Friday, January 30, 2009

Kweisi's day out

On Wednesday we were listening to the radio when an India.Arie song played. I did just fine listening to it until I got to a line that sounded like "testy like Hershey's". Did she sing "txsty"?

"Did she say the T-word?", I asked La Netta.

"Thinking of you", said Rosa.
.
"I meant before 'like Hershey's'."

"Thinking of you", said La Netta.

"Thinking of you like Hershey's?"

"Yes."

She didn't explain how "thinking of you" could sound like "testy". I held onto that one.

The group blew the day to go to Oakland, having Kweisi look at houses to move into. Kweisi's been saying recently he wanted to move away from home, so his case manager sent us to look at some houses in Oakland for the disabled.

"He feeds us ice man cones", Kweisi said.

I raised my hand. "Sorry, James", he said.

"Kweisi, my hand is up", I told him.

When La Netta finished talking, I asked La Netta, "He didn't say it, right?"

"Right", said La Netta.

"I'm sorry, James", said Kweisi.

"You said 'ice man', didn't you?", I said.

"Yes, he said "ice man", said La Netta.

We stopped in front of one by the Oakland Zoo. La Netta and Kweisi went in, while Rosa stayed in the van with the rest of us.

"I think Kweisi doesn't know what the I-word is", said Rosa. "He said, 'ice men'. Kweisi doesn't always say things right. I think he was trying to say "I-word man", but he said it wrong."

Kweisi came back out. We began talking about other stuff.

We stopped by a McDonald's. Rap was playing from a car.

"Plug your ears, James, they might say the M-word", said Kweisi. "They might say 'milkshxke'."

"The M-word rhymes with 'dress'", I told Kweisi.

"You don't like 'dress'?"

"The word that rhymes with 'dress'."

"You have a problem if somebody says 'dress', James?"

"Rhymes with dress."

"Oh, that word? OK."

We visited a park in Oakland for lunch. When "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran started on the radio, I told La Netta and Rosa I was going to the restroom.

"Be careful", said La Netta.

I went in the restroom and purged off "ice" several times. Then I purged off "txsty". I felt much better afterwards.

After Jolene changed herself, we went to look at another house in Oakland. Again Kweisi went in with La Netta while the rest of us stayed in the van.

Saliva was developing in my mouth. I had not swallowed for a while. We waited and waited, while more and more saliva was filling my mouth.

I thought that if I walked to the gutter and spat there, I would be more comfortable. I headed out the van door.

"Where are you going?", asked Rosa.

I pointed to my mouth. "Mm-mm-mm-mm", I said.

"When you go to spit, don't spit in the grass", said Rosa. "Go in the side of the curb, please."

There was that word "please" again. I growled. "NO!"

I walked out, and instead of spitting in the gutter, spat right outside the van eoor, in the grass.

Just then Kweisi and La Netta walked in.

"Great! Now Kweisi and La Netta are going to step right there", said Rosa.

"You stepped in my spit", I told La Netta. I was going to spit outside in the gutter, but Rosa ruined it."

"I saw you spitting there", said La Netta. "I avoided it."

La Netta began sharing with Rosa what she and Kweisi had learned.

"In this house, she says everyone goes to bed at 9:00. 10:00 over the week-end. The house by the zoo will give you more ereedom. In the house by the zoo, they say everybody has to respect each other, but they don't tell you what to do."

"I like this house better", said Kweisi.

"At this house, they say one sandwich, an apple, an orange, some chips and a drink is enough of a lunch for everyone. But you want two sandwiches. And how would you feel having peanut butter ane jelly every day?"

"That's OK", said Kweisi, "I can go to bed at 9:00."

We discussed the two houses until Kweisi was dropped off, then La Netta and Rosa began talking about Kweisi. "He doesn't program everything right", said La Netta.

I got home and looked up the India.Arie song. The song was called "Chocolate High", it turned out. And it did have the word "txsty" in the lyrics: "My body needs you/Txsty like Hershey's and Nestlé/You're rich like Godiva"! Blechhh! Good thing I purged!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Quick run

While we were driving to Fernandez Park so Jolene could change her diaper, I heard Kweisi say "ice xxxxx".

"Blechhh!" I said. "Hey, La Netta, I'm going to have to get out at Fernandez Park too".

"You better make it quick, since we have to take Kweisi, and Ken home", said Rosa. "It's already 1:40."

"Oh, Kweisi, why did you make me have to hurry?", I asked.

"I'm sorry, James", said Kweisi, "I made a mistake."

"You'll need to be done when Jolene's done", said Rosa.

As soon as the van stopped at Fernandez Park, Kweisi got out. I stepped over Jolene, who was sitting in the middle seat of the back row, and ran out across the field at Fernandez Park. I was in the restroom before Jolene even got on her walker.

I did some rubble-clearing, purging off "high school" and the times I had spelled "ice xxxxx" in my head. I did a few more "adolice"s before carving into the main word.

Then I did "adolice cradoleam", a juice Popsicle way and a chunks of ice xxxxx in a carton way. After I felt it coming up both ways, I zipped up.

"James, we're ready!", said Rosa.

"I'm washing my hands!", I told her.

I finished washing my hands. I had finished purging off the I-word in time! I HAD DONE IT!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Just as I got in

Today I heard a word just as I got in the van.

I had just left the house in the morning and entered the van when I heard La Netta talking on the cellphone to one of her children. "And don't stay in your pajxmxs all day", she said.

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled. I started to move out of the van to go back in the house.

"James, we'll have to take you somewhere because you're already late coming out of the house."

"But I can't wait that long!"

"Jolene can't wait either", said La Netta.

I got back in the van and whimpered. What if I thought the word in the mispronounced singular form before I got a chance to purge it off?

"You took ten minutes getting out of the house", said La Netta.

I took five minutes at the most! "It couldn't have been that long", I told La Netta.

"I didn't say the whole word", La Netta said.

"Don't deny it, La Netta, I heard an S."

"I said 'pajam--'. If that makes any difference."

I started to purge in the back seat.

"Take your hand out of your pants", said Rosa. That no-gooder! She wasn't supposed to look!

La Netta talked about eating pork with Rosa. Rosa said she didn't enjoy eating pork or other meat on the bxne. "Probably because I see it pxking out", said Rosa.

"Rrrrrr!", I growled.

"Sorry", she said. "Sticking out."

We made it all the way to Kweisi's house. Rosa left to knock at his door. I slid the van door shut. I purged off all the "pajxmxs"es I had thought to myself. Then I did some potato-feeling pourging.

Rosa came into the van, giving Kweisi five minoutes. I finished off "pajxmxs" with some sour cream taste, opening my eyes to make sure Rosa wasn't looking.

After picking up Mon and Jolene, we made it to Vincent Park. I purged off "pxking out" in the restroom, while they thought I was purging off "pajxmxs". I finally got out of there and they changed Jolene. Then we were off to Alameda.

La Netta made a stop at the post office, then we hit Border's. While we were in Border's, my taco-loving friend said she needed to go to the restroom.

"We don't have a diaper", said Rosa.

"I can't hold it", said Jolene.

"You're going to have to hold it in."

"I can't hold it."

"Well, I don't know what to tell you, Jolene."

Jolene turned out to hold it all the way to lunch. I got some Chinese food (vegetable shrimp with chow mein) at a place we spent twenty minutes searching for.

"Kweisi, why were you dating Keisha?", asked Mon.

By Keisha she meant Shawntay. Kweisi and Mon talked about their life at college together.

"Wait a minute . . . you went to college with Kweisi?", Rosa asked Mon.

"Yep."

"All this time you knew each other from college, and you didn't tell us!"

They talked about their "reunion" for a little while, then Jolene changed herself and we did drops.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

The end of the week

Early Friday morning Rosa was talking about her baby Melchor. She said, "He's pxdgy". At the end of her monologue on her paunchy son, she said, "Belly pxking out".

I growled. I thought that my trip to the restroom would be filled with purging off the words "pxking out".

I was wrong.

As we pulled up to Jolene's house, we welcomed both Jolene and Robin into the van, as both were on our schedule. Robin was titubant. He shook left and right, unlike his usual rocking back and forth, and was listless. He did not stane up straight.

"He kept Robin home a few days ago", said Robin and Jolene's staff. She said that Robin wasn't doing well, and looked unhealthy today. Then she said, "All we can do is give him a lot of fluids and keep an exe on him".

"Ewwwwww!", I said.

We drove in front of Rosa's boyfriend's house. Meanwhile, I purged off some "eye"s in the back.

As we drove on, my mouth filled with spit.

"You should swallow that spit", said La Netta.

"I can't swallow because I heard the K & E words", I said.

"The K & E words? Where did you hear those?"

"At Jolene's house", said Rosa.

Before we visited Alameda, Rosa spoke with La Netta about Jolene changing herself.

"It's better to change her in the McDonald's restroom, because then James can use it", said La Netta. "It's not fair to have us all standing outside waiting while James is purging."

So they let me into the McDonald's restroom while Jolene was changed. I did a lot of rubble-clearing with words like "I'm", "nice", "light", "might", "right", "by", "mind", "find", "my", etc. I finally purged off the phrase "keep an exe on". Then I worked on "pxdgy". Rosa came to get me before I could do "pxking out", though.

La Netta took me into TJ Maxx with her. We looked at food and I picked out some biscotti to buy.

"Do you know where I heard the K & E words?", I asked her.

"At Jolene's house?", asked La Netta.

"Yes. The staff was talking about Robin, and she said all they could do was give him lots of fluids and K-word an E-word on him."

"Of course. I remember that now."

We then went into Old Navy. Then we made another stop at McDonald's. I got out and used their restroom to purge off "pxking out".

This week went by slowly for a four-day week. There was lots of dieficult purging to do. I went home that day exhausted from the week, but with some biscotti and lots of Christmas food to eat.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

It was going to be Darnell and Rosa

When I walked out of the house it was raining this morning. As I sat down in the van, I realized that Rodney was with the group too. I heard Darnell, but La Netta was not there. It was going to be Darnell and Rosa today.

We stopped at somewhere Jolene could change herself, then drove out to Oakland. Our schedule said Wal-mart, the 99-cent store and Taco Bell.

"What did I tell you in our group?", Darnell asked Rodney. "I told you to scxxt over, and sit in your seat."

"Rrrrrrrrr!", I said.

"Sorry, James", said Darnell.

We finally arrived at Wal-mart. "Well, when we got here it's already time to leave for our next site", said Rosa. "Let's just go to the 99-cent store."

"Wait!", I said. "I need juices!"

"You really want to go?", said Rosa. "Then we need to be in and out. Or you going to go in and buy juices, or are you going to purge?"

"I'm going to buy juices", I said.

So I walked in with Rosa, Mon and Rodney and bought two different kinds of Hawaiian punch. They came out cheap, at under $5 for something that would last me the whole week.

After that, Rosa went into Pet Smart. She spent what must have been a half-hour in there. So we skipped the 99-cent store and progressed onto buying lunch.

Mon got McDonald's, while I went into Taco Bell with Ken. Then Rosa and Darnell each drove around the drive-through at Taco Bell to get their desired meals.

Since it was raining, we wondered when we reached Kennedy Grove whether to eat outside, or to eat our meal in the van. Darnell opted for inside.

"Don't make a mxss, Rodney", he said.

"Ewwwwww!", I shrieked.

"Sorry", said Darnell.

"James, the restroom's there", said Rosa. "Ken will lead you the way."

"Will I get mud on my shoes if I walk there?", I asked.

"No", said Rosa. "Just walk up the steps, and over the grass."

So I walked up the steps, and trampled the grass. I entered the men's restroom. I noticed a drawing of a man in pants and a skirted woman at the top of the ends of the side view of the restroom. I had never noticed them before!

I purged off "scxxt over" and "mxss". Then I buttoned up and walked back down, finding the van again.

I asked Rosa for my pill. She passed it back, then Darnell was telling Jolene to "stop".

Jolene was opening the plastic bag that had my pill in it!

"Oh, she's opening my pill!", I said. "Thank you, Jolene!"

Jolene's teeth bit the transparent plastic wrapper. She chewed and chewed. Finally she ripped it. "Here", she said. She handed me a Risperdal pill container.

"Thank you", I said a second time. I took my pill.

The conversation turned to Mountain Dew. "I haven't had a Mountain Dew in a long time", said Darnell. "Like forever. Maybe 6 or 7 years."

Rosa said something else about Mountain Dew.

"Although I like their pajxmxs", said Darnell.

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled.

"Pajxmxs?", Darnell whispered to Rosa. Rosa nodded.

"James, we have 30 minutes, said Rosa. Anyone who needs to go to the restroom, go."

I walked over to the restroom again and purged off two "pajxmxs"es. Then I came back once again to our van.

I lifted my shoe from my seat to see something liquid and brown. They had told me there was no mud, but the soles of my shoes were dirty! This would get on my pants if I didn't wipe it off. I asked for some napkins from a Taco Bell bag after finding no napkins in mine.

Mon talked about boyfroends, including her grandmother speaking to Nick Lachey on the telephone. She said that was the only boyfriend she had ever had.

"Kenny's my boyfriend", said Mon.

"Do you hear that?", asked Rosa to Darnell.

"Yep", Darnell replied.

"Mon likes me, but she won't date me because I'm bisexual", I explained.

"Why does his being bisexual make you not want to date him?", Darnell asked Mon.

"Jim isn't interested in girls", said Mon.

"James is bisexual, so he likes girls, and boys", said Darnell. "Problem solved!"

Rosa said she had stayed up last night watching Snakes on a Plane, and was somnolent. Darnell said that some horror movies were so awful they made him laugh.

Darnell shared with us a movie called Evil Santa. A man dressed as Santa drove around in his sleigh, with a red-nosed mule named Rudolph. A prostitute found him and looked for some sex with him . . . then Rudolph bit her head off! Darnell explained that someone had rented that movie for him, and it turned out to be the funniest movie he ever saw.

Darnell and Rosa discussed a few other horror movies that were very "low-budget", and therefore funny, then Stan came to pick me up. I picked up my bags of juice in the trunk, and, with Taco Bell, in hand, said good-bye to my friend Jolene. Then I went inside and took my shoes off.

The day I couldn't look at juice or rice

The radio was off on Wednesday when La Netta turned it on. I heard a word that sounded like "was" or "once". La Netta turned it off then turned it back on. "And it exploded", I heard. La Netta turned it back off.

"What did the radio say?", I asked.

"And it exploded", said La Netta.

"What did it say before that?"

"I don't know."

"Did it say the WH-word?"

"No."

"Then what was it?"

"And it exploded."

"There was something before that. It sounded like 'was' or 'once'. What was that?"

"There was nothing else. 'And it exploded' was all there was."

"Was it the word 'once'?"

"No."

"Was it the word 'was'?"

"No."

"But I clearly heard something before 'and it exploded'. What was that word that began with a W?"

"I just turned it on, and it said, 'And it exploded', and then I turned it off."

When I got to the office, I purged off "whxxps" in the restroom.

We were out to spend our day in El Cerrito. We started by entering See's Chocolates.

I looked around the store before deciding that the only things I wanted to buy were some of the chocolates in the bins. I selected four items, then I named my eifth, which was rocky road.

"Rocky Road ice xxxxx", said Mon.

"Blechhh!", I said.

We exited the store, me with my bag of chocolates in hand. I gave the bag to Clarissa.

"James, we can use the restroom in the bowling alley", said La Netta.

"I can't hold it in that long", I said.

"Then maybe we shouldn't go to Trader Joe's", said La Netta.

"We'll go!", I said.

So we went into Trader Joe's. I couldn't look at the juice section there, or at the frozen rice. I did manage to find some biscotti amongst everything thiere. And after I put my biscotti in the cart, I visited the sandwich section. I got a wrap with zucchini, green bell peppers, red bell peppers and baba ghanoush sauce.

Next came the bowling alley. I followed Clarissa in, then made it to the restroom. I purged off several "nice"s and a "rice", then got some other "ice"s and "cream"s I may have missed, before biting into an "ice xxxxx".

"Do you want to bowl?", asked La Netta.

"Yes, La Netta", I said.

"Then finish up soon."

I finished up and washed my hands. Then I bowled against Mon. At the end of my ninth frame, I had only 80 points, but then on the first roll of my tenth frame, I got a strike. I rolled again, and got a second strike. One more roll, and I knocked seven pins down for a total of 107. While I was there, I saw a plastic frok in a garbage can.

I purged off the plastic silverware at our second stop at the office. Then the group ate lunch.

La Netta has this deal wherein if I help her with her son's math class every day, she gives me a free burrito on Friday. Recently they've been doing a unit on the metric system. So I asked La Netta whether she had any math to do today. She said she didn't.

La Netta dropped off Ken, then dropped off Clarissa. Next she took home Mon, Jolene and finally me. I got to eat that vegetable wrap with baba ghanoush and was it scrumptious! (Although it gave me the hiccoughs.)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Inauguration Day

Today was the day Chimpy finally left office. After eight years of the living incarnation of evil as president, I can stop biting myself over Junior. This next four years might see the end of racial profiling, or the legalization of marijuana, or great strides in youth rights, or gay marriage in all 50 states, or no more corporate personhood, or the legalization of downloading MP3's from sites like Napster. Obama could bring us so many new and beautiful things.

Jolene and I drove into the office with La Netta today. La Netta came in and let Jolene change herself. I listened as Obama gave an inaugural speech on the television in the office.

I went to the restroom where I urinated. Then somebody knocked at the door. I came out and no one was standing around. Finally I gave up and used it again to defecate.

I flushed the toilet and came out. I was afraid I might hear a word so I didn't want to go near the television. I looked around for a wax paper napkin so I could pick up a doughnut from the doughnut box. La Netta handed me one.

I picked up a cruller then went into the restroom to eat it. I came back out.

"Why don't you want to watch the inauguration?", asked Lita.

"I might hear a word", I said.

"You think they're going to say any words at the inauguration?"

"They might."

"Well, we'll be saying good-bye to Bush."

"It was the fault of the people who let this happen, all the people who refused to oppose the War on Iraq. 'We can't question our president; my country right or wrong!'"

"They should have questioned Bush. Now we've got a war . . ."

"And Hurricane Katrina, and he pardoned I. Lewis Libby."

"There's a mxss for Barack to clean up."

"Ewwww!"

"Oh, sorry!"

"Will you be out of the restroom in two minutes, five minutes?", asked La Netta.

"Yes", I said.

I finished with the restroom then we left.

We spent some time in Ross and the book recycle. I had fun with Jolene, then we picked up Ken.

"Hey Ken, I tried to call you over the week-end to ask if you were bringing La Netta the cake", I said. Ken's mother bakes wedding cakes, so Ken has been promising La Netta cake when he's gone over to his mother's house for three years now.

"Oh, yeah, James?", said Ken.

"Yeah. But Stan didn't know your number."

I talked with Ken about how Bush isn't going to be president anymore. "Bush is a dope", I said.

"Yeah. He is a dope", said Ken.

We picked up lunch in Taco Bell, then Jolene, Ken and La Netta ate lunch.

We were finished early, so La Netta took us into a beauty supply store.

I followed La Netta around with my eyes closed. Soon I got lost. "La Netta!", I called.

I stood at the end of an aisle. Then I heard a song. It sang, "all over the world tonight". This was the same song I had heard earlier that went "Hoot, little cutxe".

Oh no! I plugged my ears and opened my eyes. I found the way out and ran out the door.

La Netta got me. Ken was standing outside. "It's that song again", I told La Netta.

La Netta took me inside. "I'm next in line", she said.

"I can't wait that long!", I said. I ran back outside with my ears plugged.

"You're blocking the door", said La Netta.

I walked away from the door.

"Thank you, sweetxe", a woman said.

"What did you just call me?", I asked her.

"She didn't know", said La Netta.

"Did you hear what she just called me?", I asked La Netta.

"She didn't know."

La Netta finished paying and went out with Ken and me. La Netta said that Ken was wandering off. She also said that she had sent Ken to get me when I called her and told her I was lost.

"Did Ken find me, or did that song begin before he got to me?", I asked La Netta.

"You can't figure it out yourself?", asked La Netta.

So the song had begun before Ken got me.

"The lady in the store says she hates that song too", said La Netta.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

A lazy Friday

On Friday, La Netta went home early because we only had three clients: Jolene, Mon and yours truly. Rosa was driving us.

Mon was talking about not liking to get dressed for program. "I don't wear a bra at home", she said. "They bounce around."

"They bounce around?", asked Rosa.

"Yes." They talked about bras for a little while longer. Then Mon said, "I like to wear my pajxmx at home."

"Rrrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

I opened the door.

"I shouldn't have said that", said Mon.

"That's OK," said Rosa, "Accidents happen."

I walked right up to the restroom. I first thought amaazhdap, "pajxmx" backwards, with the middle A as in "hammer". Then I thought amahzhdap, amahzhdap, amahzhdap, amahzhdap, zamahzhdap. Then another amaazhdap. Then amahzhdap, amahzhdap . . . My thinking procedure continued for a long time. Then I was able to begin the thrusts. "Pajaamdra, pajahmdra, pajahmdra, pajahmdra . . ."

"James? We're ready", called Rosa.

"All right!", I called back. I finished. Then I washed my hands.

When I got back, I thought Rosa was going to drive off, but instead she proceeded to change Jolene's diaper.

If only someone would teach Mon the correct way to pronounce "pajxmxs" and that there's supposed to be an -s at the end, my purging would be a lot milder. Every time she says the word, she exhausts me with my purging and gives me a headache trying to keep the ritual straight because she uses the worst possible form of the word. Her Mien immigrant nonuse of plurals reminds me of Ayyoon, who regularly left the -s (or even /s/ sound in words like "nice" and "place") off the ends of words.

On the quest for liqueur cake

A few weeks ago, Lita made us pick up Dante and we missed Trader Joe's. Then the next day we had Trader Joe's, Stan didn't bring me my money. Then was Tuesday, when we skipped the Trader Joe's in Alameda because La Netta couldn't drive all the way to Alameda without a partner. Now, on Thursday, we could finally go to Trader Joe's in search of a liqueur cake.

La Netta has talked about buying me a liqueur cake, but has never bought me one before. Now we had an opportunity to enter a Trader Joe's and go get one.

We entered the frozen food aisle and I found a Mexican quiche, and placed it into the shopping cart. Then we hit the cookie aisle I got some some currant cookies made out of seeds. La Netta put several vegetables into the shopping cart.

We kooked at frozen burritos and sandwiches, and I got a soy chorizo burrito.

"What about the liqueur cake, La Netta?", I asked.

"I didn't see any liqueur cake", said La Netta.

We walked through some boxes of clementines, labeled "Cutxes". As I walked, I saw more and more of those boxes all around me. I held onto La Netta.

"I thought you could make your way alone", said La Netta.

"I wanted to hold onto you," I said.

"I thought you were upset with me", she said.

La Netta took me back to the frozen foods, where I picked up a calzone. Then she took me to the section where the panettone was. I saw cookies and panettone, but no liqueur cake. "They don't have liqueur cake", said La Netta.

"We could ask them", I said.

La Netta went to the bread aisle, where neither of us saw any liqueur cake. Then we hit the check-out.

I made my $10.something purchase, then asked the cashier about his liqueur cake.

"Carrot cake?", he asked.

"Liqueur cake", I clarified.

The cashier asked another employee, who went to look for the liqueur cake. "It's a seasonal item, we may not have it", this other employee told the cashier.

The employee soon came back. "The liqueur cakes are gone. It's seasonal." So we had missed them!

"Don't tell me the liqueur cakes are out of season already!", I said. "This is enough to make me cry."

Just then, I heard laughing.

"Do you think that's funny?", I asked.

"No, I don't", I heard Mon say. So it was Mon who was laughing?

La Netta paid for her own items. Then we were out the door.

I started to lift up Jolene's wheelchair as I always do, but La Netta said she'd lift it this time.

Then we walked into Ross. We walked up and down the aisles. La Netta said they might have a liqueur cake.

"Is there a restroom here?", I asked La Netta.

"It's on the other side of the store", she said. "Why, do you need to go?"

"Yes."

"Do you need to use it, or do you need to purge?"

"I need to purge."

"What happened?"

"I saw those clementines in Trader Joe's."

"Those what?"

"Clementines. Citrus fruits. Didn't you see them?"

"No."

"The boxes had the C-word on them. That was when I held onto your arm, and you told me you thought I could make it alone."

"Oh, so that's what it was? I thought you were upset with me", said La Netta.

"I'm not upset with you", I reassured her.

"Well, I don't want to walk all the way to the other side of the store. Can you hold it in until we get to our lunch site?"

"OK, La Netta."

We finished our shopping at Ross. Then La Netta said, "There's a Pier 1 out here. Let's go in there!"

Pier 1 wasn't on our schedule. "Why should we go into Pier 1, La Netta?"

"Because they might have a liqueur cake."

"Great!" I lifted Jolene's wheelchair into the van and we drove up to Pier 1.

When we got there, La Netta asked whether they had any liqueur cake. They told her no, but she proceeded to look at the furniture anyway.

At last we left the El Cerrito shopping center area, and headed to our lunch site, Miller's Knots. I purged in the sliding door restroom. The phlegmy taste of "cutxes" came out of me. Oh, how good that felt. I repeated the process many times.

Lita puts Dante with our group and destroys our schedule by making us go all the way out to Alameda to pick him up, and back. Sometimes Dante doesn't even come. By putting Dante with our group that day in December we had Trader Joe's, she may have also destroyed La Netta and my chances of getting a liqueur cake.

This really was enough to make me cry.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

La Netta's yogurt

This morning La Netta bought some yogurt at a fast food joint. She drove to Vincent Park, but found the restrooms were out of order, so she just drove to some place nearby.

When she talked about her yogurt, Mon said, "I like to get ice xxxxx yogurt".

"Blechhh!", I spurted.

Mon laughed. "I forgot."

"Is there a restroom here?", I asked La Netta.

"No, there is not", La Netta said.

"Can you take me to one as soon as you finish your meal?"

"Yes, I can."

The words stayed inside of me. I tried my hardest not to think about the I-word. And La Netta just kept on snacking.

La Netta turned the radio on.

"La Netta", I said, "I'm going to need the radio off, or I'm going to be in the restroom for a very long time." She turned it off.

I heard the word "rice".

Then La Netta finished her meal. She drove us to the office.

I got in there and unbuttoned my pants. I turned on the fan so as not to hear the conversation outside. Then I thought "cire, mearc cie" and chanted "adolice, adolice cradoleam, adolice cradoleam".

I purged longer, clearing several "ice"s and then getting ready for the "ice xxxx" itself. With a delicate twirl of my nails around my groin, I aimed for a frozen yogurt taste.

"Adolice cradoleam, adolice cradoleam . . ." my nails danced around my pubic area.

I heard La Netta telling me she was ready, accompanied by the sound of Jolene's walker.

At last I got something that was frozen-yogurt-ish enough. I repeated it going up over my abdomen, chest, neck . . . and out my mouth.

I washed my hands and was on my way out.

Monday, January 12, 2009

La Netta and her omniscient ears

While we were driving to the court building, Ken said, "She takes us axx oxxx the pxxxx".

"Rrrrrrr!", I growled.

People continued talking, while the radio continued playing. I heard many more "all"s, "over"s and "place"s.

"La Netta, can we have the radio off?", I asked. "Or when I make it to the restroom I'm going to purge even longer."

"Ask your peers if it's OK with them to have the radio off," said La Netta.

I asked Ken, "Ken, would you mind having the radio off if I'd purge for a shorter time?"

Then I asked Mike, "Mike would you mind having the radio off it I wouldn't be in the restroom as long?"

Then I asked both Jolene and Mon, "Do you mind having the radio off?"

Then I said, "Turn it off now, La Netta."

"You didn't ask Rodney", said La Netta.

"Rodney, do you mind if the radio is off?"

La Netta finally turned it off.

We at last reached the court building and I had the back row all to myself. Considerable damage had been done from taking so long to ask everyone and turn the radio off. I unzipped my pants.

"Adolall, adolall adolover the pladolace. Adolall, adolall adolover the pladolace. Adolover, adolall adolover the pladolace. Pladolace, adolall adolover the pladolace", I mumbled. My thumbs went up against my pubic area.

I did several more "all"s. Then I did a few "over"s and "place"s. Finally, I felt the cold soup coming up as I chanted that pasta-ey "adolall adolover the pladolace" down there, and "adolall adolover the pladolace" up here.

When Rosa, Mike and Rodney approached the van, La Netta said, "James, didn't you purge back there?"

"Did you say 'did' or 'didn't'?", I asked.

"Didn't you?"

"How could you tell?"

"I could hear you."

What big ears you have, Grandma! La Netta knew all along that I was purging just by hearing my chanting. Luckily, there was no one else in the back row, so La Netta didn't appear to be upset by it.

Now I wouldn't need to stop at a restroom.

That was the bright side.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

My activity with Change.org

For years I have cared about the rights of young people and the putrid, garbage-that-needs-to-be-taken-out state of being a teen-ager today. From my parents making me tell them things as a teen that I demanded I be allowed to keep secret, to our town's curfew, to teens going to jail for practicing a religion their parents wouldn't let them practice, to being forced to go to a school where faculty could tell students fascist lies that their behavior was "inappropriate", to being placed in the same category as murderers and rapists for drinking alcohol before my twenty-first birthday, the state of youth rights in America made me angry.

So I got involved with the site Change.org in December. I wrote up an entry on lowering the voting age to 16.

Change.org ran a contest in December in which people submitted ideas for the changes they want to make in America and other users voted them up. The top three ideas in each category made it to the finals.

The first round closed with the stroke of New Year's, and my idea was one of only 87 ideas out of the over 7,000 submitted to make it to the final round. Now these 87 are competing for the top ten crowns. The top 10 ideas will be presented to Barack Obama at his inauguration.

Now I'm inviting you all to help vote up my idea and get it into the top 10. I just want everyone who supports this idea, American or not, to help me out. (You don't have to be an American to vote at Change.org.)

This is how you register for the site:

1. Go to http://www.change.org/ideas/view/lower_the_voting_age_to_16

2. See the box to the left of the item, with the number on top and the word VOTE! below it? Click on it.

3. It will make a window pop up where you type in your name and email and make up a password.

4. Go to your email box. You will find a Change.org email there.

5. Click on the link in the email -- it will take you to this site.

6. You should arrive at http://www.change.org/ideas/view/lower_the_voting_age_to_16

Click on the VOTE! box to the left of the idea to support it.

There you go!

There are 86 other ideas for you to check out. You may vote for 10 ideas in all. I myself voted for marijuana, legalizing unpasteurized milk, banning racial profiling and putting an end to corporate personhood, among others.

The contest ends on January 15, so check the site out soon!

Mystery of the commercial solved!

Back in November, I was going to get my macaroni salad when I heard a certain commercial on KTVU:

http://enzingiyi.blogspot.com/2008/11/deadly-commercial.html

The commercial seemed to say, "Canvass and pxke around near you."

There was no one around to hear the commercial. I was very angry that I would have to purge because I couldn't find out what they had said, and that no one cared enough to turn the television off.

Well, this week I was walking by the television when I heard another KTVU new commercial. I listened to make sure it didn't have the word "mxss" in it, then I heard something else KTVU-related.

". . . Campus and program near you." I heard it clearly this time!

Program! Not pxke around! The mystery had been solved! And the good thing was I didn't have to purge after all.

The bad thing was that I wasted a lot of energy, exhausting myself by purging.

In December, I tried to look for a man who probably said "program" because I wanted to make sure he didn't say "pxke around". Despite the similarity in sound of the two words -- P sound, long O, velar plosive, R, whiny vowel sound, nasal consonant -- that had caused me to be unable to distinguish them at that Grocery Outlet with Rosa that day in December, it didn't occur to me that the commercial could have been saying "program" until I heard the ad the second time.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Caught in my zipper

I was in Didi's with La Netta when a song came on the Intercom. "A little bxtty baby girl . . .", the singer sang.

"Rrrrrrrrr!", I growled. "La Netta, is there a restroom here?"

"No", she answered. So I held it in.

We later parked in front of the CIWP office. "How far is it to the restroom?", I asked Rosa.

"It's on the other side of the parking lot", she said.

I decided to sit.

"I'll take you", said Rosa. "Mike, Kweisi, let James out."

Then Rosa asked me a question. "Are you in there to use it, or are you going to porge?"

"To purge", I said.

"To purge what?"

"To purge the B-word off."

"Then you should wait until we get to Davis Park." Rosa told Kweisi and Mike to get back in the van.

While we were driving around picking up lunch, I suddenly cried out in pain.

"What's wrong?", asked La Netta.

"My schlong is caught in my zipper", I replied.

"How'd your pants get open?"

"My pants aren't open. They're zipped up."

"Then how'd your swong get caught in your zopper?"

"Dunno. But it hurts!"

We stopped at a burrito truck, where I got a head Super Burrito with onions and cilantro. After the burrito lady handed me by bag, I told La Netta I'd go to the restroom.

"We're leaving now so we can pick up Mon's lunch", said La Netta.

So I still couldn't go. And my schlong was still caught in my zipper.

After a stop at Burger King, and a trip to the corner store, everyone had lunch, and we could finally drive up to Davis Park.

I got out of the van to extricate my schlong from my zipper. I walked in, and unbuttoned my pants.

I examined my penis. There were no red marks, no blood, nothing caught in my urethral opening. My urethral opening seemed to be doing OK.

Then I purged off "bxtty". The bread snatches came out of me as I purged off the bread taste of the B-word.

"I'm done purging", I told La Netta. I prepared for her to give me my pill.

I got back in the van. I talked with Kweisi for a little while. Then Kweisi said, "I usually get out, because when I have food and I don't get out I make a mxss in the van."

"Eeeewwwwwww!", I squealed.

"Kweisi, Mike, let James out", Rosa said.

I went in the restroom and purged up some oatmealy "mxss".

Kweisi came in. "Sorry, James", he said. "I didn't know that was the M-word. OK?"

"OK," I said.

"I'm sorry, James."

I finished purging, and La Netta was ready to take Jolene to the women's room to change herself.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Someone who understands

Yesterday, on January 5, La Netta and I were waiting in line at a Jack-on-the-box when La Netta struck up a conversation with another customer.

"This is a little bxtty place we're stuck in", the woman said.

"Rrrrrrrrr!", I growled.

"That's all right, she didn't know", said La Netta. "It's a word . . ."

"That still doesn't make me not have to purge", I told La Netta. Then La Netta stopped talking. "What were you saying?", I asked La Netta.

"It's a word you said he doesn't like. You said a little ______ place."

"It rhymes with 'city'", I said. "The B-word."

"Oh, OK", the woman said. "Do you have Tourette's?"

"I have logaesthesia. It's a form of OCD."

"Well, I know all about all of that."

"Oh, really?", asked La Netta.

"I work with special needs people", said the woman.

"So do I. We're from Community-integrated Work Program", said La Netta.

"I've never heard of that; where's that?"

"It's in Richmond, on Jacuzzi Street."

They chatted for a few minutes more on CIWP, then the woman left to pick up her food. I made my order, and then went to the restroom while La Netta waited for it and picked it up.

A trippy Tuesday

On December 30, Pia took me to the Richmond mental health clinic in the morning instead of CIWP.

I met a psychiatrist named Dr. Lubrick who said he'd be my new psychiatrist at the center.

Then I went in for an assessment. A man asked me things like what my family life was like growing up at home, and what it was like living in the group home.

"What happened to your eyes?", he asked me.

"I need to cover them up, or I may see things that will make me purge", I said.

"Did you ever contemplate suicide? Did you ever want to die?"

"Well, sometimes I thought my body -- it was too much of a pain keeping it clean to be worth living in it. So I wanted to die."

"Did you ever make plans for committing suicide?"

"No."

"Did you ever drink alcohol?"

"I used to drink alcohol as a teen-ager; I don't drink it now."

"When did you stop?"

"I never had a drink after I turned 21. All the rebelliousness seemed to disappear."

"What about street drugs?"

"I used to smoke marijuana."

"When did you start?"

"In high school."

"When was the last time you smoked marijuana?"

"It was shortly after the September 11 attacks."

"So you haven't used alcohol or marijuana in a very long time."

"Yes."

He asked me if I got along with my family growing up, and I told him about the way I would fight with my sister.

The man asked Pia to come in.

"Does he get along with the other people in his group home?", he asked Pia.

"Well, Jason steals", I said.

"I knew he was going to say that", said Pia.

"What is his strength?", the man asked Pia.

"He's very intelligent."

We told him about logaesthesia. Then I asked him, "Did you introduce yourself?"

"My name is Frank. Frank Chooi."

"C-H-U-I?"

"C-H-O-O-I."

"Malaysian?", I asked.

"What did you say?"

"Malaysian. Or Taiwanese."

"You have the first one right."

"And what is the capital of Malaysia?", asked Pia.

"Kuala Lumpur", I said.

We said good-bye to Dr. Chooi and headed off to CIWP.

There we went to Barnes & Noble. I saw an album by a band called the Flying Burrito Brothers. I looked at them in their Powersesque 60's clothes. Then I noticed the label on their album that said, "Several txsty new tracks!" "Blechhh", I said.

I went into the restroom with the staff and purged the T-word off. Then we left.