Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The day Jolene got raisins instead of a Peanut Crunch

Today we programmed in El Cerrito. After visiting Barnes & Noble, we walked into Ross to look for headphones to replace the ones that were broken.

I heard a song on the Intercom. It sounded as if it was saying "Sipping on coconut ice xxxxx".

"La Netta, did they say the I-word?", I asked my friend.

"No, they didn't", she replied.

"It sounded like, 'Sipping on coconut ice xxxxx'."

"I'll listen to the song and hear them say it again", said La Netta.

I held onto La Netta's arm.

"Close your eyes, James", she said.

I closed my eyes to avoid pajamdras or whatever it was (I didn't really want to know.)

"Oh!", said La Netta. "I went to check the van. I'm not sure if I put up my . . . my . . ."

"Handicapped placard?" I supplied.

"Yes." She walked closer to the door. I told La Netta not to go outside or she might miss the lyrics when they repeat in the song.

Finally, the song ended. "They said, 'Sipping on Coke and iced tea'?", I asked.

"Yes", said La Netta.

"Did they repeat that part of the song?"

"Yes."

We then drove over to See's in the rainy weather.

The first woman to greet us gave us all chocolate-covered raisins as samples. I spilt osme of mine on the floor.

Then the usual cashier came out. She gave us caramel-and-marshmallow goodies. "These are mxssy ones, they're caramel and marshmallow", she said.

"They are? I can't eat those." I handed mine to Jolene.

"I makes me think of the mxss I've been making."

"Eeeeewwwwww!"

"I'll take you somewhere", said La Netta.

When we got in the van, La Netta said, "It was wrong of that first woman to give us raisins".

I ordered Chinese food at Chef's. Today my picks were chow mein, honey sesame chicken and kung pao chicken.

"No frok, just a napkin?", the cashier asked.

"That's right", I replied.

When I got back in the van, I handed Carl my Chinese food since La Netta said there wasn't room for it in the front.

"Can you hold mine?", I asked.

"Sure, while you're getting your seatbelt on", he said.

I got on my seatbelt. Then Carl said, "Now I'll scxxt over . . ."

"Rrrrrrrrr!", I said.

"Sorry."

"And you had just told Claudette to avoid that word yesterday."

At Berkeley Marina, I got out and spent thirty minutes in the restroom. I purged off "scxxt", did some "fadorork, fadorork" and also got "mxss". Then I asked La Netta for my pill. I went back in the restroom, disposed of the wrapper, and swallowed my pill.

I was trigger-word-free for the rest of the day.

How could one load of laundry be so tough?

I was eating my macaroni salad on Monday when Stan knocked at my door.

"Come in!", I shouted.

"James, after you're done eating, we need to do your laundry", he said.

"Laundry?", I asked.

"Yes. I've got the cardboard. So as soon as you're done eating, just come out."

"OK."

"Monday's our new day now."

"Do my clothes smell?"

"It's just time to do the laundry."

When I got done eating, I refrigerated my macaroni salad, washed my silverware and came out to the laundry room.

"Are you ready to bring your clothes in?", asked Claudette.

"First I need to get the cardboards", I said.

"What did you say?"

"I said first I need to get the cardboards."

"Why do you need those?"

"For scraping the washer and drier."

I got my cardboards out and told Carl I could hear the television. "Can you turn the television off, Carl?", I asked.

"Sure", said Carl.

"Thanks, Carl", I said. "I knew you'd do it for a friend."

With the television now off, I scraped out the washer in its entirety. Then I embarked on the drier. I ran out of cardboards, though, and with Stan Man's cardboards depleted, I rushed to my room where I got the cardboard box from my liqueur bundt cake. That finished it.

I then brought in the first load and poured in the detergent as the water ran.

I lay on my bed until I was told that the washer had finished running. I then walked in to move those clothes to the drier. Claudette said, "Wait, James, Rodney needs to step out of the way first. Rodney, scxxt over."

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled. "You said the SC-word!"

"You want to try to work that word out of your vocabulary", said Carl. "Replace it with 'move' or 'step aside'."

While I was drying, I thought I heard "ice xxxxx" on TV. I came out and asked Carl whether they had said the I-word.

"I'm not sure", said Carl. He handed me the remote control and I rewound.

They said "I see" and "seem", but there was no "ice xxxxx". I was safe. I could finish moving my clothes from the washer to the drier.

I began drying and headed out once more to my room.

I fell asleep. Soon I was back in the laundry room, moving my clothes to a new laundry bag.

Claudette talked to Levette, another staff, about Rodney. Did I hear her say "pxke around?"

"Did you say the P & A words?", I asked Claudette.

"I don't know", said Claudette.

"Do you know what the P & A words are?"

"No, I don't."

"The P-word rhymes with 'joke', and the A-word is 'around'. Did you say them?"

"I don't know."

"You know which words I'm talking about, right?"

"No."

"The P-word rhymes with 'joke'. You know? That word? This word!" I jabbed myself in the abdomen the way Aaron does to others. I jabbed myself a second time, and a third time."

"Pxke? Is it 'pxke'?", asked Claudette.

"Yes!", I said.

"No, I didn't say 'pxke'."

"OK. Thank God!" I then carried my bag into my bedroom.

That was a lot of trouble with words to go through just to wash and dry one load of laundry!

An -ito party!

Monday morning we had a seating dilemma. Ken was up front. Rodney was in the back with Emanuel and me. Carl was in the middle, but Jolene was about to get in. Carl refused to have Jolene sitting next to him. He suggested Alejandra move to the middle and Jolene sit on the end. However, CIWP rules require the second coach to be on the door end of the middle row.

I finally moved to the middle row, with my seatbelt on, and sat next to my friend Jolene. Carl then moved into the back. As Carl left the middle row, Ken propelled up his front seat. "See, I'll scxxt it up", he said.

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Sorry, James", said Ken.

Our first stop was the office. As our new Monday schedule went, we would spend the first half of this day at the office. I purged off "scxxt" in the restroom.

I opted to use the Internet room to spend the time. I accidentally saw the pumpkin carved with a dipser and had to purge inside the Internet room. Since my Internet and home was down, I visited 4thkingdom and checked my Yahoo email.

"FREE SHXPPING!", an ad read on the Yahoo site. I started picking my navel.

As I walked out, La Netta asked, "What's wrong?"

"I saw the SH-word on the Internet", I said.

"Oh", said La Netta.

When we finally left the office, we skipped Ross and went straight to picking up lunch. I bought some macaroni salad at Safeway.

The radio was on KBLX. "Sterling James here", the DJ said. "Let's take a look at traffic . . ."

"Oh no, traffic!", I exclaimed. La Netta turned it off.

When she turned it back on, it was on a commercial. I heard the commercial say, "C-tibank".

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled. "Did you hear that commercial?" La Netta turned it off.

"I want to hear that!", said Alejandra.

"We can't listen to that commercial," I said."The name of that bank makes me purge."

"Why?"

"I'll explain to you sometime when I don't have to purge it off."

When we finally stopped at Berkeley Marina for lunch, I went into the restroom and purged off "C-tibank" until I had all the peanut butter out of me. It was like eating cold hot dogs smothered in peanut butter.

"We need to think about what kind of going-away party to hold for Jolene", said La Netta.

"Hold a taco party!", I said.

"We should feed her so many tacos, she'll get sick of them", said Carl. "Not sick from them, sick oe them. As in, she'll never want to see another taco again."

"Be nice now", said La Netta. "Jolene, do you want to have pizza?", she asked.

Jolene shook her head.

"Tacos?", asked La Netta.

Jolene shook her head.

"Lasagna?", La Netta asked.

Jolene shook her head again.

"We should ask her when she's in a better mood", I said.

"I have an idea", said Carl. "It's not festive, but it's not cynical either. Just sort of goofy. It will be fun. Have an -ito party."

"An -ito party?", asked La Netta.

"Sure. With all foods ending in -ito. Burritos, tostitos, Doritos, Cheetos . . ."

"Fritos?", I suggested.

"Exactly! Mojitos . . ."

"Enchiritos . . ."

"What's a mojito?", asked La Netta.

"It's a drink", said Alejandra.

"It's a kind of cocktail", I explained.

"Oh", said La Netta.

"Or . . .", said Carl, "We could hold an -ada party. Enchiladas, tostadas, fritatas . . ."

"Or an -otti party", I said. "With manicotti, biscotti, basmati, stotties . . ."

"Except you need a drink", said Carl. "And there are no drinks ending in -otti."

"We can't have mojitos", said La Netta.

"Well, that's the only drink ending in -ito", said Carl. "There's margarita, but that's an -ita, not -ito."

"Or, we could have an -ini party!", I suggested. "Linguini, spaghettini . . ."

"Martinis", added Carl.

"Exactly!", I said. "Tortellini, fettuccine, fedelini . . ."

I felt with keeling over the side at the right seat of the back row. I got up to look to see how much room Rodney and Carl had between them. Alejandra asked what I was doing, and I explained.

"You could just ask them to scxxt over", said Alejandra.

"Rrrrrrrr!", I growled. "I can't say that word, or I'd make myself purge!" I walked off to the restroom, purged and came back.

Jolene started having a fit of napnin's. She said she was going to miss us. "Napnin, napnin, napnin, napnin! Napnin, napnin, napnin, napnin!"

"You see, let me explain why I don't like Jolene", said Carl. "That woman at the office who uses a wheelchair . . ."

"Jolene's the only woman in a wheelchair!", said Alejandra.

"That's Lisa you're thinking of", said La Netta. "She uses a walker, not a wheelchair."

"Overweight lady, red hair . . . ", said Carl.

"That's Lisa", said La Netta.

"No. The coach with hair with dark roots and light tips . . ."

"That's Lisa you're thinking of. And she's a client, not a coach."

"White lady."

"She's Hispanic", I said.

"Yeah," said La Netta. "She looks White, but she's not."

"OK", said Carl. "She's in a wheelchair. But that's the only thing that's wrong with her. So it's OK."

"Oh," said La Netta, "So what you're saying is . . .?"

"What I'm saying is . . . the old African-American woman here . . ."

"Billie Jean?", I asked.

"Kay", said Alejandra.

"Grey hair, client . . ."

"That's Kay", said La Netta, "And she's a coach."

"She's old", said Carl. "But that's the only thing that's wrong with her. So it's OK."

Carl continued. "James over here has restroom problems. He's unpredictable. But that's the only thing that's wrong with him. So it's OK."

Carl went on. "That Caucasian male client with the goatee who keeps trying to shake hands with me . . ."

"Ganesh?", asked Alejandra.

"He's all skin and bxnes. But that's the only thing that's wrong with him. So it's OK."

Carl listed one last "problem". "Ken and Rodney over here -- they're basically spazzoids. But that's the only thing that's wrong with them. So it's OK."

Then he went on to Jolene. "Now, with Jolene, it's all of those things put together. So you can see why I have a problem with her."

"I have a song I want to sing", I said. I opened my mouth and started to sing, to the tune of "Dreams" by the Cranberries:

I see Jo
She's eating a taco
And eating a burrito


"All right now!", said La Netta.

I see Ken
He checks his watch, 1:10
He checks it again and again


"Is that all you have?", asked La Netta.

I see Emanuel
Cutting program during his annual
And trying every trick in the manual


"Good thing my name doesn't rhyme with anything", said Carl. "I'm like 'orange'!"

I see La Netta
She couldn't love me better
Her hugs get wetter and wetter


"Awww, that was nice, James", said La Netta.

"I'm so glad my name doesn't rhyme", said Carl.

"I've got one for you", I told Carl.

I see Carl
He's greeting Jo with a snarl
And engaging Bernard in a quarrel


"So you do have one for me!", said Carl.

The clock finally approached 2:00, so we headed home, saving Jolene's party planning for another day.

Carl is acrophobic!

On Friday, the group headed over to Target. We were supposed to go to the Berkeley Library, but since it was raining, La Netta had changed the schedule to spend the day indoors at Hilltop.

At Target, Jolene said she needed to go to the bathroom. "Go bathroom!", she said. "I can't hold it!"

La Netta took her in, while I hung around the stall of the men's. When she came out of the women's, we headed upstairs to look at rugs.

"Go bathroom!", said Jolene again.

La Netta took us all out of the store. "We can't be having this," said La Netta. La Netta explained that the first time Jolene had said it, it was just a ploy to go to the restroom and get out of the aisles. Jolene did not actually urinate or defecate. And this was a ploy again.

"Jolene," said La Netta as we got back into the van, "When you're at your new program you can't do this. They'll kick you out if you keep lying about needing to go to the bathroom.

We traveled in between stores in Hilltop Mall, sheltered from the rain. I told La Netta I wanted a teriyaki bowl for lunch.

"James, here's the thing", said La Netta. "The teriyaki is upstairs. Carl doesn't like to go upstairs."

"Then we can split", I said.

"I guess so", said La Netta.

La Netta suggested Carl stay down with Darnell, but Carl wanted someone to take Jolene while he went with the other coach, so Carl wouldn't be with Jolene and wouldn't have to be upstairs.

We were at a standstill until La Netta said we were all going upstairs together.

Carl stopped.

"Carl!", I said. "Do it for a friend!"

Carl went up with us. We ascended with the escalator. Then he started to turn back.

"We're almost there", said La Netta.

I saw Carl get down on the floor. At first I thought this was resistance as the coaches would be trying to drag him with them, but then I saw him crawling up the stairs. I realized what he was doing! We was climbing the stairs without falling over the left or right edge.

Carl turned back one more time before we found the teriyaki bowl restaurant. I ordered a chicken teriyaki bowl and we left together.

Fast-forward to Davis Park. Carl was talking about superpowers. He said he was more powerful than Superman.

"Now, if you wear Superman footie pajxmxs, that won't make you powerful --", he said.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

I went into the restroom and purged off "pajxmxs". I discovered that Carl pronounces the word the way La Netta does.

"Sorry," Carl said when I got back into the van. "If you steal Superman's cape, you have Superman's power."

I hugged La Netta our end-of-the-week hug as we stopped at my house, then went and ate my teriyaki bowl.

James: 1. Darnell: 0.

On Thursday, the radio was tuned to the rap station and I didn't have my headphones, so I was stuck listening to the rap lyrics.

A song came on that went like this:

I'm checking your body language
I love that conversation
And when you lick your lips
I get a t-ngling sensation

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled. "La Netta!"

"What's wrong?", asked La Netta.

"That song had the word that rhymes with 'single' in it!"

"No it didn't. It said, 'I get a cold sensation'."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Darnell, did you hear the word that rhymes with 'single' or 'cold'?"

"I heard 'cold'," said Darnell.

Soon we stopped in front of the office. La Netta went in to watch Jolene change herself.

"I'll be in the restroom", I told Darnell.

"Why?", he asked.

"So I can purge off the word that rhymes with 'single'."

"They didn't say it in that song."

"I want to look it up."

"You don't need to look it up, because I know it isn't in that song."

"But I'm certain they said it, Darnell. 'I get a word-that-rhymes-with-single-ing sensation'."

"They didn't sing it. I love that song. I was singing it before work this morning. 'And when you lick your lips, I get a cold sensation . . .'"

"You know that song? What's its title?"

"I didn't say I knew it, I said I loved that song."

"If you let me look it up, I can find out for sure."

"You can look it up when you get home. Then, if they did say any words, you can have all day to purge."

"I need to look it up now or I won't be able to take my pill."

"They didn't say it. I think you just want to purge."

So Darnell would not let me go to the restroom. I stayed in limbo until after our first program site, while we were driving back to the office.

Ken said "axx oxxx the pxxxx".

"Rrrrrrrr!", I growled. "La Netta, get me somewhere."

And La Netta drove me to the office.

I purged off "axx oxxx the pxxxx" while I was in there. When I came out, La Netta said, "Darnell and them left you here."

Good. This meant I had time to look up the lyrics on the Internet. I explained to La Netta that Darnell wouldn't let me to the restroom. But first, I purged off the word "t-ngling".

I googled:

lips "i feel a cold sensation" lyrics

No relevant hits. I tried:

lips "i get a cold sensation" lyrics

Still no relevant hits. I then omitted "lips":

"i feel a cold sensation" lyrics

And again:

"i get a cold sensation" lyrics

No songs existed with these lyrics.

I then typed in:

"i feel a ingling sensation"

With my exes covered, I moved my cursor to before the "ingling" and typed in a t.

No hits.

I changed "feel" to "get".

With most of the screen covered up with my hands, I viewed the titles of the results.

"Buy U a Drank" by T-Pain, most of the results read.

"La Netta?", I asked.

"Yes?", said La Netta.

"Is the song 'Buy U a Drank' by T-Pain?"

"I think that's it."

"I want to show you something."

I led her into the Internet room and showed her the computer screen. "There are all these different versions, is that what you wanted to show me?", she asked.

"No, I mean it has that lyric in it."

"Ohhhhhh-hhhhhhh!", said La Netta. She looked at the screen. "Do you need to purge?"

"I already did", I said.

"OK. I better erase this before you see it and have to purge again."

"Why don't you just close this Internet window? The X at the top right corner."

And La Netta did that.

When we got back into the van, I asked La Netta, "Do you want to tell Darnell about the song?"

"Oh, OK", said La Netta. "The song really does have the T-word in it." She explained to him about looking up the lyrics.

"Oops!", said Darnell. He said "Oops" a few times. That was all he could say.

They drove to Miller's Knots for lunch. "I see some of those bxke things", said La Netta.

"You said, 'Some of those right things'?", I asked her.

"Some of those bxkes and things."

"I want a bxke", said Darnell.

"You want a bxke?", asked La Netta. Before long, I was picking my navel like crazy.

I got out to spit. When I came back in I touched my hair and pulled something out of it. It was something brown and twisted.

"What's this?", I asked La Netta.

"Where did you find it?", she asked.

"It was in my hair."

"It looks like something that came from the tree."

"Did I touch the tree?"

"No. Now do you have to wash your hair?"

"No, since I didn't touch the tree."

"It's only something from the tree", said Carl. "It's no big deal."

"To James it is", said La Netta.

"You saw me the whole time, right?", I asked.

"Right."

"And you saw I didn't touch the tree, right?"

"Right. It must have fallen."

We moved about in the back row. I was on the left.

"Scxxt over, Rodney", said Carl.

"Rrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Sorry. Move over, Rodney."

I walked all the way to the Miller's Knots restroom and purged. When I came back, La Netta asked, "Did you purge at your navel?"

"No", I replied.

"Where did you purge?"

"At my groin."

"Then I have some hand sanitizer for you."

I rubbed the hand sanitizer back and forth across my hands 120 times.

Carl loves the K & E words

On Wednesday, Carl had a flu shot appointment. We didn't pick him up until late in the day.

We decided what to eat that Wednesday afternoon. Chef's had a power outage, so that was out. Darnell finally settled on McDonald's.

"I told you not to eat at McDonald's!", he said. "Do you realize what's in it? McDonald's is piss, shit, cum and fire!"

"Well, I like it," said Darnell.

"They sell shit, piss, cum and fire and pass it off as food. I'm only telling you because you're my friend. Friends don't let friends eat at McDonald's!"

Somehow, the conversation turned to money.

"Then I can hire someone to keep an exe on my money", said Carl.

"Eeeeewwwwwwww!", I said.

He just kept talking with Darnell, seemingly oblivious to my exclamation of disgust.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!", I said a second time.

"Sorry about that", said Carl. "Then I can hire someone to watch my money."

I used the restroom at Pinole Valley Park in the middle of Star 101.3's 60-minute stretch of music. It would be necessary, with the K & E words spoken, even if I missed some music.

First I did my rubble-clearing: "adolye, adolye, adolye". Then I started shocking myself:

"Keep an adolye on! Keep an adolye on!" My groin was pierced as my hand moved around on my groin, like hands moving from fret to fret on a guitar. "Keep an adolye on!"

After the fourteenth time, my hands went up and I walked back out, there being no soap in the Pinole Valley Park restroom.

And that music on Star 101.3? I could catch the end of it.

Fat! So?

On Friday, January 15, we went to Big Lots. I came holding La Netta's hand, while the other clients went with Darnell.

She looked at simplified and illustrated classics written for children -- The Time Machine, White Fang, Peter Pan. She thought Jeremiah and Sierra would enjoy them. I told La Netta the story of The Time Machine.

A song with the line, "I looked like a mxss" came on the radio. I shrieked, and La Netta asked what was wrong.

"They said the M-word in this song", I said.

"I'll take you to the restroom."

After I finished, I bought two bottles of juice, a gallon of green tea with honey and half a gallon of pomegranate blueberry juice.

La Netta looked at a bottle of pomegranate Jones soda. It was called "Yo Momegranate". "But it has so much sugar!", she said. "Oh, wait! It says it's cane sugar! That's good!"

I took a look. I read the back until I got to "txsty" . . . "Blechhhh!"

"What's wrong?", asked La Netta.

"It has the T-word on it."

"Where? Oh."

"I need to go to the bathroom", squealed Jolene, "I can't hold it."

"We'll get your diaper," said Darnell.

"I can't hold it!"

"Your diapers are in the van."

When Darnell got to the van, he discovered there were no diapers left. La Netta took Jolene and me into the restroom anyway.

I purged off "txsty" while Jolene relieved herself. She felt much better.

Then we got in line, where a mother's preschooler was making trouble.

She quibbled and kvetched with her daughter, until Carl intervened.

"Look in their eyes", he said. "That's the way you can tell if they're lying."

"Carl, you're in the way", said Darnell.

"But I'm standing right here", said Carl.

"You're in the way."

"How can I be in the way? Is there a person in a wheelchair behind me or a fat person in front of me?"

When we left Big Lots, La Netta and Darnell started harping on Carl, telling him how rude he was to tell another person how to raise her child.

"I don't see what's wrong with that", I said.

"You don't think it was wrong of Carl to tell someone else how to raise her child?", asked La Netta.

"Well, if a White mother has a 5-year-old daughter who's looking at an African-American man in a store and the mother walks away from him and tells her daughter to stay away with people with that skin color, I would hope somebody would tell her that she was wrong", I replied.

"OK, I agree", said La Netta.
'
They soon got to Carl.

"We had to apologize for your inappropriate behavior!", said Darnell.

"I know how to parent, therefore I should tell them", said Carl.

"You don't know how to be a parent. Being a parent means having good hygiene. It means taking showers. If you don't even do any of that, how can you be ready to be a parent?"

"That was rude to point out that the lady was obese", said La Netta.

"She was fat", said Carl. "Stating the truth is not rude."

"I can see how you got into all those fights!", said La Netta.

"We asked you to move, because you were in the way", said Darnell. "And you didn't need to tell that lady that she was fat. You didn't need to ask why."

"Well, there was someone in a wheelchair behind me or a fat person in front of me, and I didn't know which, so I asked you," said Carl.

"She already knows she's overweight", said La Netta. "It was rude to point it out."

"I asked you why I had to move, and you wouldn't tell me", said Carl. "I can't keep an exe on the line while it's moving all the time."

"Eeeeewwwwwww!", I said.

"Sorry!", said Carl.

When we got to the office, I purged off "keep an exe on". Afterwards, we went to the Taco Bell drive-through.

I was going to order a Crunch Wrap Supreme, a chicken chalupa and two soft-shell tacos, one for me and one for Jolene.

"I want a taco!", Jolene said.

"I'll get you one", I said.

"I want a taco! I want a taco!"

I told La Netta what to order.

"Two soft tacos, a chicken chalupa and a Crunch Wrap Supreme", said La Netta.

"I want a taco!", said Jolene.

"I'm getting you one!", I told her.

Finally, the order came back. They ate together at lunch and I got Jolene her taco. Then we went home and I ate my Taco Bell order.

Fat?So! is the title of a book by Marilyn Wann.

Jolene vs. Carl, part deux

Thursday, January 14, was the day we had scheduled for KFC. La Netta said she had $4. "What should I get?", she said.

"How about an original leg and two original thighs?", I asked.

"Is that what you're getting?"

"Yes."

Once we got there, I made my order and La Netta ordered her snackers.

They handed me the box in a bag. I noticed through my bag that the box was not in its usual colors. I took it out to look more closely, and it was designed to advertise a football season deal at KFC.

I looked on the top: "FREE SHXPPING", it said.

I trembled and began picking at my navel.

I looked at the other sides -- no other purge words.

"What kind of box do your snackers come in?", I asked La Netta.

"They're just wrapped", she said. She took them out.

"Did they put plastic silverware in yours?"

"No."

"I want to get snackers instead of my leg and thighs."

"Well, I don't think you can just return it", La Netta said. "What's wrong?"

"It has the SH-word on my box", I said.

"Want to go back in and ask for another box?"

"Sure."

When we went back in, La Netta came in and said, "Could you get a box that doesn't have wording on it?"

"Sure", the employee said, and handed me one of their usual "LIFE TASTES BETTER WITH KFC" boxes.

"It has the T-word on it", said La Netta.

"The word that rhymes with 'hasty'?", I asked.

"Yeah."

"All I saw was 'tastes'. 'Life tastes better'."

"That's what it says. I thought that was a word too."

"It's not."

She moved the chicken, and we were on our way to Fernandez Park.

Once we got out, the others realized the bleachers were wet. They didn't want to eat on the bleachers.

As a result, we found ourselves eating in the tables in back.

Carl asked me if I wanted to play skyball. I didn't know what that was, so he explained skyball was like basketball except you were playing with an imaginary ball. We played on the court until we wore ourselves out.

When we got back to the van, Carl started insulting Jolene. He called her "old" and "ugly". "That's an 81-year-old woman", Carl said.

"I think Jolene is a very attractive woman", said La Netta.

"She's not attractive", said Carl. "She's ugly."

"You're being very rude", said La Netta. "We're all different."

"Yeah, some of us are people, and some of us are things."

"I don't want to listen to that rudeness said La Netta."

Once we got in the van, she asked him, "I don't want you speaking that way about your peers."

"Jolene is not my peer", Carl said. "She's my lesser."

Carl then started to tell me about how Jolene's spiritual matrix was reversed so that her outer spirit was inside and her inner spirit was outside. I asked exactly what Jolene did that was wrong. "Was it eating my piroshki?", I asked.

"No, it wasn't that. Jolene knows what she did wrong."

"Then what was it?"

"Jolene insulted me, back when she was a 14-year-old girl. So I put a spell on her. I gave that 14-year-old girl the body of an 81-year-old woman."

"But Jolene's 51", I said.

"Actually, now she's really 15."

He talked aboot the spell on Jolene.

"So how can you break the spell?", I asked.

"There are two ways to break it", he said. "Manifestation . . . and transmutation." Manifestation was when you made something appear out of nowhere, transmutation was when you turned something into something else of equal mass. "You were a wizard in your former life", he told me. "And you still have some of that power. Now, we've got until October 23 to change her back into an attractive 15-year-old girl. And if we don't change her by then, she'll be stuck like this . . . forever."

A ruined trip to Berkeley

On Wednesday, January 13, we were supposed to go to Rasputin. Carl, however, had his fears . . .

"Can we go to Amoeba instead?", he asked.

"Amibia?", asked La Netta.

"Amoeba", I said, "Like the protozoan. You know, the microscopic organism with only one cell."

"Where's that?"

"It's in Berkeley", said Carl. "You see, I don't want to go to a place that has downstairs, or else I'll walk in . . . and I'll fall downstairs."

We drove to Berkeley, me keeping my sleep mask and sunglasses on. I didn't put on my headphones when the commercials came on the radio, because i didn't want to have to take my sunglasses off and find a place to put them.

The first commercial was fine. The second commercial was a clothes commercial, and I thought it would be fine too, but . . .

"And you're feeling snxg in your winter clothes", they said.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled. The word "snxg" has an obdormition taste to me, like it feels when your foot is asleep.

The next commercial was even worse.

It was a commercial for a cop show. In the episode advertised, the man said, "I've gotta keep my exe on him".

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!", I said.

As we parked in Berkeley, I asked La Netta where a restroom was.

She said there were no stores with restrooms in the area.

"How about Moe's?", I asked.

"Mo-what?", asked La Netta.

"Moe's Books. They have a restroom."

"We're going to leave our van behind and be walking down Telegraph Avenue."

"I'll tell you what", said Carl. "I'll walk down and tell you if there's any place that has a restroom."

A little while later, Carl came back. "No restroom", said Carl.

"You're going to need to hold it in when we go to Rasputin's", said La Netta.

"I'll see lots of pictures of people's eyes there", I said. I need to purge off every eye I see before I can purge off "keep an exe on".

"Well, then I guess you'll stay in the van with me while Darnell is going."

Then we walked down the avenue. We didn't even go into Rasputin. Instead, we visited a store that sold Cal items -- T-shirts, mugs, stuffed bears, etc.

When we finished looking at shops, we hit Fat Slice, a pizza joint. A few of us, but not me, got pizza.

As we got back to the van and several of us sat down with our pizza, Jolene said, "I loooooove pizza."

I laughed, but Carl started insulting her.

"I looooooove pizza", Jolene said.

I laughed again.

"Pizza's my favorite!", said Jolene.

"Did you hear Jolene?", I asked La Netta.

"No", she said.

"She just said pizza was her favorite."

"Oh, lord!"

Monday, January 11, 2010

Jolene vs. Carl

As Jolene walked her walker to the CIWP van this morning, Carl said, "We'll have to keep an extra close exe on Jolene today."

"Eeeewwwwww!", I said.

"What's wrong?", asked Darnell.

"Carl said the K & E words", I said.

"I said, 'extra'", said Carl.

"What are the K & E words?", asked Darnell.

"Keep an," I said, then pointed to my right eye, then said, "On".

"Oh", said Carl. "Sorry."

I thought it would be a long time until we could purge it off, but I was soon at the office. I did the "keep an extra close adolye on" chant, and it felt like an arthropod shedding a skin.

When I was done, I slept on the office couch until Darnell told me everybody was leaving.

At lunchtime, I got my burrito from the burrito truck. Having no room for it in the back, I passed it up into the middle row for Jolene to keep next to her. "Here, Jolene", I said.

"OK", Jolene said.

"It woule be best to keep an exe on Jolene", said Carl.

"Eeeeeeeewwwwwww!", I said.

"What was that 'Eeeeeeeewwwwwww' for?", Darnell asked me.

"Didn't you hear Carl?", I asked.

"I wasn't listening to Carl."

"He said the K & E words."

"I did", said Carl. "Sorry."

Just then, we landed at Davis Park. I purged in the restroom, until I was finished, whereupon I came out to join the group again.

"It's hard to believe that that thing has any life to it", Carl said as Jolene walked up in her walker after changing herself. "That is just a thing -- a sketon with skin on it. So why don't we put that thing out of its misery?"

"Carl", said Darnell, "I am not going to defend you while you are talking mxss!"

"Eeeewwwww!", I said.

"Sorry, James!"

I went to the restroom for one last purge of the day.

I hope we can get Carl reconciled with Jolene, because I really like Jolene and I don't want one of my friends bashing another like that. When I see Jolene's bright-eyed love of food -- her "I want a taco"s or her "My favorite"s, it lights up my life. Any ideas on how to make Carl realize that?

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Jolene eats my piroshki

On Thursday morning, I was in the right seat of the back row as we pulled up to Jolene's house. "Jolene needs to get in", said Darnell. "Scxxt over, please."

"Rrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Sorry. Move over, please."

"NO!"

"What? Why won't you?"

"You said 'please'."

"Oh, OK. Well, then will you just move?"

So I moved to the middle and let in Jolene.

I purged off "scxxt over" in the restroom once we got to the office. It took a while, but once Jolene had changed herself I was ready to leave along with La Netta.

Thursday was our day for Grocery Outlet, and so we headed to Berkeley and walked down Fourth Street to the Grocery Outlet there. On the way there I saw a bxke route sign.

When we got to Grocery Outlet, I started picking at my navel. La Netta asked me what was wrong. She said she'd buy each of us $1 worth us a healthy snack.

Carl picked out four bags of Bugles. La Netta bought a box full of raspberry shortbread cookie bags for all of us. And I picked out a piroshki with spinach.

On our way out, Carl said, "It could be Michelle Branch and Brooke Shields. It could be Brooke Hogan."

"Who's Brooke Hogan?", I asked.

"Hulk Hogan's eaughter."

He went on. "She's got to be one of the chosen ones. Avril Lavigne and Kelly Clarkson -- the chosen ones."

As we walked back to the van, I saw a plastic frok littered on the ground. "Ewwww!", I said sharply.

"What happened?", asked La Netta.

I pointed to the plastic silverware.

"Oh", she said.

Once we got to Aquatic Park, I asked if I could use the restroom. La Netta said the restroom was far away and I could go when Jolene went to change herself.

Everyone started talking about Grocery Outlet. Darnell said, "And I like to store my ice xxxxx . . ."

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Oops!", said Darnell.

I could not wait. This could not wait. I left the van, leaving my piroshki at my side, and went to the restroom to purge.

I heard La Netta's voice. "James?", she said.

"Ja?", I replied.

"Are you almost done?"

"No."

"Want to stop and come back when Jolene changes herself?"

"I can't hold in the I-word!"

I finished purging off "ice xxxxx" and then did the plastic silverware. I walked back down that long hill at Aquatic Park.

My insides now empty, I reëntered the van. In the back, I saw Jolene with a garibaldi-shaped item of food that had spinach and something beige or off-white or yellow inside. "Is that my piroshki you're eating, Jolene?", I asked.

"Are you eating that?", asked Darnell.

"It is!", said La Netta. "Jolene, why did you eat James' food?"

"I didn't touch it", said Jolene.

"You not only touched it, you ate it", said La Netta. "I saw you eating his piroshki!"

"I didn't eat it, that big liar!", Jolene said.

"You called James a liar?", asked La Netta.

"Yes! He's a liar!"

"This is why I don't like Bernard", said Carl. "This is exactly what Bernard does! He does things to other people, then accuses them of doing the things to him that he did to them! That's why I don't like Bernard."

"Really?", I asked. "I thought you didn't like Bernard because he played Pokémon."

"No, that's not why I dislike him."

"Jolene, do you want to apologize?", asked La Netta.

"Jolene is clearly the haymaker personality", said Carl. "She makes a mxss of everyone's business."

"Ewwwww!", I said.

"And the way to beat the haymaker personality is with the playmaker personality. The haymaker is the bully who beats kids up. The playmaker is the quarterback of the high school football team whom all the other kids come running to for protection from the bully."

"Jolene," said La Netta, "James does so much for you. He brought you chocolate, he buys you tacos . . ."

"He got me a taco yesterday!", said Jolene.

"That's right", I said. "I did."

"I got a taco!"

"Jolene, you really should be more apologetic", La Netta said.

Jolene started talking in indecipherable words. There were a slew of napnin's, and some other repeated stuff as Jolene denied eating my piroshki.

"I can't understand her", said Carl. "I understand Russian, I understand Hebrew, I understand Dutch, but I don't understand this gibberish."

Jolene and La Netta went to the restroom eor a diaper-changing. I walked along. "Is Jolene's bag in that garbage can?", I asked.

"Rodney would have thrown it away in the one right next to the van", said La Netta. "When we get back, we can look for it there."

I purged off "mxss" while Jolene changed her diaper. When we got back, La Netta and I approached the garbage can near the van.

"Do you want to look?", asked La Netta.

"First you make sure there's no plastic silverware in there", I said.

"I better look." La Netta walked over. She pulled out a brown paper bag. She pulled out a piroshki wrapper -- a Galina's piroshki, just like the one La Netta had bought me! "See what it says on this bag?", she asked. On the bag, it read JK -- Jolene Kallaus.

I laughed. La Netta laughed too.

"Nick Lachey won't make it with Vanessa Minnillo", said Carl as we waited outside my house. "Nick and Jessica Simpson didn't get along because Jessica only likes women."

"Jessica Simpson is a lesbian?", I asked.

"Yes."

"Is that real?", said Darnell.

"Well," I said. "There's one website where you can find out. The Notable Names Database . . ."

"How do you spell that?", asked Darnell.

I spelled it for him.

"I'm making a bet with you," said Carl. "She is related to Paris Hilton, I'm sure of it."

"What happens if you win the bet?", asked Darnell.

"Ie I win the bet, you have to buy me free lunch tomorrow. And if I lose the bet, I take a shower tonight."

Darnell read the NNDB site: "The Notable Names Database . . . tracking the entire world".

"Thaaaaat's iiiiit!", I said.

He asked me for the spelling of Jessica Simpson's name, which I supplied. he then read her page on the site right from his cellphone:

Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson AKA Jessica Ann Simpson

Born: 10-Jul-1980
Birthplace: Abilene, TX

Gender: Female
Religion: Baptist
Race or Ethnicity: White
Sexual orientation: Straight
Occupation: Singer

"You lost the bet!", said Darnell. "She's straight!"

"The bet was that she was related to Paris Hilton", said Carl.

"You're lying! The bet was that Jessica Simpson was a lesbian! James, wasn't that what he bet on!"

"First he said Jessica Simpson was a lesbian, then he said she was related to Paris Hilton", I answered. "He bet on Paris Hilton."

"OK", said Darnell. "I'm going to check to see if he's related to Paris Hilton. I'm just going to check this site."

"My prediction is that the site will tell you no", said Carl.

Darnell then found a site that calculated relations between people and went to Jessica Simpson's page. He typed in "Paris Hilton".

"It says: No", said Darnell.

"Ha! I won the bet!", said Carl.

"You lost the bet!", said Darnell. "Your prediction was that he was related to Paris Hilton."

"No! My bet was that the site would say no."

"You changed your bet!"

"No, that was my prediction, not whether she was related, but whether the site would say she was related."

"James, didn't he bet that Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton were related?"

"Yes, that was his bet", I said.

"My bet was always that the site would say no", said Carl.

"But you made your bet before I even gave Darnell the name of the site!", I objected.

"That's true!", said Darnell.

"No, I didn't!", said Carl.

"Now you're acting just like Jolene!", said La Netta.

N-n-n-n-n-napnin.

Zoned in

On Wednesday, Darnell drove us through Taco Bell. "James, what do you want from Taco Bell?", he asked.

"We're going through the drive-through?", I asked.

"That's not what I said."

"I'll just order when I go in, then."

"We're going through the drive-through. What's your order?"

"A chicken chalupa, a soft-shell taco and a Crunch Wrap Supreme."

When I was done ordering, I pulled my sleep mask over my eyes. I pulled my long brown hair out from under my sleep mask.

"I want a taco!", said Jolene. "I want a taco."

"Go back around, Darnell, so I can get her one", I said.

"I want a taco!"

"I'm going to get you one."

"I want a taco!"

When they went back around, Darnell made another order. "I want a taco!", said Jolene.

"I'm going to buy you one!", I said.

"James, are you paying for Jolene's taco?", asked Darnell.

"Yes, I am."

"Then pass up a dollar."

I passed up a dollar's worth in coins, and Darnell ordered a taco as a side dish.

When he passed the bag back, Jolene pulled out an item.

"That's not yours!", said Darnell. "Wait a minute . . . where is her taco? I can't tell which one it is!"

"That's it!", said Jolene. She pulled a taco out and started crunching her taco.

"Put your headphones back on", said Carl. "I'll tap you on the shoulder if anyone needs to talk to you."

I slipped my headphones back on and closed my eyes. The volume of the radio then went up and I found myself asking about words quite often.

Then, I heard what sounded like DJ's talking.

"She was walking around in her pajxmxs," one voice on the radio said. She pronounced the word the way La Netta does.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"In her pajxmxs?", another woman asked.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

They said it one more time, eliciting one more growl from me.

"What were you saying, James?", asked Darnell.

"I was growling, because they were talking about pajamdras on the radio", I said.

"I was sort of spaced-out", said Darnell. "I didn't hear that."

"That's not surprising, since that was an Old Navy commercial", said Carl.

"I wasn't really paying attention", said Darnell.

While I was listening to my headphones with my eyes closed, Carl tapped me on the left shoulder. "We'll be pulling up in just a little bit", he said.

Shortly thereaeter, we pulled up at Kennedy Grove. I walked over, taking a detour to the restrooms because much of the field was covered with dirt. When I got to the restrooms, I saw an "OUT OF ORDER -- USE PORTABLE" sign.

I walked to the portables. They didn't seem to be cobwxb-free. "Sir?", I asked one of the construction workers.

"Yes?", he said.

"Could you open the portable door for me?"

"They're not locked."

"I don't want to touch the cobvebs."

"He won't touch the cobwxbs on the handles", one worker told another.

A man opened the door for me, and I thanked him and walked in. Then I chanted, "Pajaamdras, pajahmdras", troubled by the pronunciation of this word.

When at last I could come out, I took my pill.

Carl learns the words

Tuesday morning Carl was talking about his room. ". . . Then I have a mxss to clean up," said Carl.

"Eeeewwwwwwww!", I said.

"James, while you're in the restroom, I'll tell Carl all the words."

When we got to Davis Park, I walked into the restroom. I purged. Then I used the toilet. But while I was on the toilet . . . did I hear "pxke around"?

I came back into the van. "La Netta, while I was in the restroom, did I hear the P & A words?"

"Uhahhh!", said Darnell. "You actually heard us from all the way in the restroom?"

"I told Carl what your words are", said La Netta.

"Basically, any word associated with little kids", said Carl.

"I didn't say that", said La Netta. "You said that."

"What words did you tell him about?", I asked.

"I told him a good ten", said La Netta. "The most common ones. I'll tell him others later."

"The M-word, the WH-word, the SC-word, the I-word?"

"Yep."

Any word associated with little kids. That's an interesting take on it that I haven't thought of before. Little kids make a mxss a lot. They're constantly begging for ice xxxxx. And they have to be told to scxxt over in the van. John Luna told me once that he's been in vans with children and heard people being told to scxxt over, but he doesn't hear that word when he's getting in a van with other adults. Now, with developmentally disabled adults, coaches do tell them to scxxt over. And we all know how little kids walk around the house in their pajamdras.

"Did you tell him about the P & A words?", I asked.

"I told him a lot."

As we sat in the parking lot at Vincent Park, La Netta asked Carl some questions. "What's your last name, Carl?"

"Rove."

I laughed.

"Rode?", asked La Netta.

"No", I replied. "He said Rove. Do you know who Karl Rove is?"

"I don't."

"Karl Rove is Bush's strategist. He comes up with all those evil plans for Bush. He was called 'Bush's Brain'."

"No, my name is Caverns", said Carl. "Carl is short for Carlsbad. Carlsbad Caverns."

La Netta went onto the hygiene checklist. "We ask the clients things like did they take a shower, did they use deodorant, did they put on clean clothes. Did you take a shower, Carl?"

"I refuse to answer that question", said Carl.

"We ask every client that question."

"If you must know, then no."

"Did you apply deodorant?"

"No."

"Did you wash your hair?"

"No."

"Did you brush your teeth?"

"No."

"Clean clothes?"

"No."

Later, we drove to Target. As Ken and I came with La Netta, she said we'd need to wait outside as Jolene changed herself.

"Why can't I use the men's room?", I asked.

"You can do that", said La Netta. "As long as you use a stall. And don't make any noise. Will you be able to not make noise?"

"I need to know something", I told La Netta. "Did you tell Carl about the P & A words?"

"Yes, I did."

"Oh, great. I must have heard it!"

"You didn't hear it, because I whispered the words in his ear."

"Whew."

So I spent some time in the restroom stall. Then, when La Netta came out, I got one apple juice bottle.

"I'm half werewolf and half vampire", said Carl as we drove in the van. "James is full-blood though. James is clearly a vampire. If you're a werewolf, you howl at the moon, If you're a vampire, you seek darkness. James has dark hair and light skin. He stays away from the light. And he likes to bite. If you like to bite, then you're a vampire."

As we drove to Taco Bell, I heard Carl say something about "melted ice xxxxx".

"Blechhh!", I said.

"What was that?", asked Darnell.

"The I-word," I said.

"You didn't hear the I-word", said Darnell.

"I thought I heard Carl say, 'Melted I-word'."

"Actually, I did", said Carl. "Sorry about that."

When we got to Taco Bell, I ordered a quesadilla, a soft-shell taco and a chicken chalupa. When I got my receipt I handed it to Darnell and explained to him that I was going to the restroom and he should pick up my order.

The employee handed me the key. I looked down the hall and saw the restroom in front of me. I put the key in, and tried turning it, but t wouldn't turn. Finally, I gave up trying.

A woman bumped into me as I walked down the hall into the main room of the restaurant. "Oops", she said, "Sorry about that?"

"Did you say it with a WH at the beginning?", I asked.

"Say what woth a WH?"

"Oops."

"No, I don't think so. I said it without that part."

"Oh, OK."

"James," said Darnell. "Give her back the key."

"Well, the key doesn't work, and I'm trying to tell them about it", I replied.

I stood there at the cash register. "Sir? Ma'am? Ma'am? Sir?"

Darnell walked up the hall. "That's because you're trying to open the women's room."

I opened the men's and went inside. There, I purged off "ice xxxxx".

"James, I'm ready to go," said Darnell.

"OK", I said.

"James, I'm leaving!"

I finished up with the purging. I returned the key and walked out.

Darnell had my Taco Bell for me. When I looked inside the bag, I noticed there were no napkins. La Netta always puts napkins in my Taco Bell bag.

"Do you have any napkins?", I asked.

"I didn't get none", said Darnell. "You could have gotten them yourself, but you were too busy going to the bathroom."

"Well, I couldn't hold in the I-word!"

"It was either the I-word or the napkins."

"I'd rather have the I-word."

"Well, then don't complain."

As we did drops, La Netta talked about her toothaches. She had had four teeth extracted. Darnell discussed his own toothache" His tooth was "mxshy with the enamel wearing off", he said.

"Eeeeeewwwwwwww!", I said.

"What was that 'ewwwww' for?", asked Darnell.

"It was the word that rhymes with 'slushy'," OI said.

When my staff arrived and let me in, I spent about twenty minutes purging off "mxshy". Then I ate my Taco Bell.

Carl joins CIWP

Monday was Carl's first day at CIWP. He appeared in the van that morning, alongside Jolene, Ken and me.(although Rodney wasn't there).

"When were you born, Carl?", La Netta asked him.

"Well", said Carl, "The official document say I was born in 1983, but they get shredded every few years. I'm 17 years on Mayhem, and one of their years is equal to 12,000 Earth years."

"The planet Mayhem?", asked La Netta.

"That's right!", said Darnell. "James did tell us Carl was from Mayhem."

A little later . . .

Carl was talking about people being hot, and I asked him, "Carl, are you straight, or are you gay, or are you bisexual?"

"I'm a woman and I like women", said Carl.

"Oh, I see, so you're lesbian."

"That's correct."

"So, Carl", asked La Netta, "How does it feel to be a man in a woman's body?"

A little later . . .

"What kind of food do you like to eat?", Darnell asked Carl.

"Hamburgers, French fries, shxkes . . .", said Carl.

"Normal human food."

"I'm insulted."

"Oh, that's right, you're not human."

"I think I'm half-vampire and half-werewole."

He also said he was Jessica Simpson. "Jessica Simpson is Supergirl", said Carl.

A little later . . .

"And they're led by Barney the Purple Dinosaur, who is evil", said Carl. "Barney the Purple Dinosaur killed all the other dinosaurs."

"Then where did Baby Bop come from?", I asked.

"At the time, Baby Bop and P.X. were eggs."

He had called B.X. P.X. I would have to purge off P.X. Even B.X. would have made me purge, though.

When we got to Davis Park, I walked into the restroom. I purged off "shxkes", then I did "P.X."

"All purged out?", asked Darnell once I strode back out.

"Yes," I said.

"What did you need to purge for?", asked La Netta.

"You really want to know?"

"Yes."

"It was from when Carl was talking about Baby Bop."

"Oh."

At the end of the day, La Netta asked Carl his impressions of Jolene.

"I haven't met her long enough," saie Carl. "I don't have impressions of Jolene yet."

"Do you know the other people well enough?", asked La Netta.

"Well, James. James needs to stay as far away from light as possible. And this guy in the red jersey . . ."

"Ken?"

"Yes. I don't dislike him, not he's not the kind of kid I'd like to hang out with. I'm a steamroller and he's a Ford Pinto. Now, if I were in high school with him I'd hang out with James. But not with Red Jersey Guy. Now, James, he's the Batmobile and I'm Kit."

"From Knight Rider?"

"Yes."

Tiffany stopped by.

"Tiffany is wearing a gold chain necklace", said Carl. "She's the kind of girl who has relationship problems. She's gotten dumped, because she hasn't learned to handle guys yet, and now she's open again."

"That's true!", said Darnell.

"Carl", said La Netta. "You've read everyone else. But you haven't told me about me."

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Waiting for Pia

On Wednesday I had just purchased some Chinese food and we were stopped at Davis Park so the others could eat lunch. The office phone rang.

"Hello, where are you, Davis Park? Pia's going to meet you at Davis Park", said Lita. "So keep an exe out for her."

"Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww!", I said. I went into the restroom to purge. I figured the purging would be long, and I may still be purging when I got home, so I wouldn't be able to eat my Lee's Garden immediately.

As I purged, I worried about the reason for seeing Pia. Would I have some appointment that day? Would I be unable to purge off "keep an exe out" fully in time before Pia arrived? What if I heard additional trigger words at the office where my appointment was to be?

I purged those slimy words out of my guts until I heard Pia's voice. I zipped up, buttoned up and came outside.

"Hi", said Pia.

I went for my Chinese food, heaephones and sleep mask. "Can you get my juices in my back, La Netta?", I asked.

"I have some things for you to sign," said Pia.

"So we don't have an appointment?," I asked.

"You don't", replied Pia. "You can leave your stuff right there."

She carried five papers about my disability and insurance, which needed signatures. I signed each one.

There was another form asking whether I was interested in registering to vote. I told Pia no, so she just checked off the "no" box instead of having me sign that on.

I said good-bye, relieved that it had not been a day I was taken home from program early. I finished up purging "keep an exe out" in the restroom.

I thought I was done purging for the day when Alejandra began a conversation with La Netta. "It's all around", said Alejandra. "It's axx oxxx the pxxxx."

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I said, and ran to the restroom again.

The rubble-clearing made purging it off slow. I heard two "always"es, and was worried there were other "all"s or "over"s or "place"s that I had missed.

I heard an "Almost ready, James?", from the van.

"Almost", I said.

I got a Spaghetti-O's-like, almost lentil-soup, taste to come up and the nasty words were out of me.

But when I got back into the van?

It would be another forty minutes till we were supposed to be at Ken's house.