Thursday, May 28, 2009

Purging in the shower?

I was about to take my shower. Stan told me that he had cleaned the bathtub for me.

"Am I going to need to clean the bathroom floor?", I asked Stan.

"Sure, just don't make too much of a mxss", said Stan.

"Eewwwwwwwwww!", I said.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry", said Stan.

"Well, am I going to need to clean it or did you already clean it?"

"It's already clean."

"I can take my shower as it is?"

"You can take your shower as it is."

I took my clothes off, grabbed my soap and wrapped my towel around my waist. Then I walked into the bathroom.

I turned the shower on and got the water to the right level. Then I lifted the valve that shifted from bath to shower. I got in, then I washed my hands before setting the soap down.

I would have to purge off the M-word in the shower. First I set my nails on the left side of my groin, and did a "madoless, madoless". I could feel the bran in raisin bran crackling. "Madoless, madoless", I chanted, touching my nails to the right side of the groin.

I felt the water on me, making my oatmeal especially soggy. Darn it! I triee to get out to where it was only sprinkling. From there, I did several attempts to loop my "madoless" around. After several iterations of the coming up feeling, I did my "madoless" over my abdomen, chest and throat and it came out my mouth.

I washed the rest of my body with soap, then dried off.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Full of words

Today both La Netta and Tiffany called off, so Darnell picked me up, with Kay as his driving partner.

We had Robert in the front seat, and Rodney and Emanuel sitting back there with me. Tully was in the middle row.

We made our first stop, and Kay got out with Robert to take a walk. On the way back, Kay asked Robert, "Pxrdon?"

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled while I was in the van.

"What's wrong?", asked Darnell, who was in the van with me.

"Kay said 'pardon'."

"That's a word?", said Darnell.


As Kay got back in, she asked Darnell what I had said. Darnell explained that "Pardon?" was a trigger word.

Kay asked whether I had to purge it off.

"I can hold it in", I said.

"You see, James only needs to go to the restroom when he hears a lot of words", said Darnell, "If it's just one word, he can hold it."

"Well," I said, "If it's the I-word, I can't hole it in, but if it's "pardon", I can hold it in."

"Oh, I see", said Darnell, "It has to do with what the word is. Some words he can hold in longer than others. If it's 'Pardon?', it's just 'Don't say it again'."

"The M-word I can hold in for a long time", I said.

Then say said, "little bxtty tiny" and I growled again.

"What did I say?", asked Kay.

"The B-word", I said.

"You said the T-word", said Darnell.

"No, not the T-word, the B-word."

"Does Target have headphones?", asked Robert.

"Yes, Target does have headphones", said Kay.

"Does Wal-mart does soda?"

"Yes", I said, "Wal-mart has soda."

"What about popcorn? Does Wal-mart have popcorn?"

"Yes, Wal-mart also has popcorn."

"Robert, please cut it out", said Darnell.

"You said he doesn't ask that anymore", I told Darnell.

"He doesn't, but he sees new faces in the group and he gets to acting like this."

"Darnell", said Kay, "I told him that James was going to be in our group, so he could ask James anything he liked. I know James is really patient with Robert."

"I'm sorry, you did", said Darnell.

We were at Point Pinole and most of the clients were outside. Darnell noted that Emanuel had not asked to be taken to Berkeley yet, but as soon as the group goes somewhere Emanuel doesn't like, he wants to be taken to Berkeley.

"He uses his money to buy crack and weed and cigarettes", said Darnell.

"Oh, that's what he's doing in Berkeley?", asked Kay. "What a shame. I always thought he was going out there to play basketball or something."

"Emanuel!", said Darnell. "Do you want to go to Berkeley?"

"Yes", said Emanuel.

"Then get in the van. We're leaving. Tully, Robert, come on!"

"Now, I'll drop him off BART, but I won't take him to Berkeley", said Kay. Then she changed her mind and dropped him off straight at Berkeley.

"Oh, my god, do you see that? That's horrible", said Darnell.

"Is he buying drugs?", I asked.

"He's pissing on the wall", said Kay. We stood back as Emanuel pissed on a wall at People's Park.

With the back row, now being just Rodney and me, Darnell told Rodney, "Move to the end". Then Tully acted up and he decided to move Tully to the back row. "Scxxt back", he told Rodney.

"Rrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Sorry. Move back."

I now had three words to purge off, but we headed to Lee's Garden and I bought my lunch: chow mein, Hunan chicken and beef chow fun. We then drove to Davis Park.

I purged off the words: first "bxtty", then "scxxt back", then finally "Pardon?" I came out and spoke with Robert.

"Does Round Table have pizza?", asked Robert.

"Yes, yes," I said, "Round Table has pizza."

"What about soda?"

"They also have soda."

"How's your mom?"

"I don't know. I haven't spoken with my mom in a while."

"Did you buy your sunglasses?"

"Yes, yes, I bought my sunglasses."

Robert then asked me whether the bowling alley had pizza. "Ask Kay", I said.

Robert and I walked over. They were talking and Robert began interrupting. Then, I saw it by Darnell's foot: a plastic frok.

"Ewwwwwwwww!", I squealed.

"What it is?", asked Darnell.

I pointed to the silverware.

I went into the restroom and purged. Then I came back out.

We took a walk all around Davis Park and ended back where we started.

The six oe us then left the park and Kay went to the recreation center. I asked what time the van clock, which was 3 1/2 hours slow, gave. Darnell told me it said 10:01.

I accidentally looked at it again. I checked and it said 10:11, then I looked at it until Kay turned the van off at 10:12.

The next time I asked, Darnell said it was 10:24. I looked and watched as it turned to 10:25, before turning away, but while I was looking at it I saw a C-tibank.

During our drops, I purged the word "C-tibank" off in the back. I finally finished it as Kay walked Robert to his door.

I got home, and ate my Chinese food. Last night I had been hungry for the taste of chow mein and Hunan chicken, but my order proved to be a chore to finish, especially the chow mein. I had tasted so much today -- the word "Pardon?", the word "bxtty", the word "scxxt", the plastic silverware, the word "C-tibank" -- that I was already full. Chinese food is best eaten on an empty stomach.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

My headphones slip

With only three clients on Friday, Ken, Jolene and me, La Netta drove alone. Yay! My favorite people!

La Netta turned the radio on after I put on my headphones. Then, all of a sudden, my CD player stopped. "Hey! What happened to my music?", I asked.

"Don't ask me", said La Netta. "How would I know?"

I turned my CD player on several more times. I would set it down and then it would turn itself off.

Finally, I just gave up on it while La Netta played KBLX. I heard a song that sounded like it said, "I look a mxss". Did it really say the M-word? "I look a mxss" doesn't sound grammatical. Then I heard the singer rhyme it with "impress". That was definitely the M-word!

"La Netta", I asked, "Did that song say, 'I look an M-word'?"

"I don't know", said La Netta.

We stopped at the bank. While we left the bank, I asked her, "La Netta, why don't you know whether the song said the M-word?"

"For one", La Netta said, "I wasn't listening, because I thought you had your headphones on."

"Well, you know the way my CD player has been acting lately. Every time I set it down or touch the wrong part, it turns oee."

We went to the 99-cent store, where they had a four-for-99-cents deal on their Cadbury crème eggs in an after-Easter sale. I bought eight eggs and some body powder that fights against itching.

After spending $3, I had enough money for three soft-shell tacos in Taco Bell.

While I was in Taco Bell, I told La Netta my order number and told her I'd be in the restroom.

La Netta came to get me, and I told her I was washing my hands.

"I purged off the M-word", I told La Netta.

"That's what I thought you were doing", said La Netta.

Then, when we got home, I showed La Netta my CD player. "What's the trouble?", she asked.

I stood outside and held it in my right hand. With my left index I pressed the button that turns it on. I pressed the + volume button until the volume got to 32, the maximum. Then the CD player turned off.

"That symbol means your battery is low", said La Netta.

"You saw the symbol?", I asked as she scrutinized the liquid crystal display.

"Yes", said La Netta. "You'll have to get new batteries."

I was glad my CD player wasn't broken. I was also glad that I didn't have to be extra-careful about how I set it down. Now if I could only get some more batteries somewhere . . .

Dreaming of medicine

At night, I asked LaKeisha for my clotrimazole and my liquid Prozac. I told her she could bring me the clotrimazole first.

She went into the office and came back with a pill. She handed it to me. I felt the pill package inside a wrapper.

"That's my Risperdal", I said. "I asked for my clotrimazole."

"What's that?", asked LaKeisha.

"The cream for my ringworm."

LaKeisha came back and brought me the clotrimazole. My exes accidentally opened a bit as I picked up the tube. Was she wearing pajamdras? She told me she wasn't supposed to give me Prozac until the morning.

I put my clotrimazole on, then came out to give it back to LaKeisha. "LaKeisha," I asked, "What are you wearing? I have my exes closed."

"I'm not wearing anything", said LaKeisha, "These are just pajxmxs."

"OK, then I'll keep my exes closed", I told her. But privately, I was horrified I had seen something. I went into my room and purged off the word "pajxmxs", then purged off LaKeisha's pajamdras.

All night long, I thought about getting my new medicine in the morning. I had a dream that LaKeisha gave it to me.

Finally, the morning came and LaKeisha told me La Netta was here. "Do you have my clotrimazole and my liquid Prozac?", I asked. She gave me my liquid Prozac, and asked, "Why are your exes closed?" I could tell she was irritated with me.

She handed me a spoon and the bottle, and I took it myself. I spilt a lot over one shoe. Then I drank some juice and washed my shoe off. I then asked for my clotrimazole, and put that on.

"Jolene is waiting out there for you", said LaKeisha. So I turned off my white sound machine, grabbed my headphones, and left for program.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Dealing with gloves

I hit the clock at a bad time on Wednesday, so I had to keep looking at it right through 12:45. I saw Rosa's plastic frok with which she was eating her pasta.

"Ewwwwwww!", I said.

"What did you say?", asked La Netta?


"What happened?"

"I saw Rosa's plastic silverware."

"You didn't need to look at the clock", said Rosa.

La Netta continued to sit on the sill of the open-doored van. I raised my hand while she spoke to Rosa, and she called on me.

"La Netta, I need to go to the restroom", I said.

"Why?", she asked.

"Because I saw Rosa's plastic silverware."

La Netta said, "If you're going to be purging, how about I give you some gloves, so you won't irritate your skin so much?"

"All right", I said. La Netta went to the trunk and got out two disposable latex gloves. I put them on in the restroom.

I purged, but I couldn't get my nails to scrape with the gloves on. I took them off and purged off the plastic frok. "Fadorork, fadorork, fadorork, fadorork", I started on the first tine. Then, "fadorork fadorork fadorork, fadorork" on the same time. Then I did the second tine: "fadorork fadorork fadorork, fadorork" and "fadorork fadorork fadorork, fadorork". I did two more tines, then the handle and the scoop. Then I scraped the bottom until I felt a sharp frok. I finally did it right.

Then I put the gloves back on. I scratched my itchy scrotum and my itchy rectum. It felt so good to give my rectum a scratching-out knowing I wasn't getting any feces on my hands. I took the gloves off and washed my hands.

Then I took the gloves outside with me, looking for a wastebasket.

"James!", said La Netta.

I ran up to La Netta.

"There's a garbage can inside the restroom. Didn't you see it?"

"No", I said.

"It's near the toilet", she said.

I reëntered the restroom and found the garbage disposal. I threw my two gloves down the hatch. I had purged, and was now unbothered by my ringworm.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Meeting with Dr. Luburic again

Today I was picked up at CIWP, but dropped off at 10:20 at the Richmond Health Clinic where Stan took me in.

I met Dr. Luburic again. I learned that his last name was Luburic, not Lubrick as I spelled it in a previous post. "How are things going?", he asked me.

"Well, aside from the ringworm, things are going fine," I replied.

"Aside from the what?"

"The ringworm."

"Rain worm?"

"You know . . . like the fungal infection?"

"How did this come about?"

"I don't know how I got it, but I have it."

"It came from not showering enough", said Stan.

Mr. Luburic asked me whether I don't like showering. I got into all the factors: having to sweep the bathroom floor, having to inspect the bathtub floor for specks of dead dipser, feeling cold from being naked, the rush of cold water on my back as the shower turns on.

"He has this thing with contamination, with the bugs and everything", said Stan.

Dr. Luburic referred to "these germs and bugs". I explained to him that the germs don't bother me, just the bugs and the cobwxbs.

He asked me what was bothering me these days. I said there was the lethargy, but that had been going on for years. There was the apprehension about trigger words, as always. "In other words, pretty much the same old, same old", I said.

"There are medications that can help with the obsessions and the compulsions", said Dr. Luburic. "There's Prozac, there's Zoloft . . ."

"Now, are these available in M-tab form?", asked Stan.

"Unfortunately", said Dr. Luburic, "They're not."

I explained that I had taken Prozac at age 10 as a capsule, then tried it in liquid form a second time as a teen-ager. I said I took the M-tabs because they gave me my medicine "without the gaggerific experience of swallowing a capsule".

Dr. Luburic said that if I tried Prozac again, it would help with the lethargy and the fretting over words.

"Try it, just for 30 days", said Stan.

Dr. Luburic said that we would need to take high doses of Prozac to see the effects on problems like mine. "To get that high, it will take three to four months", he said.

"But you said we were just going to try it for 30 days!", I said to Stan.

"That's just to test it", said Stan. "We'll see if we can do it, and if you can't handle that, we'll trash it."

We went over what forms Prozac was available in, and I decided to take the liquid Prozac form. Zoloft didn't have a liquid form.

"What would you said are your strengths?", Dr. Luburic asked me.

"Well, there's my creativity", I said.

"Tell me about your creativity."

"Did I tell you that I have bipolar-type sleeping cycles?" I went into my sleeping for hours on end, then days on end, followed by staying up all day and being unable to fall asleep at night, being filled with too much creative energy and vitality that enabled me to write and draw.

Dr. Luburic prescribed me liquid Prozac and we were on our way.

Stan dropped me off in front of Wet Pets to meet my group. They skipped Raley's and went straight to Kennedy Grove.

"It's drxpping already!", said Rosa as she picked up her lunch bag.

"Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww!", I said. Then I asked, "You did mean your lunch, right?"

"No, I mean Jolene's diaper. I'm even sicker than you are", Rosa said.

I held it in until I got home, avoiding the Kennedy Grove restroom.

Sunday, May 17, 2009


On Friday, La Netta did not pick me up at my house. Stan picked me up to take me to the doctor.

On the way there, Stan spoke on his cellphone. I heard Stan say something that sounded like, "mxss", then I heard him talk about the room needing to be cleaned up, so I knew it was the M-word. I said, "Ewwwwwwww!"

We got to the office, where Stan said it may take a while. I put up with the conversation around me for a while, then went to the restroom. I purged off the M-word and used the toilet. I also examined my itching groin and scrotum.

Finally Stan called me. I was ready to see the doctor. I explained to said doctor about my genital itching. I showed him, with my briefs, khakis and shoes off, where it itched.

He told me I had a fungal infection -- turned out it was ringworm. He prescribed for me a cream called clotrimazole, and also told me to try wearing boxers instead of briefs and to put talcum powder in my underwear.

After the doctor finished, he gave me his papers. I took the sheet of paper with Stan's phone number on it and looked around the room for a telephone. There was none, so I walked out into the main room and said, "Hello? Hello?"

A woman came to assist me by asking what she could do. I asked her where the telephone was. She let me grab onto her arm and follow her to the telephone. She was very nice, as she even asked me whether I could see well enough to dial the number, and offered to dial the number for me.

I left a message on Stan's answering machine, then left the office. I couldn't look around for fear of seeing pajamdras or a child in Dipser-man or Winnxe the Pooh clothes, so I just ambled around aimlessly and soon found myself at a door that lee out.

Turned out it was a back eoor, and before long I was knocking on the door to get back in. Some people soon showed up and said, "Go in there". Then a woman told me this was a fire door, so she couldn't leave. She said to just walk around.

I walked around and found some people standing by an ambulance, one of whom led me to the front door. Before long Stan popped up.

Stan drove me to CIWP, where I was sooned joined by La Netta, Rosa and the gang. We drove to Davis Park for lunch.

Rosa talked about a long stick. "Pxke out . . . that far", she said.

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled. I made it into the restroom and purged.

Soon I was home and Stan got me a chimichanga. At 10:00, I had a shower to fight the ringworm. I can't wait until Stan brings me some cream.

Carrying my headphones

On Thursday, I carried my headphones to CIWP all day long. I turned them on as soon as the danger of Frosty Freeze passed so I didn't have to listen out to La Netta telling me when to close my eyes.

When we got to our lunch site, I took them off. La Netta was talking with Rosa about buying parfaits. She said she would get a parfait from McDonald's.

"Like ice xxxxx . . .", said Rosa.

"Blechhh!", I said. Then I said, "I guess I took my headphones off too early."

I went into the restroom and purged.

I reëntered the van and put my headphones back on. Then I heard my name.

I walked up to La Netta and she asked me what woodpeckers eat. I told her they eat the bugs and larvae inside trees. She asked what larvae were and I explained to her about insect metamorphosis.

She said, "Yxk" while I was describing maggots. I hit the restroom to purge that off, then came out and noticed two plastic froks in one of the garbage cans. That garbage can was full up to the top so I could see them standing from the site.

"Ewwwwwww!", I said.

"Why did you look in the garbage can?", asked La Netta.

I purged once again, then came out and walked around. I accidentally saw the froks again and was going to go in to purge yet again, but by now a woman was in the men's room because Jolene and La Netta were busy filling up the women's.

The woman came out and I purged. Then I got in the van and got my headphones on and didn't have any problems for the rest of the day.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The burrito that Jolene didn't want

I came to program with my headphones today. La Netta wasn't here, so Rosa was joined by Donna. Ganesh was part of our group.

When Jolene got in the van, Rosa told her, "Move over, Jolene".

Then Donna, not remembering why Rosa had used the word move, said, "Scxxt over!"

"Rrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"I'm sorry, James", said Donna.

We got to the office, where Jolene changed hersele. I purged in the restroom.

Then Donna drove over to Oakland, since she's supposed to meet up every day this week with some CIWP-Hayward clients who are transitioning to CIWP-Richmond. We need Todd, Byron and Del Monte. One of them was freaked out by Ganesh.

Then we left the spot to go for lunch. Rosa told me they had Chinese food, a burrito restaurant and a pizza place. I told her I wanted Chinese food.

Then, when we got to the burrito place, they began eating lunch inside. Latin music played on the radio.

"I want a burrito! I want a burrito!", said Jolene.

"You have your lunch", said Donna.

"Should I get her a burrito?", I asked.

"If you want to", said Rosa. "You can get in line."

So I stood in line until it was my turn. Then I ordered a regular burrito for $3.45.

They handed me some chips. I saw a plastic frok in there and threw the frok away.

I handed the chips to Jolene. "It's an appetizer", I said to her.

"You treated me to this?", Jolene said. "Thank you, James, thank you!"

"You're welcome."

Then they called my number, 81. I picked up a green basket with Jolene's burrito in it.

"I'm full", said Jolene. "I don't want it."

I couldn't believe it! Jolene didn't want the burrito she had ordered!

I decided I'd keep the burrito.

"Are you still going to want Chinese food?", asked Rosa.

"I don't know if I'll still want that Chinese food now that I'm stuck with a burrito", I answered.

Donna went back to the van. Jolene was finished with her chips, so I handed the remaining chips to Robin, with the salsa.

Rosa stayed in. I came out, carrying the green basket with my burrito in it.

"You took their tray?", Donna asked.

"I'm not supposed to keep it?", I asked.

"You're not", she said.

So I walked back to the burrito place. I wondered if I heard a man saying "pxking around" as I walked by the launderer's. He seemed to be walking out of the launderer's as he said it.

I returned the tray, then entered the van with Donna and Jolene and Kweisi and Ken. Rosa was soon in there, and she confirmed that the man outside was speaking Spanish with the other people. That answered my question: he wasn't saying "pxking around", he was speaking Spanish.

"What would you like to do now?", asked Rosa.

"I'd like to get Chinese food!", I said.

"But I thought you said you didn't want any."

"I said I didn't know if I was going to want any."

So we ordered some. It was Chef's, the place where the bins were labeled in English and Spanish. I ordered chow mein, sesame seed chicken and vegetables with tofu.

Then came the Berkeley Marina. I purged off the plastic silverware in the restroom.

On the way to the office, I heard a song that sang, "You're turnin' me on". I heard the words "Hollering at the cutxes".

"Did they say the C-word?", I asked Rosa.

"I don't think so", she said. "Why don't you put your headphones on?"

"I was listening to this station. I was enjoying it, until I heard that line."

I put on those headphones, then imagine my chagrin when they did not play a CD after I pressed the PLAY button.

"It's not playing!", I freaked out.

"Here, let me take a look at it", said Kweisi. I gave the CD player to Kweisi, and shortly thereafter he said, "OK, it's working now."

I put the headphones on and MUSIC PLAYED!

"You had this on there", said Kweisi. "I needed to take it off."

I had the headphones on, but they were now the same volume as the radio. I pressed the button that increased the volume until I could hear only the CD player.

After we spent some time at the office, I asked Rosa what route we were taking to Kweisi's house. She said we were taking Pinole Valley Road.

This was great! I could ride to Kweisi's house listening to my music because I wouldn't need to listen for when to close my eyes!

After we reached Kweisi's house, I said, "Thanks for helping me with my CD player".

"No problem", said Kweisi.

When I got home, I googled:

"you're turning me on" "recognize a real woman"

I discovered that the song was "Turnin' Me On" by Keri Hilson. It did not say "cutxes"; rather it said, "Hollering at the cutest broad". I ate my burrito and had Santina refrigerate my Chinese food.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Hold it in or touch cobwxbs?

Today La Netta came back after an absence yesterday. I was so glad to see her, my friend with the jean jacket. We waited about thirty minutes in front of Kweisi's house before picking up Jolene and Robin and then coming back for Kweisi.

We next went to Albany Bowl, where Kweisi won. I bowled a spare, but Kweisi got two spares and a strike. La Netta said, "Yxk" on the way to the bowling alley. While I was bowling, the itch in my rectum was driving me insane.

"Why are you pacing back and forth?", asked Rosa.

"I'm itchy", I replied.

When we were done bowling, I told La Netta I needed to go to the restroom. She said we were going straight to the office to pick up Ken.

We reached the office, and I saw Ken there. "Ken, buddy!", I yelled to my friend.

Ken greeted Kweisi, Jolene and the coaches.

"Do you have cake?", I asked Ken. Ken still hasn't brought his mother's wedding cake over for La Netta.

I went to the office men's room, where I purged off "yxk" and scratched the itch. Then I washed my hands with soap, ten times back and forth for each finge.

With Ken now among us, we drove to KFC, where Ken got lunch, and the gas station. While we were parked there, the conversation turned to barbecue.

"I'd like to have some good, txsty barbecue", said Kweisi.

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Sorry, James", said Kweisi.

I ran for the restroom, but Rosa said, "We're not getting out here". She told me we would be at Kennedy Grove in two minutes, maybe three if La Netta took longer pumping the gas.

We finally reached Kennedy Grove. La Netta told me that I would have to lock the stall if I used it, because I had once told her that I didn't lock the stall door on the Kennedy Grove restroom. There are cobwxbs on the door lock there. "James, there are little kids here!", she said. She then said that if I couldn't lock the door, I would have to hold it in until I got home.

"I can't wait that long, but there are cobvebs on the stall doors!", I exclaimed. "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?"

I then suggested that Ken lock my door for me.

"Ken is about to eat lunch", said La Netta.

"I know, how about we have Kweisi lock my door as punishment for saying the T-word?"

"Kweisi should not be punished!", said Rosa. "Kweisi did nothing wrong! He just said a word. We all try so hard not to say those words for you." Rosa began to rant.

"There are an awful lot of people at this park", said La Netta. "We're near Pinole, right? Let's just go to Pinole Valley Park."

So we drove over to Pinole Valley Park. I got out and rushed to the restroom.

Once I was there, I scratched an itch then got to purging off "txsty". I did a "tadolasty, tadolasty tadolasty tadolasty, tadolasty tadolasty tadolasty, tadolasty tadolasty tadolasty tadolasty, tadolasty tadolasty tadolasty tadolasty, tadolasty tadolasty tadolasty tadolasty, tadolasty tadolasty tadolasty tadolasty", then I thought "txsty ice xxxxx" to myself, and needed to do an "adolice cradoleam" and do another "txsty" procedure. That happened again.

Finally I was finished purging off "txsty", and poured water on my hands.

Ken was standing outside. "Did you eat any cake at home, Ken?", I asked him.

"Yeah, I had some", he said.

I then made it to the van, where La Netta gave me some hand sanitizer. We dropped Kweisi off, before going to Ken's house.

Pia was there, and Pia greeted Ken. La Netta then opened the door and Pia greeted me. I waved.

Pia asked me where the CD players were on sale. La Netta said it was the Target in Pinole.

Pia took me in her van and we talked about my recent itching. Stan was supposed to have scheduled an appointment, but apparently he hadn't.

We switched the radio station to Alice. "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman came on. "I haven't heard anything from her in a while", said Pia.

"The last song I heard from her was 'Telling Stories'," I said.

"The last I heard from her was this", said Pia. "Her voice is so deep."

"Because of the deep voice, I wasn't able to tell if she was male or female. And with the first name Tracy, you know, it could be either."

"That's right", said Pia.

We were soon parked at Target. I ducked to avoid a tree.

"James!", said Pia, "If you go looking for trouble, you're going to find it. Don't look down there?"

"Down there?", I asked. "You mean at my groin?"

"No, I mean down on the ground, where you were looking."

"I was just ducking to avoid a tree", I told her.

"Oh, OK! That makes sense! I thought you were looking for things on the ground."

I followed behind Pia. It was very difficult to keep up with her.

Finally, we arrived at the electronics section. They had CD players just for children, CD players for reggae and ska fans, and headphones without CD players. There were CD players priced at $59.99. It was dieficult finding what I wanted.

Finally Pia pointed out a Jensen CD player for $19.99. I settled for it, and Pia bought it.

While I was trying to follow her, my eyes came upon a Winnxe the Pooh something-or-anothier. It had Winnxe the Pooh and Tigger on the front. Pia dropped me off at home and I purged them off.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Davis Park

La Netta had just Jolene, Robin and me on Friday. Instead of going into Ross, we stayed in the van. I sat on my seat, sleepily putting my face in my knees. It felt good to just sit rather than going in somewhere.

We ditched Border's for the book recycle. La Netta endeavoured to find Jolene a cookbook. Then she came up to me and said she had found a book for me. It was a Molly Ivins book. It was titled Bushwhacked: Life in George W. Bush's America.

I bought lunch at Taco Bell. At first I was afraid of going in without La Netta, but La Netta assured me there was no one else in the restaurant. As the Latin music played, I ordered a soft-shell taco, a Crunch Wrap Supreme and a chicken chalupa.

Then came Davis Park. I was in the van when I heard La Netta speak to a lady at the park. The lady talked about a Mexican girl who carries a "baby" (really a doll) with her. La Netta told her that was someone from a different program. We're from CIWP, La Netta told her. She said that Aaron lives at my house.

I came out and asked her about Aaron. We spoke about the different clients who lived in my group home. "If you see Aaron, tell her I said hello", she said. "Tell him I'm the park lady. He'll know who I am."

After the conversation with me finished, she started speaking with La Netta again. I stood outside and listened. Then I heard the park lady say, ". . . kept an exe out for it".

"Eeeeeeewwwwwww!", I jolted right then and there. The park lady didn't even comment on my "eeeeeeewwwwwww". I went right into the restroom.

I purged for a good while. Eventually I came out and La Netta finished. She helped Jolene change.

We listened to some songs in the radio. When "Bizarre Love Triangle" by New Order came on, La Netta changed the station.

"Hey! What happened to that song?", I asked.

"I didn't like it", said La Netta. "Do you like it?"

"I do." She switched back. "This song is called 'Bizarre Love Triangle'."

"Bizarre Love Triangle? It's a bizarre song." La Netta then commented that she saw Aaron outside.

"Aaron's here?"

The radio then progressed to "Gives You Hell" by the All-American Rejects. Near the end, I heard one of the people at the park say, "pxke your exe out".

"Ewwwwww!", I exclaimed.

"What's wrong?", asked La Netta.

"I heard something gross", I said.

"Well, the restroom is there for you", La Netta said.

I got out and Aaron said, "James!" I waved at him.

"Let me introduce you to some people here", said Aaron.

"Did he say something about shooting his eye out?", I asked.

"Did you hear me? I said let me introduce you."

"First I need to know whether someone said something about shooting his eye out."

"No, he didn't", said Aaron.

"What did he say then?"

"I don't know."

"If you don't know what he said, then how do you know it wasn't that?"

"James, this is Aaron Smith", said Aaron.

I saw a man with one of his eyes closed. Just as if his exe had been pxked out. "Is his eye all right?", I asked Aaron.

"He's just closing his eyes because they hurt", said Aaron. Aaron rattled off names of other people from A Better Chance, his day program, who were here.

"Tracy!", called Aaron.

"Tracy's over there", somebody told him."

"I really want you to meet Tracy," Aaron told me.

After a quibble with his coach, Aaron finally walked over to where an African-American woman with braids and glasses was. "James, this is Tracy", said Aaron.

"What's your last name, Tracy?", I asked.


"James Landau."

"You know, like 'I'm done'?", said Aaron.


"Dunn as in finished?", I asked.


"I have someone else I'd like you to meet", said Aaron.

"Aaron, I can't remember all these names", I said.

"This name's easy", said Aaron. "Her name's Delma. Del as in Del Monte, and then Ma, you know like some people say instead of Mom? Ma?"


"Yes." Aaron introduced me to Delma.

He went on.

"This is Bryce . . . ", said Aaron. "I don't think he can talk, but . . . this is Poppy. He's Mexican. I don't know what his real name is."

"We have a Poppy at CIWP," I said. "Except he's a coach."

"This is Michael Gutierrez. We have two Michaels at program, Michael [some other surname] and Michael Gutierrez."

"James!", called La Netta.

"See you, Aaron", I said.

"Wait, what did you do today?", asked Aaron.

"I went to Taco Bell." He asked me what I got, and I told him.

"What else did you do? Wait, I have these other people I want you to meet." Aaron introduced me to yet more A Better Chance clients at whom I wasn't even looking.

"James!", called La Netta. "We're ready!"

"Wait!", I said. "I haven't purged yet!"

"Then go in the restroom", said La Netta.

"See ya, Aaron", I said.

"Wait", said Aaron. "What else did you do?"

"Well, besides go to Trader . . . Taco Bell, we were going to go to Ross, but we just sat in the van."

"I'll call you when I get home", said Aaron.

Then I went in the restroom and purged.

I finally came out and got in the van with La Netta, whereafter she promptly drove off.

"I had you get you away from Davis Park, because it was getting to be too much", La Netta said.

"I'm never going to remember all those faces", I said.

"How many people did Aaron introduce you to?", asked La Netta.

"About ten or twelve."

Not J, G!

We were at Target on Thursday when Ken found a globe.

I heard, "I've just been jxggling it a little bit".

"Did Ken say the J-word?", I asked La Netta.

"No, he said, 'OK, I've got it'," said La Netta.

"I heard him say, 'I've just been J-wording it a little bit'."

"He didn't say that", said La Netta, and she repeated everything he said.

After going to Target, we hit the office, then drove to the Dollar Tree.

While I was in the Dollar Tree, I heard a little kid saying "Gxtcha". I would have to purge this off later.

Lunch was at Miller's Knots. There I went into the sliding door restroom and purged off "gxtcha". "Gadolotcha, gadolotcha, gadolotcha", I chanted.

I finished just in time before La Netta called me. I went over to her when she siad Rodney had to use the restroom.

I waited in the van, and accepted La Netta's offer of hand sanitizer when she came back in. She asked me if I was purging in the van, and I told her I was purging in the restroom.

La Netta went back out, and walked Jolene to the restroom. Then we all got back in the van and drove back to our houses.

"Why were you purging in the restroom?", asked La Netta. "You didn't hear any words."

"I heard the G-word", I told La Netta.

"No! We didn't already go over that. You didn't hear the J-word."

"We already went over that?"

"In Target."

"No. That was the JAY-word. I said the GEE-word."

"The G-word?", asked La Netta. "What's the G-word?"

"It rhymes with 'cucaracha'," I told her.

"Cu-what? Cucawaca?"

"Cucaracha", I said. "You know, like the song. La cucaracha, la cucaracha . . ."

"What word rhymes with that?", asked Rosa.

"It begins with G. And it rhymes with just the last two syllables."

"Oh", said Rosa, "Does it come from 'got'?"

"Yes, it does."

"No one said that", said La Netta.

"A little kid said it in the Dollar Tree."

So it looks as if La Netta and Rosa have learned a new word today. Not one they use themselves, though, lucky for me.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Going hungry

"Could you move it back?", Darnell asked Ken today.

He got a noncommittal response. "I asked if you could scxxt the seat back", said Darnell.

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled.


We drove up to the office. "James, you can get out to use the restroom if you like", said La Netta.

I went in and purged off "scxxt", while La Netta helped Jolene change her diaper.

We went bowling, and played two games instead of our usual one. Rodney got a strike in the first game, but lost the first game; I got a strike in the second game, but lost the second game.

After the bowling alley, La Netta drove to Panda Express. "Are you going to get something from Panda Express?", she asked.

"You know how I feel about Panda Express", I replied. Panda Express does not give you your money's worth. You pay over $7 for a prawn dish and they give you a heap of rice with six measly prawns.

"Oh, OK, so I guess you aren't getting lunch today", she said.

"Isn't there any other Chinese place in the area?"


La Netta walked in with Ken, then they both walked out empty-handed because it was too expensive.

"Does this mean we're getting lunch somewhere else?"

"No", said La Netta.

She then proceeded to ask me whether I had had lunch, and I explained that I had not eaten lunch or dinner on Monday or Tuesday.

La Netta pulled up to a gas station. I saw Chinese characters on a building nearby. I asked La Netta if we could stop there and she said she had never gone there.

"It's not OK that you haven't eaten anything", said La Netta. She then told me she was going to drive by another Chinese place, but if that place had no parking, she would skip it and go to Davis Park.

We stopped at Golden Palace -- that's the Chinese restaurant with the juniper bushes in front of it. I ordered hot and sour chicken, with all chow mein and no rice. It came out to $6.25.

"Do you want to eat a little at Davis Park?", La Netta asked me.

"I don't have chopsticks with me", I said.

When I got home, I ate my chow mein with hot and sour chocken, and it was so filling, I didn't need to eat anything for the rest of the day.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Lots of lyrics

We had the radio on Movin' 99.7, and it played a rap song. There were several "-op" lines, like, "Ten years from now and we'll still be on top". I thought they said "slxp".

"Did this song say the SL-word?", I asked La Netta.

She didn't respond.

"La Netta?", I asked.

She turned the radio down. "What is it, James?"

"Did this song say the SL-word?", I asked.

"I didn't hear that."

"Did they say 'swap'?"


"How about 'slot', S-L-O-T?"

"I didn't hear that."

The rapper rhymed "hootie" with "booty". I suspected "cutxe" was coming up, so I plugged my ears and told La Netta they were about to say the C-word.

La Netta turned it off, then turned it back on so I could google lyrics at the office.

"The more money we come across", they sang. I remembered that line.

The station then moved on to Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You".

Next, they played a song I had never heard before. I survived the first verse, but then they got to the chorus.

"Cutxe pie, cutxe pie . . ."

"Ech!", I said. "La Netta, turn off that radio!"

La Netta turned it off. "What's wrong?"

"Did you hear that? They sang 'C-word pie, C-word pie'?"

"I didn't hear that."

"You didn't?"

"I didn't. It sounded like 'Here am I, here am I'."

"Could you turn the station back on so I can google some lyrics?"

"No", said La Netta. "I'm leaving it off."

When we got into the office, I went to Google and typed in:

"the more money we come across"

It said it was the song "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems".

I checked out the lyrics. It had the word "cutxe" in it, but the other word I had heard was "flopped", not "slxp".

I purged off "cutxe" in the restroom, then I came out and La Netta drove us all to Marshall's.

Holding onto her arm, I closed my eyes and walked around the store with her. Then she told me we were at the food section. I looked at an open box of gourmet jelly beans, some licorice, some gummy starfish and a box of flavored sticks (like candy canes except cylindrical).

I heard a song that seemed to say, "Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh, exe on you, eh-eh-eh-eh-eh, exe on you".

"Is that song saying 'E-word on you'? Like K-word an E-word on you, or I've got my E-word on you?"

"No, it's not", La Netta said. "It seems to be going 'Er-er-er-er-er-ern-you'."

La Netta asked me, "What's up with you lately?"

"What do you mean?", I asked.

"Well, there's clearly something wrong, because you don't even ask me for hugs after your showers anymore."

"Oh", I said.

"You don't want to talk about it?"

"My mouth is full of saliva."

"OK. Then we can talk later. Because it seems that you've been this way ever since the ice -- the 'I' -- and then 'scream'."

I listened to the song, and picked up the line "I'm letting you go, for letting me down".

"La Netta, may I have a piece of paper and a pencil?", I asked when we got into the van.

La Netta handed me a sheet, but couldn't find a pen.

Later she asked Ken for her other bag and took a pen out. I wrote the lyrics down.

"Was it 'I'm letting you go, for letting me down', or 'I'm letting you go, for letting me down'?", I asked La Netta.

"That's a really tough one", said La Netta. "It could be either one. You'll have to try them both."

So when I got home, I checked the "I'm letting you go, for letting me down" song. The word was "go", not "know". The song was "How Many Words" by Blake Lewis, the boy from American Idol.

It turns out La Netta and I were both wrong about the chorus. Blake sings "I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm through".

Monday, May 4, 2009

Ice Xxxxx Paint Job

After a long silence in the van, La Netta turned the radio on. Then she turned it to a rap station, presumably because Kweisi likes rap.

"Fresh paint job", I heard. Then "Cream on the inside, clean on the outside. Cream on the inside, clean on the outside."

Then it got to a part where I heard "Ice xxxxx paint job".

"Did they say the I-word?", I said.

"No," said La Netta.

They said it again.

"There! There they said it again!"

"They're saying 'clean'," said Rosa. "Cream on the inside, clean on the outside. Cream on the inside, clean on the outside."

"But what's that 'ice' part?", I asked. "Is it 'ice clean'?"

"I just told you what they said", said Rosa.

"That part that sounds like 'ice' or 'I' -- what is that?", I asked La Netta.

"That song is about a car", La Netta said. "You don't want to eat the I-stuff in your fancy, clean car or you might get some on it!" She switched the station, and soon we were listening to "Over and Over" by Nelly and Tim McGraw.

Rosa repeated that there was no I-word, and that they were just saying "clean" and "cream".

"But what's that part that sounds like 'ice', that they say at the end before 'paint job'? Are they saying 'nice clean paint job'?"

Rosa only repeated her answer, clearly annoyed with me.

"I'm going to see what it says", said La Netta. She turned the station back to the rap.

The lyrics played:

Cream on the inside clean on the outside
Cream on the inside clean on the outside
Cream on the inside clean on the outside
Cream on the inside clean on the outside
Ice xxxxx paint job

Cream on the inside clean on the outside
Cream on the inside clean on the outside
Cream on the inside clean on the outside
Cream on the inside clean on the outside
Ice xxxxx paint job

The song finished. "They just said it!", I said after the last line.

"I think I was hearing what I wanted to hear", said Rosa.

"It certainly sounds like the I-word!", said La Netta.

"Why are they saying it?", I asked.

"I think by 'cream' they're talking about the color. And 'ice' is slang for jewels. So you've got a car that's ice, that's expensive, and that's cream. They don't mean it like the I-stuff", she said.

I purged in the Burger King restroom. Rosa called me and I came out. Then she said we were changing Jolene so we were staying here longer than expected. I went back in, explaining to them that I had heard Bernard say "whxxps" in the morning while I was in bed and was too sleepy to leave bed to ask him whether he had said it.

I went back in and purged off the I-word some more, than purged off "whxxps". I washed my hands and came out.

When I looked up the lyrics at home today, I discovered that they really did say "ice xxxxx". In fact, the title of the rap is "Ice Xxxxx Paint Job". It's by a rapper named Dorrough.

I told Aaron about hearing a song "called 'I-word Paint Job'," I told him.

"Oh, that song", said Aaron.

"You know that song?"

"I know a little of it."

Then Tiffany came into my room today. "James!", she exclaimed. "I read your blog!" She had read my latest blog entry and was so happy to know that we were friends again.

She asked me how my day was. "It was a bad day", I told Tiffany.

"What happened?", she asked.

"We heard a rap song about a paint job."

Tiffany instantly knew what song I was talking about. "With the I-word!", she said. She talked about it a bit, and mentioned how she and Darnell often heard it.

We chatted about the song together.

Then, Tiffany and I hugged.