Saturday, March 28, 2009

Glad to have La Netta

A song came on the radio. I was uncertain whether they said "pxke around" at the end. "Did they say the P & A words?", I asked La Netta.

"No, they didn't", La Netta said.

"You've heard this song before", said Rosa.

"What words did they say?"

"I don't remember", said La Netta, "But it wasn't any words you don't like."

La Netta and Rosa chatted some more. The next time there was a gap in their conversation, I asked La Netta, "Did they say, 'walk around'?"

"La Netta already told you!", said Rosa. "She didn't hear; she doesn't remember."

Just then the car hit a red light. I couldn't speak. "Stupid stoplight!", I cursed.

When the car was moving again, I explained to Rosa. "Rosa didn't say she didn't hear; she said she just couldn't remember. I thought that if I ask about a specific word, she might remember whether it was said or not."

"OK, thank you", said Rosa.

"You're welcome."

"They didn't say, 'walk around', but I don't remember what word it was", said La Netta.

"That's OK", I said. "That's all I was asking."

A little later, La Netta got to discussing cooking with Rosa.

"All the vegetables are fresh, and the meat is txsty", she said.

"Ech! Blechhh!", I said.

"Sorry, James", said La Netta.

La Netta then reached TJ Maxx. She told me that since I needed to purge, I could use the restroom while La Netta helped Jolene change.

I purged off "txsty" in the restroom. Then, after I finished, I heard La Netta calling.

"Let me wash up!", I said.

La Netta called again.

"I'm washing up right now!", I said.

La Netta called again.

"I'm getting a paper towel!"

La Netta called again.

"I'm drying off!"

I finally came out. "Did you hear me?", I asked La Netta.

"It just took you so long!"

I explained that I had to wash my hands my rubbing back and forth 100 times, 10 times for each finge.

"That must take you very long!", she said.

"But I know I get clean!"

Then we went to get some Chinese food at Gim's. I ordered sweet and sour chicken with all chow mein.

La Netta told me afterwards that the janitor cleaning the restroom had said s/he saw a male "stroking his stuff" in there, as La Netta put it. The other group that was there said that it was I who was masturbating. La Netta told them it couldn't have been I, as I always used a stall and I was in the van the whole time. Furthermore, I don't masturbate when I purge.

La Netta told me how awful it was that the other group would say it was I, and I agree. Whoever the coaches are don't like me very much. La Netta has faith in me. She knows me the best of all. La Netta knows me better than any other coach at CIWP and sprang to my defense. I'm glad to have La Netta in my group.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Ech again!

We were listening to KISS-FM. The songs finished playing and a commercial came on. I heard Tony Sandoval's voice. then they played the whistle from "Brick House" by the Commodores. "She's . . .", Tony Sandoval said. Anticipating the C-word, I began to plug my ears.

". . . a cutxe", the sentence finished. I was too late! "Ech!", I said loudly.

I then heard "Get Into the Groove" by Madonna playing. I assumed it was another song sample from the same commercial. Then after I heard the whole song playing, I figured out La Netta had changed the station.

"Did he say the C-word?", I asked.

"He did", said La Netta.

Then La Netta asked me, "Do you still want Taco Bell?"

"Yes", I said.

La Netta took me to the Taco Bell drive-through, and I was stuck inside the van for the rest of the day. I said good-bye to La Netta as she visited one of her children's school.

At 2:25, I got home, and I purged like crazy. I ate the Taco Bell at 6:00.

Monday, March 23, 2009

A dream come true

We used to have a coach at CIWP named Poppy. Poppy was a male coach with a British accent and a prominent grey beard. He would often make fun of my saying that my head was going to explode, and when I went "Ewwwww!" after him saying that my head exploding would leave a mxss in the van, he repeated, "Mxss in the van! Mxss in the van!"

Last night, I had a dream that we ran into Poppy when we were out programming. He tied me down with a metal contraption. Then he took a wooden block. I could see that he was aiming it for my exes, so I covered my exes. The next thing I knew, I was running with La Netta. She was telling me we had to rush to Moe's (a bookstore in Berkeley) and then run in time to make it to Wal-mart.

When I got to program today, Kweisi came along with his pork chops. After I got out to spit, I reëntered the van and discovered a green plastic frok turned over on his plate. I would have that to purge off.

Rosa mentioned going to Barnes & Noble last week. I heard La Netta say, "I dreamed", then Rosa unleashed a logorrhea all about Barnes & Noble. It was some unfunny anecdote.

"Did you say, 'I dreamed?'", I asked La Netta.

"No", said La Netta. She said that she had said "I changed", then went over what she said before Rosa started speaking. Next, she said, "You really need to get you some headphones".

I told her she didn't say anything offensive. I explained I had had a dream in which La Netta said we were going to Moe's today.

La Netta and I went into Wal-mart. Then I told her about needing to purge off the plastic silverware.

Our next stop was Barnes & Noble. I unleashed a stream of saliva in the garbage can in front of Barnes & Noble, then we went into and I used the restroom while La Netta helped Jolene with changing herself.

When I had finished purging, I walked with La Netta to the educational materials system, where La Netta looked at materials to help Sierra learn to read and do math.

Soon she noticed Ken was wandering off and moping and Robin was picking at himself, so she left Barnes & Noble.

She took out some cards she had bought for Sierra and showed them to Kweisi (Kweisi says he wants to improve his reading). A frog and pig in tank tops and sweatpants were shown jogging, and the sentence "The frog and the hog take a jog" was written underneath.

"The frog and the hog and a jog", said Kweisi. La Netta had him read it again until he got it right.

Another card showed a boy with red hair and freckles flexing his arms near a swimming pool. "I swim to stay slim and trim", the sentence read.

I told La Netta about my dream.

After going through "The fox and the ox share a box" and "Five bees take a dive into the hive", La Netta and Kweisi hopped into the van and we drove away.

"Do you have money to go to See's?", La Netta asked me. I replied in the affirmative.

La Netta took me into See's, where they had Easter goodies out. "Oh, look, La Netta!", I said. "They have jelly bird eggs!" I picked up a bag of pectin eggs and carried them with me.

After selecting a Divinity egg, a coconut egg, a Bordeaux egg and a rocky road egg, I paid for my stuff then we were on our way.

The next stop was Lucky's, where I got a lasagna. La Netta picked the best lasagna out for me, and it was under $7.

While I was in the van driving to lunch, I told Rosa about the dream I had already recounted to La Netta. La Netta says she doesn't think Poppy would do something like that.

We ate lunch at Davis Park, then it was time to drop Jolene home.

"We went to the bookstore and we went to Wal-mart!", I said.

"That we did", said La Netta. Then she said, "What was your point?"

"Juost like my dream!", I said.

"Yes", said La Netta.

Friday, March 20, 2009

La Netta tunes out

On Wednesday, I was driving home with just La Netta. The song "Smooth" by Santana had just finished playing on KISS-FM, and the DJ, Tony Sandoval, commented on how odd a couple Carlos Santana and Rob Thomas were.

Right then, he said, "The young cutxes, and the older ladies . . ."

"Ech!", I said.

La Netta turned it off. "What's up with you, James?"

"Didn't you hear what he just said?"

"No, I didn't."

"He said the C-word!"

"I didn't hear it. There was almost an accident."

"There was almost an accident on the road?"


At the end of the day, La Netta gave me a bag that had half a burrito in it.

When I got home, I purged off that "cutxe". It tasted like such horrible phlegm and I was glad when it was out of me. I finally ate that burrito at 7:00. Then I drank my Fanta.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

St. Patrick's Day

Today I came to program with Rosa and La Netta. Rosa was talking about her children's teeth. The baby Melchor, she said, already "had some pxking out".

I growled in the back seat and hoped we would be finished with drops soon. We picked up Kweisi, then Jolene and Robin.

We decided, since Mon had been saying she wouldn't come to program anymore, to visit Mon daily. After dropping Kweisi off to work at van detailing, we drove up to Mon's house.

I closed my exes as Mon came out. She told us she went shopping.

"What did you buy?", asked La Netta.

"These new pajxmxs!", said Mon.

I growled.

"Oooh, sorry!", said Mon.

"Did she say it in the plural?", I asked La Netta.

"Yes", La Netta said.

The group skipped Burger King and drove to Miller's Knots. I purged off "pajxmxs" there, followed by "pxking out".

The group then went to the 99 cent store. I bought a Hershey's marshmallow egg, a Mounds egg and two orange Cadbury crème eggs.

As we drove home, I talked about Rodney's sweet tooth for ice xxxxx. I told about the incident last night, and mentioned how it had taken me an hour.

"Why so long?", asked La Netta.

"It took a long time to get it to feel right", I said. "First I had to get the chunky stuff to come up . . ."

"To come out of your mouth?", asked Rosa.

"The chunky stuee?", asked La Netta. "Out of your what-do-you-call-it? Your schootum? Your schotum?"

"Slong, right?", asked Rosa.

"Your swong", said La Netta.

"Schlong", I said.

"Sch-long", said La Netta.

"S-C-H-L-O-N-G. I meant I had to get the chunky taste to come up. Then I had to get the soupy taste to come up."

La Netta was by now cracking up laughing.

An hour in the bathroom

I was in the bathroom last night, just after midnight. As soon as I came out, my staff Lakeisha (who knows Lamesha, by the way) was right next to me.

"No more chocolate ice xxxxx", she said, presumably to Rodney.

"Blechhh!", I said. I checked my clock. It was 12:14. Then I walked right back into the bathroom.

I hoped this would be easy. The taste of chocolate ice xxxxx was strong in my mouth.

I thought back to a time we were parked in front of a Baskin-Robbins in Moraga Center and my mother said, "I could sure go for a chocolate ice xxxxx cone".

"Blechhh!", I said.

"What was that you said?", my mother asked. "Did you say 'blechhh'?"


"You don't like chocolate ice xxxxx?"


"I thought you did."

I imagined eating chocolate ice xxxxx with marshmallows in it.

I thought "price" and "nice" and "spice" a few times, then had to think them backwards and purge them each off.

I tasted some chunky ice xxxxx and chanted "adolice cradoleam" as I thrusted it around my groin. Then I chanted "adolice cradoleam" again and thrusted it up.

Many minutes had passed. I had had some chunky chocolate ice xxxxx come up. Now I only needed to get some melted chocolate ice xxxxx to come up. I really tasted chocolate ice xxxxx as I chanted "adolice cradoleam, adolice cradoleam, adolice cradoleam, adolice cradoleam". I tried to make an all-encompassing swoop that could gather all the ice xxxxx taste in my groin, but I couldn't do it.

Before I knew it, all I was tasting was sweat and ham -- the feeling on the skin around my groin. I would have to bring back the taste.

I scooped up some cold water from the faucet in my hands and then proceeded to pour it on my groin. I felt wet in my pants. There was an uncomfortable feeling as the water skirted my left leg. I could see water spots on my pants. The cold taste of ice xxxxx filled my groin once again and it was tasted when I chanted.

"Adolice cradoleam, adolice cradoleam, adolice cradoleam, adolice cradoleam . . . adolice cradoleam." And that concluded the thrusts at my groin. I felt the taste being cleared out. Now I just had to feel the taste coming up.

I thought I was close to finishing, but it took several minutes more. I did "adolice cradoleam" thrusts at several spots around my groin before making it come up.

After several more minutes, I finally had three soupy "adolice cradoleam"s come up. The taste was out. I zipped up.

I looked at the alarm clock behind my laptop (my laptop had turned itself off by now). It was now 1:14.

I walked into the living room until Lakeisha heard me.

"Lakeisha", I said, "I just spent an hour in the bathroom after you said the I-word."

"Said the I-word?", Lakeisha asked.

"Yes, when you were talking to Rodney."

"I'm sorry", she said.

"Do you know what the I-word is?"

"I think I do. I won't say it again."

"That's good. Good night!"

"Good night!"

I could really get a good night sleep then.

A lot of trouble to get pizza

I asked my staff for a chimichanga, and she said we were out of them. "Do you want lasagna?", she asked.

"Where's the lasagna?", I asked.

"It's in the freezer", she said.

I looked in the freezer and found the lasagna I had bought from Trader Joe's. I explained to her that I was saving it for later.

"Would you like some pizza?", she asked. My staff brought out a pizza she had ordered.

I asked for two slices. I told her aobut the plate we had bought at program. She called Santina and located the square, red plate in the office, whereafter she put two slices on it.

I heated it in the microwave. Then I washed my hands with a bottle of liquid soap. I got my plate from the microwave. Now to scrape my hands so I could eat.

I looked for the pizza box on the counter, but it was nowhere to be seen. "Where's the box of pizza?", I asked.

"I put it back in the office", my staff said.

"I need the box of pizza so I have something to scrape my hands on", I said. Right then I heard something that sounded like "cutxe" in the song they were playing on TV.

She muted it, a eew seconds too late. "I couldn't hear you with the TV on", she said. "Could you repeat that, please?"

She said the word "please"! "AAAAAAAAAARRGGGGGHHHHHH!", I said. First the C-word, then a "please".

I repeated it, then asked her to turn the television back on so I could Google the lyrics.

I listened to the lyrics. Something about "own me" and "control me".

Then I went to my computer, as I had to. I googled the lyrics, but couldn't find the song. I would have to wash my hands again.

I came back out and asked her the title and artist of the song. She rewound and found the ineo: "Let's Leave" by Justin Henderson and Ebony.

I googled it and discovered that that was a song from the movie Hair Show. Now I knew what my staff was watching.

I tried to find the lyrics for the song, but every site was fruitless. Some sites had pages for the tracks on Hair Show, but posted "Sorry, no lyrics yet" for every song. Oh no!

I went into the restroom and purged off "cutxe" until all the phlegm came out of my mouth. It took a long time.

Then I walked out into the kitchen. She still hadn't brought the pizza box out. I went into my room and did what I could have done the first time: find a clear plastic box from Trader Joe's.

I washed a second time, then brought the soap bottle back into my room. I scraped my hands. Then I walked out into the kitchen and took the plate out of the microwave.

I brooght the plate into my room, where I ate the first bite out of a meatball pizza. The meatballs and saucy top filled my mouth with their flaking, burning heat. After going through all this trouble, I could finally eat two slices, and then another two, of this hot pizza.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Waiting for money

When I got home yesterday, Stan had already left because La Netta got me home so late. As a result, he wasn't there to bring me money. Two different staff left messages on his answering machine telling him I needed $20.

This morning, my staff called Stan and Stan said he'd bring my money to program. Was I saved? We did have Target today.

When we picked up Kweisi this morning, he said "scxxt over". I growled. I also told La Netta about how Stan was set to drop the money off.

We drove to Rosa's house. Ken was moping about lack of money. La Netta said she'd call Maria before we got to Target. Rosa had gotten her daughter Angie to stay at home today and take care of the baby.

"Have Maria call Stan and tell her that we're going to Target", I told La Netta.

"Either he'll come or he won't. If he's coming, he's coming", said La Netta. "If he's not, he's not."

"Well, if he knows I need the money for Target, that might be the extra push."

"I don't think that will make any difference."

As we drove to the canned food store in Berkeley, I said, "Ken, call Stan on your cellphone."

"Don't ask him, tell him", said Rosa.

"Ken, could you please call Stan on your cellphone?", I asked.

"I think Ken's afraid to call Stan, James", said La Netta.

Rosa went in to the canned food store to buy food for the party.

"Ken?", I asked as soon as Rosa left.

"Ken's outside", said La Netta.

"Ken went in with her?", I asked.


Rosa came out with a box of small doughnuts, some potato chips and other snacks.

"James, did you run out of juice yesterday?", asked La Netta.

"No," I said.

"You're just worried about the week-end?"


"Well, that's all right. If Stan doesn't bring you your money today, I'll take you to Wal-mart tomorrow."

"Thanks, La Netta."

We drove to Target. I had counted $1.54 in my pocket.

La Netta went in with me. She asked if anyone else wanted to go, and no one said she or he did. Then Ken came out at the last minute.

"Can we cross, Davis?", she asked Ken.

We crossed the road and were on our way to Target.

We surveyed the Easter eggs. They had Reese's eggs, Cadburys, Mini Cadburys and Almond Joy eggs. They also had chocolate bunnies and Peeps.

"Two for $5", said La Netta.

We saw several items that were two for $5. The Cadburys were $2.29 each.

La Netta asked, "Do you like the marshmallow chicks?" The peeps were available for less than $1.54 a box.

"No", I said. Then I said, "I think I'll get some Peeps. Bernard might like these."

"Who might like those?"


"Well, what do you want?"

"I want the eggs."

"How short are you of $2.29? A dollar?"

"I have $1.54. 46 + 29 . . . I'm 75 cents short."

"How about I throw in a dollar and then you just owe me?", asked La Netta.

"OK", I said.

So I picked out a box of four caramel Cadburys. La Netta looked at make-up, then we walked up to the check-out.

She handed me a dollar while I had my eyes closed. I folded it up, and asked, "Is it folded with the pyramid on the inside?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, James", said La Netta. She opened it and inverted it. "Now you can look at it."

I looked at the dollar bill, pyramid-side-down, and folded it up.

I paid quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies. The cashier discovered that one of my dimes was foreign. Upon closer inspection, I saw that it had the word "CANADA" written on it.

The cashier took $1.29 and then took La Netta's dollar bill. We were all ready for the party.

La Netta handed me my pill, then both of us went to the restroom. I purged off Kweisi's "scxxt over", then swallowed my pill. La Netta said she'd eat lunch, then work on a pi sheet with me.

La Netta offered me some chocolate eoughnuts. I accepted the offer, and soon she produced a napkin with four small doughnuts in it. I asked her where they came from.

"From the box", said La Netta.

I looked at the table for the box.

"What's up?", asked Rosa.

I explained I was looking for the doughnut box.

I saw a Hostess box. I inspected all sides, then looked at the bottom.

I put the napkin with the four doughnuts back on the table. "I don't want them", I said.

"What happened?", I asked.

"The box shows other Hostess products on the bottom", I said.

"What other Hostess products?", asked La Netta.

"The TW-word", I said. I was referring, of course, to Twxnkies.

"Oh", said La Netta.

Kweisi had brought along a movie, so they were watching that as they ate their lunch and snacks.

After a while, La Netta brought out the worksheet on pi. If I helped her with this, she would buy me a burrito on Monday.

I told her how to divide to get King Solomon's, or Archimedes', or Aryabhatas approximations of pi. Some of the problems they needed a scientific calculator for. La Netta calculated each with her cellphone.

After she finished the worksheet, she made a cellphone call and I left to urinate in the restroom.

She did drops, starting with Jolene and Robin. I was the last, and La Netta and I hugged a great big hug for last night's shower before I entered my house.

Stan came in, and I told him about not having money to buy juice at Target. Stan apologized, and asked for a hug. I relented and hugged him.

Stan then brought me $20 out of the safe. I had to sign for several missed transactions, but it was worth it.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

La Netta works her mouth

Instead of going to our normal sites today, Rosa took us to court to pay a ticket. It took her forever. We waited in the van while she and Kweisi entered the building.

When she finally came out, she said she had waited in line thirty minutes to pay a ticket. There were only two booths and dozens of people standing in line to buy tickets.

Rosa received a phone call and learned that her baby Melchor was sick. She decided to go home for the day. With Clarissa joining the group, we dropped Rosa at her house.

Since we skipped most of our sites, La Netta decided we best head for lunch. She asked me where I wanted to get lunch, and I chose Taco Bell.

While we were driving there, the people in our van began talking about activity on the road. "Cops axx oxxx the pxxxx", said Ken.

"Rrrrrrrr!", I growled. "You said the A, O the P words!"

"No, I didn't!" Ken denied it.

"Yes, you did", I said.

"James", said La Netta, "We can either go to Taco Bell and order your lunch then have you use the restroom at Davis Park, or we can drive right on to Davis Park."

"I'll get Taco Bell", I said.

I ordered a soft-shell taco, a Crunch Wrap Supreme and a spicy chicken burrito. Then I walked back to the van while Clarissa stayed in.

La Netta went into Taco Bell. I purged off some "all"s, "over"s and "place"s in the back of the van. Then we made it to Davis Park.

At Davis Park I purged in the restroom. After I finished my rubble-clearing, I thought of a time my mother said "It was drxpping axx oxxx the pxxxx", and I tasted that pasta. It came out very quickly.

We stopped at Jolene's house, but no one was there to take Jolene and Robin. We then headed on to Kweisi's house.

"Little bxtty rocks", Kweisi said.

"Rrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"I'm sorry, James", said Kweisi.

Kweisi was soon home. La Netta was talking with Kweisi's mother. She seemed to be taking an awfully long time with his mother. I closed the door and began purging off the "bxtty"s in my head in the back. La Netta eventually came back in, and I zipped up.

After Kweisi was dropped off, we dropped home Ken. Next we made it to the office so Clarissa could leave.

"I'll be in the restroom", I said. I got out of the van.

"Where are you going, James?", La Netta asked.

"I said I'd be in the restroom."

"James, it's time to drop you off. It's already 2:30."

"I'll be very quick."

"How quick is that? A minute?"


I ran in, purged off the B-word in a minute flat, washed my hands and rushed back down the ramp.

Next we dropped off Jolene and Robin. La Netta seemed to talk forever with Jolene's staff about this poor woman's leg. She mentioned how Jolene had fallen twice one day, then fallen once the next day so her staff would have to take her at 1:15. La Netta also mentioned how Jolene had almost fallen this one time, but had caught herself.

I said good-bye to my friend, then I was driven home all alone by La Netta. It was around 3:00 when I finally got home.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Bernard and his construction game

Bernard convinced me to let him use my laptop so he could play a game he liked. This game was called Constructoon and was symbolized by a yellow helmet. I learned that this game was made by Fisher-Price.

He put his CD-ROM into my computer and uploaded the game. He told me that his favorite thing to do in this game was make a sandwich. He laid a piece of bread out then put on pepperoni, Swiss cheese, meatballs . . . you could even put worms on your sandwich. I had him turn off the sound so I wouldn't hear any purge words while he was playing.

Shortly before he finished, I heard him say something that sounded like "Whxxps!" I asked him what he said.

"He said, 'Whxxps'," said Bernard.

"D'OH!" I slammed my forehead until I bopped it just right, then I did it for the first "whxxps". "D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!" He said? So this was a character in this game saying the nasty word in a speech bubble?

"He said the WH-word?", I asked.

"No, he didn't. I said, "Whxxps!", said Bernard.

"D'OH!" I began slamming my forehead again. "YOU SAID THE WH-WORD, BERNARD!"

"Sorry, James", said Bernard. He left, and thanked me for letting him play his game.

Left in my room, I began purging off all three "whxxps"es. I started at 5:37 and didn't get finished until 5:58.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

I finally go to Target

On Friday, I was late getting out of the house to program. Someone had the news on while I was getting out.

When I got in the van, La Netta was making a call on her cellphone. I asked her, "Did she say a purge word?"

"M-hm", La Netta said. I assumed she was talking to me.

"Which purge word was it?", I asked.

"She did NOT SAY a purge word!", said Rosa.

"I didn't say a purge word", said La Netta.

"I meant your phone interlocutor", I said.

"She didn't either. Could you actually hear what was on the phone?"


"James", said Rosa. "How could you hear the speaker on the phone? Most of the time you barely hear what we're saying to you!"

I thought this would be a really lousy day.

We spent some time in the office. I slept on the couch while La Netta helped Jolene change her diaper.

Then afterwards, La Netta told me she changed the schedule.

"Did you change the schedule so we could go to Target?", I asked.

"Exactly", said La Netta.

We walked through the garden section, where I kept both my eyes open. Then we got to Target proper.

I closed my eyes and held onto La Netta's arm. La Netta told me they had Easter eggs out.

She showed me the Reese's eggs with the bunnies with their eyes closed upside-down on the packages. I told her those weren't the ones. I drove my nail up each of the bunny's eyes.

Then La Netta found exactly what I was looking for: Reese's peanut butter eggs, just like the kind Jason stole. I got two bags.

La Netta and I looked at jewelry together. Then I got my weekly juice: two bottles of apple juice.

We met up with Rosa, who had Rodney with her. "Do I get two cheeseburgers if I'm good?", asked Rodney.

"You didn't touch the newspapers. You've already GOTTEN the cheeseburgers", Rosa told him.

"Do I get two cheeseburgers if I'm good?"

"You've BEEN good. It's a done deal."

We split up again. When we got back around, Rodney grabbed La Netta's arm. "That wasn't very nice", said La Netta.

"Do I get two cheeseburgers eor being good?", Rodney asked.

"We'll see what Rosa says", said La Netta.

When Rosa came out, she told us that Rodney had touched stuff and that he would get only one cheeseburger.

Robin head-butted me in the van, the way he head-butts Jolene.

"OWWWWWW!", I said.

"What happened?", asked La Netta.

"Robin head-butted me!"

La Netta invited me to come to McDonald's with her. I told her she could listen out for words. She sat Rodney in between Robin and me when we got back.

La Netta got me a Mac Chicken Sandwich, "for helping me", she said.

"Because I helped with Jolene's wheelchair?", I asked.

"For helping me with the math yesterday."

Rodney got his cheeseburger. Rosa told him he had to behave better next week and not listen to the voices in his head if he wanted to get two cheeseburgers instead of one next Friday.

La Netta and I went on a walk. As we reached the end of our destination, I saw a dipser walking by.

"Ewwwwww!", I screamed.

"What?", asked La Netta.

I pointed to it.

"A dipser?", she asked.


"What kind of dipser is that?"

"I can't tell what family it belongs to." I was hoping it wasn't the Lycosidae.

I purged in the restroom when we got back, then it was home with my juices and my chicken sandwich. La Netta and I hugged our end-of-the-week hug. Then I visited 4thkingdom.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Welcome back, Jolene!

Today, after picking up Kweisi, we stopped off at Robin's house. But it wasn't just Robin we were picking up this time. Jolene was scheduled to come back to CIWP today after her intense leg surgery.

"Maybe if I scxxted over, we'd have room for Jolene here", said Kweisi.

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Sorry James. Maybe if I moved over."

Robin entered the van, then Jolene walked up on her walker. "Good morning, Jolene!", said La Netta.

"Good morning!", said Jolene.

"How are you doing?"


Since Jolene and Robin were our last pick-ups, we headed straight to the office.

I went in the restroom to purge off "scxxted over".

"Scadolooted up, scadolooted back, scadoloot it over . . .", I chanted, purging off all the nasty things I had thought to myself on the way to the office.

While I was purging, I heard a long I sound. Did somebody say "hi"?

I turned off the fan and asked, "Yes?"

It was Kay. "There's a line forming outside of the restroom", said Kay.

"Ooooooo-uw", I whined.

"Ooooooo-uw", she repeated.

I continued purging. Then, after a little while, I heard another word outside.

I turned the fan off again. "Yes?"

"There's no more line, James", said Kay. "Never mind."

I finished up. Then I went into the room where I go to lie on the couch, and I tried to rest.

"Keep . . .", I heard. Was that "keep an exe on?"

I went out to ask if I heard the K & E words and was told no.

Then I went back into the sleeping room until La Netta came. She told me she wanted to do math.

La Netta had a textbook filled with problems about increases and decreases. We worked out problems like, "6.2 is decreased to 5.9. What is the percentage decrease?" La Netta did the grunt work on the calculator on her cellphone. She had a movie running in the other room. I told her the movie would bother me, but La Netta said this was the movie she had shown last time and it had no purge-inducing words in it.

Our van was all washed by now, so the group headed back to our van. We skipped Target because all our Target time had been spent having the van washed.

We stopped at Taco Bell, where I got my lunch. Originally it was going to be just Rosa and I buying lunch, but Ken came along with us. At the last minute, Ken stood in line and ordered three tacos. I left for the van, with my soft-shell taco, chicken chalupa and Crunch Wrap Supreme in hand.

"I didn't just see Ken order food in there, right?", asked La Netta.

"You did", I told her.

When Ken got in the van, La Netta laughed and told him he had a lunch already.

We made it to our lunch site. On the way, I said, "Good morning, Jolene, welcome back".

Jolene didn't respond.

"You're not his friend?", Kweisi asked.

"Are you my friend?", asked La Netta.

Jolene shook her head.

"Are you Ken's friend?", La Netta asked.

Jolene shook her head.

"Are you James' friend?", La Netta asked.

Jolene shook her head again.

"Are you my friend?", asked Kweisi.

Jolene shook her head.

"Well, James is my friend, right James?", asked La Netta.

"Right!", I said.

"Ken's my friend."

"I'm your friend", said Kweisi.

We ate lunch (well, I didn't), and I wrote down for La Netta how to solve the math problems.

Then we went to 7-11. On our way there, I asked, "La Netta, do you think Ken refuses to tell Stan he's out of money because he thinks Stan will be angry with him, or upset with him, or whatever, for spending it so fast?"

"I think Ken needs to learn how to budget his money better so he won't be afraid to tell Stan", said La Netta. "Instead of spending it all in two days . . ."

Jolene offered Rodney her potato chips. She said she was full. Then she said, "Do you want them, James?"

I accepted her offer and picked up the chips. "Have they been serving you lots of your favorite foods?", I asked her.

"Yes, they have," said Jolene.

I said good-bye to Ken as we dropped Ken off, then said good-bye to Jolene as I went home.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Bobby Brown

We were driving to Ken's house with KISS-FM on the radio when a song that sang "Don't be cruel" came on the radio. "Girl, you've got to change your attitude", the male singer sang.

While we entered the first full verse, I heard what sounded like "cutxe".

"La Netta?", I asked.

"Yes?", asked La Netta.

"Did he sing the C-word?"

"No, he didn't."

What did he sing then, I wonder? I listened closely to the lyrics.

I learned that the song was Bobby Brown's, so when I got home I turned on my laptop and put this query into Google:

"be that cruel to you" "change your attitude" "bobby brown"

I learned that the song was titled "Don't Be Cruel". Same as the Elvis hit.

I checked the lyrics. "Hey yo cutxe what's up with this attitude?", I read. (As you'll recall, I have a Greasemonkey filter on my Firefox browser so "cutxe" actually did appear with the X.)

Echhhh! So they did say the C-word after all!

I purged like mad and didn't eat my chimichanga until after 8:00.

I'll have to tell La Netta this.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Trying it again . . .

Today we picked up Rodney again. We were supposed to go to Albany Bowl, but since we would be picking Ken up we decided to stay nearby.

Darnell said the M-word, and I used the restroom in the office when we got to the office.

Then we called the office and told them we would be going to Trader Joe's. "OK, Rodney", said Darnell, look at me. Can you promise me you're going to behave on our trip to Trader Joe's?"

"I'll behave!", said Rodney.

"I don't want no tweaking", said Darnell.

We went into Trader Joe's where I got a lasagna. Then La Netta's cellphone rang.

"Hello?", said La Netta.

It was the office. Ken was there.

"We're at Trader Joe's", La Netta said. "We'll come get him."

After we made our purciases, La Netta told Darnell to drive to See's. We drove there, where I bought a St. Patrick's Day potato.

La Netta was concerned about Rodney's blood sugar when they handed out free samples, but Darnell assured her that just one truffle wouldn't hurt him.

We picked up Ken. "Ken!", I said.

"Hey, James", said Ken. He told us that it was raining when he was over at his house.

"Did you bring some wedding cake?", I asked.

"No", said Ken. Ken laughed.

Darnell and La Netta discussed violence at Berkeley Marina. How there were all these kids being killed today . . . that kind of stuff. "That's why this world is so full of mxss", said Darnell.

"Eeeewwwwwwww!", I said.

"Oops!", said Darnell. "That's why this world is so full of stuff."

We turned on the jazz station, KKSF, as we drove home. We heard "Smooth Operator" by Sade, then an instrumental version of "Oye Como Va". Then came a jazz piece I didn't recognize. Next came a song I had never heard before.

"Did they say the P & A words?", I asked La Netta.

"No, they didn't", La Netta said.

"What did they say?"

"It wasn't the P & A words! Here, Ken, can you turn it up?"

Somebody turned the radio off.

"Hey?", I asked. "What happened to my song?"

"I said turn it up", said La Netta.

I thought maybe if I could catch some lyrics, I could google them. But La Netta and Darnell were talking. They kept talking about a whale that was approaching a boat.

I raised my hand high in the air. They still kept talking.

I jerked my hand up and down in the air. "Uuh! Uuh! Uuh! Uuh! Uuh!"

"James," said La Netta, "You have to remember that when you have your hand up in the air, and you're in the back, we can't see you."

I explained to them that I needed silence so I could listen to the song lyrics and understand what was being said. However, by now the radio was at an instrumental part of the song.

The DJ began speaking. I had missed all the lyrics. "Oh! Now they're about to ID it!", I said.

"What?", asked Darnell.

"George Benson", the DJ said.

"It's over now," said Darnell. His "It's over now" talked right over the title.

"I said, 'Now they're about to ID it'", I told Darnell.

"Oh," said Darnell.

"It was George Benson, wasn't it La Netta?"

"Yes, it was", La Netta replied.

"What was the title?"

"Never Let My Love Go Away. Something like that."

I remembered the title and searched Lyricwiki for George Benson songs. I found a few with similar titles, but none that matched particularly well. There was one song beginning with "Never . . ."

Then I typed in

I saw a link asking, "What was that song?" I hit the link and found a list of recently played songs.

After "Smooth Operator", "Oye Como Va" and the instrumental I didn't know (which was called "Religify"), I saw a George Benson song. The title was "This Masquerade".

I consulted Lyricwiki for the lyrics and discovered that the word was "looking". Not "pxking".

Then I felt free to eat a chimichanga.

Rodney goes off the wall

On Friday, we were at Lucky's and were leaving when Rodney stayed in the store to rearrange newspapers. Rosa kept telling him the group had to go, but there he stayed. Rosa estimates that it took ten minutes to get him out of there.

On Monday, we were programmed to go to Trader Joe's, and then we could possibly hit See's afterwards, since See's was right around the corner in this El Cerrito center.

Rosa needed some apple juice, so she said she'd go out with me into Trader Joe's while La Netta stayed in the van with the other guys.

As Rosa opened the door, Rodney said, "I want to go to the store with you".

"You didn't behave on Friday", Rosa said. Darnell calls that behavior "tweaking".

"I want to go to the store."

"No, I can't let you go in. Not with what happened on Friday."

"Let me go into the store."

"No, Rodney, see those cops out there? Look, Rodney! Cops! If they see you, they're going to arrest you and take you into jail, and there will be nothing I can do about it."

"I want to go in with you."

"You're going to organize things."

Rodney continued pushing his requests to go inside Trader Joe's, until Rosa gave him a bag of chips. "I'll give you this bag of chips if you just eat it in the van and don't go outside."

Rodney took the chips. Then when she opened the door, I climbed over Rodney to exit the van with Rosa, but Rodney started to climb out.

"Give me that bag of chips, Rodney!", said Rosa. "You broke our deal!"

We cancelled our trip to Trader Joe's and went to a park. La Netta called the office.

"Will you give me a second chance?", asked Rodney.

"We're not going into a store today", said Rosa.

Rodney tortured Rosa and La Netta for several more minutes with requests for a second chance.

"Rodney, put your seatbelt on", said Rosa.

Rodney bothered her again.

"Rodney, get your belt on. Get back into your seat and get your belt on."

Then Rodney climbed up to the front and started harassing La Netta. He importuned her for the cellphone.

"Rodney, get back!", shouted Rosa. They called the office again.

Rodney got out, then discovered it was raining outside. He went back in.

La Netta told us the story she had watched on TV the other night. It centered around a man with OCD who happened to be a con artist. It got harder and harder for him to keep his compulsions under control while cheating people out of their money. He couldn't let his compulsions betray him.

"This man had to organize things, and to make every corner of his office clean", said La Netta. "And in addition, to this, he had certain words . . ." La Netta went on to describe how this man had Tourette's, like Miguel from program.

"So there was some of Rodney in him, and some of James, and some of Miguel," said La Netta.

"My daughter Angie told me the other day that there are some words that put a nasty taste in her mouth", said Rosa. "It shocked me."

I wonder if Angie has to purge off the tastes . . .

So, anyway, we stopped at Tapatio's for a burrito. I got my burrito there before we (well, not I) ate lunch together in the van during the rain.

We then did drops, and Stan was here early. We couldn't enter the hoouse until 2:30, so La Netta had us wait in the van. Then, she decided, she would tell Stan what Rodney had done. She didn't tell Stan, however, and I wound up being the one to start the conversation with Stan. Someone turned the tube on before I could finish, though.

Maybe he'll read this blog entry.