Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Tiffany and I: friends again

Tiffany saw me. She said she wanted to talk to me.

I gladly obliged and let Tiffany talk.

"That blog entry of yours hurt my feelings", said Tiffany. "That you said we aren't friends anymore."

Tiffany read my blog? It must have been Darnell pulling it up on his cellphone.

"I did not say the I-word", said Tiffany. "I said, 'I scream'."

"I scream?", I asked.

"Yes."

"Why did you say it?"

"Because Shawn, he screams. And Tully, you know they scream. And we had Robin Studebaker with us, and he screams too. I didn't even know you were going after our car. I saw you walking to the restroom, and then I drove away. So I was shouting, 'We scream'. The whole group screams. Just ask Darnell. I haven't talked to Darnell about it at all."

"Darnell, what did Tiffany say?"

"She said, 'I scream'," said Darnell.

"See?", asked Tiffany. "I would not say the I-word. I would not hurt you."

"Well, then why didn't you say, 'We scream'?", I asked.

"Because I was using the third person."

"But isn't it a stretch that you would say, 'I scream' when you were talking about them screaming?"

"James. This is Richmond. We don't always use perfect grammar here. You know how you were telling me that in Moraga they don't say the M-word while they say it in Richmond?" What she was referring to is that I had spoken with Tiffany earlier about how several "mxss" expressions that I hear in Richmond are never used in Moraga, such as "hot mxss", "give someone mxss" and "slap the mxss out of". "I mean, here we use the word 'ain't', and you don't find 'ain't' in the dictionary."

"Tiffany, you really didn't say it?"

"I really didn't. I wouldn't lie to you, James."

"Are you willing to shake hands that you didn't say it?", I asked.

"Yes", said Tiffany. "Let's shake hands." As I shook hands with her, I looked intently at her face to see whether she was telling the truth. I could tell from her face that Tiffany was being honest that she did not say "ice xxxxx". She also looked quite sad.

"Want a hug?", I asked.

Tiffany hugged me. "So we're friends again?", she asked.

"Yes, we are", I said.

It's good to be friends again with someone I had loved so much. I'm glad Tiffany didn't say the I-word as I thought she did. She and I have many long years of friendship in front of us.

Rotisserie chicken

On Thursday, La Netta and I were in Target together. I had my eyes closed while she was walking around, holding onto my arm. Then we stopped somewhere.

"James, you'd like this", said La Netta.

"What is it?", I asked.

"It's ice cr--", started La Netta. She couldn't have been starting to say "ice xxxxx", because she knows I don't like that, right?

"Ice xxxxx cones", said La Netta. THAT isn't something I'd like!

"Blechhhh!", I said.

"Oh, shoot!", said La Netta. "I meant to say snow cones. You know, it has that syrup you like. It's safe to look at it."

I looked. It was Torani-style syrup. "Icy drinks" and "ice pops" were written on the pack and on each bottle.

Throughout the rest of our trip at Target, I struggled with it. "I can't hold it in!", I told La Netta.

I told La Netta I needed to use the restroom before we left.

"KFC is your best bet", she said, "Because you can spend as long in there as you like."

La Netta got into the check-out line at Target and bought her selections. Then we drove to KFC, our lunch site. I spelled "ice xxxxx" out in my head seven times.

We finally stopped at KFC. La Netta said she'd wait for Kay to arrive.

"I can't wait any longer", I said. I got out.

"We're all getting out", said La Netta. They followed me in.

"Just the Two of Us" by Bill Withers was playing in KFC. The song was safe; I knew it and would not have to ask La Netta any words.

I entered the restroom and locked it. Then I purged off the spellings of "ice xxxxx" and the times I thought the word to myself. Next I purged off all the "ice"s I had seen and heard.

Finally, I got to "ice xxxxx cones". As I made the taste of ice xxxxx cone come up, I felt feces on my hands and nails.

When I was finished, my hands felt sticky and I had hair on my hands. I washed with soap and water, rubbing back and forth 100 times. I was clean again.

Then I walked outside. La Netta was there. She would tell me when the line had abated so I could get the free rotisserie chicken they were serving today.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Tiffany betrays me

We were parked at Pinole Valley Park today when I had just taken my pill. Rosa broke the mandatory pill-taking silence with "They don't keep any froks in the van".

Tiffany ane Darnell's van was here, having parked to drop Robin off with us. I left a little while after hearing Rosa mention plastic silverware. I walked down the wooden steps to the men's room, soon to do some "eadororks, fadororks, fadororks . . ."

"ICE XXXXX!", I heard a voice from Tiffany's van call. It sounded like Tiffany's voice, but it couldn't have been Tiffany. We're friends. Must have been one of her clients.

I ran up to the van to ask Tiffany which client said it. The van drove away and La Netta called me.

I rushed back over to La Netta's van. "You heard it", said La Netta. "Wasn't that awful?"

"Yes", I said. "Who said it?"

"It was Tiffany."

Tiffany. No. How could she have said the I-word just to taunt me like that? Screaming out a trigger word in isolation as loud as she could right before driving off . . . Tiffany would never do that. But she did. Both of us heard Tiffany's voice, after all.

This time I walked back towards the restroom. But purging off "froks" was for time of peace. This was something different. Preceeence went to purging off the word "ice xxxxx".

I spelled it out in my head and purged off the spellings. I thought of previous times I had heard Tiffany say it and she explained that she or Darnell had said "I scream". I purged off "I scream" with "adolice cradoleam" and purged off "Darnell said he screamed" by thinking "mearc, mearc cie" and chanting "scradoleamed, adolice cradoleam, adolice cradoleam".

I went back ane forth with thinking and purging. Jolene finished changing herself and La Netta said she was ready.

Once Jolene was up the steps, La Netta told me Jolene had an appointment with the doctor once she got home today, so I had to hurry up. "OK", I told La Netta.

Soon I heard Jolene yelling, "James! I want to get to my doctor! Hurry up!" La Netta asked whether I heard what my friend Jolene had said. La Netta added that Jolene said she wanted me placed with a different group so I wouldn't run into her appointment time like this.

"I'm sorry, Jolene!", I said. "I really am trying my very best, but it's hard. But it's not my fault. Tiffany said it."

I purged some more, then aimed for the basic "MEARC CIE!" -- Tiffany's "ICE XXXXX!" backwards, with the same jarring bodily spasmodic shock and taste.

"James", said La Netta. "Jolene's already late for her appointment. Can you try to finish up?"

"OK, I'll try to finish up very soon", I said.

"How soon is very soon?", asked La Netta.

"I'm finishing it up right now. I held my nails and hands at a slanted angle to the right side of my pubis and chanted "ADOLICE CRADOLEAM!" I did that again, just going up. I washed my hands to get the feces out of my nails and I was done.

I had originally come in to purge off the plastic silverware reference, but I didn't even get to do any "fadororks, fadororks, fadororks". That would have to wait until I got home.

"Anything you want to say?", asked La Netta once I got back in the van.

"I want you to be with another group!", said Jolene. "I want you to be with another group!"

"James says he's really sorry", said La Netta.

"I don't accept his apology, I rejected it!", said Jolene. "Don't accept his apology."

"She says she rejected your apology", said La Netta.

It was already past the time that Jolene's appointment had begun by now.

"Now we don't even have time to buy your lunch", said La Netta. She had told me she would stop buy after Jolene was dropped off to buy me lunch.

When we got to Jolene's house, her staff said she had missed her appointment. The staff chatted with La Netta awhile, then La Netta got back into the van.

Jolene had missed her appointment, and I would not be getting lunch. And all because Tiffany thought it would be funny to shout out the I-word while I was walking to the restroom.

I told La Netta that I would have Tiffany today as my group home staff, it being Wednesday. I said I would give Tiffany an earful. But today we had Mimi instead. I didn't get to ask Tiffany why she said the I-word.

I am betrayed. I am hurt. I was deeply shaken. My ex-friend Tiffany ruined my day, and Jolene's day too.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

La Netta screws up this time

As we drove to our scheduled sites today, La Netta was telling Rosa about seeing Jessica Simpson on TV. She went on about what she was wearing and her body size.

Then she said, "She looks like she's wanting to eat ice xxxxx".

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Oh, shoot!"

La Netta said she'd take me to Refugio Park. But I kept spelling out "I-C-E-C-R . . . " in my head. I thought the word several times.

We stopped at Rosa's house before stopping at Refugio Park. I told La Netta I couldn't hold it in.

When Rosa walked into her house, I unzipped my pants and began purging. "Adolye, sadolee, adolee, sadolee, adolar, adolee, adolay, adolem, adolice cradoleam, adolice cradoleam, adolicey, adolice cradoleam, adolice cradoleam", I chanted.

I managed to purge off all the spellings-out of the word before I heard a car door unlock and knew that Rosa was coming back in. I covered up my unbuttoned pants opening with my shirt.

Once Rosa was firmly inside and not looking behind her, I buttoned my pants. Then I fastened my seatbelt and we were on our way.

"We're here?", I said once La Netta stopped.

"Yes, we're in front of Big Lots", said La Netta.

Big Lots? I thought we were skipping Big Lots because of Rodney and going to Refugio.

But we all got out of the van for Big Lots. La Netta told me "you look nice" in black turtleneck, khakis, and black shoes.

When we got to the restroom, La Netta told me she didn't want to stay outside a long period of time. She may not, but she was the one who said the I-word, wasn't she?

First I undid spellings-out. Then I thought of all the "ice"s and "I see"s I thought, of all the "Chrissakening"s I thought, of all the "I say"s I thought. I did those. Then I purged off La Netta's "nice".

"OK, James!", called La Netta.

"I'm not ready yet!", I said.

I did eight more accented "ice"s and eight more unaccented "ice"s, then a few "cream"s. Doing the actual "adolice cradoleam" at the end was quick.

I washed my hands with soap and got all the feces out of my nails. I buttoned up. Then I walked out the door.

La Netta willingly held onto my arm, but she told me that my hands smelled.

Hmmmmmm.

It was surprising that La Netta said a trigger word today. Usually it's one of the other coaches, a client or someone in a store. But today La Netta slipped up to say a word she's known for years. I'll hope this is just a temporary lapse.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Bernard learns the C-word

Stan had me take a drive with him so we could drop Aaron off at John's.

While I was in the van, I had a conversation with Bernard, who was one row in front of me. Bernard told me he had gotten a new stuffed animal. He bragged about how he got it, then asked what to name it.

"What species is your stuffed animal?", I asked him.

"I got it at . . .", said Bernard, and then proceeded to go on about how he had gotten his stuffed animal, without answering my question.

"Yes, but what species is it?", I asked.

"She's a bear", he said.

I thought about Ursa Major and Ursa Minor. "How about naming her Ursula?", I asked him.

"Ursula", said Bernard. "That sounds good. I'm going to name my bear Ursula."

Later when Stan got back in the van Bernard started talking to Stan. "This is my new bear", he said, "Her name is Ursula. She's a cutxe."

"Echhh!", I spurted out.

"What's wrong?", asked Bernard.

"You said the C-word!"

"Oh, sorry!"

When I got home I didn't finish my Taco Bell. I purged, and purged, and gagged on phlegm. I circled my nails around my pubes and chanted "Kyadolutiadole, kyadolutidaole, adolye, adolee, adolye, adolee". I did the I's and E's, and gasping for breath, soon returned to the main "kyadolutiadole" ritual.

I gagged on more phlegm and had to spit it out.

After half an hour, the word was out of me and I was back on eating tacos. The good part is that Bernard has learned this word and he'll never say it again.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

La Netta gets racially profiled

We had started pick-ups at Jolene's house, and Jolene was trying to get in the back while Kweisi was sitting in the back row. "Scxxt over", she said, and I growled.

Later Mon was talking about the new bra she had bought. She and the other ladies discussed cup sizes. La Netta said that her breasts "jxggle" in the wrong size bra.

"Rrrrrr!", I growled.

"Is that a word?", asked La Netta.

"Stupid stoplight!", I said. When the van was moving again, La Netta was talking with Rosa by now. When it finally cleared for me to speak, I said, "Yes, the word that rhymes with 'giggle' is a purge word."

"Did I really say that?", asked La Netta.

"He said the word that rhymes with 'giggle'," said Rosa.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry."

"Don't you remember me talking about the J-word in the Pacific East Ranch Market?", I asked. "When the commercial came on?"

"Yeah, yeah. Now I remember."

We went to the restroom, where I purged. Jolene walked up to change herself. Then I told La Netta I had purged off the SC-word and the J-word.

"Who said the SC-word?", asked La Netta.

"Jolene did", I said.

I went into the restroom again where I had another nosebleed. Luckily I didn't get any on my clothes this time. By the time La Netta and Jolene came out, my nosebleed was over.

We all got into the van. Skipping Big Lots, we decided to drive to Raley's. La Netta drove down the road on El Cerrito, the one where she slows down after a steep slope.

She saw a police officer pull up and approach someone. That someone was she.

"Do you know what the speed limit is for this zone?", the cop asked.

"Yes I do, it's 25", said La Netta.

"And do you know how fast you were going?"

"Yes, I was going a little under 25."

"No, you were going 47", Piggy said.

"This man is a nut!", I said.

"A Silverado passed in front of you and you tried to pass that Silverado", said the cop. "You were going 25 then you sped up."

"I couldn't have been going 47", said La Netta.

"I clocked you and you were going at 47 miles per hour."

"No, I was looking at the speedometer and it said 25."

"I clocked you at 47."

"What an asshole", said Mon.

"Shhhh!", said Rosa, "Don't let the cop hear you swear!"

"I know the speed limit here," said La Netta. "I go here every day, and I always look at my speedometer because it's so easy to go over 25 since when you're rushing down that hill."

The cop asked her to show him her papers.

"He's a dickhead!", said Mon.

"Mon, don't swear in front of a cop", said Rosa.

Drops of blood fell from my nose to my shirt. "I'm bleeding again!", I yelled.

"Did you scratch yourself?", asked Rosa.

La Netta got out of the van.

"Don't get out!", the cop said.

"One of my clients has a nosebleed", said La Netta. "I need to get some paper towels from the back."

"OK."

La Netta walked to the trunk to retrieve a paper towel. She gave me the towel and Rosa told me to put my head back.

"La Netta was NOT going 47 miles per hour!", said Rosa.

"It's racial profiling", I said.

"This is a terrible day!", said Mon.

The unnamed cop looked over La Netta's license. "Well, it says here you drive for a living, so I'm just going to suck it up", he oinked.

La Netta got back in the van. "That racist pig!", I said.

"That cop is smoking weed!", said Mon.

"Then he can arrest himself!", I said.

"That cop was drunk!", said Ken.

"He probably was!"

"Just like Bush!"

"And he's as dumb as Bush, too. He's no good, just like Bush."

We discussed the racial implications of what had just happened.

"I didn't see the cop's face," I told La Netta. "What was his race?"

"He was White", said La Netta.

"Did you catch his surname from his nametag?"

"No, I didn't look. I should have written down his badge number."

We then went into Raley's, where La Netta took me to the frozen food aisle and I got a lasagna. We next stopped at Lee's Garden. Mon bought lunch there, with a $5 that Lita had given her, but I didn't buy anything because I had spent all my dollar bills at Raley's.

Rosa asked Mon where her receipt was.

"I didn't want a receipt", said Mon.

"Lita's going to need one", said Rosa. "Go back and show them what you ordered, and ask for one."

Mon went back in and got her meal.

"Stan Man got racially profiled", said Ken.

Next we ate lunch at Davis Park. La Netta gave me my pill.

They ate their lunches. Then I noticed a Styrofoam container with chow mein sticking out, still sitting on the bench. I was lunchless.

"Is everyone done eating?", I asked.

"Yes", said La Netta.

"All the food has been eaten?"

"What's up, James?" La Netta asked me "What's up?" She asks me this when I ask a question and she can tell I have an ulterior motive for asking it.

"I'm hungry!", I said.

"Well, I'll give you my lunch", she said. "I don't know how you're going to eat it; we just have plastic utensils here."

"That's OK. Just give it to me in its bag, and take the plastic silverware out. I'll eat it at home."

La Netta handed me the bag.

"Thank you, La Netta", I said.

"You're welcome", she replied.

"That cop was trying to get me to admit to something", she said.

"It's like what Ayyoon said about cops", I said: "They'll ask you a question again and again and again and again until you say yes."

"What about Sayun?", asked Ken.

"Sayun's English isn't good enough to make astute commentary on the American police."

"Sayun doesn't have much contact with the police", said Rosa.

That was one of the most racist things I had ever seen. Growing up in Moraga, there wasn't much discrimination against the Asians except for the usual "chink" and "jap" namecalling, and there were very few African-Americans. I didn't experience anti-Semitism, and the most real racism I saw came in the form of people staring at Arabs and Persians in bernouses. In Moraga there was more ageism than racism -- me being youth-profiled. This was something new.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Terrible Tax Day

Today, we were driving to Krispy Kreme when I felt the sides of my nose itch. I scratched the left side, then I scratched the right side, then I scratched my left nostril. I felt a wet itchiness inside. Was blood already falling from my nose?

I looked at my right sleeve and it was stained with blood. Then I found blood on the bottom of my shirt and on my pants.

"La Netta!", I said, "I have a nosebleed!"

"Just lay your head back", she said. "We'll be at Krispy Kreme in about four minutes."

So I laid my head back. I wanted to pick my bleeding nose.

"Where are we?", I asked.

"We're at Richmond Parkway", said La Netta. "We're almost at Krispy Kreme."

Finally we reached Krispy Kreme and I went into the restroom.

I spat out blood and wiped my nose with toilet paper (there were no more paper towels).

Then, while I was in the stall, a little boy and his father came in. I stayed in the stall and did not look outside, lest I see Dipser-man shoes. Did I hear the little boy say "Whxxps", or did he say "looks"?

"Whoop", said his father.

"Whxxps!", said the little boy.

"Whxxps!", said his father.

"Whxxps!", said the little boy.

"Whxxps!", said his father. Each time the little boy said it, the OO was as in "good book", and each time his father said it, the OO was as in "Froot Loops".

"D'OH!", I exclaimed, hitting myself smack in the forehead.

"Are you frightened?", the father asked.

"You said the WH-word!"

I smacked myself several more times, then started purging.

The duo eventually left. Then I heard a song that reiterated the words "cool water". It had a line about secrets like "secrets I can't keep" or "secrets to be told". I heard the words "pxking around".

I zipped up and walked out of the restroom.

La Netta was asking Robin what kind of doughnut he wanted.

"La Netta", I said.

"Yes, James?", said La Netta.

"Did this song say the P & A words?"

"No, it didn't, James."

"It was 'looking around'?"

"Yes."

I went back in. I continued purging off the WH-word. I started with the father's, which had the /u/ sound.

Then I heard a song that sang, "Someday I'll wear pajxmxs in the edaytime". I purged off several "pajxmxs"es. I learned from googling that that song was "Afternoons and Coffeespoons" by the Crash Test Dummies.

"We're ready!", La Netta called.

"OK! Let me finish up!", I said.

I purged and purged. I finally finished up all the "whxxps"es. Then I heard La Netta calling again. I told her I was washing my hands.

I came out with my hands wet. "They have paper towels", said La Netta.

"They're out of them", I said.

La Netta proceeded to enter the women's restroom to get a towel.

"Your nosebleed stopped?", asked La Netta.

"Yes", I said.

Next we hit Wal-mart. La Netta said we only had 15 minutes in here. I got two juices, an apple juice punch blend and a Berry Blue Typhoon Hawaiian punch. I told La Netta about the father-and-son couple saying "whxxps".

La Netta made several stops before getting to the electronics. I looked at a $19.67 portable CD player, then we paid and left.

Next was Didi's. After that we drove to Davis Park, where we were scheduled to have lunch. As we drove, I heard Kweisi say "ice", then "cream", then "truck", in a soft tone of voice.

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Sorry, James! Just thinking of the snack truck!", said Kweisi.

"The snack truck?", said La Netta. "I didn't hear Kweisi say anything. Kweisi, did you really say the I-word?"

"Yep", said Kweisi. "I saw a snack truck riding down the hill, passing us by."

"You're seeing things today", said La Netta. Earlier Kweisi had spontaneously burst out laughing, and said he was seeing things.

I entered the restroom at Davis Park. I had to wait for someone else to get out of the stall, then I purged off several iterations of "my soul" in "I'm Like a Bird" by Nello Furtado, which had played in the van since Kweisi said "ice xxxxx", then did a bit more rubble-clearing before I did "ice xxxxx". I heard an actual ice xxxxx truck while I was there, and hoped no one would say the I-word.

No one did. We made it all safely home. I made it home too, but having done a lot of purging and now having blood on my clothes, which would need changing. After my shower, I fonally changed my clothes.

What a terrible Tax Day.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Rosa postpones my meal

Jolene had money to buy lunch today. Rosa asked ier if she wanted Taco Bell.

"I want a taco!", she said.

"Would you rather have Burger King?", asked Rosa.

"I want a taco!"

Rosa kept trying to change Jolene's mind, and Jolene kept saying she wanted a taco.

Finally Rosa asked, "Are you sick of Taco Bell?"

"Yes, I am, I'm tired of it, I'm tired of it!", said Jolene.

"What would you like?"

"A burrito."

Rosa was going to stop at the burrito truck, but then she decided to get Church's Chicken for Jolene and Robin. No burritos for me.

Next, however . . . Rosa stopped at Taco Bell. I went in and ordered a soft-shell taco, a Crunch Wrap Supreme and a chicken chalupa.

I was going to eat it when I got home. But then as we were driving to my house during drops, Rosa said, "He's got his butt pxked out".

"Rrrrrrrr!", I growled.

". . . a picture of him pxking his butt out", she continued.

"Rrrrrrr!"

"Sorry!"

When Stan finally got home, I went out with my Taco Bell and put it in the kitchen. I almost delivered electric shocks to myself purging -- this was shockier than the Milgram Experiment. "Padoloked out . . . padoloking out", I chanted.

Finally, I had purged off both "pxke"s. At 4:00, I ate my meal in the peace of my own room.

Rodney wants it again

At 12:04 this morning I walked out of my room. I checked the fridge for edibles.

"No more ice xxxxx", Lak
eisha said.

"Blechhh!", I said.

I wasn't sure she heard, so I said "Blechhh!" again.

I walked up to Lakeisha and said, "You said the I-word!"

"Rodney said it", said Lakeisha. "I told him no more."

This is the second time I've heard the I-word when Rodney wants more of that disgusting dessert at night. How could he stand to eat something that drxps? Blechhh.

I purged the I-word off in the bathroom. There was a vanillaey, somewhat pepperminty, taste to it this time. When I came out my computer had turned to a screensaver and my alarm clock (which is about 1.5 minutes behind my computer's clock) said 12:21.

Monday, April 13, 2009

We meet Otiel again

When the van arrived at my house this morning, I heard a man who wasn't in our normal group talk to La Netta and get out of the van.

"Do you know who I am?", he asked.

"Nino?", I asked.

"Close enough", he said.

Then when we were arriving at Jolene's house, I heard La Netta calling him Otiel.

"So you're Otiel?", I asked. "Why didn't you correct me when I guessed you were Nino?"

"I like being called all sorts of things", he said.

"James!", said Ayyoon. "Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y."

"Quality", I said.

"N-A-T-I-O-N-S."

"Nation's."

"You see, he knows all the words", Ayyoon said to Otiel.

"I see", said Otiel.

"S-P-O-N-G-E-B-O-B."

"SpongeBob", I said.

"What does that mean?"

"Like SpongeBob SquarePants . . . the cartoon character . . ."

"I have never heard of that", said Ayyoon.

"He's a cartoon sponge", I explained.

"I-C-E."

"Ice."

"Do you want to read the other word that goes with it?", asked Otiel.

"C-R-E-A-M?", I guessed.

"Yes."

"Blechhh! I don't want to read that!"

"Oh, yeah", said Otiel.

We stopped at Albany Bowl, where Ayyoon, Sayun and I bowled. It took forever to insert our names into the machine. La Netta misspelled "Ayyoon" and didn't know how to correct it.

I bowled nine frames. Then, after my ninth, La Netta said she was going to the restroom with Jolene.

"I need you to listen out for the words for me", I said.

"Your game is almost over", she said.

"But who's going to listen out for the words?"

"Well, I could stay to let you finish."

I bowled a spare on my tenth frame, then got one more turn, before I asked Otiel where La Netta was. He told me she was in the restroom.

I asked an employee for help walking to the restroom. He held onto my arm and got me all the way to the men's. Then I entered the stall.

Otiel got me. He said La Netta was finished and the game was over.

I followed him and traded in my shoes. Then I noticed that La Netta wasn't around.

"La Netta's in the restroom. We're waiting for her", Otiel said.

"But you said La Netta was done with the restroom!", I objected.

I told Otiel he was going to have to listen out for words.

"You're OK," he said, "No one's speaking here."

La Netta finally joined us. I grabbed onto her arm as we exited Albany Bowl.

We drove over to Kentucky Fried Chicken. I ordered an original leg and two original thighs.

The rest of them ate lunch inside KFC. I took my sunglasses off and pressed my face to the table, sleeping.

Then we headed to Jolene's house. While we were there, I heard Jolene's staff talking. Did she say "Whxxps"?

"Did she say, 'books'?", I asked La Netta.

"No, she didn't", La Netta said.

"I was just trying to figure out whether she said the WH-word", I said.

"Wonder why there's slobber drxpping down?", said Otiel.

"Ewwwwwww!"

"Sorry!", he said.

"Did she say, 'looks'?", I asked La Netta.

"Yes," said La Netta.

As we drove home, La Netta said, "So, James --"

"Yes", I said.

"What are you going to do about those headphones?"

"I told Stan about them . . .", I started with a mouth full of saliva.

"Can you swallow that so you can talk to me?", La Netta asked.

"I can't swallow", I said.

"Why not?"

"Otiel said the D-word and I haven't purged yet."

When we got to Ken's house I spat it all out. Then I got back in the van and we drove to my house. Otiel waited for Stan.

Otiel said another trigger word, "axx oxxx the pxxxx". I growled and the two continued to talk. They said "all" twice and "over" twice.

"Otiel, I'm going to need some silence so I don't purge as long", I said.

Otiel was silent for the rest of the wait.

Finally someone from my house arrived. I purged off "drxpping" and "axx oxxx the pxxxx" and was able to eat my fried chicken.

My struggle with KBLX

When I entered the van on Wednesday, KBLX was playing. They hit a commercial and La Netta turned it off. I asked her to switch the station.

"Ken and I were listening to this", she said.

Some more music played, then when the DJ started talking La Netta turned it off again. "La Netta, could you switch the station?", I asked.

"Ken was listening to this. He wants this station."

"But you always switch the station when they start doing commercials or traffic."

"Ken likes this. Sometimes we have to give him what he wants."

"But what ie we turn it back on and they're doing traffic?"

"It's after 9:00 now."

"But this is KBLX! They do traffic all day!"

"Not all day", said Rosa.

"Quick La Netta -- turn it on so we can see what's playing now."

"First you wanted me to turn it off, now you want me to turn it back on", said La Netta.

"I didn't want you to turn it off, I asked you to switch the station."

"This is not JAMES' van!", shouted Rosa. "This is the GROUP'S van!"

"Well, the whole GROUP is going to suffer if they're doing traffic and say the M-word and I have to stop the van going to the restroom!"

Today I called Lita. I told her about it, and asked to schedule a meeting with La Netta and Rosa. She scheduled one, but asked me why I didn't bring my headphones along.

I reminded her that the last CD player I had broke. I told her that we had looked at CD players at Wal-mart on Friday, and that Stan was going to exact money from Pia to buy me a new sound system. Then I mentioned that even when I have the headphones, we still have to be careful of hearing words during the gaps between songs.

Lita told me that the Boze headphones were excellent and cancelled all the sound out. She said Tuesday and Wednesday were awful days for meetings. I told her I wanted to schedule it next week.

And that she did.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Another day in Alameda

La Netta drove us to Alameda today. We went to Cole's without incident. Then I told La Netta, "Well, La Netta, are you ready to look at food?" (Trader Joe's was on our schedule today.)

La Netta replied in the affirmative, so we were on our way.

When we got out, La Netta said, "It's lunch time already. 11:27."

"That's not lunchtime!", I objected.

"Says the person who never eats lunch", said Rosa.

La Netta took me into Trader Joe's.

While we walked there in the rain, however, I noticed the print on a wall we walked by. "Lourdes -- Ice Xxxxx and Candy", it said.

"Blechhh!", I said.

"What's up?", asked La Netta.

"I saw a Lourdes sign", I said.

"A what?"

"Lourdes. L-O-u-R-D-E-S."

We walked into Trader Joe's. La Netta looked at vegetables and salads, and told me to close my eyes as there was plastic silverware in the boxes. Then she asked me what I wanted. I told her I wanted to look at the lasagna selection.

We were soon in the frozen food section, and La Netta was showing lasagne to me. She showed me the multi-grain vegetable lasagna -- the same kind they have at other Trader Joe'ses. I told her I wasn't interested, and might as well look at the chocolate.

I closed my eyes.

"You can look", said La Netta.

"I don't want to see a certain letter sequence", I said. That letter sequence being I-C-E, as in "juice" or "rice".

"Oh, OK", said La Netta. She read the items off to me: mocha almonds, chocolate-covered macadamias, chocolate-covered ginger, espresso beans.

I settled on the espresso beans and was ready to leave.

While we approached the check-out, I heard a woman saying, "We're going to bring ice xxxxx to the party".

"Blechhh!", I said. "Hey, La Netta, they're going to have blech at her party."

"I heard that", said La Netta.

I paid $4.something for my espresso beans and La Netta paid for her produce. We walked out.

"Hey, James, I see what you were talking about when you said Lourdes", she said. "I didn't know what Lourdes was, but now I see."

"You weren't familiar with Lourdes?", I asked.

"I wasn't."

"We had a Lourdes in Orinda. I thought you knew what it was."

Rosa said we couldn't get lunch at Gim's because Trader Joe's was our lunchtime, and we'd go straight to Crab Cove. Then La Netta looked and discovered that the schedule said they would eat lunch in McDonald's.

We all went in together and I purged in the restroom. I got rid of both "ice xxxxx"s.

Then I came out. "Were you making noise in the stall?", she asked.

"I was just chanting there", I said.

"You were just standing there?"

"Just chanting there. Adolice cradoleam, adolice cradoleam."

"Well, it doesn't bother me, but other people may be frightened." La Netta then proceeded to use the women's.

While I sat outside with Rosa, Ken, Jolene and Robin, I asked Rosa, "Did I hear the WH-word?"

"You sure didn't", said Rosa.

"Did they say the C-wore?"

"No, they didn't."

La Netta came out. I went back in and sat in the stall silently. I didn't need to chant this time. Finally Jolene was done changing and La Netta got me.

"Were you making noise in there?", she asked.

"I didn't say anything", I said.

"I heard something strange while I was in the restroom", said La Netta.

We hopped in the van. Ken said, "Axx oxxx the pxxxx".

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled. "La Netta, get me to a restroom quick."

"We're doing drops", said La Netta.

"Oh, Ken, why did you have to say that?", I asked.

"He hasn't said a word all day", said Rosa. "Let him break for once."

I heard "all"s and "over"s and "place"s as we drove home.

"Get over", said La Netta to Rosa on the road.

"Now I'm really going to have to purge!", I said.

"Why?"

"Get, the O-word."

"That's a word."

"Well, when I hear the A, O the P words, I have to purge for every time I hear the A-word or the O-word or the P-word before I get to the main phrase."

"Oh, I see."

We stopped at Jolene's house. Rosa started up the van and moved it when the clock said 1:43. Then she turned the car off.

"Rosa, the clock said 1:43. Turn the clock back on; I need to look at it."

"I thought it was only 2 to 6", she said.

"I need to look at it when it says 42 or 43", I said.

"Oh, OK." She turned it back on. I looked at 1:44, then 1:45, and finally stopped looking at 1:46.

After dropping off Jolene and Robin, then Ken, they finally got to my house and let me right in. I purged for a loooooong time.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

A trip to Big Lots

On Friday morning, it was just La Netta picking me up. She drove me around and picked up Kweisi.
Kweisi said he had "little bxtty ribs" to eat. I growled.

Then she took us to the office, where I purge oee "bxtty" and rested until Rosa came here.

We were ready to get back in the van. We were about to go when I heard Rosa say "scxxt". Then I heard her say "axx oxxx the pxxxx". Did she really say both words?

I asked Rosa what she said. "I said, 'Move over a place'," she said.

Oh. Move. So she must really have said the word "scxxt". But it was just "over a place", not "axx oxxx the pxxxx". I walked out of the van and told La Netta I was going to the restroom.

"What's up?", La Netta asked.

"Rosa said the SC-word", I replied.

"Hurry up."

I went in and purged off the SC-word, then came back out. We drove to the gas station. Big Lots was next on our schedule.

We went to Rosa's house, then it was finally time for Big Lots. But just then, La Netta said, "We're going to just drive by, because we're pressed for time."

"La Netta!", I said.

"OK, James", said La Netta, "I can take you in."

La Netta finally went in with me. We were on the Hunt for Brown Easter (brown is the color of chocolate, so that's what I called it).

La Netta told me she didn't see any candy. Then we looked around and she said she saw candy but none of the eggs I like. I looked in the candy aisle and saw some interesting eggs, but nothing I wanted to buy. There were the eggs that were solid milk chocolate. I'm not big on those. There were Neapolitan eggs. There were long-eared bunnies.

I finally walked out with La Netta deciding to save my $5 for Taco Bell. When we got to Taco Bell I ordered a soft-shell taco, a chicken chalopa and a seven-layer burrito. The employee thought I wanted a seven-layer nacho. It took forever to get the order right.

Finally I got my order and took it home with me.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

I hear the C-word yet again

We were driving down the street today when, out of the blue, Kweisi said, "Cutxe pie".

"Ech!", I said.

"What's wrong, James?", asked Kweisi.

"You said the C-word", I told him.

"No, I said, 'Cutxe pie'," said Kweisi.

"Ech! That's the C-word!"

"Sorry, James!"

"Why did you say it, Kweisi?"

"I was looking at a pretty woman crossing the street."

We got to Krispy Kreme and they told me to use the restroom, because I was breaking wind. I got to purging while I was in there.

As I broke my wind, I purged off the "cutxe"s. I still wasn't finished at the time we left.

I got my juices at the Wal-mart in Oakland, then the group ate lunch at Miller's Knots. We then drove around to the restrooms, where I spent five minutes finishing. After 2:40, I finally asked for my pill.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April Fool's Day

Today I was picked up by Rosa and Darnell. We visited the office, where I went to the restroom and then came back.

After I came back I sat in the middle seat of the back row. Darnell let Rodney out to use the restroom. After the left seat of the back row was vacated, Darnell said, "You can scxxt over to the left seat now, James".

"Rrrrrrr!", I said.

"Sorry, James! You can move over."

After Rodney was done with the restroom, I went in a second time and purged off "scxxt over". It had a very strong taste like cooked carrot.

After I left, we drove all the way across a bridge and ended up in San Francisco. Instead of visiting clothing stores, we went to a pizza shop. Rosa got a pizza, Darnell got a pizza sandwich and I got a gyro.

We headed back towards the van where we all ate. "Scxxt over, Jolene", said Darnell.

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled.

Jolene started complaining that she needed to go to the bathroom. "I can't hold it", said Jolene. "I can't hold it. I can't hold it."

Darnell asked whether my purging could wait until I got home. I told him I wanted to go into the restroom while Jolene was going (even though the SC-word can wait a long time).

I heard Darnell say, "Across the street to that Castro mxss".

"Ewwwwwww!", I said.

"Sorry," said Darnell.

"That's gross!"

"What is?"

"The M-word! Hey Darnell, when you said the M-word, you were referring to the traffic in Castro, right?"

"No, I didn't say the M-word, I said 'mask'. I was referring to the woman in Castro who had a mask on. What do you call them, one of those things you fit over your head?"

"Oxygen masks?"

"Yeah."

"Then why did you say 'Sorry'?"

"Because I thought I said something that offended you. I heard you saying 'Ewwww'."

Soon we were back out in Richmond, visiting Vincent Park.

"Is Jolene wet?", asked one of the coaches.

"Change my clothes!", said Jolene. "I went in my diaper! Went in my diaper!"

"Did you pee . . .", asked Rosa, ". . . or did you have a bowel movement?"

"I peed in my diaper", said Jolene. "Peed in my diaper."

Rosa took Jolene in the women's to change her clothes. The urine had seeped through the diaper into her clothes. The diaper is of no use!

Meanwhile, I was in the men's room purging off the word "scxxt". This was a lot harder than the previous one. Finally, I got it to come up.

We headed back towards the van and started drops.

Rosa said, "They can drive and surprise you . . . get our in their pajxmxs".

I growled and looked around me. We weren't taking Kweisi home today, so we wouldn't pass through Pinole. It was safe to look. Looking steadily at Rosa, I purged off "pajxmxs". "Pajamdras, pajamdras," I chanted. That beat having to hold it in until we finished with drops.

Darnell talked about diet and the development of breasts on boys. "I look and I've got little bxtty hooters", he said.

"Rrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Oops!", said Darnell. I held in the word "bxtty" until I got home.