Saturday, February 28, 2009

Darnell slips up

La Netta told me beforehand that she would not be here on Thursday. For that reason, I called the CIWP answering machine and left a message asking to be placed with Tiffany and Darnell that day. I got Rosa and Darnell as my coaches on Thursday.

We went to the Pacific East Ranch Market together. Rosa wanted some chocolate wafer rolls from Flying Elephant, while I chose the aloe juice. I followed Darnell to the restroom and back by watching his shoes. I saw he had sweatpants with Miller beer print on them on.

Afterwards, we got back in the van, where I moved to my usual spot on the back left. Robin was sitting on my seatbelt buckle. If I told him to move over, Darnell or Rosa might say "scxxt" . . .

"Oof!", I said.

"Scxxt over, Robin!", said Darnell.

"Rrrrrrrrrr!"

"Sorry! Move over, Robin. Move over."

Robin moved closer to me.

"Scxxt over the other way", said Darnell.

"Rrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Sorry! James, do you want to purge in back?"

"I have to be standing up to do the SC-word."

Rosa got to talking about her wafer rolls.

"I like them with coffee", said Darnell. "No -- I really like them with ice xxxxx."

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Oops!", said Darnell.

I purged in the back as we drove to Wal-mart.

After a while, Darnell asked me whether I was purging. He said he needed to know so he could get me to a restroom.

"Get me to a restroom!", I said.

We were soon at Wal-mart. We all went to the restrooms together. I purged off "ice xxxxx", then worked on "scxxt over".

"Are you ready?", asked Darnell.

"I'm finished with the I-word", I replied. "I'm working on the SC-words right now."

Eventually I finished and I followed the crew out the door.

"I need to get my juices!", I protested.

"Lita called us," said Rosa. "We need to get to the office."

"Can we come back?"

"We'll see. If we don't go today, there's always tomorrow."

Rosa and Darnell speculated on what Lita might talk about. Darnell thought it would be the topic of "professionalism". Apparently she had a problem with his wearing sweatpants to work. And today he had beer sweatpants on! Wouldn't have been allowed in my high school.

Darnell came back, and we went to our lunch at Kennedy Grove.

After we dropped Kweisi and Ken off, they moved Rodney to the front seat. That meant only two people were in the back row: Robin, in the middle seat, and yours truly, on the left.

"Robin, move to the other end", I said.

"Scxxt over, Robin", said Darnell.

"Rrrrrrrrrr!"

"Oops!", Darnell said.

Robin moved to the right end. Rodney and I were soon hope and once I was home I could purge it off.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The man who wouldn't go in

"You can make it vibrate all over your hand", Rosa went on while she and La Netta were having a conversation on the road.

Oh, no!, I thought. Don't say "t-ngle"!

"Feel your hand t-ngle", she said. I plugged my ears. I was too late!

"Aaaaahhhhhh!", I screamed.

I thought "jxggle" and "t-ngling" and even "Jigglypuff" to myself as we drove to Pinole Valley Park. I hear those sleigh bells jingling, rin-tin-t-ngling too, I thought to myself.

When we finally got there, I climbed out and walked to the restroom.

"Tadolingling, jadolingling, jadoliggling. Tadolingling, jadolingling, jadoliggling", I chanted. I also did "jadoliggly, jadoliggly, jadoliggly". I went on with all sorts of things that had run through my head.

I must have done forty "tadolingling"s. Then I started in on "t-ngle" itself.

"Tadolingle, jadolingle, jadoliggle, tadolingle", I chanted at the bottom. I pushed my hands up as I did another "tadolingle".

"JAMES?", called La Netta.

"JA???????", I responded.

"Someone needs to use the restroom."

I thought there was another toilet or a urinal around, so I kept on purging. "Jadolingle", I did down there. And a "jadolingle" up here. "Jadoliggle, jadoliggle, jadoliggle", with a swiveling movement at the bottom. "Jadoliggle", up there. Then a "tadolingle, jadolingle, jadoliggle" at my groin . . .

"JAMES?", I heard La Netta calling again.

"JA??????", I responded.

"Someone else needs to use the restroom."

"I KNO-OW!"

I continued purging as she couldn't have possibly said what I thought she said. There were two stalls here.

"Tadolingle, tadolingle", I went up again. "Jadolingle, jadolingle", I went up again. "Jadoliggle, jadoliggle", I went up again. Then one last "tadolingle" down there and one last "tadolingle" up here. I walked out.

No one else was standing around the restroom. I walked up to La Netta.

"Who else is using the restroom?", I asked.

"There's a man who needed to use the restroom", said La Netta.

"But there were two stalls, La Netta!"

"Mmmmmmmm", she said.

"Why wouldn't he go in?"

"Were you making noise?"

"Yes. I was chanting as I purged."

"Then maybe that's what it was. You were making noise and he was aeraid of you."

The other CIWP'ers laughed.

What a stupid, paranoid man. I would even say cowardly. There were TWO STALLS and he STILL wouldn't go in. I don't even like it when the Gen-X men (older men and younger guys don't seem to have a problem with it) refuse to share a restroom with me because there are no stalls, or there's only one toilet and one urinal, but this is even stupider. Does he think I'm crazy just because I was saying something?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

La Netta returns

My favorite coach, La Netta, returned today after the funeral. We picked up all five of our clients, with Ken, Rodney, Kweisi and Robin joining me.

Our first stop was Krispy Kreme. Rosa went in, then she left and La Netta went in. Kweisi had his radio on KISS-FM.

I sat and listened to the radio station that was on Kweisi's headphones. Then I heard "mxss" and many different sounds, as I heard Kweisi pressing buttons.

"Kweisi, are you flipping channels?", I asked him.

"He's flipping songs", said Rosa.

"I thought he was listening to KISS-FM."

"That looks like an iPod."

"Are you flipping channels, Kweisi?"

"Kweisi, is that a radio or is that an iPod?"

"Kweisi?", I asked.

Kweisi couldn't hear us.

"Kweisi," I said, "Take your headphones off so I can talk to you."

"Yeah", said Kweisi.

"Are you flipping channels?"

"We already figured out that yes, Kweisi was channel-flipping", said Rosa.

"Aarrghh!"

"It's Kweisi's headset! He can do what he wants with it!", says Rosa.'

My hands were at the side of my head. "AAAAARRGH! NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO PURGE!"

"Why do you have to purge?", asked Rosa.

"Because I heard the M-word when he was flipping channels, and it may have been from one of the traffic reports on KBLX."

"We're still at Krispy Kreme."

I entered the doughnut siop. "We're almost ready to go", said La Netta.

I started purging off the M-word.

"James, we're leaving!", said Rosa.

I got back into the van. Rosa said "axx oxxx the pxxxx" on the way to TJ Maxx. I growled.

Then La Netta said "jxggle".

"What did you say?", I asked La Netta.

"I said 'jxggle'," said La Netta.

"You said the J-word?"

"Is 'jxggle' a word?", asked La Netta.

"That's the J-word!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know that word."

"Iames", said Rosa, "You never told us there was a B-word."

"Sure I did. The B-word. It rhymes with 'city'."

"No. The one that rhymes with 'Ike'. I was reading your blog, back from Christmas, and it had that word, and you spelled it B-X-K-E."

"That word gets stuck in my navel", I told her.

We got to TJ Maxx and La Netta and I went to our respective restrooms. We agreed that La Netta would knock on the door when she was done.

I purged off "axx oxxx the pxxxx", then continued on "mxss". La Netta knocked on the door, then asked me whether I was going to wash up after I still hadn't come out.

I washed my hands. Then La Netta got me.

After about half an hour in the store, we left and got some Chinese food at Gim's. I ordered the Szechuan chicken, since it came with just chow mein and no rice and therefore I wouldn't need both my chopsticks and spoon to eat it.

At lunch, I finished purging off "mxss" in the van and worked on the three "jxggle"s. Kweisi told me his sandwiches were missing.

"Maybe Robin ate them", I said.

I worked on the metric system with La Netta because I wanted my burrito on Friday. La Netta and Rosa spoke with Kweisi about those disappearing sandwiches.

We went to Jack-in-the-box to get Kweisi a meal, then did drops. After Kweisi was dropped off, La Netta said she had the suspicion Kweisi wanted Jack-in-the-box so he threw away his sandwiches. Good God.

I got home and ate my chow mein and spicy Szechuan chicken, then drank the grape soda that came along with it. Then for dinner I had the won tons.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Program without La Netta

Last week, La Netta told me she would not be here Monday because she had a funeral to attend.

Today Monday came. Donna and Clarissa picked me up. Ken, Rodney and Kweisi were in the van with me.

As we drove to Robin's house, our van made a stop at a stoplight. An R&B song played. I heard "pxke", then "uhhhhhhhhhhhh", like "up", then that syllable ended in an "ound" way.

"What's that song?", I asked.

"That's rap", said Kweisi.

"Do you know that song?", I asked Clarissa.

"I don't", said Clarissa.

"It sounds like R&B to me", I said.

"You're right", said Clarissa, "It is R&B."

"Did they sing the P & A words?", I asked Donna.

"No", said Donna.

"Did they say 'walk'? 'Talk'?"

"I don't know."

"Clarissa?"

"Yes?", said Clarissa.

"What did you hear them say?"

"I wasn't paying attention", said Clarissa.

"AAAAAAARGHHH! NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO PURGE!"

"Can we get you to Davis Park?", asked Donna.

"Wait," I asked Donna. "You know they didn't say the P & A words, right?"

"Right," she said.

"Good. That's all I needed to know."

Kweisi showed me his radio. "I'm not afraid of the dark, because I have a flashlight", he said. He turned his flashlight on.

"I have a little radio too," I said. "Except it's red. Lamesha got it for me."

"Does it have a light?"

"Yes, it does."

"Well, yours is a perfect square, but mine is shaped like a potato."

We drove to Firestone in the rain. Then we drove back to the office.

Donna went in to get her lunch. Then Clarissa walked with Ken and me into a Mexican restaurant. I ordered a vegetarian super burrito, then Clarissa ordered her own lunch. Lucky for me, there was no one else in the restaurant and the radio was set to a Spanish station.

Afterwards, we drove to Davis Park.

On our trip there, Kweisi said, "It's a blue Monday".

"What does that mean?", asked Clarissa.

"It's a song," I said. "By New Order."

"Is it new?"

"It's an 80's song."

"They should make a rainbow for the days of the week", said Kweisi. I began to wonder whether Kweisi was synaesthetic.

"Mondays are bloe", he said. "Tuesdays are orange."

"Wednesdays are green?", I asked.

"Wednesdays are green. Thursdays are yellow. Fridays are red. Saturdays?"

"Purple?"

"Yeah, purple."

"And Sundays are indigo?"

"Sundays are white."

"There's no white in the rainbow."

"Then they're red."

"You used that for Friday."

"Sundays are orange?"

"You already used that for Tuesday."

"Sundays are brown."

I left it there.

When we got to Davis Park, I told Donna she would have to listen out for words for me.

Some thugs conversed near the restrooms. They said "fuck" several times.

After a while, I went outside in the pouring rain to ask Donna, who was standing behind the avn, a question.

"Donna, have you been listening out for words as I asked you too?", I asked.

"Yes", she said.

"Die they say the P & A words?"

"No, they didn't, James."

I thanked Donna and headed back towards the van.

Eventually, Donna came back into the van. She said she was afraid to enter the restroom with the people inside.

So we drove to Fernandez Park. Donna used the restroom, along with Robin, Rodney and Kweisi. When they got back in, Donna told Robin, "Scxxt over".

"Rrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Sorry!", said Donna.

"You want to use the restroom?", asked Clarissa.

"I do", I replied.

I walked in then purged off "scxxt over". Kweisi soon joined me.

I finished up and headed back towards the van. "Where's Kweisi?", asked Donna.

"He's in the restroom", I replied.

"Thanks, James."

"You're welcome."

We dropped Clarissa off after dropping off Kweisi and Ken. "Paalam, James", said Clarissa.

"Paalam", I told her.

Donna then dropped Rodney and me at home. Stan arrived at just the right time -- when we came home.

It's hard when La Netta can't listen out for the words for me. We have to use makeshift auditory guards like Donna, or, God forbid, Clarissa. I almost feel as if it's dangerous to go to program without my friend La Netta at my side. I've grown so dependent on her. Perhaps if I ask for Tiffany she'll listen out for the words for me.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Four T-words in one day

On Friday, La Netta was picking up just Ken, Kweisi and me. She had no partner. We drove quietly to Pacific East Ranch Market. La Netta was repeating the day because she didn't know whether we had gone to that market and to Wal-mart while she was out.

As we walked in, La Netta told me that she needed to go to the restroom before we went shopping.

We entered together. The Intercom was playing a commercial. Oh no!

". . . txsty breakfast . . .", the commercial said.

"Blechhh!", I said. La Netta said nothing.

A little later, ". . . At 7-11 to get your txsty breakfast . . ."

"Blechhh!", I said a second time.

Then La Netta asked me, "What's wrong?"

"They said T-word breakfast on the commercial", I told La Netta.

"I didn't hear that. All I heard was a bunch of words run together really fast."

We walked a little farther, then we were both at the restrooms. Ken and Kweisi went in the men's with me.

I purged off the "txsty"s, including the "adolice cradoleam" part of the ritual. Because of this, the Intercom, which was playing KOIT, made it difficult to finish with its frequent "ice"s.

As I was doing my ritual, the Intercom played the song "Suddenly I See" by KT Tunstall. She said "suddenly I see" 27 times. This was the worst possible time to play this great song.

I chanted "tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty" on the left and "tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty, tadolasty" on the right. Repeating this and trying not to think of the word "txsty" or the word "ice xxxxx", all the while listening out for "ice"s on the radio station, took me some time.

Finally, we were ready to enter the grocery store in the Pacific East Ranch Market. La Netta and I looked at the fruits together. I considered buying a durian.

We spent some time in the cookie aisle. I picked out some lychee mochi, never having tried mochi before. I almost bought some green tea balls, but then I read the jar closely and it said "NEW! TXSTIER". Couldn't eat it if the food was described as txsty. I put it back.

I put some sesame seed cookies in the cart, then looked at several other items. I saw some cookies with faces drawn on them on the package. The faces had their eyes closed upside-down, like the way they are often drawn in anime. I pushed my nail over those eyes. Then, while I was doing my last box, I saw some words I hadn't noticed there before: "CRISP, TXSTY". "Blechhh!" I told La Netta I was ready to go.

We bought our items, then we made it back to the van, skipping Wal-mart. I purged off the eyes then the second "txsty" in the back.

We skipped Wal-mart to get lunch at Rickshaw. I got out and went by a tree to spit out a large stream of saliva. When I walked back to the van, I noticed a dipser on my shirt. I shrieked and call for La Netta, and she pinched it off.

We then went into Rickshaw. I ordered chow mein, broccoli beef and egg rolls. "Do you want a frok?", the cashier asked me.

"No", I replied.

La Netta walked me back to the van. We then went to Kennedy Grove, where I purged off the first "txsty", as well as the dipser.

I stood around waiting for La Netta to finish her phone call. She said she was already done with her meal.

La Netta finished, then it was back to the van. On our drive to our houses, I told La Netta how Ken had saved the day the day before.

I finally got home, and Stan was here at 2:00. I gave La Netta a hug for our shower, and a second hug for the end of the week. I went in to happily eat my Chinese food.

However, when I entered my room and opened my bag of Chinese food, there was one last thing that made me purge that day.

Remember how I said no when the lady asked if I wanted a frok in my lunch?

She put a frok in.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Ken saves the day

"Magandang umaga", said Clarissa as I got into the van.

"Magadang umaga", I told her.

Donna said good morning to me, so I said good morning to her. Ken was riding in the front. Rodney came along with me.

We picked up Kweisi and Robin. Then it came time for our first program site: Burger King.

We all went in while Clarissa and Donna ate. Then, when we got back into the van, Kweisi said, "99 cents for those little bxtty burgers".

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled.

"What's wrong?", asked Kweisi.

"You said the B-word", I said.

"The B-word?"

"It rhymes with 'city'. It means little."

"I'm sorry, James."

"Do you need to go to the restroom?", asked Clarissa.

"I do", I said. Robin and Kweisi got out and I purged in the restroom.

When I got back, we headed to the Pacific East Ranch Market.

I picked out some sesame seed crackers that were labeled both in Chinese and Vietnamese. They were manufactured by a company called Flying Elephant (I've had their pandanus wafer rolls before).

"Whxxps!", I heard Donna say. "Everybody scxxt back to let this gentleman through."

"Rrrrrrrr!", I growled. "Did you say the WH-word?"

"I told everyone to move back to let this gentleman through."

"But what did you say before that?", I asked her.

"I don't recall."

"Was it the WH-word?"

"No."

"Did she say the OO-word, without the WH?", I asked Clarissa.

"No, she didn't say that", Clarissa said.

"Well, I'll still have to purge because you said the SC-word", I told Donna.

"I don't recall that", Donna said. I figured that if Donna didn't recall saying the word "scxxt", which she had obviously said, then I couldn't trust her powers of recollection when she said she didn't say the word "whxxps".

Clarissa said she was done looking. Donna was also done looking. I made it to the check-out to pay 99 cents for my sesame seed crackers, then we went to the restroom.

I purged off "scxxt back", then did the word "whxxps".

"No Robert in this restroom", said Ken.

"Yep", I said to my friend in the '49ers jacket.

"Complicated" by Avril Lavigne was playing as I left the restroom. Clarissa, to whom I had given my sesame seed crackers, gave me them back, and the two of us joined the rest of the group in the noodle shop.

We then left and went to Wal-mart. Clarissa looked at Ghirardelli chocolate, then we went to the juice section. I picked out an Orange Ocean Hawaiian punch and a fruit punch. Clarissa, whose arm I was holding onto, took me to a few more sections, then proceeded towards the check-out.

". . . ice xxxxx over there", I heard someone say.

"Blechhh!", I said.

"What's wrong?", asked Clarissa while I was holding onto her arm.

"Didn't you hear that? He said the I-word!"

"Which person?"

I moved my hand left and right in the direction. "The man over there", I said.

"There is no one over there!", said Clarissa.

"Well, I heard the I-word, you can't deny it", I said.

Kweisi was headed towards the restroom. "Could you take me to the restroom?", I asked Clarissa.

Instead she took me to the cash register. The cashier was speaking in Spanish.

Clarissa put my juices on the conveyor belt. "Cinco dólares", I said to the cashier as I held a $5 bill in my hand.

"Wait just a minute, baby, I'm helping someone else", she said.

Just then, I heard someone a few rows behind the conveyor belt say something. It sounded like "pxke around".

"Did she say the P & A words?", I asked Clarissa.

"No," said Clarissa, "She said, 'Wait just a minute, baby, I'm helping someone else'."

"No, I mean the person a few rows behind us."

"There is no person a few rows behind us. There's no one down there."

"Did they say, 'broken'?"

"No. No one was talking but the cashier."

"I heard someone talking. You cannot deny that."

I paid for my juices and the cashier bagged them. Then Clarissa showed me the way to the restroom.

I purged off the word "ice xxxxx" while I was in the restroom. Still uncertain whether I had heard "pxke around", I didn't do that one.

When we left, I asked Donna, "Donna, did that person say the P & A words while we were at the check-out?"

"Actually, James", said Donna, 'I wasn't listening to their conversation because I was focused on finding Ken."

I whined. "Donna, use your best powers of recollection. Did they say 'broken'?"

"I really don't know because I really wasn't paying attention", said Donna.

"O-ohhhh! What am I going to do?!" I panicked.

"Ask Ken what they said."

"Ken, did they say the word 'broken'?", I asked Ken.

"Yeah, they said, 'broken record'," Ken answered.

"Thanks, Ken!" I said. Donna and Clarissa congratulated Ken.

"Ken doesn't usually hear that kind of stuff", I told them. "Good thing we asked him!"

Ken was listening this time. And it paid off.

We all got back in the van.

"Scxxt over, Robin", said Kweisi.

"Rrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Kweisi, you'll have to try harder not to say those words", said Donna.

"It was a mistake!", said Kweisi.

"I know it was a mistake, but I said you'll have to try harder."

Donna and Kweisi went round and round for a few more lines of dialogue before Kweisi understand what she meant.

"I'm going to say the M-word, I'll say 'move over'", said Kweisi.

"That's not the M-word", I said. "The M-word is the word that rhymes with 'dress'."

"Yeah, move over."

"Does 'move over' rhyme with dress?", I asked him. "Kweisi, do you know what rhyming is?"

"No."

"Tell me some words that rhyme with 'man'."

"I don't know what that means," said Kweisi.

"Stan, van, can, ban, Dan, span, tan, flan . . . those are rhyming words I said."

"The M-word. It's 'move over'."

"'Move' rhymes with . . . groove, improve, prove, approve, disapprove, behoove . . . none of those words rhyme with 'dress'."

"I'd like to get one taco for me, and one for Jolene", I said.

"Jolene's not here", said Clarissa.

"Are we visiting her house?", I asked.

"No."

We went to Taco Bell. I got two soft-shell tacos for myself.

We got to Point Pinole Park. Clarissa told me they had a restroom here. However, it was just an outhouse. I couldn't use it. Crawling with cobwxbs!

They left me in the van to purge, but I need to be standing up to do the word "scxxt".

Finally, the group finished their lunch. Clarissa called in and said we were going to Fernandez Park because I couldn't use the outhouse.

On our way to Fernandez Park, a train made its tracks in front of us. The train stopped, then went backwards, then went forward some, then went backwards again, then finally went backwards all the way after 15 minutes and lifted the bars to let the traffic it was holding up go.

I purged off the words "scxxt over" in the Fernandez Park restroom, then we dropped off Kweisi. Then Clarissa stopped at the office.

"Paalam", I said.

"Paalam, James", said Clarissa.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Darnell and Donna

When I got in the van this morning Darnell was there. "They're talking on the radio", I said.

The driver didn't turn it off. "La Netta", I said.

"La Netta's not here", said Darnell.

I heard the driver speaking to Darnell. "Wanda", I said.

"My name is Donna", said the driver.

Finally Donna turned the radio off before I heard a word.

"Tell me when to close my eyes", I told Darnell.

"Close them now", he said.

I closed my eyes.

"OK, now you can open them", Darnell said.

"Eoster Freeze", said Donna. "They have some good stuff. I get a lot at Frosty Freeze. Sundaes, ice xxxxx--"

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Ooh!", said Donna. I pictured her cupping her hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry!"

"Can you wait until we pick up Kweisi, Robin and Emanuel to get to the park?", asked Darnell.

"James, what's the definition of 'fornication'?", Donna asked me.

"That's when people have sex outside of marriage -- people who aren't married. If they have sex and they're married to someone else, that's adultery."

"Yes. Yes. And fornication is a sin. You fornicate and you won't get into Heaven!"

"What about the gays and lesbians who live in states where they don't have legalized gay marriage? Does that mean there's no way for them to have sex without sinning?"

"And homosexuality. That is just wrong! It says in the Bible that God made man and woman. God did not intend man and man, or woman and woman, to be together."

"There's nothing wrong with it", I said.

"You don't see anything wrong with it?"

"I don't. And besides, I'm bisexual."

"What did you say?"

"I'm bisexual."

"He said he's bisexual", said Darnell.

"Well, I'm not going to iudge people", said Donna.

Kweisi didn't come. We picked up Robin, and Emanuel had already left.

"James, do you want to just purge in the van so we don't screw up our schedule?", asked Darnell. "I won't look."

"Sure", I said. I cleared off "nice", "bisexual" and "I said" and before I knew it I was onto Donna's I-word.

"Do you believe in God?", Donna asked me.

"Yes", I said.

"Which God do you believe in?", asked Darnell. "What religion are you?"

"I'm deist."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I believe in God, but I don't belong to any organized religion. I'm not Christian or Jewish or Islamic or Buedhist or Hindu or Sikh or pagan . . ."

"I see. So you just believe that God exists", said Darnell.

"Do you believe God created Heaven and Earth?", asked Donna.

"Yes", I answered.

"Do you believe in the story of how God made man and woman -- that he made Eve from Adam's rib?"

"I don't believe in that. I don't believe God made Eve from Adam's rib."

"I believe that", said Darnell. "God made Eve from Adam's rib. That explains the differences between men and women."

"Well, God had to create Heaven and Earth because that's creating something from nothing", I said. "But the gender differences in humans could have evolved from other mammals, which evolved from the first vertebrates, who got it from the first creatures when sexual reproduction instead of asexual reproduction evolved."

"Do you believe the Bible is real?", asked Donna.

"Well, some parts of it they got right. Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not commit adultery."

"Yes, those are the Commandments", said Donna. "Those are the word of God. Do you believe the Bible is fulfilling?"

"Do you mean the prophecies are being fulfilled?", I asked.

"Yes. Do you believe what's happening now is fulfilling the Bible?"

Darnell and Donna said that when they read the Bible they were amazed by how much of the eschatological prophecies were coming true.

"Well, I know people say the world is coming to an end," I said, "But people have been saying that for a few centuries now and the world still hasn't come to an end."

"That's right", said Darnell. "People have been saying that for a long time."

Darnell pointed out a girl standing outside who look like a boy. He said so many girls looked like boys nowadays that that was a sign of the end times.

I told Darnell that I was done purging.

"Do you believe in right and wrong?", Donna asked me. "How do you define wrong?"

"Well", I said. "Wrong is when you do something that hurts someone else and the person doesn't want to be hurt. Like if you see a child playing happily on a playground and then you get out a gun and kill that child, that's wrong."

"Right", said Donna. "That is wrong."

"But if an old person wants to die and commits suicide, that's not wrong."

"I agree", said Darnell. "That's not wrong."

"Yep, nothing wrong with that", said Donna. Imagine -- a fundamentalist Christian who wasn't against suicide!

We stopped at a park, where I got out to use the restroom (just to urinate, not to purge). When I got in, Darnell was on the phone.

"Did I hear you say, 'hot desk'?", I asked Darnell.

"No, I saod 'hot mxss'," said Darnell.

"Ewwww!", I said.

"I'm sorry!", said Darnell.

I ran back to the restroom.

Soon we were on our way to Chef's.

"God was more active in the days of the Bible", said Donna. "Women having babies at 90 years old. That stuff doesn't happen anymore. The oldest I've known a woman to have a baby was 70."

"There was this woman who's in her nineties and she's still carrying a fetus", I said.

"For real?", asked Darnell.

"Yes," I said. Donna confirmed that she had seen the story on a science show.

"Now, that's the work of the Devil", said Donna.

"I saw this thing on TV, where some woman gave birth to a baby that had another baby inside", said Darnell. "That's the work of the Devil."

They talked about the anti-Christ, and how he was coming.

"Do you believe the Devil is red and has a tail shaped like an arrow and carries a pitchfork?", I asked.

"No, that's just a picture", said Donna. "The Devil is beautiful. Because he was originally one of God's right-hand men."

We saw more girls who looked like boys.

"Emanuel likes that anti-Christ stuff", I said.

"I know", said Darnell. "Emanuel does."

We were soon at Chef's, where I got chow mein, special taste chicken and chicken with eggplants. I ordered everything in Spanish.

"Aquí esté mi dinero", I said when the cashier hadn't taken my money after a while." Then I thanked her with "Gracias".

"De nada", she said.

"I didn't know you could speak Spanish", said Donna when I got back in the van.

We ate our lunch at Vincent Park.

"How old are you", Donna asked me.

"I'm 29", I said.

"That old?", asked Donna.

"How old do I look?"

"You look like you're 21 or 22", she said.

"Yeah, I was surprised to learn he's older than me", said Darnell. "Because I'm only 22. He doesn't look 29. James looks young."

"Do I look 46?", asked Donna.

I got a good look at her. "You look like you're somewhere in your forties", I said.

"Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh", she cracked up.

"You don't look 46 to me", said Darnell. "You look like you're 21. How old do I look, James."

I scrutinized Darnell's face closely. "You look like you're 19", I said.

We got ready to drive off. Darnell told Rodney to "scxxt over".

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Sorry, James!", Darnell apologized.

I climbed over Robin and Rodney and ran to the restroom. About ten minutes later I came out and was ready to ride.

We rode through downtown Richmond

Donna made a phone call with Wanda, where she said, "That is a mxss."

"Ewwwwwww!", I said.

"Sorry, James", said Donna. She revealed that Wanda had said the M-word when making hier phone call, and Donna had repeated what Wanda said.

We then stopped at Davis Park. Darnell asked me if I had to purge.

I got out and purged in the restroom. Then we were ready for our drops. I went home with my Chinese food.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Stan gives us money for See's

Over the week-end, I asked Stan for money. Last night he said he hadn't "posted" the money yet, and would bring it in the morning.

"Stan, are you sure you're going to have the money in the morning?", I asked.

"If not then, I'll bring it to program", Stan said. "You will have the money before lunch tomorrow."

So this morning, I got up. Stan told me he still didn't have the money. I thought maybe today was our day to go to See's, so I hoped he would bring Ken and me our money before that time.

I got in the van, where La Netta was driving with a new coach named Otiel. She played the radio and "Human" permeated the air in the van.

"The Killers?", asked La Netta.

"Right, La Netta", I said.

After that, the radio DJ's got to talking. One of them got to discussing Valentine's Day, then the chat turned to making meals for Valentine's Day. "With the butter drxpping . . .", he said.

"Ewwwwwww!", I squealed.

"That's another word", La Netta explained to Otiel, and she turned the radio off.

We stopped at Burger King, where I used the restroom to purge off "drxpping". After I washed my hands, I came out. I heard a song with "all night long". Did they say, "pxke around"?

"Otiel?", I called out. "What song is this?"

Otiel came back in to listen. "I think it's called 'Tornado'." When we got back into the van, he remembered the correct title: "Cyclone".

La Netta and I made it to the office, with Kweisi, Ken, Otiel and Robin riding along. I told La Netta I wanted to look up song lyrics on the Internet.

"James, we're coming into this room", said La Netta, pointing to a room.

"Is that where the computers are?", I asked.

"Oh, you want to use the Internet? That's in this room." She directed me to the room with the computer in it.

After I entered, I noticed a paper on the wall that gave instructions on how to make an observation. I checked it out.

"Keep an exe open for the little details", one of the guidelines read. "Ewwwwwww!", I said. I went to the restroom, purged and came out.

I googled "cyclone lyricwiki" and found Lyricwiki's page for the rap song "Cyclone". I read right to left (Hebrew-style!), covering the left side of each paragraph/verse. No "pxke around". Maybe it was "pop it, boy" that I had heard.

"Did Maria call Stan?", I asked La Netta.

"No, she hasn't", La Netta said. "But you can call him." La Netta stepped with me into Maria's room and collected Stan's number.

I saw a bag with a stuffed Winnxe the Pooh in it. "Ewwwwww!", I said.

"What's wrong?", asked La Netta.

I pointed to the bear.

"Oh", La Netta said.

La Netta gave me the number and dialed it, then handed the receiver to me.

Answering machine. "Hello? Stan? This is James Landau, and I need my money, so drop by and bring it. We're going to See's today, so I need to have it really soon."

"We're leaving at 11:00", said La Netta.

"We're leaving at 11:00, so I need to have it really soon", I said. I hung up.

Then La Netta had Ken call Stan. When Ken called, Stan actually answered!

"Hey, Stan Man", said Ken. ". . . Yeah. I need my money . . . Yeah . . . OK, Stan Man!" Ken hung up. "He said he's coming here now", he told us.

Before I knew it, Stan walked in.

"Hey, James!", he said. "Here's your money." He handed me a $20 bill.

"Thanks, Stan Man!", I said.

Stan then gave Ken his own money. I put the dollar bill in my pants, then realized I had left my sandwich bag in my previous pair of pants.

"Hey, Stan, I don't have a sandwich bag", I said to him as he walked out the hall. "It was in my old pair of pants, the one I had on before I changed clothes, and I forgot to take it out."

"I hope you don't lose it", said Stan.

"Maybe they have sandwich bags in the kitchen."

"They probably do."

I purged off Winnxe the Pooh in the restroom after I learned there were no sanewich bags at the office. Then I washed my hands and La Netta and I walked out in the rainy weather.

We made it to See's. Too bad Jolene wasn't here! They were done with Valentine's Day, and now had various St. Patrick's Day goodies (such as chocolate shamrocks and balls in green foil) out. I picked out two St. Patrick's day potatoes.

"Looks like they have ice xxxxx over here", said Otiel.

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Looks like they have ice xxxxx over here", he repeated.

"Blechhh!"

"That's a word", said La Netta.

"Sorry, James", said Otiel.

I purchased my $6.40 potatoes. When we got to the gas station, I put them in the middle row so Robin wouldn't get them.

I got out of the gas station and did some rubble-clearing, then purged off the two "ice xxxxx"s. With the cold rain outside I felt cold enough to taste some ice xxxxx, so the I-word came right out.

Next came the Dollar Tree. I bought another carton of a dozen Easter eggs. Then La Netta showed me some wasabi cashews. I spent $2 on my purchases.

They bought lunch at Church's Chicken and then we parked at Davis Park to eat lunch.

"Wheew! It's really coming down", said Otiel.

"Yeah", said La Netta. "We haven't seen rain like this in years." I sat in my back row seat and enjoyed the rain. I ate my truffle that I was given as a free sample at See's.

Maria paged La Netta.

"I wanted to tell you the Black History Month picnic is cancelled", said Maria

"OK", said La Netta.

"It's postponed", she said.

Just then I heard "mxss" or "mixed up", followed by "east side of the ramp".

When the phone call ended, I asked La Netta, "Did Maria say the M-word?"

"No, she didn't", said La Netta.

"What did she say about the east side of the ramp?"

"She didn't say that. She said the Black History Month picnic was cancelled."

"I heard 'east side of the ramp'."

"She said the Black History Month picnic is cancelled."

"I heard that. I'm talking about something else. She said it at the end of the phone call."

"She said it's cancelled till the end of the month."

"That doesn't sound like 'east side of the ramp'."

"Well, she didn't say that."

"That was the last thing she said before she hung up?"

"Yes."

"Did you turn the car radio on?"

"No."

"Were there any radios on in passing cars?"

"All I could hear was the rain."

Ken stood outside moping until La Netta told him we were ready for drops.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Bernard learns a new word

Bernard knocked at my door.

"Come in!", I said.

"James, I wanted to tell you, that I've got the ring to defeat Ganealf!", said Bernard.

Society for Creative Anachronism? No, a video game.

Bernard went on and on about Gandalf in his video game while I just provided the occasional "Mmmmm" or "Oh, OK".

Then, Bernard said, "Gandalf's companions are watching you. They're spying on you".

I began to wonder whether Bernard was about to say "keep an exe on".

He went on about that, then he said, "You've got to keep an exe on . . ."

"Ewwwwwww!", I screamed.

"What's wrong?", asked Bernard.

"You said the K & E words?"

"The K & E words?"

"Keep an . . . " -- I pointed to my right eye -- ". . . on."

"Oh! Sorry, James. I didn't know that word."

Bernard left without finishing. Thereafter, I was left purging off the phrase "keep an exe on".

It was "walking around"!

When my staff woke me up on Friday morning, I asked her whether La Netta was here. After she said yes, I forgot to ask her whether the news was on.

As I walked out of my room, I heard a television playing. Did I hear the word "mxss"? To make sure it wasn't traffic, I inched closer to the television screen. Then I heard them talking about nutrition.

". . . fresh and txsty natural juices . . .", the commercial said.

"Blechhh!", I said. I walked back into the bathroom.

I purged off "txsty". For some reason, it had a taste not of fruit juice, but of liquid peanut butter. I got that peanut butter taste out of me.

I exited the house and entered the van. Something was playing on the radio. I heard them say "road". Was it traffic?

"What took you so long?", asked La Netta.

"What's on the radio?", I asked.

"What took you so long?", asked Rosa.

"First answer my question", I said.

"You answer her question first", said Rosa. "She asked first."

"Before I can concentrate on my answer, I need to make sure it isn't traffic."

"It's not", said Rosa. La Netta turned it off.

"It's off", said Rosa.


"What took you so long?", asked La Netta.

I explained that I had heard the T-word walking by the television set.

"Sometimes you have to resist the temptation when you hear the television and just walk on to the door", said La Netta. "Because you might hear a word."

With only Ken and me in the van, Rosa and La Netta debated whether to go home. La Netta said she'd go home, then Rosa said she wanted to.

La Netta drove somewhere with me (and with Ken!), then received a phone call. She came back to the office. La Netta had received a package of flowers for Valentine's Day!

She made several phone calls. Finally she got to Hilltop Mall with Ken and me. We walked into three different shoe stores. She was looking for 1 1/2 size shoes called "pastries" for her daughter Sierra.

A rap song played on the Intercom of the third shoe store. It was followed by "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira.

Then I heard a third song begin: "Pxking around, looking for a way . . ."

"Ewwwwwww!", I said.

"Walking around, looking for a way?", asked La Netta.

"It was 'walking around'?", I asked.

"Yes."

"Oh. I thought he said the P & A words."

When I listened to KT Tunstall's "If Only" at Barnes & Noble, I heard her begin with "pxking around", but I wasn't sure. Did she say "talking" instead of "pxking". I listened again, and it wasn't "talking". I concluded that it was "pxking" after all. Then when I got home, I looked that song up, and I was surprised to find the real lyrics . . . "walking around!"

Another time, I listened closely to the Spinners' "Could It Be I'm Falling in Love?" and heard "pxke around" in the spoken part near the end. It took two attempts with looking the song up on the Net before I found a site that actually included the spoken parts, but then I learned the words were "walking around".

I got chow mein, Hunan chicken and pot stickers at Lee's Garden with my $5 bill. Ken didn't have any money, so La Netta ordered rice, beef chow fun and some chicken dish and said she'd share it with Ken.

When we got in the van, I saw rice and noodles sticking out of my Styrofoam. When we stopped, we both checked our lunches and discovered that they had mixed our orders up. We traded. I gave my plastic frok to Ken, so both Ken and La Netta could eat with their own utensils.

"Ken, I did this for you because I like you, but you'll have to get better at budgeting your $20", said La Netta.

Ken and La Netta finished their lunch while mine sat in the back.

After a while we were sitting at Davis Park with Ken moping around standing outside.

"I did all this for him and he's still not happy", said La Netta.

"What do you think it is?", I asked.

"I think he jiust wants to go home."

After about two more hours, we finally got Ken home. Then I got home and could eat that Hunan chicken and those pot stickers.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Kweisi comes back

After several days' absence, Kweisi Colon came back to CIWP today.

We drove around to visit some banks and other places Rosa needed to go, then around 11:00 we parked at the office.

"James, are you ready to take your pill?", asked Rosa.

"Yes", I replied.

Rosa handed me my pill. Just then, Kweisi said, "Ice xxxxx truck".

"Blechhh!", I said.

"You won't be able to take your pill now, right?", asked Rosa.

"Right." I headed out to the restroom and purged.

Afterwards, I came out, was handed my Risperdal M-tab, and swallowed it.

"Kweisi, why were you talking about the I-word truck?", I asked.

It took several attempts by Rosa and me to get Kweisi understand the question, but we fnally pulled out of him that he was thinking about getting snacks from the "snack truck" that comes by his house every day.

We skipped the Richmond Art Center and picked up lunch at Burger King, before stopping at the Emeryville Marina for lunch.

"Rodney, could you scxxt over some?", asked Kweisi.

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled. Rodney and Kweisi got out and I went to the restroom to purge. Then I came back in.

"James, I just wanted Rodney to scxxt over some", said Kweisi. I growled again.

"Are you saying it on purpose?", asked Rosa.

"I'm sorry", said Kweisi. "I know there are words that he doesn't like."

I was in there for a long time this time. There was just a kind of simmering soup taste to the SC-word. It took a while to get the carrot feeling.

Finally I tasted some carrot, and was able to regurgitate the word "scxxt" up.

I sat between Rodney and Kweisi. "Rodney and Kweisi are both big guys, and we figure that if you sit between them, then they won't say . . ." Rosa paused.

"The SC-word over?", I asked.

"Yes."

There were no more incidents for the rest of lunch. Then, after lunch, we went to the Dollar Tree.

I poicked up two cartons of chocolate Easter eggs with marshmallow on the inside.

Then, on the ground, I saw a bag of something Dipser-man. I shrieked.

"What's wrong?", asked Rosa.

"I saw this", I said, my leg pointing to it. "I was looking at the ground, when I saw it."

We paid for our purchases. I left just as "Time in a Bottle" by Jim Croce was playing on the Intercom.

We stopped to drop Kweisi off. "See ya, Ken", I said.

"James, this is Kweisi's house", said Rosa.

"See ya, Kweisi!"

Oh yeah, and I did purge off Dipser-man when I got home.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Locked restrooms!!!

I was in Trader Joe's with Rosa today. She had only Ken and me.

I looked through the chocolate and selected some chili mango spices covered in chocolate, with paprika.

As we passed through the aisles, I heard a child saying "ice xxxxx".

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Did Ken say something?", asked Rosa.

"Didn't you hear that little kid?", I asked.

"No."

"He said the I-word!"

"Oh, that little kid?"

I had my exes closed. "Yes."

"That's a baby."

"Oh, no, not the baby, the other kid." This one was old enough to speak.

"It sounded like baby talk to me."

As we stood in the check-out, I heard a woman say "ice xxxxx bar".

"Blechhh!", I said again.

A man in line said "Pardon?" while speaking with his friend.

I bought my chocolate-covered mango slices and opted not to carry them in a bag this time.

We drove to Miller's Knots and Rosa told me we were there.

I left the van then looked at the larger of the two restrooms at Miller's Knots. It had a lock on it.

Then I viewed the smaller one. It was locked as well.

I stood outside collecting saliva in my mouth.

Rosa came up. "Are they locked?"

I nodded.

"Oh, my god! Both of them are locked!"

I couldn't get in. Rosa drove me to Ferry Point. But she found the restrooms there locked too. Then she drove up a little.

There stood a nice restroom into which someone was walking. I stood outside.

Finally, Rosa told me the person had left. I looked and the door was open!

I slid the door closed with the hook, then got to purging.

"Adolice, adolice cradoleam, adolice cradoleam . . ." I did the several "ice xxxxx"s eventually, then I got to the "pardon".

I got out and was soon back in the van with Rosa and Ken.

"So two different people said the word today?", she said.

"Yes," I replied.

"That woman definitely said it."

"The one who was talking about the I-word bar?"

"Yep. The other one just sounded like baby talk."

"Did it sound like, 'I see?' to you?"

"Yeah . . . like a baby saying, 'I see something'.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Darnell and Tiffany

Today I got to see my two favorite coaches.

First La Netta picked me up. She was driving solo. Ken was visiting his parents, Mon didn't answer the door and Robin had an appointment.

With only one client, La Netta called in to the office. They told her to go home for the day.

La Netta drove to the office. She filled out the paperwork. Then she and I had a big end-of-the-week hug.

Then they placed me with Tieeany and Darnell. The two had four other clients among them.

"Tiffany!", I called out.

"James!", said my friend.

I told her that La Netta was supposed to take me to Barnes & Noble.

"We can't go to Barnes & Noble, because our clients do not act well in the stores", said Tiffany. "Do you need to get juices? If we need to take you to get juices, just tell me."

"I have plenty of juice", I said.

"That's good", said Tiffany.

They sat at a park and read my Wednesday blog entry together on their cellphones.

"You play with the animals at the stores?", asked Tiffany. "We like to do that too. What we do is turn twenty of them on all at once, and have a big chorus."

We talked about marijuana. "Did you ever try a brownie?", Darnell asked me.

"No", I said.

They asked what I wanted for lunch, and I told them I wanted Lee's Garden.

"Tiffany", I asked, "Will you go in with me?"

"Sure," said Tiffany.

So she walked in to accompany me as I ordered my chow mein, Ma Po tofu and Hunan chicken. Then we hit the van together.

Our next stop was the McDonald's drive-through.

"They have a Big and Txsty", said Darnell. "I got a Big and Txsty once and it was awful."

"Blechhh!", I said.

"Sorry, James!", said Darnell.

"Are we going to stop at a park with a real restroom, or a park with an outhouse?", I asked Tiffany.

"We'll get you to a park, because you're going to spend 20 to 30 minutes in there, so wait until we've left McDonald's", said Tiffany.

"Does the park have a real restroom or an outhouse?"

"We're going to Davis Park."

"That's OK. It has a real restroom."

We reached Davis Park, and I got out to purge in the rainy weather. I walked in and purged off two "txsty"s.

Then I came back out. I was all done.

We played the radio, and sang along to "Disturbia" by Rihanna and "Hot and Cold" by Katy Perry.

We talked about Rovaughn, and his Dipser-man lunch bag.

"You don't like Dipser-man?", asked Darnell.

"I don't", I said.

"What about Batman?"

"He's OK."

"Who's your favorite superhero?"

"Ummmmmmmm . . ."

"You know what I can't stand, is Barney", said Darnell.

"Yeah", said Tiffany. "Do you like Sesame Street?"

"Sesame Street, I watched a lot of. What I really miss . . . is Peewee Herman."

We talked about Peewee Herman. "I wish he were still on the air", said Darnell.

"They shouldn't have taken him off after his masturbation arrest", I said.

"Wait, what?"

"Peewee Herman was in an adult theater. And while he was there, they caught him masturbating to the movie, and had him arrested."

"That's right", said Tieeany.

"They shouldn't take him off the air because of that", Darnell said.

"I know!", I said. "I mean, this was an adult theater!"

"Exactly!", said Tiffany. "People know what they're going to see!"

"People come in there expecting to see that stuff. How is it any different from what's on the movie screen?"

"People want to see that stuff."

We did our drops. Rodney and I were the last ones. I had spent the day being with both La Netta and Tiffany.

The ultimate rubble-clear

". . . axx oxxx the pxxxx", said Ken as we were driving up to Davis Park.

Did I hear him say tihe A, O the P words?

"He takes us axx oxxx the pxxxx", Ken repeated.

"Rrrrrrrrr", I growled.

On the way to lunch, "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield played on the radio. They said "place" seventeen times, in addition to the "I think I'll be all right" line.

When we got to Davis Park, La Netta said, "James, we didn't park near the restroom so you'll have to hold it in until everybody's einished with lunch".

"I'll walk", I said.

"There's an I-word truck down there", said La Netta.

"I'm going to need silence", I said, "or I'm going to spread a really long time in the restroom".

Rosa and La Netta continued talking.

"I asked for silence", I said.

"I didn't agree to that", said Rosa.

Rosa and La Netta said "apologize" and "already" and "call". Rosa also said "a special place".

"My daughter Angie always gets mad at me, because I'm all about how I need to pee", said Rosa.

"What did you say?", asked La Netta, and Rosa repeated it.

I kept asking La Netta whether I could go, but standing from her view, she told me the ice xxxxx truck was still around.

Finally, the ice xxxxx truck left. I went down to the restrooms with La Netta and the group.

First, I purged off the spellings of "axx oxxx the pxxxx" I had done in my head and the times I had thought the phrase or a word of it to myself.

Then, I purged off "pladolace, adolall adolover the pladolace, adolall adolover the pladolace" seventeen times from the song. Then I did another one for Rosa's use. Then four more for the "place"s I may have missed. Then I did "adolover, adolall adolover the pladolace, adolall adolover the pladolace" four times.

Then came an "all over".

Then came all the "all"s. I did all the "all"s I could remember. Then, because they had been talking so long I did "adolall" (down there), "adolall" (up here), "adolall adolover the pladolace" (down there), "adolall adolover the pladolace" (up here), "adolall adolover the pladolace" (down there), "adolall adolover the pladolace" (up here). One hundred times.

"We're ready!", called La Netta.

"I'm not ready yet", I said.

I finally got Ken's original Spaghetti-O's-flavored phrase out of my body. "We're walking back to the van now", said La Netta. Then I walked back with La Netta.

"La Netta", I said, "Was I in there for a long time?"

"You were in there a very long time", said La Netta.

"I warned you that I would take a long time . . .", I began.

"James", interrupted La Netta, "The truck was down there, you would have heard the I-word, so don't try to blame it on us".

La Netta began chatting with Rosa again.

"La Netta", I asked. "Do you know what I was going to say?"

"You warned us that it would take a long time because you couldn't go down to the restrooms when you first wanted to", said La Netta.

"No, that wasn't what I was going to say", I replied. "I was going to say I warned you that I would take a long time if you talked, but you guys just kept talking."

"You can't expect me not to talk!", said Rosa.

I explained to them how after I hear "axx oxxx the pxxxx", I have to purge off every time someone says "all", "over" or "place" since I hear it.

"Well, that's why you need your headphones", said La Netta. "That way, you won't hear it, without being unfair to those of us who want to talk, or who want to listen to a certain radio station. All you need is a new pair of headphones."

"It's not the headphones that are broken", I said, "It's the CD player."

"Bring in the CD player tomorrow, and we'll see what's wrong with it", said La Netta.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Two my bads

Today La Netta didn't come to program, so Rosa was there to pick us up. Jolene was still out, but we did have Robin with our group again.

Rosa decided to stop at Burger King before we drove to Wal-mart. While we were driving there, Mon said, "They have an ice xxxxx truck there".

"Blechhh!", I said.

"My bad", Mon said.

"I don't know what it's doing this early in the morning", said Rosa.

Rosa drove through the drive-through and then went to Vincent Park. I ran to the restroom so I could purge.

I cleared off an "I say" and two "I said"s, then purged off "ice xxxxx" itself. It didn't take too long.

Next we went inside Wal-mart. No wheelchair to lift this time. We saw a teddy bear that sang "Hey There, Delilah" by the Plain White T's. A dog rocked to "I Feel Good" by James Brown.

"Oh, how cute!", said Mon. Mon wants to get her daughter Amanda, who just turned 4, a teddy bear that sings.

We got two juices -- a green Hawaiian punch and a yellow Hawaiian punch. Then we went upstairs since we still had 20 minutes left.

Finally, we all went to the restroom. When we were done, we paid for our goodies and exited the store.

Next, we stopped in front of the dollar store.

"Do you want to go in?", asked Rosa. "We still have 20 minutes left."

We all wanted to go in (well, except perhaps for Robin -- I couldn't tell), so the dollar store it was.

They already had their Easter stuff out -- and it wasn't even Valentine's Day yet! I found an aisle that had eggs, bunnies and chicks. In this aisle I selected a carton of a dozen eggs that were chocolate on the outside and marshmallow on the inside. It was my first Easter purchase of the year.

Rosa placed some things for her baby in the cart, then we went to the check-out. First went Rosa, who purchased all of her items for just over $6, including tax. Then it was my turn.

"Hi, how are you?", asked the cashier.

"Well, I heard the I-word, and that was bad . . .", I started.

"I said, 'Hi, how are you'," he said.

"You asked how I was doing, so I'm telling you. I heard the I-word, and that was bad. But then I got these Easter eggs, and that was good. So I guess it evens out and I'm doing OK."

"OK", said the cashier.

He bagged my eggs, then I closed my eyes as he handed me change for my ten. "I'm handling my money", I told Rosa.

"Oh, OK", she said. She said they were "face up".

"Right-side-up or pyramid-side-up?", I asked.

"Pyramid-side-up", she said. Rosa took the bills out of my hand and inverted them.

I folded the ones up in short-sheet style and placed them into my sandwich bag. Then I did the same with the five. I grabbed my bag with the eggs and I was on my way out.

Next we stopped at the burrito truck, whereat I got a tongue Super Burrito, minus the sour cream. Then it was Asia Delight for Mon. Latin music played while we parked in front of the Chinese restaurant.

As we left, I heard a man say, "I see your P.X. leaking". to make sure it wasn't really "P.X.", I asked Rosa was he said was leaking, and she said the sentence was "I see your bitch leaving". Rosa and Mon discussed how awful it was that he was speaking like that.

We stopped at Vincent Park to eat lunch. Mon commented that she doesn't like it when her drinks are cold. She ranted a while about cold drinks. Then she said, "I don't even like cold ice xxxxx".

"Blechhh!", I said.

Mon laughed. "My bad."

So it was to the Vincent Park restroom again. I purged off a Slurpee taste as I quickly chanted "adolice cradoleam", thinking of cold ice xxxxx.

I was out rather quickly, and before I knew it we left. I said good-bye to Ken as we drove Ken home, then we parked in front of my house.

"Come on, Stanley!", said Mon. She was impatient to get herself home.

"Does anyone know a game we can play while we're waiting?", I asked.

"What kind of game?", asked Rosa.

"Ghost? License plate games?"

I heard her say "twenty".

"Do you want to play twenty questions?", I asked.

"Sure," said Rosa.

"Who starts?", I asked.

"What elementary school did you go to?", asked Rosa.

"Wait . . . do you know how to play twenty questions?"

"No, I don't."

I explained to Rosa how to play twenty questions.

"I'm thinking of something . . . and it's animal," I said.

"Is it a big animal?", asked Rosa.

"No", I replied.

"Is it furry?"

"No."

"Is it a reptile?"

"No."

"Does it walk on four legs?"

"No."

"Two legs?"

"No."

"Is it a fish?"

"Yes."

"Does it have any legs at all?"

"Yes."

"Is it a centipede?"

"No."

"Is it an insect?"

"Yes."

"Is it a roly-poly?"

"No. Pillbugs have fourteen legs. This has only six legs. It's an insect."

"I've run out of questions to ask."

"You could ask whether it flies."

"Does it fly?"

"Yes."

"Is it a ladybug?"

"You got it. You took only fifteen questions. Now it's your turn to think of something."

Rosa made a choice and told me it was mineral.

"Is it man-made?", I asked.

"Yes", said Rosa.

"Did they have these a thousand years ago?"

"No."

"Can it be made of plastic?"

"Some parts of it, yes."

"Is it electronic?"

"Yes."

"Is this found inside the house?"

"It can be . . . but not usually."

"Does music come out of this in any way?"

"Yes."

"Is it headphones?"

"No."

"Can you carry this with you?"

"No."

Stan got home. "It's an automobile", said Rosa.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Robin isn't rocking

Jolene was in for surgery, so instead of picking up Jolene today, La Netta drove to her house to pick up Robin.

Robin began eating his lunch before lunchtime (much the way Jolene does). La Netta took the lunch bag away from him while letting him have his Fanta. He drank the whole orange Fanta, then threw it down on the seat. When he was done, he puked it up.

La Netta cleaned the clear vomit off the van floor, then she called Maria and told him what had happened.

"Just keep an exe on him", said Maria over the cellphone.

"Ewwwwwww!", I cried out. When La Netta was finished with her conversation, I asked her if the restroom in Burger King was still open.

"Yes", said La Netta. "Try to make it short."

I went in at the same time as an Asian boy in a baseball cap and ski jacket. I let him use the stall while I purged outside. After he left the stall, I entered it and continued purging.

"Keep an adolye on . . . keep an adolye on . . . keep an adolye on . . .", I chanted as I thrust back and forth, up and down. Finally, I got a "keep an adolye on" down there and a "keep an adolye on" up here, moving up as the "adolye" was spoken, and the taste came right out my mouth. It tasted like Dots candy.

I washed my hands and was on my way.

I climbed over Robin and got back into my seat.

"Davis", said La Netta, "Get back in the van, we're all ready now."