.

"Easter eggs", I said.

"I went into that Lucky's last night, and I didn't see any Easter stuff there."

"You didn't?"

"I didn't. I thought you wanted to go to Lucky's to buy lunch."

She asked me where I wanted to get my lunch.

"I could get some seafood salad at Lucky's, or is today bad seafood salad weather?", I asked.

"It's bad seafood salad weather", said La Netta. "How does Chinese food sound?"

"It sounds great", I said. So we went to Asia Delight.

I looked at all the items. I had had orange chicken the previous day. Today I picked out chow mein, sesame honey chicken and mixed vegetables with shrimp.

Then I paid for it.

"Don't put in a frok", said La Netta.

"La Netta", I said, "I want to take it out."

"Oh, OK", said La Netta.

"I didn't put a frok in", said the employee. "No frok."

"Ma'am?", I asked the employee. "Could you untie this bag for me?

"It's tied", she said. She handed the bag back to me.

"UNtie. UNtie."

Just then she untied it, and I felt around for it. La Netta said she had already taken it out.

I stuffed my money back into my pocket and carried my bag into the van.

As we drove to our lunch site, Pinole Valley Park, La Netta told Rosa about what had gone on in Asia Delight.

"So I said, 'Don't put it in', said La Netta, and then the other employee had remembered James from yesterday and she told her something in Japanese, and she took it out. But then James told me, 'La Netta, *I* want to take it out'." When she quoted my words, she made my tone of voice sound really bad.

"La Netta!", I objected. "My tone of voice did not sound like that!"

"And then James turned to her -- they were trying to keep the line moving -- but he said, 'Miss, could you untie this bag for me?' And she tied it. I told him that they already took it out, but by then she had figured out what he wanted and she untied it for him."

We were soon at Pinole Valley Park. I walked into the restroom and purged off the three "frok"s: "fadorork, fadorork, fadorork, fadorork . . ."

I called for La Netta. I heard her voice and followed it.

"La Netta, did that little kid say the P-word?", I asked.

"They did not", said La Netta. "What's wrong? You look sad."

"First of all, I'm sad about Lucky's", I said.

"About them being out of Easter eggs?"

"Yes. I had stated a few weeks ago that I wanted to go to Lucky's and Long's, but Darnell made the schedule at home without my input, and by the time we finally put Lucky's on our schedule, all the Easter stuff had been sold."

"Well, Lucky's didn't have much of an Easter selection."

"Did you go there before Easter?"

"Yes. All they had were the Reesy eggs, and the hollow chocolate eggs?"

"The Cadburys?"

"Yes. And the Cadburys. Not as much as the other stores we went to. Does that make you feel better?"


"Anything else you're sad about?"

"I'm sad about what went on at the Chinese place. I wanted to take it out. You wouldn't understand."

"Well, she had already taken it out. The other woman said something to her in Japanese -- Chinese, and she remembered you from yesterday so she told her to take the silverware out, and she took it out."

La Netta spoke awhile to Ken then asked me whether I wanted to finish talking. I asked if it was safe to look, and she replied in the affirmative.

I looked and saw La Netta's face. "You look sad", I told La Netta.

"I'm sad becaose you're sad", she said.

"Yeah, that was what I figured."

"Is there anything else you're sad about?", she asked.

"I'm not finished", I said.

"Go on."

"La Netta, I have something I want to confide to you."


"The real reason I like to take it out myself."

"All right."

"When other person tell them not to put one in, they have to use the F-word, and then I have to purge the F-word off in the restroom afterwards. When I just take it out myself, they don't have to say it."

"So just saying the word for one of those things makes you purge?"

"Yes. But it's only when it refers to a plastic one. People can talk about a metal fork and I won't have to purge. And people can say 'spoon' or 'knife'."

"What's the reason for that?"

"It's historical. When I was about five, I read Where the Wild Things Are."

"The book with the monsters?"

"Yeah, the monsters with all the horns and the fangs. And it starts out when Max wears his new wolf costume and does some horrible things. And one of them is chasing his dog with a fork."

"Oh, god", said La Netta.

"And every time I thought of a fork, I imagined eating dog. I tasted white dog hair, which I imagined to eat like cake. And I wouldn't eat with a fork."

"Oh." La Netta was still listening intently.

"And the word "fork" made me purge. Seeing a fork made me purge. Then, when I was eleven, my parents decided I needed to learn to eat with a fork. So I got used to eating one, and could eat without purging. As long as it was made of metal. The plastic ones were just too tacky. Then it spread to spoons and knives, and I wouldn't eat with any plastic silverware."

"Did it annoy your parents?"

"Well, we mostly ate at home, or went to restaurants formal enough to have metal silverware. Or to McDonald's, where I got McNuggets."

It felt so good to finally reveal this word to La Netta. Now she'll know whenever I have to purge from hearing it.

Snodgrass goes on bxke overdrive

Tuesday morning, we had the gospel station on. Emanuel was going and on and on about his usual senselessness. He started talking about Mexicans.

"Emanoel!", said La Netta.

Emanuel kept on talking.

"Emanuel!", she said. "Don't talk that way about Mexicans. You probably have some Hispanic family members! Do you realize how much African-Americans and Hispanic people have in common?"

The gospel station started doing commercials, so I asked La Netta to turn it off. She turned it off, then after a little while, with Emanuel still blathering, she turned to KBLX. KBLX played a song, then the DJ's got to talking.

"Now let's keep an exe on the problems ahead of os . . .", the DJ said.

"EEEEWWWWWW!", I shouted. "Oh no, traffic!"

La Netta turned it off.

"La Netta, when are we getting to a restroom next?", I asked.

"Berkeley Marina", she replied. "Why do you have to purge? Does just saying they're going to do traffic make you purge?"

"Didn't you hear? They said the K & E words! They said, 'let's K-word an E-word on the problems ahead of us'."

"Now, I'd like to see a Mexican person purging", said Emanuel.

"If a Mexican person purged, would the SC-word taste like tacos, and the M-word taste like burritos, and the WH-word taste like flan?", I asked.

"Yeah", said Emanuel.

"Taste like what?", asked La Netta.

"Flan", I replied.

"Bxke", said Snodgrass. "Bxke!"

"Today's the day we go to Long's", I said.

"What'd you say?", asked La Netta.

"Today's the day we go to Long's."

"No, it isn't."

"But you put it on the schedule for Tuesday! You told me yourself!"

"You know what I did? Since we didn't have program Monday, I picked up the first schedule, thinking it was today. But it was Monday's schedule. I'll take you to Long's, but you have to hold in your purging, OK?"


La Netta told me we were at Long's. I got out, and followed her around the store until we landed at the Easter section. I picked up 14 Russell Stover eggs, plus a bags of chocolate eggs with flowers on top and cream in the center.

As I paid at the check-out, Emanuel was still blathering mindlessly, and said something about "ice xxxxx cones".

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Ice xxxxx cones", repeated Emanuel.


"Ice xxxxx cones."


"Ice xxxxx cones."


"Ice xxxxx cones."


"Ice xxxxx cones."


"Ice xxxxx cones."

"He's saying it on purpose", said La Netta.

"Blechhh", I said.

Emanuel then signed himself out and left the program for the day.

As La Netta pulled up to the office, she said, "I'm the only one who's getting out here."

"Where am I going to use the restroom?", I asked.

"At the dog park", said La Netta.

I stayed in the van as La Netta went to the office.

When she came out, she said, "James, you should probably use the restroom here, since the people at the dog park might get offended if they hear you doing it."

So I went in. I purged off all the eyes and /ai/s, then did Baby Shawn's "bxke"s, and all of Emanuel's "ice xxxxx"s. Then I got to the hardest part: "keep an exe on".

"Keep an adolye on", I chanted. "Keep an adolye on".

I came out. "La Netta", I asked, "How come you didn't hear the K & E words on the radio?"

"Can you hear anything over Emanuel?", asked La Netta.

"I could hear the radio."

"He was that loud!"

"So you wouldn't even have known they were doing traffic if I hadn't said something?"

"I probably wouldn't."

We went to Safeway's, then had lunch together at Vincent Park. (Well, I didn't eat lunch, but you get the idea.) Baby Shawn saw a bicycle, and started siouting, "Bxke! Bxke!", so I went to the restroom to pick my navel.

When I came out, La Netta was having a conversation with Ernestine Gamble, the other coach, about her clients. I listened until I saw a plastic frok below some grating. "Eeewwwwww!", I shrieked.

"Do you want to go to the restroom?", asked La Netta. "Do it now, while no one else is in there."

I went in and purged off the frok.

I saw plastic silverware again, and Baby Shawn had another round of "bxke"s.

"How many times has he said it today?", asked La Netta.

"This is his third incident today", I said.

"So you have to purge three times?"

"I have to pick my navel once for each time he says it."

I went to the restroom yet again.

Snodgrass said "bxke" on three more occasions before we left for home. Then, just as we were pulling off, he said it for a seventh incident:

"Bxke!", he said. "Look! Bxke!"

"That's a boat", said La Netta.

"Look! Bxke! Bxxxxxxke! Bxke!"

"No, Shawn, that's a boat, not a bicycle", I said.




La Netta got into a conversation with Ernestine about cooking.

"It sure is txsty", said Ernestine.

"Blechhh!", I said.

When we arrived at my house, it was 2:14. "Stan doesn't take him until 2:30", La Netta told Ernestine.

"I can't hold in the T-word", I said.

"It's 2:14."

The radio was soon on. It played Katy Perry's "Hot N Cold". After it finished, they did a commercial and Ernestine turned the radio off.

"If I tell Stan I need to purge, maybe he'll let me in", I said.

"It's 2:20", said La Netta. "Just wait 10 more minutes."

"If I tell him . . ."

"Tell him that La Netta planned to wait until 2:30, but you need to purge."

And I told Stan Man just that. I was soon in my house.

The true origins of the Geek Squad

I wanted to go to Long's or Lucky's to buy more Easter eggs, but La Netta told me that Best Buy was on the schedule Friday (which was made by Darnell, not La Netta).

We shopped in Wal-mart without me buying anything. As I got out, some woman said "Scxxt back" four times.

"Scxxt back!", said Emanuel.

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled. "Emanuel!"

A little while later, Ken said "axx oxxx the pxxxx". I thought back to the time Rosa had said "scxxt over a place" and thought that phrase to myself repeatedly, with both the "scxxt"s and the ". . . over the place"s accumulating.

Then we parked outside Best Buy -- we didn't even go in.

In 1997, a man named Ronald Kahlow was comparison shopping in Best Buy. He brought in his laptop and was typing in prices on televisions, which he then had stored vis-à-vis prices at other stores. The manager asked him to leave, he refused, and the fascist manager called the pigs to have him arrested for trespassing.

Kahlow won the case, but it permanently blemished my view of Best Buy.

"James, you know how you feel about Best Buy?", asked La Netta.

"Yes?", I responded.

"Guess where the Geek Squad comes from."

"Best Buy?", I guessed.

"Yes", she said. She pointed to the van that was parked outside Best Buy. It was the Geek Squad van.

"Does this change your views about Best Buy?", she asked.

"No", I replied.

"So if you get home today and the Geek Squad is knocking on your door, are you going to let them in?"

When we went to Kennedy Grove, I got to the restroom to purge. I got some saliva dangling from my mouth and I had to pick it off. When I went to wash my hands, I saw a dipser hanging above one of the sinks.

I used the other sink. Then I purged off the "all"s and "over"s and "over a place"s, and got to "axx oxxx the pxxxx". Then I did some "scxxt over"s that had accumulated in my mind: "scadoloot over, scadoloot over, scadoloot over, scadoloot over". I did a few more "scxxt"s, and eventually got to all five "scxxt back"s: "Scadoloot back, scadoloot back". Then I did the dipser, starting with the eyes, and then going to the legs, then the rest of it: "spadolider, spadolider".

When I came back, I had to cross the point where a sign blocked the road. I walked onto the berm to my left. As I stood on the rim, about to walk off, I tripped and fell. I scraped my hand, and my pants were muddy.

I could take my pill, but when I got home, I had to change my shirt and pants.

Oh, and the computer problems? It appears to be that my modem is broken. We're going to buy a new modem.

Graphic videos on YouTube

On Tuesday morning, I came to program with a $20 bill in my pocket. Baby Shawn was in the van as we drove to the office.

Did I hear Shawn say "bxke"?

"Was Snodgrass talking about motorcycles?", I asked Darnell.

"I didn't hear him talking about that", he said.

"Bxke!", said Baby Shawn. "Bxke! Bxkel!"

"Oh, no!", said La Netta.

Lucky for us, our first stop was at Berkeley Marina. I got out and picked my navel in the restroom.

Emanuel began blathering in his typical Emanuelesque way. While he was spouting off nonsense, he said, "like a cherry on an ice xxxxx float".

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Like a shxke, a chocolate shxke . . ."

I walked out of there, and did some purging.

Once I came back, we were almost ready to leave. Emanuel asked La Netta, "Can I have your shxke?"

"That's protein and granola", said La Netta.

Emanuel tried it and didn't like it. "Can I dump it?", he asked.

"That's my cup", said La Netta.

"I'm just going to give it to the animals." So he took it out, dumped La Netta's milkshxke, and gave it back to her.

We drove over to Target. I told La Netta I was looking for juices.

We started by all going to the restroom. I did some "Shadolake, shadolake" in the restroom.

We looked at their Easter section. I didn't buy anything, but La Netta got a stuffed bunny for her daughter Sierra.

Then we looked at non-Easter candy. I saw some Jelly Bellys had said, "ice xxxxx" on them. "Blechhh!", I said. I pointed to the bag.

"Blechhh indeed", said La Netta.

I then got my juices. Since "juice" has the word "ice" in it, I didn't want to look at the juice bottles. Instead I looked at the guides with the price tags on them on the shelves and covered everything else up with my hands. I did see the word "price" a lot, and would have to purge the "price"s off.

I finally found a one-gallon bottle of apple juice, and some cheap cranberry apple juice cocktail from Market Pantry. After paying for them, I hung around as La Netta bought something from Target's kitchen.

It began more and more painful to hold in "ice xxxxx".

"I can't hold it in!", I cried out.

"Does that mean that you don't want me to get my lunch?", Darnell asked.

"No, you can get your lunch."

Finally I went to the restroom. I purged off all the "ice xxxxx head"s I thought to myself. I purged off the times I spelled "ice xxxxx" in my head. I purged off the "juice"s and "price"s. I purged off the "nice"s. Then the "ice xxxxx"s themselves were surprisingly quick.

"James, I have a question", said Darnell.

"OK", I said.

"Suppose you were digging in your rectum, and then you tore your intestine, and you keep purging at your rectum . . . doesn't that hurt?"

"That's never happened", I said.



"Now, what words are the rectum words?"

"I believe I've told La Netta about that before. La Netta?"

"Well", La Netta told Darnell, "I believe James has told me that he has to purge at his rectum when he sees one eye open and one eye closed."

"Oh, really?", said Darnell. "So if I wxnked at you that would make you purge at your rectum?"

"Yes", I said.

"You don't like people wxnking at you?"


After La Netta got me hand sanitizer for my purge, I took my pill.

Darnell asked me how to spell "purging" and "groin" and before long he was looking up YouTube videos.

"Oh! This is horrible!", he said. "It shows a guy purging!"

The video showed a bulimic male who narrated his own video as he ate food and then purged it up so he wouldn't gain weight. He was trying to become thinner to join the Air Force.

He watched several more videos of purging (the bulimic type, not the logaesthetic type) before we called it a day.

La Netta slips up

On Monday morning, March 29, I saw Santina as she came out.

When I got in the van, KBLX songs were playing, one after another. There were no commercials or traffic, no deejays, so I wondered whether this was a CD instead of a radio station, but La Netta told me it wasn't a CD.

She turned it off after about twenty minutes, and I asked her whether Santina was in her pajamdras this morning. La Netta said yes.

When we got to the office I got out to purge Santina's pajamdras off in the restroom. I saw the two clear plastic froks still at the bottom of the ramp before I climbed up. "Eeeewwwwwwwww! Eeeeewwwwwww!"

I first did the pajamdras, then the plastic silverware. Plastic froks are so gross.

When I came out, we visited See's Chocolates. I got a bag of pectin eggs -- and I couldn't buy a second item as I only had $5.21 with me.

La Netta went to Panda Express with Ken, and bought some Chinese food. When she came out, she said, "They didn't give you a frok, Ken?", and walked back in.

We were soon back at the office. La Netta told me I could use the restroom if I needed to.

I went in: "fadorork, fadorork, fadorork . . ."

Then La Netta drove to Asia Delight. I went in to buy to egg rolls. They came with soy sauce and sweet-and-sour sauce. I felt around with my eyes closed and pulled out my plastic silverware before leaving. "No frok?", the cashier said.

Our lunch site was Miller's Knots. By now the radio was on Star 101.3, playing songs like "You Belong with Me" by Taylor Swift and "Waiting on the World to Change" by John Mayer.

I went to the restroom: "fadorork, fadorok, fadorork . . ."

I came back out and rested my head in my hands, my hands on my knees and my sleep mask on. After Baby Shawn was done eating, La Netta said she had to clean up his "mxss".

"Eewwwww!", I said.

"Sorry, James", said La Netta. I went to the restroom for the last time that day.

"Was your day all fine until I slipped up and said that word?", asked La Netta.

"Well", I replied, "There was seeing Santina in her pajamdras."

"That's true", said La Netta.

When I got home, I pulled up my rug to eat some egg rolls, and asked Stan for 20 more dollars.

A new addition to my room

Shortly after Stan installed the new floor, I've been noticing spots that look like exeballs. Seven spots on my floor in all, with outlines of eyes, and a darkened iris and pupil in the middle. I've been covering them up with tissue so I don't have to purge every time I look at the floor.

Well, Saturday afternoon, March 27, I got a call from Stan asking me if I could get my hair cut that day. I told him yes. Then he talked to me about my floor. He said that after my haircut, he and I could go to Wal-mart together and buy a rug to cover up the spots on my floor.

I ate a burrito, then at 3:00 Stan Man came over. I showed him the seven spots, five covered with tissue, one with my wastebasket on top of it, one split by the leg of a computer chair.

Stan said we were ready to go, so after everyone else hopped in the van, I climbed in (making sure to be the last to avoid hearing clients tell others to scxxt over).

Aaron was intently focused on his Pokémon game. He said something about Cleffa.

"Don't you mean Clefairy?", asked Carl.

"No, Cleffa."

"I don't know Cleffa."

"See? This is Cleffa. Cleffa evolves into Clefairy."

Stan then took Maurice and me into Tommy Cuts, where the same person as last time cut my hair, a woman named Katie or Katy. I had to wait with a television playing for a long time before it was my turn. Luckily, I didn't hear any words. But I kept stressing about the possibility I was about to hear one. When it was my turn to get my hair cut, I told Katie/Katy that the television was bothering me.

She cut my hair like Kurt's, then Stan took me back to the van and left Maurice there.

Charles entered the van. "Scxxt over", he said as he got into the van.

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Just scxxt over!"


"Hey! James doesn't like that word", said Carl.

"So? I don't care", said Charles.

"In here we all have to watch our language", said Carl, "And that goes for you too".

Stan picked up Maurice, and said everyone but James was going to the movie theater together.

"Can we watch Alice in Wonderland?", asked Aaron.

"We're going to see the other one", said Stan.

"How to Tame Your Dragon in 3D?"



Carl told Aaron that he reminded him of someone he used to know named Steve who went to ABC with him. One of the clients said that that Steve used to go to day program.

"Was he the one who referred to African-Americans with the N-word?", I asked.

"Yes", said Carl. Often."

"Well, I don't do that", said Aaron.

"You're White", said Carl. "You're not supposed to."

Stan Man then took me into Wal-mart. He showed me some rugs.

"How does this rug look?", he asked.

"Oh, Stan! I like it!", I said. "It gives me the feeling that I'm at the beach, and I'm sitting in my deckchair."

He picked up several similar small rugs before picking up a big one. "Do you want red, or blue, or brown?", he asked.

"I want the red one. It has an exotic, Middle-Eastern-ish feeling."

Stan picked up the red rug and took me to the check-out line. As we stood in check-out, I heard another customer saying "ice xxxxx" in a conversation with her friend.

"Blechhh!", I said.

Then, she said something about "ice xxxxx cones".

"Blechhh!", I said again.

"Would you like to go to the restroom?", asked Stan.

"Yes", I said. I found my way over.

I immediately got to purging off the "ice xxxxx"s. As I was purging, I heard what may have been two "Whxxps"es, so I purged them off. Then I got to Charles' "scxxt"s.

"The red one is defective", said Stan peeping into the restroom. "Do you want blue or brown?"

"Brown", I said.

I finished the "scadoloot" ritual and washed my hands. Then it was time to go home.

Stan said we couldn't go to the movies after all, and would have to go Sunday.

When I got home, we placed the new rug in my room. It covers four of the seven spots. I'll have to pull it up to eat a meal, but when I'm walking across my room or looking at my room in my bed I'll have peace of mind from now on.

An exercise exercise

Friday, March 26, was our day to go to Big Lots and Rite-aid. Wanda turned the station to KBLX as we drove, and would turn it on every now and then, sometimes in the midst of a commercial.

"Wanda?", I said.

"Yes, James", said Wanda.

"When you're listening to KBLX, could you tell me beforehand when you're about to turn the radio on, so I have time to get my headphones on?"

"My mind just drifts", said Wanda. "I don't think about that. So if you hear the radio, just try to get your headphones on as fast as you can."

"But what if it's already in the middle of traffic?", I asked.

I told La Netta about that, and I told her I don't think Wanda understands how my headphones work. I also mentioned that it takes about twenty seconds to get my headphones on.

We made our first stop at Big Lots. La Netta and the rest of the gang looked at a lot of sections, but I just came for the Easter eggs. I bought three cartons of a dozen chocolate marshmallow eggs each, and that was all I wanted there. They played a commercial after every song.

In one commercial they said, "your mxsses", and I went, "Eeewwwwwwwwww!"

"What was that?", asked La Netta.

"They said the M-word in that commercial."

"I didn't hear no M-word."

Then the commercial finished, talking about "cleaning it up". La Netta said they must have said the M-word, since it was about cleaning your house.

Then we pulled up to Rite-aid.

"Ice xxxxx", said Wanda.

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Well, they said it on a sign", said Wanda.

"They also have yogurt", said La Netta.

Wanda went in and got some yogurt, then La Netta came in with me.

I bought some strawberry cream eggs, some coconut cream eggs and some Reese's eggs, then we paid and left.

We visited Kennedy Grove, where I rubble-cleared off "cream" from "strawberry cream eggs" and quite a few "ice"s, then did "ice xxxxx". It tasted like gelato.

Next, I purged off "mxsses". I washed my hands and climbed back out, avoiding the muddy grass.

La Netta invited me for some calisthenics with her. At first I turned it down, but Wanda was having a conversation on her cellphone and I could hear the other end, so I decided to get out of the van. I stretched to the left and I stretched to the right with her. Then we did jumping jacks -- I did fifty, La Netta did ten.

"You know", I said, "It used to be that humans would have to hunt mammoths, and escape saber-tooth tigers, and climb trees to gather fruit. And now we have to exercise."

La Netta talked about how human bodies were evolved to eat raw foods, and now we cook our foods.

"When did we start cooking food?", asked La Netta.

"Well, when the eirst hominids evolved", I said, "They didn't have fire yet. And then, around the same time humans invented language and invented the wheel, we mastered fire. And we began cooking our food."

La Netta said Locy was on exhibit, and she wanted to see her. She said she wanted to travel back in time to the Stone Age to learn all these things about early humans.

The clock said 1:36, so La Netta began her drops. When I finally got home, I gathered up my bags and gave La Netta a big end-of-the-week hug. I made it into the house and used the bathroom (they were fixing my broken window, so I couldn't go into my own room).